Skip to comments.At Abuse Shelters, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!
Posted on 08/04/2008 6:00:07 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Hey girls, want to get skanky? Well, sashay down to your local abuse shelter and get buzzed! No, you don't have to be a real victim of domestic violence. All you need is a convincing story.
Last year Hollie Cephas of Monticello, Ark. arrived on the doorstep of the Options shelter to recount her tale of woe: Her husband had beaten her to the point of having two miscarriages, he hid her insulin, and once he even called her a "fat pig."
The intake worker at Options had been taught to "always believe the victim," so of course she was beside herself. One employee was so moved that she loaned Mrs. Cephas $25,000 and let her use her credit card. That covered liquor purchases, a few shopping sprees at the local WalMart, burial expenses for her child, and more.
Then with a dramatic flourish, Cephas phoned the shelter to let them know she'd just had a kidney transplant and the life support was about to be turned off. She died a few days later.
It was all a hoax.
On February 11 police went to her home, where she was still very much alive, calmly residing with her allegedly battering husband. Cephas was hauled down to the Drew County Detention Center, where she was charged with theft by deception and a $250,000 bond placed on her head.
Here's the moral of the story: If you're going to accuse your husband of trying to knock you off, don't use a borrowed credit card after your own funeral.
Girls, there so many ways your interlude at the shelter can be relaxing, profitable, and fun.
First of all, realize you're entitled to three nutritious meals a day, personal toiletries, and so forth. Transportation services may also be available, "but the only excursions offered were to the local mall where a wealth of unaffordable merchandise stared them in the face," explains Nancy S., who spent two years shuttling among shelters in the San Francisco area.
Don't let your kids stop you from having the fun you deserve all shelters offer free day care, sometimes courtesy of a local teenager who's working off her parole time. She'll have some interesting stories to regale the youngsters!
And don't worry if your kids are still black and blue from their latest visit to the wood shed shelters won't turn you in for child abuse, at least if you're staying at Another Way in Lake City, Fla. As one former employee told me, "We always knew not to call the law unless you were prepared to be unemployed."
And if you want to toke a little weed, that's fine, too. After all, you've been battered and belittled, you deserve a little break.
If you're in the Houston area, be sure to go by the Bay Area Turning Point. That facility hosts dating parties where local men drop by to schmooze and relax. That's according to Bobbi Bacha, vice president of Blue Moon Investigations, who wonders whether such events are appropriate for abused women at such a vulnerable point in their lives.
And don't fret about that nine o'clock curfew. If you want to go behind the bushes with your new heart-throb or hang out with your old boyfriend the one you said is your lifelong abuser no problem, they'll reset the security alarm for you.
If lavender is your color of choice, you don't even need to venture outside. Everyone knows shelter staffs are replete with dykes cruising for a hook-up.
Got a man-problem? Shelters can solve that, as well.
At Bethany House in Falls Church, Va., "Women with almost no marital problems are declared abused and are coached by the staff to go to court and get a protective order against their husbands with the promise of long-term shelter, legal services, [and] counseling," reveals a former shelter volunteer.
And don't worry that your naughty antics might land you in the clink. The good ladies from the abuse shelter will bail you out. After all, you've obviously been suffering from Battered Woman's Syndrome.
Believe it or not, the best is yet to come!
Once you check out of the shelter, you now have the gold-plated Keys to the Kingdom. That's because you can now lay claim to life-long status as a victim, a battered woman. You're a certified survivor.
Want to skirt the return-to-work requirements under TANF? No hassle. Need to re-up your Section 8 housing? You're covered. Are you an illegal immigrant? Bienvenidos, amiga!
There's just one little hitch. Legions of other women have figured out how to work the system, so many shelters now have a long waiting list.
The solution, of course, is to come up with a better story.
Why should I feel sorry for them? I often go to the mall and see stuff I can’t afford to buy.
Somehow I suspect that the con-artists, etc. mentioned in this article are something of the exception, rather than the rule.
Geez, is this really true? Someone sure is out to put the abuse shelters ina bad light.
Judge Judy says, “You picked him/her”.
By the way, the article mentioned TANF. I believe that stands for Temporary Assistance to Needy Families.
Where there’s some possibility of a little free cash, there will always be scammers nearby.
Sniff. How COULD they? How COULD they prosecute this woman?
When you give charity to someone, how can you prosecute them for what they spend the money on?
Next we'll be charging panhandlers for spending money MEANT for food on dope and alcohol instead.
The cases mentioned here are the logical conclusion of the nationwide impementation of the politics of victimhood.
Get ready for a veritable tidal wave of such behavior at ALL levels of “community aid” once B. Hussein Obama is sworn in as our new Chancellor, and Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and George Soros are REALLY calling the shots.
There are battered women who leave their husbands/boyfriends and go to partner up with women only to learn that women too can be dominant and physically abusive in relationships. The system seems to tell them only beware of men, not of abusive and manipulative “people”.
Actually, you might be wrong about that. I once was a volunteer at one of these shelters. My friend and I volunteered from 9-5, 5 days a week. The longer we were there, the more we came to realize that many of the women (and children) there were just gaming the system. They had figured out that if they came in with a sad enough story, they would be provided with a clean room, 3 squares a day, child care, sent to visit doctors if necessary, and pretty much everything they needed.
All they had to do was make up some tale about some man abusing them--no proof needed--and they could stay up to 2 months at the shelter.
It took my friend and I a while to figure this out, as we were much younger and more inexperienced than we are now. In fact, in the end, she and I got "fired" from our volunteer positions because we decided that the women and children staying there should live by the rules of the house. We started really enforcing them--and were told by the paid director that we were "unfeeling and uncaring".
This was my first exposure to liberalism in action.
So it's the woman's fault if she married a man who turns out to be a wife beater? Really?
I’m not sure I understand the upshot of this story. Are there people out there scamming the system? Sure. So the actions of a loud, but exceedingly small group of people diminishes the reality that the huge majority of people going to these shelters really need them? Holy crap.
This, uh, journalism is at the same level of those who wish to demean an entire religion based on the actions of a very small number (percentage wise) of rogue priests.
I try very hard to avoid painting the vast midddle with tiny extreme.
This is the other side of the coin that the MSM/govt doesn’t want you to hear about. Whether it’s the exception or the rule isn’t something that can be determined on a message board. No doubt there are women abused by their husbands, just as there are many men abused by their wives. That tragedy doesn’t discount the fact there are obviously many who so hate men that they are willing to lie and manipulate the system.
I'd suspect that the legit shelters + people who use them, love to see the bad apples weeded out.
“Why should you feel sorry for women beaten by their husbands? Are you really looking for an answer?
Somehow I suspect that the con-artists, etc. mentioned in this article are something of the exception, rather than the rule.”
There is no question whatsoever that you are correct.
I think what Judge Judy means is that there’s typically signs long before the marriage, i.e., days, weeks, months into the relationship, long before a marriage even occurs.
I once dated a lady to took up the battered spouse and rape crisis cause because a she and a friend had been raped in a short period of time. What she found when she joined certain organizations disgusted her to the point of quickly leaving them.
These organizations were dominated by lesbian women who were filling the void of a stable relationship with a male. The victimized women soon suffered from the same abuses (manipulation, isolation, mental and physical abuse). Being an 'angel of mercy' to victimized women -- at their most vulnerable points in their lives -- made the lesbian hook ups much easier. Some women were literally passed around from counseler to counseler.
“the system” is a cog in the machine bent on destruction of the family unit.
Since a woman married to a man constitutes a family, and a women shacking with a woman does not, only the “heteronormative” relationship gets the scrutiny.
No it’s her fault for staying with him.
A man doesn’t “turn out” to be a wife beater, or violent, or abusive.
A man IS a violent, abusive, wife beater, or he is not.
(Barring a severe head injury altering personality, of course.)
Would it be rude of me to ask how you came to this realization? Did the women tell you that they were gaming the system? Did you follow them or have an investigator do so? Was it just a feeling you got?
“One employee was so moved that she loaned Mrs. Cephas $25,000 and let her use her credit card.”
the credit card I can believe, but a personal loan of $25K? That’s crazy!
“Next we’ll be charging panhandlers for spending money MEANT for food on dope and alcohol instead.”
Then you’ll like this.
That may be true, but it's pretty unlikely that a man abuses a woman on their first date. Oftentimes, physical abuse doesn't start until years after the couple gets married.
Exactly. There are abusers any time someone tries to provide help to another. The Red Cross experiences it. The Salvation Army experiences. None are immune.
Which is where the saying, “Adversity REVEALS character”, comes from.
Did you follow them or have an investigator do so? Was it just a feeling you got?
In your own words.
No, but when they keep going back to these pieces of sh!t they have nobody but themselves to blame.
Leading the fight against men, with our tax dollars.
In a galaxy far, far away...there used to be this thing called "dating," or "courtship." This was a period of time, usually up to a year or two--or even longer. During this time, the couple lived in different houses, and they would meet frequently for a "date." Some of these dates were more formal, where the man would take the woman to dinner, a concert, or a movie. Other dates were less formal--maybe the couple went for a walk in the park, played a sport together, or they went to each others' family functions such as birthday parties. All of these dates were designed to reveal the character and true nature of this man and woman. If their characters were good and decent, and if they became emotionally "in love," the relationship could end up in an "engagement," which would then usually lead to a marriage.
Presumably, if the man did not physically abuse the woman during their courtship, there was probably a pretty good chance he wouldn't after they became married. But how often does the above scenario play out with these sheltered women?
I lead a church group to the local rescue mission where we give our testimonies and a message and then help serve dinner. Two people always stay behind after the message in case anyone has questions or has accepted Christ during the message. One night two women came up afterwards and appeared totally sincere in their questions and then appeared to confess their sins and accept Jesus.
Later, when we told the mission manager about it, he informed us that they had claimed to accept salvation several times before and that they had probably stayed behind in the chapel this time so that the manager wouldn't throw them out for turning tricks behind the mission that afternoon. I really hope they were sincere this time, but it opened my eyes to what some are willing to do for a free meal.
It became very obvious because so many of these women were very blatant about it--they'd come in with one story, couldn't remember what they had said at intake, so they'd have another story when they were asked by case workers later.
We would see some of our "guests" downtown, when they were supposedly going for a job interview. They would be with their "abuser", having a bite in a restaurant.
I could give examples all day long--and tell you some stories that would curl your hair.
In all the time that I volunteered there, I saw one woman who showed signed of physical abuse--and she shouldn't have been there---in fact, I called an ambulance and had her sent to the hospital. (I'm an RN). She, btw, went right back to her abuser when she was discharged, which is part of the cycle of abuse in bonafide cases of spousal abuse.
This was in a town with a population of around 40,000 in OK in the '80's.
You got your facts wrong bub. According to the AMA, the single largest precipitator of abuse is the birth of the first child. You don’t see that while dating.
Oh, I get it. Your point is to blame the victim of the crime, rather than the criminal. Did it ever occur to you that a fellow can be perfectly charming... in some cases for years... before ever becoming physically violent? Apparently you live in an alternate universe where this isn't the case, where some men don't behave better when they're trying to win a woman over than when they feel they've already got her.
And why would that be?
Maybe it's because the women you served fell in love with their husbands and boyfriends, in most cases had children with them, and find it exceptionally difficult to walk away... even with abuse.
I see folks vehemently protesting your reference to a time-tested way of families (ie, FATHERS) protecting their daughters by vetting the guy through their own lens of experience instead of hoping that the guy that steals her heart is a good one.
The people protesting this idea are so immersed in the worldview of today’s leftist/pagan/postmodern culture that, like fish, they can’t even tell that they’re “wet”.
Basil, “stories that can curl your hair” — OK, I’ll bite — can you tell us more?
In your own words.
Two quotes from my earlier posts ... OK. Not living inside of your head, I’m not quite sure I get your meaning. It appears that you are playing ‘gotcha’.
If you have something to ask, fire away.
The poster did discuss a system that was not perfect but helped to avoid a lot of potential problems. A conservative knows there is no perfect system but seeks the best system.
So—why are they living (at other people’s expense) in a shelter for abused women?
No where in my post did I blame anyone. I merely suggested that by actually dating someone for a period of time (longer than a few weeks or months), you can get a better idea of what their tendencies are. A 100% guarantee? Of course not. But few things in life are.
My main point is that many of these women (and men) are short-circuiting the dating/courtship process, and are going right to shacking up, without really finding out about their partner. I would argue that the longer the courtship is successful; i.e., no physical or emotional abuse during, the greater the odds are for an abuse-free marriage.
Your argument that men just "snap" one day, after always being the chivalrous male, and beat the h@ll out of their wives is the real fantasy.
Or, the abuse starts fairly small, and escalates over the years. Or, you have a woman who is willing to take being slapped around to some extent, but then has kids with the guy and decides to leave when he starts beating them, too.
Thanks, guys...I’m glad somebody understood that there’s a rational way to deal with this issue.
I think of it as the boiling frog analogy. Abusor starts out wonderful, then slowly turns up the heat until there is no way out.
Wow. I got help (advice) from the Women’s Emergency Shelter when I was separated. My abuse was emotional and stalking behavior. I never asked and never got any assistance besides excellent advice on ways to protect myself and my children from his worsening and erratic behavior. I had no idea. wow.
You speak the truth my friend. Courtship has been replaced by a night of horniness/drunkenness as the mate selection method of choice for many in our society.
As I said in my post, there are no 100% guarantees in life...but you're just looking to play devil's advocate here.
Yes, usually, the first child comes after marriage (though I'm not certain any more).
But set aside what the AMA says about this for a moment. If a man is abusive during the relationship, it's almost a certainty that he'll be abusive afterwards, regardless of children.
What you, and others on this thread are suggesting is that men are predisposed to violence toward their spouse/partner, and that anything can set us off.
The recipe for a successful marriage can't possibly account for every little thing that might or might not happen in the future, but how someone treats you while you're courting them is a good indicator of what they might do after you're married.
To paraphrase Santayana, "those marriages that overlook past abuses, are most certain to repeat them in the future."
Of course, as with any story about an institution, it's not a question of how much gaming has been proven.
It's a question of whether the system involved is open to gaming. If so, the gaming will follow...it's an iron law of human nature.
Well, it didn't have to be...but I noticed you managed anyway.