Posted on 12/23/2008 12:09:15 AM PST by goldstategop
When a friend recommended the book “Five Love Languages”, I argued with him. I gave it a chance, though. Even if my husband calls it “crap” , so didn’t read it. It talks about how primarily people express love by doing certain things and expect it in return on some level. I like to touch. I must have contact with other people. My husband’s is service. He’s more likely to check my oil on my truck or help someone move. If someone isn’t speaking the other’s “language”, then they aren’t going to respond well in other areas. It was a great surprise to me the other day when we went to the this antique plaza and in one of the areas my husband just kissed me for no reason. That meant a lot and will probably prove beneficial this week.
It makes perfect sense.
Little gestures of affection and love carry over and keep the romance alive.
When men say they don’t get much, what is deemed not much? Once a year? Every few months? Or, like my husband, who when cranky will complain about every other day.
Agreed. I think in order to avoid a “war of the sexes” from erupting it is important to focus on the universal truths;
-frustration is bad, for either side.
-Any relationship requires effort put into the relationship. A marriage certificate is not the finish line, but the starting point.
-On either side, if you care about the relationship, his or her happiness is paramount to your happiness.
-Too many relationships are disposed of because of any of the above being neglected.
exactly...just defining “enough” will change from man to man.
From woman to woman too.
“A marriage certificate is not the finish line, but the starting point.”
I like that one.
Marriage is a treasure and a joy.
So sad to see so many people speak about it as if it were drudgery - or a type of prison.
I was a soldier, and he was a soldier. We both had the same MOS.
I became no longer “in the mood” because I was tired!
I was a soldier
I was a mother (and/or pregnant)
I was a cook
I was a housekeeper
I was a laundress
I was TIRED.
He was a soldier.
He spent Friday afternoons/evenings/nights drinking with his buddies--WHILE I went and picked up the kids--and took 'em home, fed, loved, bathed, and put 'em to bed with bed-time stories.
On RARE occasions, he would traipse downstairs to the laundry room to carry up the cleaned laundry (He NEVER took it down, did the laundry, folded the laundry. Guess who ALWAYS did those...and I had to ASK him to “watch the kids” when I did it.)
He was NOT tired.
I'm blaimin’ ENERGY for the “loss of interest”! (And maybe LOSS OF INTEREST due to ALTERATION OF AFFECTION???)
This isn't a "one answer fits all" problem: Depends on the partners...see my post 147.
I’m going by what my husband has said. That nothing is better than it being deemed as a chore.
Quite true across the board.
“When there ain't no loving there ain't no getting along.”
Sexual relations are like a lubricant that eases through any rough spots and reduces wear and tear in your relationship. In other words.... a sexually satisfied man will put up with a lot (and vice versa).
As they say...
“A good man is like tile. If you lay him good you can walk on him for years.” ;)
First of all, thanks for replying to many of the posts here. I find the comments by you and others to be very helpful and informative!
I am a happily married man; my wife and I are "empty-nesters". Our kids are scattered around the US: working, going to college, in the military, or "finding themselves".
Now, I would like to say that going to work each day (5 out of 7, anyway) should not depend on my mood. I work because of duty, but also because I enjoy it. Its fulfilling to me. I get alot of my self-esteem from work. When I don't feel like going to work, the mood often fades after my feet get moving. And having a good day or bad day rarely is anticipated in advance, and depends little on my initial early morning mood. (Attitude and the influence it can have is another topic altogether! LOL)
I would like to think that such is the situation with my wife and our love life. And I would hope that most good marriages are similar in a way: the woman enjoys sex, she knows that her mood is not all-important but can be a factor, she gets positive self-image from love-making, and it can be seen as a duty but is much more enjoyable if embraced as a part of life.
Having said all that, I would like to point out that there is maturity to be gained for most men in dealing with not always getting sex when they want it. Legitimate reasons for a woman to negotiate a night off include (IMHO) fatigue, pain, illness, and emotional upset. These go beyond mood. Sure, "emotional upset" is subjective. And every relationship is different. But the kind of roller-coaster-day I am talking about might include: picking up a teenager from jail, sending a son to bootcamp, or hearing about an adult child's pending divorce.
Besides, making love can be simply laying together, holding her, soothing her and nothing more!
Knowing that my wife recognizes my need and will try to be available for me tomorrow night -- or even a few days from now -- is reassuring and it defuses my typical "hurt and angry" reaction.
Flexibility is key in a give and take relationship. I thank God for mine lasting as long as it has and pray that He continues to bless my wife and I with what it takes to grow and prosper.
I am interested in comments from any & all.
Awww! You’re a keeper! :)
“Nonsense. It is your married male friends who appear to consider themselves entittled. If you have ANY talent in the sack, and you marry the right woman, she will WANT to make love most of the time. Prager needs a female anatomy lesson and maybe he would get more from Mrs. Prager. “
Nope, you are completely wrong sorry. I saw it happening with friends and if you think it’s a talent issue then you have an odd concept of the marital union.
I guess those minor league batters who don’t make it to the majors should give it up then. From A ball to Triple A, that’s a lot of ballplayers. LOL
This idea of marriage being everything BUT a union of man and wife is what is leading to this dysfunction.
My buddy “the monk” couldn’t even get his wife to join him on a weekend to go to a museum and spend some relationship time. She had everything else a priority except that. And I know her well. Went to college with her. She was a humanities major in our lovely NYC private university and got plenty of feminism training.
She had an overbearing mother and never learned what being a good wife meant. She knew about going for her goals, more education, more house, more “self-fulfillment” but she didn’t have a clue about taking care of her man.
In college she tried to hook me but I saw her attitude then and she was very difficult even in then. She carried this right into marriage.
And when the problems arose, the guy stayed with me for a spell and thankfully they did work things out as they have two lovely children.
When I last visited, it was great to see her laughing and leaning her head on him at the end of the evening.
She finally “got it.”
My other friend, well that was going for a while. He could be obnoxious when he was with his wife early on and you’d be in the car and he’d be singing “No one does it better” from the Bond movie with you in the back seat. Nauseating.
She eventually cut him off from any sex and after a few years he tried counseling but after one session she refused saying it was too inconvenient a location.
She then asked for a separation and in less than a year a divorce. Not three months later she told him she was getting remarried. To the Mexican gardner.
So I guess those gardening tools really add to the “talent” you cite which you deem invaluable to a marriage.
Good luck with that.
Prager is divorced.....twice.
You are right as rain my friend.
“I wouldn’t agree that fits the definition of “having it all.”
Most women I know like sex.”
It’s not my definition, just a hodgepodge of feminist claptrap. A lot women have been infected with it. More recently, it’s become self-evident that those Cosmo articles were nonsense. But the cost, well it’s been high.
As for women liking sex, great. Hopefully with their spouses.
I don’t think mood should be a frequent consideration, but I do believe it can be an honest consideration.
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