Shyness or social anxiety?

Boston.com ( Boston Globe) ^ | 11 June 2008 | Christopher Lane

[LukeL]

Social anxiety is more than just being shy. It is a intense fear of social situations. The same fear a person gets seeing a snake, a person with social anxiety will get having to give a speech, or asking their boss for a raise, or even a question for that matter.

[Mr_Moonlight]

It’s definitely debilitating, but mine has eased with age. Also I think becoming a conservative has helped and interacting with people on this forum has made me less self-focused/conscious.

Despite inviting any smarmy comments which may spring forth on this thread about AvPD, I too am a lifelong sufferer of it. However, like yourself, I've found that just being an honest person with conservative thinking helps go a long way in dealing with it on a personal and social level. I'll never be the "life-of-the-party" ... heck, I probably won't even get invited to "the party"!(/laughs) ... but at least I won't have to go thru all the mental anguish the next day, waking up and saying to myself: "Oh man, what the hell did you just do last night?" ... /chuckle

Cheers,
MM

[4Liberty]

This article sounds like it was written by a Thomas Szasz fan.

[visualops]

I understand quite well. I was referring to the description in the article, which I think is vague and off base. As someone who still has some issues with social anxiety I know quite well what it involves.

[liberallarry]

Round up all psychotherapists and inject them and their families with every drug they prescribe, then turn them loose in an arena filled with wild animals, for the amusement of the shy, the depressed, the alcoholic. Might as well include drug makers and lawyers, too.

[MWS]

This is a topic that’s rather near and dear to my heart.

Growing up, I was extremely shy. I was one of those kids whom would gladly take a “0” rather than give a presentation in front of the class. Coupled with the fact that I moved around throughout my childhood (I lived in eight different states and went to thirteen different schools... and no, my family wasn’t military), learning to associate with people was rather unbearable.

I was eventually diagnosed with social anxiety and prescribed a strong dosage of Zoloft. While it certainly did not “cure” me, it got me out of my bubble a bit where I was comfortable enough in my own skin to make connections with other people. I used that as a window of opportunity to build up my self confidence and socialization skills - I started singing karaoke, went out of my way to make friends at work, joined the Freemasons, and did a number of other things to put myself out there and push myself in ways most people are afraid to do.

Long story short, I don’t need the Zoloft anymore and have been slowly weaning myself off of it (which is tricky, to say the least). When I want to be, I can be far more outgoing than most people because I’ve learned that confidence in myself is the key. Ultimately, I think I was just shy... problems arise when people grasp on a diagnosis and use it as a crutch because they refuse to face a situation and develop in the ways they need to. The medication I took was a tool, but the usefulness of that tool ultimately depended upon my willingness to develop in such a manner that I would ultimately not need it.

[Reeses]

I was just using your post to mention to all that fear of open criticism is not what shyness is about, fear of repeating a failure without understanding what is going wrong is. Most people think they are helping a shy person by holding back their criticism, opinions, and observations but that is only adding to the problem. After a few painful failures the shy person gives up from a lack of available critical information. The social custom is to say nothing directly to the shy person but instead using the indirect and very unhelpful route of talking to others behind their back.

[beaversmom]

"Oh man, what the hell did you just do last night?"

Yes, that's definitely one benefit. I was heading in the wrong direction with alcohol during my teen/early adult years and getting into some situations that I normally would have avoided. After a few years of dabbling in alcohol to ease my inhibitions and making some unwise choices, I saw it was getting me nowhere and I stopped heading down that road.

Also, I think God must have did this to me on purpose, but he gave me three kids--all of whom are outgoing--the oldest one especially. There have been a few times when I've wanted to crawl into the floor, but with kids you are just forced to deal with some situations and you have to roll with the punches. Through them I've made some acquaintances and friends which is nice because after grade school and my jobs outside the home ended you lose touch with some of the people that were once close.

Thanks for sharing a little about yourself. We are definitely not the only ones out there that have experienced such extreme self-consciousness.

[Greenpees]

While I would never be described as shy, I do experience a lot of anxiety just before meeting new people or sepaking in front of groups. Then, I say ***k-it. I just gotta do this.

[beaversmom]

I was always amazed that Johnny Carson was a shy, reserved person. I always thought, how could a shy person get up there in front of an audience every night? He must have had the same attitude as you. If you look at some of his interviews though at times you can see a little bit of the awkwardness and shyness come through.

[Luke21]

I applaud your honesty. Some of the verbal knife fights around here do help grow a thick skin.

[beaversmom]

Thanks L21.

[ccmay]

Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.

--Goethe