When A Woman Isn't In The Mood: Part I (Dennis Prager On Why Sex Is So Important To A Man Alert)

Townhall.com ^ | 12/23/2008 | Dennis Prager

[RobRoy]

>>Most women I know like sex.<<

I think you may mean that most women you know SAY they like sex.

[SW6906]

Marking for later read.

[jacquej]

You know, there are a whole lot of women on the pill.

The pill, in my experience, and that of my daughter and a few of her friends....

seriously wrecks their desire for sex!

So, guys. Listen up. If your wife is on the pill, it just might be killing her desire for sex. And, no, it isn’t a warning on the package. If she goes to her Ob-Gyn, he will be embarrassed and clueless.

People, pay attention to your bodies! There are so many prescription drugs that mess with our libidos. The pill is not the only one. Many men on BP meds have the same problem.

[fanfan]

What do eggs Benedict and oral sex have in common?

They’re two things you can’t get at home.

LOL!

I’m serving Eggs Benedict on Christmas morning, thank you very much.
;-)

[RobRoy]

>>Prager doesn’t seem to understand that.<<

I think Prager made it clear with the words in his article that he understands very well.

[RobRoy]

>>I don’t know any women who think they’re only options are only 1 and 2.
Not that they aren’t out there.<<

My ex’s attitude was option 4: if he treats me like a princess for six months then I’ll think about it. Looking back on it, if it wasn’t so serious it would be funny.

Actually, enough time has passed. It IS funny.

[RobRoy]

I think what prager is saying is, even though the marriage is not going perfectly, you don’t stop eating and the same goes for sex, as far as men are concerned.

It is true. Other things may be serious issues and should be discussed but they are outside the scope of the article. It is not about WHY the woman may be withholding sex, it is about what she is saying (and doing to the relationship) by doing it. It even clarifies this point.

The article has an intentionally very narrow scope. One thing at a time folks.

[RobRoy]

>>Maybe, but I have met gobs of married men that say they don’t get much. I take that as evidence of a lot of option 1 and hence the article being right on target for our society.<<

You nailed it. I know a LOT of men in this predicament. Many of them are very attentive but our culture has corrupted their wives and their wives expectations.

I lived it myself for a long time: Be nice to her. Give footrubs, take out trash. Do dishes, etc. and maybe she will be attentive. It only gave her control as she continued to say no and that I didn’t measure up.

I learned, after a great deal of counseling and reading that I was not the problem. I must respect her, myself and the relationship and let the chips fall where they may. They fell to a divorce that completely blindsided me. In the long run I was done a tremendous favor.

I think most married men in this country are “wupped” and if they would just grow a spine they would either find their wife responding or she would dump them where they would then have the freedom to find the “right” woman. And after the free education they got they would have a much better chance of finding Miss Right.

Meanwhile all this gaggle of goose hens can grow old alone in their tiny cluttered apartment with their cat named fluffy. It is sad, because our culture did it to them but the courts prevent us men from stopping them.

So, there you are...

[RobRoy]

>>it would be laughed at by the majority of men who agree with this article.<<

That wouldn’t be me. I STRONGLY agree with the article, but am also STRONGLY aware of the other side. But then, like I have said, I am 55 and have been paying attention very attentively to the opposite sex since I was five.

‘Course I was unaware of any plumbing differences until several years later, much to my horror - at first.

[DoughtyOne]

I agree with that. Open communication is important across the board.

[DoughtyOne]

Thank you Arasina.

[RobRoy]

>>My husband used to think the way that you do, but the FLDS child bride rapes made him rethink the issue.

I should be really clear that I am talking strictly of sex, not the violence. That is a completely different matter. If violence is involved, for me it is no longer rape (between a married couple) but it is assault and/or battery. I am just separating the egg white, yolk and shell. The raw sexual part of “rape” cannot be a part of “rape” between the partners of a marriage. Both granted permission on the altar.

Don’t get me wrong. I would NEVER force myself on my wife. But then, that is easy for me to say since I would never have to. It is, frankly, repugnant to me.

[RobRoy]

>>I just have to get this prostate business out of my mind or I’m going to crack up (or throw up) if my husband turns up acting affectionate. Sheesh.<<

This one is easy. Just tell him you are concerned about the health of his prostate and you know of a way to ensure his continued health.

Once he finds out the recommended prescription, he will be very happy.

He’ll love it. I’m not kidding. The key is the delivery. You have to show obviously feigned “serious concern”.

Wearing one of those nurse outfits from Victorias Secret might help too...

[DoughtyOne]

Nor anywhere else. Ever. I am tired of being told that women don't have sex drives.

So true. A woman, unless she has some psychological or physical problem, does have a sex drive. While we are wired differently from men, we women think about it, fantasize about it, desire it and look forward to it. We want sex and we want great toe curling orgasms and we want to give the same to our husbands. We just don’t what to be treated like some blowup doll, an inanimate object or some “me soooo hoooorney, love you long time” whore, ready to go at a moment’s notice just because our man as a sudden urge.

Gee, I wonder why it's so difficult for a man to address this issue.  There are some women who look for any reason to tell the offending "percieved goon", that it's his fault.  You've attempted to do it here, and you've done so again later in your response.  Yes, there are times when I have a sudden urge.  Can you ladies ever forgive me?  Let me tell you something.  When my wife comes to me with a sudden urge, she doesn't get turned down.  End of story.  And BTW, the thought of sceduled sex on Thrusday's at 8:15:25 pm, is about as romantic as a tooth ache.

As for the fantasy that women have, I'm all for it.  Often the women gets so busy with work or whatever, and if the guy doesn't initiate "the idea" it just doesn't happen.  When this is mentioned he is told that she does to initiate sex.  Why don't you remember just last March, about the 25th?  I've tried the wait until she's ready routine.  Pretty soon a month has gone by.  If you mention it, she says something like, "Well, you could have asked."  Good grief.  So much for some women's desires.  And I'll be frank with you.  When someone doesn't have interest in this area, it's a massive warning flag if you catch my drift.  (BTW, I'm on my second marriage, so this information doesn't apply to my current situation.)

There have been times when I was in no condition to have relations with my wife. But I have to tell you, I was driven to anyway. It baffles me to hear women talk about the deed as if it were a chore.

I’m not sure what you mean by “in no condition” but let me surmise a bit here, not that I’m saying this necessarily describes you ; ),. But were you ever (or any of you other guys here, and be honest about it), drunk, hung over, smelly, with bad breath, too tired or incapacitated for any foreplay or afterplay, stopping her in the middle of whatever she happened to be doing at the time and just jumping on her bones doing the deed only to fulfill your needs, then rolling off with out any thoughts of her needs, immediately falling asleep while she gets up and goes back to house work and cooking your meal while you lay there snoring in selfish post-coital bliss?

Yes.  Sure.  There have been a few times like that in over 31 years of marriage.  Does it happen very often?  No.  Has it happened in reverse?  Well, frankly yes.  I somehow found a way to enjoy myself.  Once again, good grief.  You make it sound like men are a bunch of dirty, drunken, abusive, non-caring louts.  BTW, I can't tell you how many times I have heard women talk about getting a guy who's a jock, all sweaty, and ready to go.  Boy that tune sure changes once they're married.

Now, you talk of the guy just rolling over and going to sleep.  And of course, you're wide awake.  I'll bet it never occurred to you that the male does a majority of the work in the long haul.  It can be quite draining trying to give out a long period of pleasure for his partner, which ends up with him getting 1/100th of the final bang for the buck.  What I do find funny is when the female has to expend energy to obtain her just rewards, all of a sudden she isn't so "wide awake" five minutes after it's all over.

In a scenario like that it would baffle me not to hear a woman talking about the deed as if it were a chore.

Well, I have never in my life thought of making love as a chore.  Not once.

Get a clue guys. It’s not always about you.

Oh I think we've got all the clues we need.  Some of us try to be understanding.  Some of us have waited weeks or more for our spouse to initiate things.  So don't come to me with clichés about clues and  foreplay and cleanliness.  You're barking up the wrong tree.

I do understand and sympathize with those men whose wives withhold sex. In the case of my nearly 20 year marriage however, it was not me but my husband who had a low and nearly non-existent libido. Believe me it was emotionally painful, frustrating and sometimes humiliating to be constantly rejected except on the rare occasions he was in the mood and it was a contributing factor in our divorce and so I do understand the importance of marital intimacy.

Well, I realize that does happen.  And where it does, I sympathize with the women who have to deal with it.  I guess this is where I should ask you though, since you were making some rather interesting inferences, were you always drunk, filthy from work, smelly and offensive?  I doubt you were, but you sure laid it on thick for guys who have this problem.  And I might add, I have spend more than ten years in relationships being patient with my partner, hoping they'd get their head cleared, so don't come at me like some uncaring, uncompromising brute.  You're way off base.

But I find it disturbing that so many men apparently see their wives as nothing more than an orifice in the waiting for their needs alone. With attitudes like that, some of you guys shouldn’t really be all that surprised that she isn’t all that interested anymore.

You are one sick puppy.  The animosity is dripping from your post.  All men ask is that when they marry a woman, that the woman remain as desirous and willing to participate in sex as they were when the guy made his decision to marry them.  The vast majority of stories I hear out there reflects otherwise. If there is no overwhelming reason, the woman is way off base.  As for your reference to 'orifice', it's just a disgusting afront to husbands.  Yes we seek relations with our wives.  Yes it's sometimes spontanious.  And yes, that's exactly what the woman we married seemed to like once upon a time.

This is not a fairy tale.  It's a real problem, and it doesn't help to have folks dismiss it as something only male ogres could suffer from.

[DoughtyOne]

I guess I’m being rather dense this evening. I’m not sure what your point was here. It could go several ways.

Sorry Vaduz.

[DoughtyOne]

It’s just amazing what used to happen when the hat got dropped, and what doesn’t over time. Playing by one set of rules for a couple of years until you snag the guy, then starting to play by a different set after that is not right.

[Osage Orange]

You make it sound like men are a bunch of dirty, drunken, abusive, non-caring louts.

I'm a man.....

I can change....

If I want to...

Maybe.........

BTW....I agreed with your post.....

[Tax-chick]

Phone book. Urologist.

[DoughtyOne]

I have spent time working 12 to 15 hour days for long periods of time. Somehow I still found a way to be intimate with my wife. It wasn’t a burden. It wasn’t work on my part. It never even occurred to me to tell her to wait a few months until it was over.

If you think there are reasons why you should be able to say no, then I think you’re cheating yourself more than you know. And you are cheating your husband as well.

Intimacy is the reward at the end of the day. If you can’t stand to get close to your mate and fall in love for an hour or so every few days, I am sorry.

It’s all about priorities. There is nothing more important to me than being intimate with my wife.

If a family crisis comes up or a natural disaster, of course there will be interruptions. By and large, those are the rare exception.

[DoughtyOne]

I don’t even think it should be thought of as “mood” related. I know that word is used, but it’s really the attempt to say that it should be okay for her (and sometimes him) not to want to be intimate.

Hey, I’ve been busy. Don’t bother me.

What does that say? It says, when I can fit you in and things are just perfect, you’ll get some. Accept it or go to hell. Your not getting any.

What this says, is that the offending person thinks it’s okay to say no to love for periods of time. And if relations aren’t about love, then someone’s got a more serious problem than they think.