My good fortune is that I am an electronics whiz and I know exactly how to tweak most of those knobs on my wife. But hey, I'm only 55. I'm still learning.
Posted on 12/23/2008 12:09:15 AM PST by goldstategop
>>Women just aren’t ready at the drop of a hat, and it is the smart man who recognizes that.<<
Actually, I disagree. If you have been engaging her all day, she IS, as a matter of fact, ready at the drop of a hat.
But you gotta know when to drop the hat. To use the punchline of the old joke, “we’re not allowed into Safeway any more”.
Well, good for her! I think there are a lot of women with plenty healthy drives.
>>If you take sex out of the marriage, something else takes its place.<<
Yup.
Porn, alcohol, gambling, Smurfs.
No, scratch that last one...
It wasn't a celibacy pact you made when you got married, you know. Since grownups are supposed to responsible for their own 'mood', married women get to choose to be cold or to be warm to their husbands. Mr Prager is suggesting that warm is the better way to go.
There is a key element to that Joe. You did it because you love her. Many women never experience that. Their men will do that stuff as payment for sex. I know it is a fine line. It gets done either way, but it makes a huge difference as to how it is perceived, and if you are doing those things with an ulterior motive in mind it just doesn’t work. You have to love her....period, be affectionate....period. If you do those two things you will have sex about anytime you want it.
You said it yourself, though. That if you have been engaging her all day... There are guys out there who will practically ignore their wives all day, then wonder why “Hey, baby. What about it?” does nothing. SOunds stereotypical, but it happens. Well tenderized and a woman will jump the guy. Oh great! Now I’m comparing women to steak. LOL!
I doubt he is a male supremacist, whatever that is, but he may have been looking for the wrong kind of woman. I know he's been married a few times. Maybe he constantly seeks variety or reinforcement that he's the hottest thing. In which case his problem is to reconcile the traditional Jewish lifestyle with the hedonistic one he really wants.
Better to be a single tomcat than a cheating husband, Jewish morality-wise.
>>If your wife doesn’t want to, it’s not “making love” just humping. I wouldn’t insult my wife by humping her.<<
“Making love” and “humping” are just words. If a couple is “humping” and both feeling incredible love for each other, is it suddenly not “humping”, or even F$$$ing?”
Human beings are incredibly complicated intellectually and emotionally. Sometimes the use of a simple word at the right time can be incredibly erotic. Sometimes that word is not very “nice”. I dunno. I can’t explain it.
>>”and if I am not in the mood it is your fault so you better fix it before getting near me.”
That is how I think many of them see it. Several of them from my church used the same divorce attorney.
>>Think of a time at work where it’s super-hectic, and you’ve got a huge “to-do” list running in your head.
You don’t have enough time to get it all done, and everything on your list is important.<<
Unless one of the items is “get cookies out of oven in 3.5 minutes”, my wife has no problem dropping the list and coming back to it in a half hour, with me helping. Shoot, sometimes it’s HER that makes the move to temporarily abandon the list. ;)
It’s not that important in the general scheme of things.
>>A “personal” relationship that is drudgery indicates that the rest of the relationship is drudgery, too.<<
I agree with that. But often the problem is perception. Some women (and men) just blame all problems on the spouse. I have said to young people thinking of marriage that if they cannot remember their potential spouse ever giving a heartfelt apology for some SPECIFIC wrong, RUN, don’t walk, from the relationship for they will blame you for all the problems in the relationship and quite possibly leave you for it.
It is actually a very common tale as told here: http://www.fredoneverything.net/Divorce.shtml
It is almost exactly what happened to me the first time around.
>>He knows how to make me forget about the laundry.<<
Precicely. ;)
I don't think most people give a hoot whether sex is within marriage or not. In my opinion, that contributes greatly to problems in marriage, but that's a different thread.
Yes, that's true, and it's going to be harmful no matter what the perceived problem is.
My good fortune is that I am an electronics whiz and I know exactly how to tweak most of those knobs on my wife. But hey, I'm only 55. I'm still learning.
That is the tragedy. It is so simple and so easy, they can’t buy the fact that it is the key. They think the answer has to be complicated, expensive and sacrificial.
I just have to get this prostate business out of my mind or I’m going to crack up (or throw up) if my husband turns up acting affectionate. Sheesh.
It all degenerates to the “where do you squeeze the toothpaste tube”. It is not relevant just one of a litany of wrongs percieved.
IOW
“I will not show affection unless you comply with conditions”
but first
“I will not comply with conditions unless you show affection.”
Conditions on unconditional love (as in marrige love not mere physical expression)
I remember seeing one of those nifty marriage videos from focus on the family.
The skit involved a couple that kept “score” of how many nice things they did for each other. It was the mistaken notion of love being pavlovian.
I am fascinated how many women here simply don’t get it and are offended by that fact.
It makes the women that do get it simply worth their weight in platinum.
LOL! That is when they feel the most deprived!
The more they get, the more they want. ;-)
“and you marry the right woman”
And there is the flaw in your statement. I married my first wife at 21. I had not a clue what was the “right” woman.
I married my second wife at 44. I had very MUCH a clue at who was the right woman for ME. Funny thin is, I met her not three months after my then wife of 20 years kicked me out “without cause”. Meanwhile, I am in marital bliss the likes of which I thought only existed in Princess Bride, while she goes from boyfriend to boyfriend with knockdown dragout fights (so say my now grown daughters).
I don’t wish ill on her, but the chickens did come home to roost. It happens. Blamed me for all her problems, even after I went to counseling, read books, grew up, and on and on.
Marrying the right woman is either the answer to prayer (I was not a Christian the first time I got married) or a crapshoot.
But then, I feel that love is a choice. All people are loveable and hateable. You CHOOSE to love your spouse and want the best for them. At least that is the commitment we all made at the altar.
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