Remembering the Darker Side of Teddy Kennedy

The death of Sen. Edward Kennedy, we are being told, should strengthen our resolve to act in a bipartisan fashion. Many of the tributes, from former presidents and Republican colleagues, have stressed the late senator's willingness to find "common ground." Well, since ancient Rome we've been exhorted not to speak ill of the dead. But neither should we completely disfigure the truth.

Before offering some less than hagiographic reflections on the late Sen. Edward Kennedy (may he rest in peace), one pleasant memory: About a decade ago, I was late for a party in northwest Washington D.C. -- a neighborhood not known for abundant parking spaces. After circling the block several times, I spied a cramped space and determined that somehow I was going to fit my minivan into it. Just then, a large man approached walking two Portuguese Water Dogs. He stopped, saw my predicament, and proceeded to guide me into the space with lots of laughter, encouragement, and a little bit of teasing. I knew (obviously) that my Good Samaritan was the senior senator from Massachusetts. I have no reason to think he recognized me.

So I have personal experience of Teddy Kennedy's charm and affability. The many stories of his personal kindnesses to others (including those with whom he disagreed politically) speak well of him -- to a point. But Kennedy was a politician who too often permitted his own sense of righteousness to overwhelm the large reservoir of decency that he is reported to have possessed. He could trample on conservatives with, it seems, hardly a pang of conscience. He may have been the "great liberal lion" of the U.S. Senate, but some of us cannot forget that his tactics were often low and dishonorable.

Former President George W. Bush was characteristically gracious about Kennedy ("a great man") in his comments since his death, but Kennedy went after Bush utterly without scruple. Consider Kennedy's shrill attacks on President Bush's decision to invade Iraq. In 2002, Sen. Kennedy himself had said, "There is no doubt that Saddam Hussein's regime is a serious danger, that he is a tyrant, and that his pursuit of lethal weapons of mass destruction cannot be tolerated. He must be disarmed." But just a year later, Kennedy was saying, "This was made up in Texas, announced in January to the Republican leadership that war was going to take place and was going to be good politically. This whole thing was a fraud." In 2004, Kennedy said, "Before the war, week after week after week we were told lie after lie after lie after lie . . . the president's war is revealed as mindless, needless, senseless, reckless."

Kennedy did not -- perhaps could not -- accept that the Bush administration had made a good faith decision to use military force (as his brother did in the Bay of Pigs and Vietnam). Instead, he contributed to conspiracy theories about Bush's true motives. Echoing the most inflamed leftist websites, Kennedy alleged that "the President and his senior aides began the march to war in Iraq in the earliest days of the administration, long before the terrorists struck this nation on 9/11."

When the abuses at Abu Ghraib prison came to light, disgust and abhorrence were expressed pretty universally and certainly bipartisanly. But Kennedy, unable to resist a cheap political shot, actually compared the U.S. to Saddam Hussein, saying, "Shamefully, we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management -- U.S. management."

Sen. Kennedy's rhetorical ruthlessness was perhaps most famously displayed within minutes of the nomination of Judge Robert Bork to the Supreme Court. The world now knows that Bob Bork is one of the most intelligent, witty, reasonable, and civilized men in America. But at the time, few knew anything about him. Kennedy rushed to the Senate floor to introduce a grotesque bogeyman: "Robert Bork's America is a land in which women would be forced into back-alley abortions, blacks would sit at segregated lunch counters, rogue police could break down citizens' doors in midnight raids, schoolchildren could not be taught about evolution, writers and artists could be censored at the whim of the Government, and the doors of the Federal courts would be shut on the fingers of millions of citizens for whom the judiciary is -- and is often the only -- protector of the individual rights that are the heart of our democracy."

Judge Bork recounted later that when he met privately with the senator, Kennedy mumbled, "Nothing personal." When you have calumniated a man before the entire world, you cannot claim that it isn't personal.

One hopes that the Kennedy family will find comfort in the days ahead. But I cannot join those who uphold Teddy Kennedy as a model public servant, far less as an exemplar of any sort of bipartisanship.

The following "Item" will appear for sale at the Kennedy Compound Shrine and Museum:

The Official "Uncle Teddy Chappaquiddick Board Game"

(designed by Jmouse007 on 8/27/09, Patent Pending):

Game comes complete with dice, Teddy Kennedy face masks (which all players wear, I mean who doesn't want to be Ted Kennedy?), "official" Chappaquiddick map board (*Note: the bridge area is surrounded by a 12" deep tub that you fill with water BEFORE the game begins), scale model Olds 88 replica cars with moving wheels and moving locking doors with roll down windows along with two life like passengers (Uncle Teddy and a female "guest"), genuine crystal miniature drink and shot glasses along with an assortment of authentic miniature booze bottles, thick, clear plastic bags and a real working stop watch! (Think of the Milton Bradley game LIFE only much more funner... someone could die! Oh my!)

The OBJECT of the game is to get the poor unsuspecting female guest safely to the Ferry which will deliver her off the island and from the clutches of Uncle Teddy! Roll the dice and move your car around the board one square per spot of the dice, hoping to avoid "Lovers Oreo Cookie Lane" (where Uncle Teddy's accomplice Senator Dodd waits in secret for the "BIG SURPRISE" (Try to avoid Lovers Lane at ALL COSTS!) in order to get to the Ferry leaving the island and Uncle Teddy without landing on any of the "scary bad bridge squares".

IF in the course of the game, you or one of the other unfortunate players cars land on ANY of the "scary bad bridge squares" then your opponent gets to wildly zoom-fling your car off the bridge upside down into the water. When this happens the Uncle Teddy figure in the front seat gets to escape (BECAUSE HE IS A KENNEDY AND THE RULES DO NOT APPLY TO THEM) leaving the unfortunate female "guest" behind entrapped in the car to possibly drown. To see if she gets to escape and run to the Ferry to save herself and her life from the icy water and the clutches of Uncle Teddy; place the plastic bag over your opponents head and start the stop watch in order to see which player can hold his breath the longest without passing out or dying. Wright down the results on your official Chappaquiddick note pad and tally the results: The player who holds his breath the longest WINS and his female "guest" gets to escape and run for her life to the Ferry.

IF the player passes out or dies, then, sadly, the female "guest" drowns. BUT that is not the end of the game. IF your female guest does not make it to the Ferry, the living Uncle Teddy or one of his surrogates (someone who has been watching the game and rooting for the Uncle Teddy player who got asphyxiated and died) gets to “swim” the drunk Uncle Teddy action figure from the submerged car all the way across the tub of water to the “hotel” model where he gets to go to the swank penthouse suite, change the figures wet cloths into dry ones and go to bed to "sobber up"(stop watch again).

Then after he fake sleeps… Uncle Teddy is moved to the Police station model where he talks to Officer Mike accompanied by his lawyer. The Uncle Teddy or one of his surrogates who tells the BEST LIE as to “what happened” and why his unfortunate female “guest” drowned and WHY he did not attempt to save her ALSO WINS and gets to go on to serve in the U.S. Senate for 47 years, get a “go to heaven free card”, from his bought and paid for priest, die in his bed, and go on to get buried in Arlington National Cemetery while the whole event is televised around the world and your Uncle Teddy is eulogized as “the greatest man and politician in the whole world since the world began!”

This fun, exciting and historically detailed game is available at the Kennedy Compound Shrine and Museum and can be yours for the introductory price of $500! $475 of the proceeds goes directly to the “Kennedy Trust Charity” in order to support the poor unfortunate remaining Kennedy brood, "heck, we are Kennedy's you do not expect US to pay for them!"

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