Michelle Obama, at her very best, is what Rodney Dangerfield call a “two bagger”. You wear a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
That’s a “triple bagger” — one for your head, one for hers and one for the dog so he doesn’t howl.
We used to call it “Double-Coyote” ugly.
Coyote ugly is where you wake up with her asleep on your arm, and you chew your arm off to escape rather than wake her up.
Double-Coyote ugly is when you have escaped, you chew your other arm off, because you know she’ll be looking for a one-armed man.
Michelle is a yeti with a nice handbag.