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The Peter Pan Myth: The Real Reason Men Won’t Settle Down
Pajamas Media ^ | November 19, 2008 | Michael Weiss

Posted on 11/19/2008 6:36:46 AM PST by AJKauf

Just how popular is Kay Hymowitz’s City Journal essay, “Love in the Time of Darwinism,” which decries the phenomenon of marriage-avoiding man-children? So popular that it was sent to me by no less than three different friends today (all males) and it’s been featured on two different traffic engines this week: Arts & Letters Daily and Real Clear Politics.

Her brief is actually a mild apology for a previous essay in which she reprehended the jaded and loveless men of my generation for, as she puts it here, “whiling away their leisure hours with South Park reruns, marathon sessions of World of Warcraft, and Maxim lists of the ten best movie fart scenes” instead of humming Cole Porter tunes and throwing their jackets over puddles in the street for their intendeds. Courtship is dead, and mankind may well be facing extinction given how many men refuse to grow up, get hitched, and start procreating. What happened to Cary Grant? He turned into Seth Rogen.

The question isn't "Why aren't more men getting married before age 30?" It's "Why are any?" ....

(Excerpt) Read more at pajamasmedia.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: bachelorhood; bigmedia; culturewar; genderwars; generationx
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To: ClearCase_guy

And single women/single moms (and I would guess kids from broken homes) seem to overwhelmingly vote Democrat. Why? They see big government as their protector/caretaker (the role God created for Husbands and Fathers). It is inborn in women for us to instinctively feel that need for a husband or father’s protection, no matter how much feminists deny it. So government expands, hardworking men get hit with higher taxes, which is a disincentive to work and get married, which results in more single women, more broken homes, families without dads, more women voting for big government..... That’s why one of the steps in the Communist planned takeover was to break down marriage and morality. http://www.uhuh.com/nwo/communism/comgoals.htm
It’s working...

I see no way out of the death spiral we are in without a major revival and turning back to God in every area of life.


21 posted on 11/19/2008 7:13:48 AM PST by boxlunch
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To: AJKauf

Cultural change has consequences. Why did anyone think the thing that replaced Western Civilization would be any better?


22 posted on 11/19/2008 7:14:00 AM PST by DManA
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To: AJKauf
Interesting.

In my experience, the attractive, gregarious, and outgoing young ladies are... well, stuck-up b!tches who are unable to appreciate a decent guy, despite their claims to wanting one.
(ie, they are the sort who demand a perfection from their guy, whilst demanding that he put-up/accept all their unreasonable demands.)

We feel your pain, Mike.

23 posted on 11/19/2008 7:14:17 AM PST by OneWingedShark (Q: Why am I here? A: To do Justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God.)
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To: lafroste
We have adventures almost every week here at the Mad Ranch. It is either hunting, climbing, fishing or some other outdoor event. Even in the dead of Winter we find a way to have an adventure. We were out for a whole week at the first of the month bird hunting and cave exploring. Next week is mine duck hunting and prospecting.
24 posted on 11/19/2008 7:15:10 AM PST by mad_as_he$$ (Nemo me impune lacessit.)
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To: AJKauf

Marriage is just a bad deal for men, and has been for several decades. Beyond religious considerations, the only practical reason to marry, is to provide legitimacy to children. Outside of that, the law and the “culture” is stacked against us. Men aren’t looking for a rival, there are plenty enough of those in the world already.


25 posted on 11/19/2008 7:15:26 AM PST by RegulatorCountry
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To: AJKauf

Because no one ever thinks of questioning the basics of feminism and its effects on society. But on the other hand its good for toymakers who get a real life version of the movie “Big” for their bottom line.


26 posted on 11/19/2008 7:15:47 AM PST by junta (Ideology is dead.)
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To: AJKauf
Men won't settle down because of what happens AFTER you make the committment. Once the woman 'closes the deal', everything else closes off too.

In the begining the sex is often and a lot of fun. After a few weeks, it's a chore and boring with little or no 'newness' to it, and the woman 'forgets' about it. By then, the 'plans', which don't include your input, are made, and you have only two choices. Argue about it, which means you lose, even if you win. Or go along and still lose because you didn't argue about it in the first place.

So why even get yourself into that situation?

Too often the committment is give and take. The man gives up sports, carousing with his buds and things he did when he was single. The woman takes all that and more, making the male more like her girlfriends, and generally emasculating the male.

There are exceptions, of course.

(Enhanced flame suit on)

27 posted on 11/19/2008 7:17:06 AM PST by Pistolshot ("Democrats don't show respect, they just demand respect " - ClearCase_guy)
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To: autumnraine

And you get societal approval for those acts. A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away) ambitious men couldn’t get far unless he toed the line on morality, householding and other matters. If a professional man were caught in the arms of a prostitute, in a compromising situation, or sometimes in the throes of divorce, he could wave goodbye to his professional ambitions. A man who wasn’t married, respectable and who with his wife was not contributing to the local community was looked at as weird or dangerous and not properly a candidate for promotion in the company. Between the difficulty of getting “whoopie” and the professional pressure to be married, men usually opted for marriage.

Since then, professional life and private life has been decoupled and, not too often, a family is considered an unwanted anchor dragging on a professional man. The family man resists working long hours or frequent transfers. He is a burden to the benefits offered by the company. In the legal profession, as an example, law firms stopped hiring only those associates it considered worthy of eventual partnership and started hiring more than they needed and gauging the internal competition among the associates to determine partnership offers. Expected billable hours skyrocketed and the firms reaped the benefit from increased profits. Married men couldn’t compete on the same level as single men and maintain their marriages.

So now marriage is little more than an accessory to many younger people, to be used or discarded as needs or desires dictate, which is truly sad because anyone who truly knows the institution of marriage for what it can be knows it takes years of hard work and practice to create that masterpiece that marriage can and should be. (Incidentally, because the article was framed in terms of men, I addressed it as such but the same applies to women.)


28 posted on 11/19/2008 7:20:57 AM PST by caseinpoint (Don't get thickly involved in thin things)
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To: autumnraine

Uh...no. A whole generation of men have been told since childhood that they’re brutes, that they’re stupid, that they’re superficial, that all of the world’s ills have been caused by men. They’ve been conditioned to be ashamed of their manhood. In short, they’ve been emasculated.

However, biology overcomes psychology every time. The traditional role of men as provider and protector is now viewed as shameful, sexist and even racist. It should come as no surprise that dominant male behaviors manifest themselves in unforseen and ultimately destructive ways.


29 posted on 11/19/2008 7:21:24 AM PST by Doohickey (The more cynical you become, the better off you'll be.)
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To: ClearCase_guy
But we are now in an era which has left morality behind, left etiquette behind, left religion behind, left marriage behind

Well said, FRiend.

Those values are the bedrock upon which Western Civilization was built. 40 years of egalitarianism, counter-intuitive philosophy and an ethos that says "If it feels good, do it." has sent much of our society on the path to ruin.

Things that 50 years ago were down-right shameful (divorce, infidelity, illegitamcy) are now celebrated as a valued part of our culture.

20 years ago, an unmarried, highschool drop out with a drug addiction, three illegitimate children all with different fathers, on welfare, and with no desire whatsoever to work or better herself would have been the guest on Jerry Springer.
Today, she's an audience member on Oprah.

Owl_Eagle

“When the stock market crashed,
Franklin Roosevelt got on the television
and didn’t just talk about
the princes of greed, he said,
‘Look, here’s what happened.’"
-Slow Joe Biden

30 posted on 11/19/2008 7:21:58 AM PST by South Hawthorne (In Memory of my Dear Friend Henry Lee II)
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To: AJKauf

I am not bragging because I think this is digusting - I am a 48 year old married man (I wear a ring) in the last 4 months I have been chatted up by 4 women for sex. They were all divorced women who can’t find nice men to marry and have basically given up and are trying to find some comfort wherever they can - at the same time this lax attitude to sex is causing the very problems that they are experiencing as many men would see no need to get into a relationship if they can get enough sex and they would not consider these women for a relationship as they would think them to be skanks. It’s very sad to see that women have got the liberation they thought they wanted and yet there is no satisfaction in it for them.

And no they did not get anything out of me but a warning that they are going down the wrong track if they want someone to care for them!

Mel


31 posted on 11/19/2008 7:23:22 AM PST by melsec (A Proud Aussie)
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To: AJKauf
This topic has been beaten to death but I guess everyone has an opinion. IMO why young men are shy of marriage.

1. divorce - All the Peter Pan males I know are the product of divorced homes. Everyone learns about marriage from their own parents.

2. Lack of a father's influence in teenage years. which is pretty much the result of number one plus illegitimacy.

3. Men hating mothers - These women disgust me. They laud divorce and tell jokes about men right in front of their own sons. No wonder their sons distrust women.

4. Fathers who won't do right by their children. That means be there and be head of the household. “Father” is an action not a title.

5.SEX is first and foremost, reproduction. Men and women are responsible for who the the other parent of their children is. When you have sex, you are agreeing that the other person can be the mother/father of your children.

6. Because sex causes children and children NEED a mother AND a father, marriage requires commitment.

7.Unfortunately, marriage is no longer about the needs of others but about the desires of the self. Men see marriage as a material transaction and want trophy wives/status symbols (and dismiss bad character in women if they have looks) and women want love and commitment from a sex they have been taught is dangerous and not worthy of trust (and dismiss bad character in men because they think this is normal).

32 posted on 11/19/2008 7:24:49 AM PST by Varda
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To: melsec
It’s very sad to see that women have got the liberation they thought they wanted and yet there is no satisfaction in it for them.

There is always despair when you veer from the path that God created for you.

33 posted on 11/19/2008 7:24:59 AM PST by MrB (The 0bamanation: Marxism, Infanticide, Appeasement, Depression, Thuggery, and Censorship)
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To: autumnraine

Try finding a sub 30 woman worth marrying in an urban setting. Seriously, If I was young and single I wouldn’t probably marry a one of em. They are all way too selfish and self absorbed.

I’m sure there are some that aren’t, but in a metropolitan area they are few and far between.


34 posted on 11/19/2008 7:27:48 AM PST by HamiltonJay
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To: ctdonath2
Why give things up if she’s not going to in kind?

There is no honor among thieves and frauds. Men and women are hurting themselves and each other in more and more despicable ways. We are living in Sodom and Gomorrah. I fear for my nine children in this fundamental respect more than in any other economical or political concern.

35 posted on 11/19/2008 7:30:34 AM PST by Theophilus (Abortion: #1 National Security Issue, #1 Economic Issue, #1 Moral Issue)
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To: FrankR

“As in, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.”?”

These days alot of men are going out for milk BECAUSE they have a cow at home.


36 posted on 11/19/2008 7:31:29 AM PST by Hacklehead (Liberalism is the art of taking what works, breaking it, and then blaming conservatives.)
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To: AJKauf

I married at 26 to my best friend. She is still my best friend, thought we were born in different countries and speak different languages.

I can’t see what the problem with everyone else is. You make your life a paradise or a hell.


37 posted on 11/19/2008 7:33:20 AM PST by struggle ((The struggle continues))
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To: AJKauf
Reason my successful and hansome son won't get married and settle down:

Why buy the cow if the milk is free and plentiful?

He's had many girlfriends since he was 16.

Not to mention... his words: Women are feminazis who lack common sense.

38 posted on 11/19/2008 7:36:37 AM PST by xtinct (Any man may easily do harm, but not every man can do good to another. Plato)
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To: caseinpoint

“And you get societal approval for those acts. A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away) ambitious men couldn’t get far unless he toed the line on morality, householding and other matters. If a professional man were caught in the arms of a prostitute, in a compromising situation, or sometimes in the throes of divorce, he could wave goodbye to his professional ambitions. A man who wasn’t married, respectable and who with his wife was not contributing to the local community was looked at as weird or dangerous and not properly a candidate for promotion in the company. Between the difficulty of getting “whoopie” and the professional pressure to be married, men usually opted for marriage.”

You nailed it.


39 posted on 11/19/2008 7:36:46 AM PST by Hacklehead (Liberalism is the art of taking what works, breaking it, and then blaming conservatives.)
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To: autumnraine

That, and if men do get married, there is a 50-50 chance she gets the house, the kids, and half his paycheck. At least if he makes a kid illegitimately, he keeps his home and proportionally more money - and less likely to get hit with domestic abuse charges by an ex-wife who sees it as a means to get more money and sole custody.
Maybe the marriage / legal system is so set against men that men choose not to marry, as their only protection.


40 posted on 11/19/2008 7:40:06 AM PST by tbw2 (Freeper sci-fi - "Sirat: Through the Fires of Hell" - on amazon.com)
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