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FIREHAT ^ | April 14, 2009 | Norman Liebmann

Posted on 04/14/2009 9:24:11 AM PDT by firehat


by Norman Liebmann


The Great Obama Cringe Out hit the road. Obama has returned from another surrender bender. The Black Plaque went to Europe – and this time it brought its entourage. The trip was ill-advised. Europeans did not need another Hussein on their continent already bloated with Bedouins. He did not take his “Aunt Screwy” along for fear she would not be allowed back into the country. This may give her time to finish writing her Swahili cook book called “You Are Who You Eat”. (The familial record alludes, Obama’s mother was a practicing Voo Doo-ist and his father was a devout Mau Mau. Barack is evidence those mixed marriages never work out.)

Obama took 500 people along to Europe. The line to the "Ocupado" must have started on the tarmac at Dulles Airport. It gave the passengers a new urgency to the term “in a holding pattern”. The Obamas cancelled their stopover at Kenya when they realized nobody in the presidential party knew the Zulu word for bagel.

America’s first race-free, gender-free, national loyalty-free President, Barack Obama, had wafted across the globe on a cloud of capitulation, meandering from one country to another preaching his ersatz version of peace. There will be peace in Europe long after there is harmony in Harlem. Like most graduates of Harvard Obama doesn’t realize that the Europeans invented war – and if they didn’t, they are more than happy to take the credit for it. (Academics invariably gravitate to Harvard where ignorance is its bread and butter.)

A rock star and his sorority bimbo undertook to fix the world. Nobody sent them. They just went. The President has oversold himself to the callow world of rock as Barack “I Am the World” Obama. There is some question about whether Obama qualifies as a rock star. That culture portends that you’re not really a rock star until you “beat up on yo’ bitch” a few times. It is possible rock ‘n roll is actually just a race riot set to music.

Their trek was an orgy of apologia that has earned the Obamas all the contempt and condemnation America can muster. Obama must have received a midnight visit from The Spirit of Munich Past. His performance raised the question, is Neville Chamberlain still dead? Apparently Barack is determined to be a disgrace to countries besides our own. The only thing comparable to Obama’s cowardice abroad is Republicans’ cowardice at home.


The Washington cognoscenti are still celebrating the return of this CEO-firing President and his Queen-touching wife. (Michelle was all over Her Royal Highness like a cheap suit.)

The Obama trip was judged a success when foreign fashion designers declared Michelle Obama has a great pair of “chitlins”. At Buckingham Palace the changing of the guard meant wearing their sleeveless uniforms to honor of the First Wifey. Sorority squid Michelle “Gee Ain’t I Swell” Obama believes she can wriggle her way into the celebrity world’s affections. Shallow is as shallow does.

England was intoxicating for the Obamas who are inveterate social climbers - although they don’t know the difference between the porridge and the peerage. It was a case of Woodstock meets Windsor. (Inasmuch as America’s infamous music festival took place in a cow pasture it should have been called Woodflop.) In honor of Michelle the Palace Chef served up sho’tnin’ bread and champagne.

In this case Black Beauty is not a horse of another color, but one of a cross-grained disposition. If provoked, Michelle would slap Mother Theresa’s across the face with a wet flounder and knee Mahatma Gandhi in the groin.

The media made a big deal out of Michelle Obama touching Queen Elizabeth. The Functionary in Charge of Palace Protocol called that kind of presumption not “touchy feelie” but “touchy pushy”. America’s First Lady had to be reminded it is improper to “goose” the Queen and that she must fight the impulse to indulge in such sorority hi-jinks. (It’s said, Michelle is inclined to caress herself when there is no queen available.)

The royal family pretended to be impressed with Michelle Obama’s elegant manner - having never before seen anyone eat a banana with a knife and fork. The Queen felt obliged to have something on a tray later in her room.

The fact that the world has fallen on lean times did not keep the Obamas from “pigging out” all the way across Europe. They were not embarrassed to ask the Queen for doggy bags or as they’re called at Buckingham Palace “Bucky Bags”.

Michelle Obama regards herself as the second coming of Queen Nefertite (alternately known as Queen Nefer-touchy-feely.) It’s rumored Michele graciously invited Queen Elizabeth to come to the White House lawn so they could play quoits with their tiaras.

Obama has represented America so obsequiously, that foreign nations have come to regard us as a client-nation-at-large. Turkey was a low point on Obama’s Pablum Tour. It was one of appease porridge hot, appease porridge cold, appeasement in a pot - ready or not. It was a virtual orgasm of self-pity. If Obama wants to learn something about Turkish atrocities he might consider taking it up with the Armenians. Obama did not mention in his speech to the Turks their genocide in Greece. Perhaps Obama did not find himself in sympathy with these victims because Armenians are reputedly not very good from the free throw line.

Obama’s comprehension of life and death does not include any understanding of what it is the military does for a living. Ordinarily, Barack Obama is as yellow as a canary with jaundice. The fact that the Navy Seals got the go ahead to snuff these Somalis pirates suggests the possibility that someone neglected to tell Obama that the buccaneers were black?

Obama sees the diplomacy of sucking around international villains as the path to popularity. All the highways and streets of America don’t have that many yellow streaks down their middle. North Korea launched its missile and Obama tch tch’ed its progress all the way across the ocean. It’s not like he wasn’t prepared. Kim Jong Il’s missiles run out of fuel before they run out of hate. Obama promised anyone within earshot he would never go to war against Islam, but swore he would throw in the towel first. Obama probably sports a white flag on the fenders of his limo and carries a white feather in his wallet for identification.

Obama seems determined to beat Sean Penn to every despot’s ass in the world. Anyone who insists that Barack Obama didn’t bow to Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah doesn’t know the difference between bowing and cringing. It was a gross demonstration of the Obama Administration’s grovel-ready diplomacy. (Irrespective of how many times Obama bows to foreign tyrants, the likelihood is that Google will end up ruling the world.)

It was nauseating to see Obama so deferential to King Abdullah, whose fairy tale Kingdom has segregated wishing wells. The Arabs are convinced the Obama Administration will run out of testosterone before the Sahara runs out of sand. Abdullah had two dirty words for the American President - alternative fuel. Obama had to do a lot of bowing because the Saudis have more Princes than Glenn Beck has M&Ms.

[Note: After studying the picture in question, experts determined that Barack Obama was trying to kiss the Saudi King’s feet. A podiatrist suggested he should be tested for Athlete’s Lips. Obama genuflected before foreign notables so often he appeared to have a case of the bends. Obama may have contracted a psychological condition as a result of his over-exposure to the desert sands. Some psychiatrists diagnose this condition as “going dune buggy”. One is reminded of Bill Clinton’s remark to Monica as she bowed before him, “As long as you’re down there …”]


The world is full of ugly people doing ugly things. Kim Jong Il looks like something that should be in a jar at John Hopkins. Tim Geithner looks like a worm that cannot be cut into segments too minuscule to keep from wriggling and exuding its poisonous excrement. Crimson graduate Tim Geithner suggests the Ivy League is more Heidelberg than Harvard.

The Chinese now have salmonella available in take out.

The Black Caucus crawled to Cuba and was smitten with Fidel Castro. One would say they are less smitten than smut. Perhaps they’re trying to think of a way for Communists Barack Obama and Fidel Castro to succeed each other in office.

As far as Americans are concerned a mosque is where mosquitoes pray. These little buggers are not even obliged to leave their sandals outside.

Muslims obligingly only behead people to cure their migraines.

Joe Biden has warned that any attempt by the Israelis to defend themselves will be met with an invasion of street crossing guards from Delaware.

It’s just possible all the members of the Obama Cabinet are replicants. Where are the blade runners when we need them?

Americans voted for a real President and got a generic.

Having seen the crew of the Alabama Maersk fight off the pirates by spritzing them with fire hoses, Obama plans to get tough with the Taliban by sending troops to Afghanistan armed with hockey sticks.

Obama says Americans are arrogant but it takes only his reflection to poison a pond.

Since returning to America Obama has developed a severe case of teleprompter withdrawal. Without this device Obama is an intellectual tundra. He finds the teleprompter indispensable because he can’t wait to hear what he’s going to say next.

After bad-rapping our country overseas, it did not occur to Obama that most people who came to America couldn’t wait to get out of Europe. Europeans never forgive Americans for the sacrifices they made on their behalf.

The Attorney General is loosening the laws on narcotics. It may soon be customary at White House functions to toast Barack Obama by raising your crack pipe and saying, “Here’s looking up your nose, Mr. President”

At Obama’s instigation Guantanamo will be eligible for a seat on the United Nations Jihadist Council.

There is some consolation in the fact that while Obama may be President for the next eight years, but he’ll be black for the rest of his life.

There is evidence is that the Obama Cabinet members are mostly replicants. Where is the blade runner now that we need him?

Is Minnesota now a member of the Arab League? And is Paul Wellstone still dead?

Obama’s war on our own military casualties reminds us of the function of the critics who watch a battle from a hilltop - after which they come down and shoot the wounded.

Mexico is Bangladesh with mariachi bands. If you’ve never been there – this is a great time of year not to go. Amnesty is Damnesty

America is being held captive by a criminal Congress. Politicians don’t have to be honest – just slick. Voters don’t have to be dumb - just docile.

The Civil Rights Movement is still reaping the rewards of slavery.

The Fannie Mae mortgage program should have been called “Affirmative Eviction”. Chairman Barney Frank may require gay witnesses before his committee to be sworn in on a stack of doilies.

The silver lining of Obama’s bankrupting General Motors is it might take some of the rush out of the rush hour. Obama’s solution to save General Motors is to force them to make a new version of the Coney Island Dodgem cars.

The Porch Monkey Caucus visited Cuba where Fidel Castro expressed his admiration for Martin Luther Buckwheat.

As a gesture of good will Obama plans to send some of his Acorn thugs to Afghanistan in time to help the Taliban with the opium harvest. Incidentally, shouldn’t they be celebrating Acorn Day at Leavenworth?

Politicians are found in the middle of the road – and we all know what you find in the middle of the road.

It is national suicide to accept Barack Obama at his own estimation of himself.

And this …

America awaits the un-Obama.


TOPICS: Government
KEYWORDS: barack; michelle

1 posted on 04/14/2009 9:24:11 AM PDT by firehat
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To: firehat

Funny thing, he’s buying ACORN with thirty pieces of silver...

2 posted on 04/14/2009 9:37:11 AM PDT by OneWingedShark (Q: Why am I here? A: To do Justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God.)
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To: firehat

As they say during March Madness, “one and DONE” in 4 years.

3 posted on 04/14/2009 9:37:20 AM PDT by Biggirl (GO UCONN!=^..^==^..^==^..^==^..^==^..^=)
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To: firehat
Obama Administration’s grovel-ready diplomacy

Perfect. BTTT

4 posted on 04/14/2009 9:47:22 AM PDT by skeeter
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To: firehat

I really love your penetrating and scathing wit.
Reading from your archive - I’m amazed you continue to come up with these hilarious observations, one liners and effective assaults on the arrogant ones...

You bring laughter to this tired old man - when no one else can.

5 posted on 04/14/2009 10:14:45 AM PDT by river rat (Semper Fi - You may turn the other cheek, but I prefer to look into my enemy's vacant dead eyes.)
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To: firehat
Bails out his buddies with Billions of dollars and cuts the military budget significantly. Then he takes credit for three SEALs making killshots from the stern of a destroyer. At least you see the King with no clothes...
6 posted on 04/14/2009 10:42:15 AM PDT by vetvetdoug
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To: firehat

He’s not a Judas, because he was never one of us. He’s more of a Ghengis Khan, a conquering outsider.

7 posted on 04/14/2009 11:07:57 AM PDT by Defiant (One Big-Ass Mistake, America!!)
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To: firehat
Great article, Norm

You wrote "The fact that the Navy Seals got the go ahead to snuff these Somalis pirates suggests the possibility that someone neglected to tell Obama that the buccaneers were black?"

The real reason was that 0bama figures there is room for only ONE African born, black muslim that seizes assets, extorts money, and redistributes wealth in this world; and those damn pirates were muscling in on his business model.

8 posted on 04/14/2009 11:30:34 AM PDT by Wil H (The most destructive act of Muslim terrorism against the US was paying for 0bama's Harvard education)
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To: firehat

Barack has a new ROCK song, actually it’s METAL and pretty good


nice hook

9 posted on 04/26/2009 6:10:43 PM PDT by eutu
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