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OBAMA AND CLINTON [and shrink](Reinhard)
The Oregonian ^ | June 5, 2008 | David Reinhard

Posted on 06/05/2008 11:16:49 AM PDT by jazusamo

W–ell, I was wondering when I was going to hear from you two. I can't say a conference call is the best way to do relationship counseling, and calling in from two different locations tells me we've got some work to do here at Happy Days Are Here Again Counseling.

Hillary, I have to say that if you were really committed to this relationship, you could have at least been in St. Paul for Barack's big night. I mean, an African American won the nomination of a major political party. This is a moment that all Americans, white and black, male and female, Democratic and Republican should take delight in. But maybe I'm being a little too prescriptive for a neutral couples therapist.

Hillary: Well, he could have come to New York to celebrate my winning the most primary votes of any presidential nominee in history.

Barack: Right, as if more primary votes win nominations. It's all about delegate votes, sweetie, the rest is conversation.

Hillary: Don't sweetie me, I'm not one of your little female reporters on the campaign trail . . .

Counselor: I'm sensing mutual frustration here. You both have your issues. But I don't think any of this is helpful. It's time to look forward.

Barack: Yeah. We agree on so much -- golly, almost everything. Like change you can believe in . . .

Hillary: Whatever that is . . .

Barack: . . . and the need to heal America . . .

Hillary: Of its sexism.

Barack: Racism.

Hillary: Sexism!

Barack: Racism!

Counselor: Enough! Both of you.

Hillary: Elitist.

Barack: Populist.

Counselor: If you can't set aside your differences for the good of the party, what about the children? They're the ones who get hurt in these situations.

Hillary: And they are our future.

Barack: Yes, they are our future. We agree on that, sister . . .

Counselor: See. Now we're getting somewhere. I'm starting to see what brought you two together in the first place. Sometimes in these situations, it's good to say something that you love about the other.

Hillary: The way he gives a speech and the way the media slobbers all over him.

Barack: Her voters. I love her voters -- white, working-class voters.

Hillary: Hardworking Americans, white Americans, mister . . .

Barack: Whatever . . .

Counselor: Let's build on this foundation. Name something you'd change about the other.

Barack: The way she always brags about how great she can shoot a gun -- like she's Annie Oakley or from some small town or something. I mean, she just clings to that. It's enough to make a guy bitter.

Hillary: The way he answers the phone at 3 in the morning. Have I mentioned this before?

Counselor: Maybe we should move on. I find that, instead of complaining, it's often better for couples to ask for what you want in concrete terms.

Barack: I want her hardworking white voters.

Hillary: I want the vice presidential nomination.

Counselor: Wow, there's the old elephant in the living room, Hillary. I think we might want to take this topic up in our session on control issues.

Barack: Yeah, that sounds good, but I thought I get to decide who my running mate will be.

Hillary: Oh, you'll get to make the decision, sweetie, and you'll feel good about it. I promise.

Barack: I said we'll talk about it later.

Hillary: I'm starting to feel disrespected, and when Mama feels disrespected, the hardworking white voters who helped give her more votes than any primary candidate in history and helped her win major swing states might also feel disrespected.

Barack: It's always about you, isn't it?

Hillary: No, it's about my voters -- and, of course, the children . . .

Counselor: OK, our 50 minutes are about up. I think we've made a good start here. Lots of work remains. It's clear you two may not love each other, but you hate John McCain and the Republicans. And that's what's really important.


TOPICS: Editorial; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: clinton; obama; reinhard

1 posted on 06/05/2008 11:16:50 AM PDT by jazusamo
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