Skip to comments.The Demise of Dating
Posted on 12/13/2008 4:13:29 AM PST by reaganaut1
The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.
To help me understand this phenomenon, I called Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.
It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.
I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who cant get a date. As she put it, It used to be that if you couldnt get a date, you were a loser. Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.
The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys dont), and, as they get older, they start to realize that its not a good way to find a spouse. Also, theres an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.
Thats not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, its: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
Why would a man marry a woman who "hooks-up" with him and who has a long history of hook-ups with other men in the past, with the sexual diseases (some leading to infertility) to go along with them? If he does marry her, why should he be confident that his marriage will last, rather than being a 1-2yr hookup?
I’m not sure “hooking up” means getting together for sex. I believe when most people say they are hooking up what they mean is they are getting together with some buddies to hang out. Maybe it’s different on the east coast.
To stay under the 300 word limit I removed the text below, which makes the meaning clear:
"(For those over 30 years old: hooking up is a casual sexual encounter with no expectation of future emotional commitment. Think of it as a one-night stand with someone you know.)"
LOl.... progressive speak. Let’s call it what it really is....total rejection of the moral law.
For some reason the term “Hooking Up” reminds me of dogs.
Well, you’re half right. Hooking up always starts off as “just hanging out”.
(This is a GREAT DEAL, for the guys involved. They don’t have to spend a dime or pretend they love anybody first. They don’t have to waste a particle of energy on courtship rituals of any kind. The girls are now doing all that FOR them. WHY they do it is beyond me.)
The woman saith unto him,
Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.
reminds me of dogs.
My take exactly.
From the article:
“...lopsided gender ratios on campus,...”
Although he doesn’t dwell on it, this is the key. Now that colleges are 60/40 men, the guys set the rules, and hooking up works out great for guys.
...another FEMINIST success story. LOL.
“WHY they do it is beyond me.”
And that may be the most disturbing part of all of this. Women - contrary to what the femininst cram down their necks - are the real losers in this yet they pursue this lifestyle with almost grim determination even though it makes them unhappy.
Gee, I thought the feminist movement was about women being equal. Instead, they are now little more than sexual playthings for men to use without even a modicum of the traditional niceities of days gone by. Young women in droves have chosen to give it away for free and treat themselves with less respect than some prostitutes.
I just don’t get it.
That's my understanding as well and that's the way the article seemed to me.
Come on didn't you vote for the sexual revolution? Women are now free to fully express themselves. The women's center where I attended university passes out flavored condoms. So you don't worry about STDs along the way.
Get with it girl!
Girls and young women hook up because they think that’s how it’s supposed to be. You hook up, and maybe the guy will want to date you. Colossal FAIL. It’s so screwed up.
When I was in college, I was never, ever, not even once, “asked out” - and really, where would a couple go on a small campus in a small town? I chose to just not hook up at all and stayed single for a loooong time. But lots of my female friends, including my best friend who was a virgin until her senior year...fell for the hook-up lie because guys never asked them out. They just gave in and hooked up (slept with) the guy they liked because it was the only way to “get to” the guy they liked. This was in the early 90’s.
I tell my younger sis and her friends repeatedly that hooking up with a guy, then expecting a relationship is the wrong way to go. No one listens! Then they wonder why they never have long-term relationships. I compare it to buying a book from your favorite author, then reading the last chapter before reading it from the beginning.
From the NYT:
“Also, theres an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.
Thats not good.”
Oh really? You sure that’s not good? The NYT seems to think they have to remind their stupid readers that sexual assualt is ‘not good’, ‘especially’ if it is fueled by alcohol. Good grief....(eye roll)
Even worse, if it is smoking a cigarette afterwards!
Many NYT readers probably do need to be reminded that a culture of "hookups", especially drunken ones, will lead to more allegations of sexual assault, some of which will be true.
“When I was in college, I was never, ever, not even once, asked out - and really, where would a couple go on a small campus in a small town? I chose to just not hook up at all and stayed single for a loooong time.”
Good for you! I hope my son meets a gal like you one day.
Not dating is not so bad either. I stopped dating completely during the ‘disco’ era just because I hated disco. I hated the clothes, the stupid music, the clubs, the lights, that mirrored ball hanging from the ceiling of every bar, the wierd way the guys dressed,danced and the pick up lines....EVERYTHING...LOL! (Showing my age here..lol)
Numbers don’t lie
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