Posted on 06/15/2009 8:19:28 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
he first week of April had me visiting many of the major national television programs to talk about my new book, "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms."
One typical concern various interviewers shared was the problem of taking care of children at home by a parent when there’s been a divorce, which generally results in day care and a working custodial parent . . . usually the mother.
I respond by pointing out two concepts I believe are “truths.” One, that the quality of love and attention of a parent is superior to that of hired help (nanny, day-care worker, baby sitter), and two, that children have the best opportunity to grow up healthy, happy, and functional with a married mommy and daddy. That some people can’t or won’t provide those things doesn’t change their importance to a child.
I remember when my husband and I decided to become parents. I specifically asked: “Is there any reason you can see after all the years we’ve known each other that you might decide to divorce me? Because if there is even an ounce of ambivalence in either of us to this marital commitment, we shouldn’t have a child and risk the quality of their lives.”
My follow-up joke was, “I would not consider divorce. However, if you see me driving a trash truck right at you while my face is scowling —look out!”
Sadly, too many folks don’t consider these issues out loud before they marry and before they have children. When the stresses of life pile up, their individual or mutual inability to live by their vows evaporates.
Of course, the bond may be broken irrevocably when violence, addictions, and/or infidelities occur.
(Excerpt) Read more at newsmax.com ...
Big mistake. JMO.
“don’t love each other anymore”
A very selfish reason to divorce, especially when there are kids.
If you make a baby with someone, it is an 18 year commitment. Unless there is abuse, I always recommend people stick out the marriage for the sake of the kids, whether or not they are “in love”.
Kids do MUCH better in two parent homes (absent abuse).
I’m not a fan, either. She makes snap judgments without hearing all the facts. She claims to be in favor of an intact family, but then advises divorce for most of the reasons people split. She tells women who have divorced they can’t date until the kids are out of the home. Seems pretty cruel to me to tell them they were right to break up but they just forfeited their hope to any happiness with a mate.
Yes, short of dangerous or destructive, I vote for staying together for the sake of the children, because everybody wins if you do it right.
A provocative title, indeed.
I pray for your brother. It must be very hard on him.
But...he should try to keep the “marriage” together anyway, if possibe.
The kids will be a LOT better off with him IN the house, rather than her boyfriends.
My wife likes to listen to this woman. I can’t stand her. Everytime some woman calls her with a dumb question, just asking to get yelled at, I’m in a total body cringe waiting for the s to hit the f. I guess I’d probably agree with a lot of her advice, but man, what a harpy. Life is too short to have someone even remotely resembling Dr Laura yelling at you.
Without know all of the details...perhaps you can suggest that your daughter tough it out until the kids are 18. This is the heart of Dr. Laura’s article here.
Divorce really hurts kids. Just because her husband “bickers” doesn’t mean she has to. And I bet that there are many things your daughter could do that would get the fella to stop bickering.
Men are very easy to keep happy if a woman really tries.
You make assumptions that are not justified. To equate divorce and abortion is a stretch that os beyond belief. You have no personal experience with divorce, you cite no statistics for your brash and broad assertion, and then when you are called on it you throw a strawman. That isn’t differing on issues that is you having no idea of how to carry on a conversation or debate
I used to think the same thing about her. But I respect her for being willing to tell some of these callers the truth without worrying about hurting their feelings.
Brutal? Yes. But oftentimes necessary.
Dr. Laura tells people not to stepparent, but when her #2 did it she thought it was just fine.
I agree with you. Divorce is hard on the kids, but what does it teach the kids for one spouse to stay with the other whose values are so eroded as to create huge hypocritical conflicts in the household? “I have a friend” whose ex- had a car accident due to being drunk, and she had to go clean out the totalled car. Found condoms, a handgun, brass knuckles, a couple other weapons.... among the junk in the car. Stayed with him a couple more years. Went for counseling. The ex- continued down a path of drinking, gambling, finding that socializing with the drinking crowd was more important to him than being a family and a father to the kids, who were 9 and 6. Thousands of dollars just disappeared. He did not manage to make it to the school events, teacher conferences, boy scouts, etc., due to his social life was more important. Surely there were affairs (motel charges on the credit card statements).
What would it teach the kids to STAY in this type of deal? He had no interest in “being a family” or being a father. “My friend” finally had to file for divorce after the 9 year-old told her that they had talked about “healthy families” in school that week, and he did not think theirs was a “healthy family”.
I don’t think it is right for people to put black-and-white rules on divorce situations, if they have not been there. Saying “only if there is violence” or “under no circumstances until the kids are grown” cannot always be the best road to drag the kids down, either.
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=34015
Dr Laura is not a practicing Jew anymore. She left the faith in 2003. I happened to be listening to the program that day and her discussion of her faith or rather loss of it, was painful to hear. I pray she finds what she seeks.
She doesn’t care about divorce when there are no kids. If there are kids, than abuse if the ONLY legit reason to break up a family.
Divorced parents should really not be dating until the kids are grown. If they must date, they shouldn’t be bringing their dates home to meet the kids.
Me too. She admits that she is a bit spiritually lost.
It sounds like she does believe but is having trouble connecting.
It would make sense that The Enemy would be working overtime on her.
That’s a red herring. Sometimes the people who have screwed up life the most are the exact ones who should “dish out advice”. It’s extremely flawed thinking to say that if a person has had failings in their life, their opinions are suddenly without value.
Think of a burn victim telling you not to touch a hot stove without a mit. Probably worth listening., Laura has a lot of solid advice. Thats why Gays and Feminazis always attack her.
If she's woken up and changed her advice, I'm glad.
Fine than we just agree to disagree. I have my beliefs and you have yours. We agree with 99 percent of everything but not this one issue. I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing.
He can’t keep the marriege together. He tried, he still loves her, she cheated on him again. What’s he supposed to do, be a chump for another 11 years until his youngest is 18? She made an active choice to destroy the family. How can you expect him to coexist in a house with her?
They will get divorced. he has told her in no uncertain terms that if she tries to get anything other than standard child support he will go for “blood”. This includes telling her employer what she did (the guy she’s banging is a subordinate to her at her job) This will get her fired. They will drain all their savings getting lawyers for the court battle, etc, etc. Who suffers? Yeah the kids.
He doesn’t want to do this. Why does the guy always have to be the chump? She should friggin’ move out. It’s her fault. Yet he’s stuck, doing the best he can, surpressing anger and resentment, trying his hardest for his boys. It’s just horrible.
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