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Letter From Tallahassee Hail to the Empress Moosalina (Mega Barf Alert!)
Key West Citizen ^ | Friday, September 12, 2008 | Diane Roberts

Posted on 09/12/2008 3:25:28 AM PDT by jsh3180

Listen, mister, I'm pretty sure that lady is crazy. She thinks the earth is only 6,000 years old, like God put the fossils here to mess with our heads. She thinks no woman should have an abortion, even if she is raped by her smackhead older brother. She thinks global warming is nothing to do with our SUVs or tumble dryers or coal-fired power plants or air conditioners or airplanes or over-zealous central heating, oh no. It's all perfectly natural. She thinks guns are good, but books not so much. She thinks Jesus wanted us to invade Iraq. She thinks the only sex education kids should get is abstinence. If you let them find out about condoms, they'll be at it like prairie dogs after a couple of lines of cocaine.

More on that later.

John McCain calls himself a "maverick," which means a cow that wanders around without its herd. If I were him, I'd be careful likening myself to a four-legged critter good for barbecuing. Or roasting. Or fricasseeing. That lady likes to shoot, gut, skin and eat such things.

There is some dispute as to whether her favorite food is moose stew or moose burgers. But one thing is sure: she likes to kill caribou. Seen that picture of her with the caribou she just wasted? She kneels in Alaska's virgin snow as the caribou bleeds, accessorized by one of her small children. (Get those young 'uns up close and personal with death -- makes 'em tough; makes 'em better basketball players). You know what they call caribou at the North Pole? Reindeer. So here's the lesson Maverick McCain's running mate is teaching the little nipper: if Prancer or Blitzen step out of line, clean his clock. Merry Christmas.

A lot of your Rush Limbaugh-Dick Cheney-Donald Rumsfeld-Heinrich Himmler-type men who used to have the hots for Margaret Thatcher go for this kind of woman. She's packing heat and she's got Jesus in her heart. Plus she's a babe. They imagine her in 6-inch stilettos and a leather Emma Peel cat suit, teaching a sharp lesson to one of those goatherds at Guantanamo. Oh, mama! She's the twin sister of Walker, Texas Ranger. She's Jack Bauer with breasts. She's the lost love child of Steven Seagal and Charles Bronson, back from her job as a bouncer at Bullwinkle's Roadhouse Bar and You-Shoot-'em, We-Grill-'em Polar Bear Ranch in Wasilla, Alaska, to save America.

I don't know about you, mister, but I'm not sure the lady would strike quite the right tone with our allies and other world leaders. Except maybe Vladimir Putin. She's got a lot in common with him. Suppress information you don't like, destroy your enemies, go to church. Tsar Vladimir, meet Empress Moosalina.

Speaking of love child -- let's get down through the permafrost to the real nitty-gritty. Did you see that poor 17-year-old Bristol standing on the international stage with her boyfriend Levi Johnston? The whole world looked at them and had one thought: They had sex!Unprotected sex!

Wouldn't a visit to the local Planned Parenthood clinic have been cheaper and easier? I'm just saying.

The handlers, or else his mama, cleaned old Levi up, made him lose the mullet in favor of a preppie haircut. But it was too late. On his FaceBook site he reveals that 1. He is "a f--g redneck" and 2. He doesn't want kids. Tell it to the Secret Service, Bud: you don't knock up the daughter of the potential president of these United States and just go back to snowboarding. I mean, these are "family values" Republicans. No abortion under any circumstances. The wages of sin is a shotgun wedding involving two teenagers who will probably be divorced by the time they're old enough to drink. That lady is not about to have her daughter produce a pup without benefit of clergy. Jesus wouldn't like it. Neither would the party base. Go rent that tux, Bud. And shut up.

To recap: Maverick McCain is wandering off the range as the economy heads down the household plumbing. George Bush is pouting in the Oval Office because nobody, even Levi Johnston, wants to be seen with him. Republicans are explaining that they love the fact that an unwed teenaged girl is pregnant because "it's something all families can relate to." Track Palin is getting sent to Iraq on Sept. 11 (coincidence? We think not) where maybe he can hang out with Beau Biden and discuss post-imperial fall-out and the failure of Pan Arabism. And Empress Moosalina, who doesn't know much about the mortgage guarantee crisis but does know how to get millions in taxpayer dollars for some one-husky town in Alaska, will rant about how Democrats waste taxpayer dollars, drink lattes, hate babies, hate guns, love arugula and want to marry caribou instead of shoot them.

I just have one thing to say: "Free Bristol!" p

Diane Roberts, an eighth-generation Floridian, is author of "Dream State," literature professor at Florida State University and Solares Hill capital bureau chief.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: academia; christophobia; dianeroberts; hatinpalin; pds; psychoticleft; sarahnoia; tolerantleft; unhinged
So........the..ummmmmm....author is a literature professor at Florida State University. When I first saw this on page 1 of the KW Citizen, online edition, I thought it was a letter to the editor. But no.....it's called "Headline News".

It's time for a shower.

1 posted on 09/12/2008 3:25:28 AM PDT by jsh3180
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To: jsh3180
literature professor at Florida State University and Solares Hill capital bureau chief.

So What? All that means is he pays someone to fix his lawnmower.

2 posted on 09/12/2008 3:31:06 AM PDT by Gorzaloon
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To: jsh3180

Joe Biden is more the Heinrich Himmler type, honey.


3 posted on 09/12/2008 3:34:53 AM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (~"This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps !"~~)
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To: jsh3180

Why is it that the nuttiest, most unhinged, insane diatribes always come from college professors? There is something wrong with higher education in this country.


4 posted on 09/12/2008 3:34:59 AM PDT by Zero Sum (Liberalism: The damage ends up being a thousand times the benefit! (apologies to Rabbi Benny Lau))
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To: jsh3180

Why are we giving attention to any low life kooks out there? Why?


5 posted on 09/12/2008 3:35:08 AM PDT by AmericaUnited
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To: Zero Sum
There is something wrong with higher education in this country.

You got that right. The moonbats have been on a decades long effort to displace sanity from the educational system, at all levels.

This is the result.

6 posted on 09/12/2008 3:38:38 AM PDT by John Valentine
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To: jsh3180

She’s a commentator for NPR. I’m sure her comments are always fair and balanced.


7 posted on 09/12/2008 3:38:53 AM PDT by pieceofthepuzzle
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To: AmericaUnited

This article emphasized one thing over and over. She thinks.


8 posted on 09/12/2008 3:38:54 AM PDT by yorkie01
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To: jsh3180
"She thinks global warming is nothing to do with our SUVs or tumble dryers or coal-fired power plants or air conditioners or airplanes or over-zealous central heating, oh no. It's all perfectly natural."

 


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9 posted on 09/12/2008 3:40:23 AM PDT by steelyourfaith
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To: Zero Sum
There is something wrong with higher education in this country

Yep. If they get much higher, they'll be completely incoherent.

If that is the 'work' of a literature professor, I wonder what the English Composition students are learning?

(They do still teach English Comp, don't they?)

10 posted on 09/12/2008 3:42:48 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly.)
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To: AmericaUnited

Why give attention to low life kooks, you ask?

While it’s beyond doubt she’s a kook, I’d say that university professor, NPR commentator, etc. gives her at least an audience to spew her garbage to.

I think paying attention to the actions and desperation of your opposition is worthwhile.


11 posted on 09/12/2008 3:43:30 AM PDT by jsh3180
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To: jsh3180
Wouldn't a visit to the local Planned Parenthood clinic have been cheaper and easier? I'm just saying.

Written by a woman, no less..

12 posted on 09/12/2008 3:47:46 AM PDT by cardinal4 (Drill Now, Vote Nobama, and Oust the Third World Democrat Congress)
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To: jsh3180
She thinks global warming is nothing to do with our SUVs or tumble dryers or coal-fired power plants or air conditioners or airplanes or over-zealous central heating, oh no [reporters found that her car's tires are under inflated!]
13 posted on 09/12/2008 3:50:18 AM PDT by WilliamofCarmichael (If modern America's Man on Horseback is out there, Get on the damn horse already!)
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To: jsh3180

This woman professor is a real nutzoid.


14 posted on 09/12/2008 3:50:52 AM PDT by Virginia Ridgerunner (Sarah Palin is a smart missile aimed at the heart of the left!)
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To: Gorzaloon

A friend of Sami Al arian (?) most likely.


15 posted on 09/12/2008 3:51:03 AM PDT by Carley (she's all out of caribou.............)
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To: AmericaUnited
Why are we giving attention to any low life kooks out there? Why?

I enjoy reading these unhinged rants only for their comedic value. : )

16 posted on 09/12/2008 3:51:44 AM PDT by HoosierHawk
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To: jsh3180
I think paying attention to the actions and desperation of your opposition is worthwhile.

Not really. There are thousands and thousands of these low level moombats and we all know that. Why give a platform to each one?

17 posted on 09/12/2008 3:53:10 AM PDT by AmericaUnited
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To: AmericaUnited

At the very least, the taxpayers of the State of Florida deserve to be informed about the nuts who are on their payroll (she is a professor at Florida State University.)


18 posted on 09/12/2008 4:02:13 AM PDT by Zero Sum (Liberalism: The damage ends up being a thousand times the benefit! (apologies to Rabbi Benny Lau))
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To: jsh3180
Her take on British reaction to the campaign....link
19 posted on 09/12/2008 4:06:32 AM PDT by kanawa (http://www.canadalovessarah.ca/)
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To: jsh3180
Wouldn't a visit to the local Planned Parenthood clinic have been cheaper and easier? I'm just saying.

I hope that poor Bristol's kid doesn't get too distressed in 10-15 years when he/she is researching the history behind grandma's historic VP run and finds out how many liberal hags wanted to have him/her flushed down a sink in chunks.

20 posted on 09/12/2008 4:10:05 AM PDT by thecabal (Conservatives who don't live up to the liberal caricature are now hypocrites.)
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To: jsh3180

Just another professor who confuses being snarky with being smart.


21 posted on 09/12/2008 4:30:33 AM PDT by 6SJ7 (Welcome PUMAs!)
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To: fieldmarshaldj
Putting Himmler's name in there makes no sense. Not even for a moonbat. That's probably the only name she could spell, besides Hitler.
22 posted on 09/12/2008 4:30:59 AM PDT by webrover
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To: fieldmarshaldj
Biden is more the Goering buffoon type.
23 posted on 09/12/2008 4:31:42 AM PDT by webrover
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To: According2RecentPollsAirIsGood; TenthAmendmentChampion; calcowgirl; Horusra; CygnusXI; ...

Oops. See #9, above.


24 posted on 09/12/2008 4:35:57 AM PDT by steelyourfaith
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To: webrover

Of course it makes no sense, that’s the whole point. 8 years of these loons churning out garbage like “Chimpy McBushitler.” All their obsession with Naziism, which is largely projection, since their ideology is scarcely that different from it, nor is their hatred of Jews, and their ideological stormtrooping against those that stray from their diseased mindset. Most of them belong in psychiatric facilities or prisons, not pecking away on their computers allowed to post putrifyingly poisonous pontifications publicly.


25 posted on 09/12/2008 4:38:18 AM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (~"This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps !"~~)
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To: fieldmarshaldj
"Most of them belong in psychiatric facilities or prisons"

I hope you're serious and it's not a figure of speech. Because you're absolutely correct. How can one have political discourse with the insane?

26 posted on 09/12/2008 4:56:29 AM PDT by webrover
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To: webrover

There’s no having rational discourse. But I’m thinking we could use their unhinged attacks to our advantage. Run a series of ads with some of the worst examples of their pathological hatred under the title, “These are what Barack Obama’s supporters think of the McCain-Palin ticket... ‘Hitler, Hitler, Himmler, Himmler, Hitler, Hitler, Pig, Mom abandoning her kids, religious fanatic who wouldn’t abort her retarded baby, Old Fish.’ Is this how Barack Obama plans to unite the country when his supporters and the media slur his opponents in such a way ?”

The battle now is for the independents, and it’s time to tie Obama to the worst and most psychologically unhinged hatemongers in the country. These are HIS people. The racists, the domestic terrorists, the America haters, the mentally unsound. He’s unfit to be President.


27 posted on 09/12/2008 5:21:38 AM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (~"This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps !"~~)
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To: jsh3180

Sounds like the writer of this screed is a few cards short of a full deck. They might try some different lies, since these have long since been disproved.


28 posted on 09/12/2008 5:24:28 AM PDT by Da Coyote
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To: Smokin' Joe

“There is something wrong with higher education in this country.”


Yes, let’s cut all federal dollars for it and return the money to the taxpayers. Serious!


29 posted on 09/12/2008 5:25:36 AM PDT by John Leland 1789
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To: Zero Sum
There is something wrong with higher education in this country.

The problem with "higher education" is that it isn't............

30 posted on 09/12/2008 5:32:23 AM PDT by Red Badger (If you're not part of the solution, then you must be part of the government............)
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To: Gorzaloon

>>>literature professor at Florida State University and Solares Hill capital bureau chief.

More like ILLERATE, but then again, what do you expect from the Florida State College for Women?

Go Gators.


31 posted on 09/12/2008 5:45:07 AM PDT by NTHockey (Rules of engagement #1: Take no prisoners.)
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To: jsh3180

“Diane Roberts, an eighth-generation Floridian, is author of “Dream State,” literature professor at Florida State University and Solares Hill capital bureau chief.”

The more I read the more I realized it had to be coming from one of our super-educated idiots in academia.


32 posted on 09/12/2008 7:25:51 AM PDT by Wuli
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To: All

I just had to write a letter to the editor of the Key West Citizen this morning after reading this drivel:
_______________________________________________________
Dear ummmmmmmmmmmmm…..errrrrrr..ahhhhh…..Sir;

It’s 9am on Friday, Sept. 12, 2008. My usual morning routine is to read your…ummmmmmmm….errrrrrr….ahhhhhhhhh……newspaper with my morning coffee at 5:30 or 6:00 in the AM. This morning as I opened the online version of your…ummm…….errrrr……uhhhhhhhh…..rag, I noticed under “Florida Keys Headlines”, what I assumed to be a “Letter to the Editor”. Obviously my assumption was wrong, to my amazement, you as Online Editor, Mr. Tuell, thought that the “Letter from Tallahassee………….” was “News”.
I am a 33 year resident of the Florida Keys, a local business owner and on numerous occasions, an advertiser in your…uhhhhhhhhh…….errrrrrr….ridiculous waste of paper and ink. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that in the past, I spent money to purchase your…..ummmmmmmmmmmm….errrrrrr…..product. Suffice it to say, this will no longer be the case, nor will any of my advertising budget be directed towards your….uhhhhhhhhhhhh…..business. I’m pleased to say, I shall no longer even view your “free” online………ahhhhhhhhhhhh…..kitty litter liner. Because, you see, some things that are deemed to be free, have a cost. In the case of your product……….the cost is the removal of muck and slime.
Have a wonderful day, I’ll be busy forwarding this to your advertisers, some of whom, one can only hope, will become former advertisers.

Adios, I feel much better now.


33 posted on 09/12/2008 7:52:19 AM PDT by jsh3180
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