Posted on 07/31/2009 8:32:29 AM PDT by rhema
"Something's wrong with this baby," my ultrasound technician told me. She had just scanned Mrs. Jones (a fictitious name) at 20 weeks and went on to describe her findings, findings that surely meant little chance of survival for that baby. As I later spoke with Mrs. Jones to relay the findings, she wept. I arranged an appointment with a maternal-fetal medicine (MFM) specialist.
The next day I received an urgent call from my patient. Through more tears, she described her visit in which the MFM doctor confirmed the grim prognosis. The baby would die, probably within a week or two. The MFM insisted on scheduling her for an abortion in three days. "Do I have to have an abortion?" she asked. I promised to call the MFM and assured her she did not have to abort.
When I called the MFM specialist, she immediately rattled off the severe abnormalities found, the fetus' incompatibility with life, and the scheduling of an abortion. I interrupted: "If the baby is going to die anyway, why do you want to kill it before it dies a natural death?" There was silence on the other end. I went on to explain that the parents would not have to deal with the guilt of killing their child if it died naturally. There was a pause, then, "I hadn't thought of that," she said.
So much for nondirective counseling, as it is called. Sadly, I've had several similar experiences in my 27 years of practice.
My patient's baby did die in utero about two weeks later. She labored and delivered a stillborn baby with all the grief and pain associated with it. She was thankful, however, for the love and support of family and friends during the process and the knowledge that she had not contributed to her baby's death.
When a pregnant woman clearly understands the primary purpose of genetic testing—abortion of a handicapped baby—a majority decline testing in my experience and almost all pro-life women decline testing. Nearly every problem now identified by prenatal diagnosis has no treatment. David Grimes, a well-known OB/GYN, professor at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, and a strong abortion advocate, spoke truth in a rare moment of public clarity when he said prenatal diagnosis would disappear if abortion were not available.
But what happens when a routine 20-week ultrasound shows a baby with a profound abnormality, possibly an abnormality that will certainly result in the death of the baby prior to or shortly after birth? Or when a genetic test is done and shows similar results and the patient then decides against abortion? What then?
Enter perinatal hospice, the brain child of Byron Calhoun, a pro-life maternal-fetal medicine specialist.
Perinatal hospice honors life. The woman carrying the disabled child receives extensive counseling and birth preparation involving the combined efforts of MFM specialists, OB/GYN doctors, neonatologists, anesthesia services, chaplains, pastors, social workers, labor and delivery nurses, and neonatal nurses. She carries the pregnancy to its natural conclusion. She and her husband are allowed to grieve and prepare for the short time God may grant them with their child while their baby lives inside or outside the womb. Such a process obviates the grief caused by elective abortion, killing the child before it could be born.
Doctors and nurses often withdraw from hopeless patients, and surely a baby with a lethal anomaly is a hopeless patient. Add to that, as my example above illustrates, the concept of natural death for babies with lethal anomalies perplexes those who advocate abortion and prenatal eugenics. For them, not terminating a hopeless pregnancy is stupid.
Perinatal hospice, on the other hand, allows natural grief and separation with the support of the medical community. Calhoun says parental responses have been overwhelmingly positive. "These parents are allowed the bittersweetness of their child's birth and too-soon departure. Grief lessens as time passes and the parents rest secure in the knowledge that they shared in their baby's life and treated the child with the same dignity as a terminally-ill adult."
Even those mystified by a patient choosing life have recognized the value of Calhoun's idea, as perinatal hospice programs now dot the nation. But this mystery is no mystery to us. As Job 1:21 states, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."
—Matt Anderson is a practicing OB/GYN in Minnesota and blogs regularly at mdviews.wordpress.com.
I think the point of this was that these were babies who were clearly not going to live much past the first few hours after birth. The author couldn’t see the point of trying to force those people into murdering their children, in the mistaken attempt to not have their pain drawn out, when what they truly needed was just some moral support to be able to have the chance to love that baby, no matter how long it had to live, or even if it were to be stillborn. At least that baby would have felt love up until the minute of his or her death.
I have a friend that had took a lot of medicine and had surgery not knowing that she was pregnant. She was advised to abort her baby. She was about 6 months along at this time. She refused to kill her baby and now she has a perfect little girl with no birth defects at all.
God bless the little ones, their parents, and anyone else involved. It’s good the parents have an alternative to late-term abortion. I hope they find comfort, and I hope the babies got medical care and nutrition.
I read two interesting stories recently.
One was the experience of a woman whose child had died fairly late in the pregnancy. She was advised that she could wait several days until it was expelled naturally, or she could go through an abortion-like procedure. She made an appointment with the now departed but not missed Tiller. She wanted to see the baby, but Tiller told her it would be dismembered during the process, and would not be viewable. Although she’d thought at the time that having the dead child removed in a process almost identical to abortion was her best option, she regretted it later. Had she waited until the natural expulsion of the dead infant, she would have been able to hold it...
The other thing I read recently was about a study done of women who miscarry but do not expel the dead babies right away. Typically, they are advised to have the remains removed surgically. In the study, half the women were given a choice—whether to wait longer, or to have the remains removed. The other half were given the standard treatment, which was to have the remains removed without being given a real choice. In some cases where the women had elected to wait, the remains were not expelled after a week, and were removed surgically anyway; they were counted along with the women who had elected to wait until nature took its course. Psychological evaluations were made at two different time points afterwards. What the researchers found was that the women who had elected to wait for the dead children to be expelled naturally were psychologically better off than the women who had been advised to undergo a D&C to remove the remains. They suffered less grief. They were more adjusted to the fact that they had lost a child. They were less depressed. (The graphs also showed that the women who had elected to have the remains removed surgically also suffered more, but the differences were not statistically significant.)
From that point on I was told to lie flat on my back in bed until my child was born. My body wanted to abort that child but I did all I could to save it. I had to hire a woman to take care of me as I never moved from that bed.
At 7 months I went into labor and my son was born at only 2 and one half pounds. This was long ago now and there were no ultra sounds. He was baptized and kept in an ‘incubator’ as they called them then. I was never even allowed to go in and hold or touch him. That's how it was then!
The doctor said that the placenta had torn away from the uterine wall and that cause the bleeding. The baby was not getting all the nurishment he needed to grow.
After 4 months flat on my back, I was hardly able to stand and walk at first. It took me some time to become strong again. He was in the hospital for two months. Amazingly, he did well and when he was 4lbs I was allowed to bring him home. He was tiny but beautiful.
When he was 4 months old I found him dead in his crib one morning. Crib death, now called SIDS. The autopsy showed he was perfectly normal with no defects. I had worried about that.
I still cry when I recall all of this. I hope that even one single liberal woman who supports abortion reads this and has a glimmer of what some of us will go through to save our babies.
I even had some tell me, ‘that baby is not meant to be, get up and lose it, you'll have another’! My son is an angel in God's Heaven. What happened was God's will.
I pinged all on this thread. No need at all to reply, I just thought that different stories bring different meanings to the value of a life. Thanks if you just read mine.
Thank you for telling that story. God bless you.
Thank you.
I know you still think of him. God bless you both. You will see him again.
Thank you Albion!
“But honestly I do not know that I could have gone through with a stillbirth and seen the baby. I was already heartbroken and I think it would have been too painful (physically and emotionally).”
My points exactly — most doctors don’t even tell you it’s an option. And though you were heartbroken, and it would have been tough — if you could have gone to a hospice and let things happen naturally, and not had an invasive procedure — I think you would have come out the better with others supporting you through it.
Instead, doctors are more concerned about lawsuits — advising their patients to “just get it over with” serves their bottom line and gets their paperwok done (no follow-ups to worry about).
Thank you, potlatch. That was quite a testimony. I pray it opens someone’s eyes.
I do too Mary. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing :) Every child matters, and your little one even in his limited time has touched many, including all of us who read your story.
Thank you visualops!
Plus this happened when I was close to 40 years old.
I don't know how I couldn't.
A truly heart-breaking story. God Bless your son, may his name be a blessing. You and he will be reunited, bathed in to Love of God.
Thank you Owl Eagle!
((Hugs)) Potlatch. I’ve known your story, but find the details stunning in print. God bless your beautiful little boy, and thank you for your generosity in caring about my grandson.
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