How half a million lonely old men are paying the price of the divorce boom

The Daily Mail ^ | 9 June 2008 | Steve Doughty

[DesScorp]

Half a million elderly men lead lonely lives with no friends and no contact from their families, a report warned yesterday.

It found that one person in five with an elderly father is no longer in touch with him. One in four claims to be too busy to maintain contact.

Divorce and family break-up has left millions of men without ties to their children and with few or no family links, said the charity Help the Aged.

Retirement deprives many of the company of work colleagues and others are left alone by bereavement or their own poor health Of the million elderly men who live alone, half have no human contact and many feel trapped inside their homes.

Amy Swan of Help the Aged said: 'We are seeing the first real wave of the "divorce generation" hitting retirement.

'As fathers were typically the parents who did not win custody of the children, many are entering later life with strained family ties.

'Today, around half the number of older men living alone are experiencing some form of loneliness or isolation.'

The number of divorces tripled in the early 1970s after the liberal reforms of 1969 made 'quickie' decrees available for the first time and removed the question of fault in many cases.

Men who divorced in the early 1970s while in their mid-30s will now be 70 years old and many have lost all contact with children who would otherwise be close to them.

[DesScorp]

This is from a UK paper, but obviously is relevant here. The first generation of men from the easy divorce era are now literally dying alone. Sometimes the check for your choices doesn't come due until decades later.

[donna]

I don’t see working mothers doing much better. They are all strangers.

[Owl_Eagle]

Sometimes the check for your choices doesn't come due until decades later.

Oftentimes, people have no one to blame for their predicaments but themselves.

[Albion Wilde]

I’m sorry for the men and the women who were abandoned by a cheater; but for the abandoners and cheaters, tough tooties.

[television is just wrong]

well that explains why so many really old guys keep asking me out for dinner. they are so sweet, but my husband wouldnl’t like it too much.

[allmost]

Women don’t evaporate. Dude’s got problems he should look in the mirror.

[Luke21]

I kept waiting for the punchline, government provided companion dolls or something.

[CurlyDave]

Sometimes the check for your choices doesn't come due until decades later.

How many of these men were solely at fault in their divorces?

A lot of what I have seen involves women who either initiate the divorce, or keep a very cold house...

[Joiseydude]

My worst nightmare, I die alone and no one realizes I’ve died until the odor of my decaying body reaches my neighbors.

[Morgana]

Now this is karma coming to bite you in the ass. Makes you wonder if the divorce was worth it.

[johniegrad]

Something is not right here. With women handily outliving men in later years, it is a buyer’s market for elderly men. They must be almost exclusively referring to men with significant health problems.

[Snoopers-868th]

The comments were pretty interesting:

So very true.

- John, Eastbourne U.K., 10/6/2008 10:53

Well, they were warned, weren’t they, time and again. Divorce and you will as like as not lose touch with your kids. Of course some of the men won’t have been at fault at all in the divorce and I am very sorry for them, but for those who were at fault and simply abandoned their family or were pushed out due to violence or womanising or whatever, serves them right. I would say exactly the same to any woman in the same situation. You make your bed, you lie in it.

As for kids supporting their parents, we should not ever bring children into the world with the expectation that they will become our carers and financiers when we are old. If they choose to do so and can afford to do so without spoiling their own lives, that is good of them.

Can’t these guys have an association and get together for friendship?

- R.W., Wells, England, 10/6/2008 10:11

Alternatively, they can get much younger wives and girlfriends, spend lots of time in sunny climbs and suffer no stress due to being forced to listen to some old boot constantly moaning. Of course the other alternative is to stay married, work yourself to a frazzle and die before the trout and leave her all of your assets. I know which I would pick.

- Howard Leech, Morecambe,Lancashire, 10/6/2008 06:47

[I see my hands]

On the other hand.. when they put something down in their home and come back later for it, it's still there! That ain't hay.

[Mogollon]

The 60’s leftist hippies sure screwed up the world. Come to think of it, they’re still doing it.

[max americana]

Sad indeed...

I have a lot of regrets in my life and don;t want to end up like that, but I will not be forced into marriage because my reason would be “loneliness”. Get a dog or head to the strip club.

I may be alone in this but I’ve heard the expression “never die alone”. To me, I should ask myself when Im 70: “did I achieve my goals and live life to the fullest?” If it’s yes, then that’s good enough for me.

Now pass the Jack Daniels, what a depressing article...

[hinckley buzzard]

The first generation of men from the easy divorce era are now literally dying alone.

That may be true but as I visit residents in nursing homes I see that many old women are equally alone. Since old women outnumber old men, there is a lesson here: it turns out that many of them were high-maintenance PIA's and control freaks during their earlier years, and now their grown children have said "have a nice life," and moved on.

People make "choices" for reasons, sometimes good ones.

[I see my hands]

My solo brother leaves girlie mags lying around so whoever finds him doesn't think he was light in the loafers.

[Rebelbase]

Some folks marriages are a living hell and see death as a relief from a tormentor.

[Mediocrates]

I agree. This doesn’t pass the smell test.

[familyop]

From one who has volunteered to help with family rights, many of those men have no desire to marry/cohabit again. Many others have remarried.

As for who the divorce industry hurts, it hurts us all economically, defense-wise and in other ways.

The purpose of the divorce industry is to keep the potential competition down by enticing spouses to break families (massive propaganda efforts, sponsors of universities and media, judicial feeding frenzies, unconstitutional laws,...).

The following are Fortune 500s that filed briefs in favor of “affirmative action” in the Michigan “Grutter v. Bollinger” (Michigan University) case.

http://www.umich.edu/~urel/admissions/legal/gru_amicus/32_internatl.pdf

3M
Abbott Laboratories
American Airlines
Ashland
Bank One
Boeing
Coca-Cola
Dow Chemical
E.I. Du Pont De Nemours
Eastman Kodak
Eli Lilly
Ernst & Young
Exelon
Fannie Mae
General Dynamics
General Mills
Intel
Johnson & Johnson
Kellogg
KPMG
Lucent Technologies
Microsoft
Mitsubishi
Nationwide Mutual Insurance
Nationwide Financial
Pfizer
PPG
Proctor & Gamble
Sara Lee
Steelcase
Texaco
TRW
United Airlines
General Motors Corporation

http://www.umich.edu/~urel/admissions/legal/gru_amicus/gru_gm.html

[mad_as_he$$]

"Men who divorced in the early 1970s while in their mid-30s will now be 70 years old and many have lost all contact with children who would otherwise be close to them.

Now that is just a stupid statement.

[ottbmare]

Every elderly man I know is almost instantly beseiged by older women (most of them ten or so years younger) and snapped up by one of them in very short order. Older women outnumber older men by a ratio of scores to one. If these old Brits are dying alone, they want to.

[familyop]

"'As fathers were typically the parents who did not win custody of the children, many are entering later life with strained family ties trying to avoid their predatory children, who were turned into criminals by socio-pathic, criminal judicial officials and ex-es."

[spectre]

There are alternatives. Good ones.

We must be open to giving up the house and trappings (stuff) for a different life-style.

There are Retirement or assisted living apts or condos where a person can enjoy the company of new friends. All transportation is usually available in one form or another. Housekeeping, meals, trips, parties and other people checking up on you are all benefits for those who are open to change.

sw

[Revolting cat!]

Ahem, 67% of divorces are initiated by women (100% in “gay” marriages!)

[InkYouBuss_007]

I hear yah...

[Rebelbase]

“My worst nightmare, I die alone and no one realizes I’ve died until the odor of my decaying body reaches my neighbors.”

My worst nightmare is being kidnapped by a vile gang of village people type homosexuals, being sodomized, dismembered, cannibalized and fed into a tree shredder spraying my remains into a catfish pond. The fish are later served to my family in a restaurant.

[justlurking]

There was a study just recently published about the reasons that men were remaining single, and why they were happy to do so.

The "surprise" (which was no surprise to me): Men would rather be alone than marry the wrong woman -- because of the potential financial cost to undo a mistake.

That's the situation I'm in... I'm financially independent and am working for a few more years to boost my disposable income (now and for the rest of my life). But, I live in a community property state. Although a good pre-nuptial agreement should protect me, I'm not willing to take that risk.

[FFranco]

“My worst nightmare, I die alone and no one realizes I’ve died until the odor of my decaying body reaches my neighbors.”

Doesn’t only happen to men. That’s what happened when Dr. Laura’s mother died.

[curmudgeonII]

That may be true but as I visit residents in nursing homes I see that many old women are equally alone. Since old women outnumber old men, there is a lesson here: it turns out that many of them were high-maintenance PIA's and control freaks during their earlier years, and now their grown children have said "have a nice life," and moved on.

There are approximately 3 times the number of women as men in nursing homes. Yet considerably more men are admitted to nursing homes.

The reason? Women will keep their mates at home as long as possible until they physically can no longer care for them. Men will give up much earlier and institutionalize their mates.

[Mark was here]

I never thought I was going to hit 30, Now 50 is right around the corner. 70? Now that is a pipe dream.

[Banjoguy]

Something is not right here.

You could be right. There are many choices to be made after the gut wrenching events of a family breakup.

My wife often says. "people are where they want to be". Estrangement is a choice. Being alone is mostly the result of choices.

We can have relationships with our children, despite the influence of a vindictive ex spouse. After a period of renewal and self examination, we can start new relationships which can be more emotionally satisfying than the original.

[waxer1]

Tell me about it. My husband asked me for a divorce after 20 years of marriage so he could pursue a woman he had been seeing behind my back.

She is back with her husband and family. Me? Divorced. My husband is living alone in his own little world.

Am I bitter? Yes I admit I am. I did not want this. But he threw it all away over a mid life crisis.

[max americana]

The “surprise” (which was no surprise to me): Men would rather be alone than marry the wrong woman — because of the potential financial cost to undo a mistake.
****

I’m in the same boat. I’m not going to marry because I’m “lonely’...not to brag, but I have a “black book”, and I can actually propose to anyone in the book, and they would;ve said “yes”.

It’s when you THEN propose the “pre-nup” after the ACTUAL proposal...now that’s where the real “fun” begins.

(fun’ means slap in the face...your face)

[Graybeard58]

well that explains why so many really old guys keep asking me out for dinner. they are so sweet, but my husband wouldnl’t like it too much.

My wife gets asked out to dinner too, she just tells them, "sure, let me call my husband, he likes to eat out too."

[Graybeard58]

You're not married? However do you go on a car trip or select a parking space without help?

[Graybeard58]

My worst nightmare is being kidnapped by a vile gang of village people type homosexuals, being sodomized, dismembered, cannibalized and fed into a tree shredder spraying my remains into a catfish pond. The fish are later served to my family in a restaurant.

Don't you just hate when that happens?

[max americana]

Nah, I’m not married. I’ve got a good career right now.

Besides, I;ve got bimbos and stripper girlfriends to do that parking and trip stuff for me.

[sam_paine]

I may be alone in this but I’ve heard the expression “never die alone”.

"Find a woman you hate and just buy her a house and don't bother with the whole marriage-divorce fiasco."

Seriously, I've noticed another peculiar thing about the mostly divorced women my age. They wonder what is wrong with a single man who isn't divorced. IOW, a man who managed to get himself into a bad marriage is more 'marketable' than a man who was smart enough to avoid disaster.

[tbw2]

A man who had a very bitter divorce and was alienated from his very own children may not want to risk getting burned a second time. Being alone hurts less than losing again.

[yldstrk]

Shoulda stayed zipped up.....

[Windcatcher]

"They wonder what is wrong with a single man who isn't divorced."

How did he escape disaster? Why wouldn't he place himself at risk? I wonder how many think that such a man must automatically hate women rather than think he simply wants to protect himself.

I see lots of forum mileage coming from this statement.

[Mr. Jeeves]

My wife often says. "people are where they want to be". Estrangement is a choice. Being alone is mostly the result of choices.

Everything you have or don't have in life is the result of choices you made.

But people really hate to be told that. Playing the victim is much more satisfying to the ego...

[Puddleglum]

My worst nightmare is being kidnapped by a vile gang of village people type homosexuals, being sodomized, dismembered, cannibalized and fed into a tree shredder spraying my remains into a catfish pond. The fish are later served to my family in a restaurant.

Well, that is pretty bad. I read the last line as "the fish are later served in a family restaurant," which was is silly in its own way. Beaming fresh-scrubbed faces diving into fish fed on your carcass.

[Revolting cat!]

[Owl_Eagle]

Sounds like he threw his faithful wife away for some whore who has no respect for marriage.
The ending for him is hardly surprising.
He gets what he deserves.

[Revolting cat!]

[Revolting cat!]

Everyone feeling smug and smart, no one here with real world experience, huh?

The War against men has made so much progress, apparently, that men themselves have absorbed the feminist post-modern analyses and resentments and hatreds. It’s all those lonely men’s own damn fault. Congratulations.

[lesser_satan]

I don’t know...there’s a certain appeal of being the solitary 80 year-old curmudgeon with no responsibility other than chasing kids off my lawn (if I fail to become rich and start hitting some hot broad who wants my money when I cack).

[spanalot]

The heck with heterosexual marriage and raising families - the govt is pushing homo marriage.