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Schools ban racy Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer
The Daily Telegraph ^ | September 12, 2009 | Lauren Dickson

Posted on 09/12/2009 2:51:31 AM PDT by myknowledge

PRIMARY school students have been banned from reading the teen cult classic Twilight books because they are too racy and contradict religious beliefs.

Librarians have stripped the books from shelves in some junior schools because they believe the content is too sexual and goes against religious beliefs.

They even have asked parents not to let kids bring their own copies of Stephenie Meyer's smash hit novels _ which explore the stormy love affair between a teenage girl and a vampire _ to school.

Santa Sabina College at Strathfield was so concerned about the Twilight craze that teachers ran a seminar for Year 6 students to discuss sexual and supernatural themes in the books. The school's head librarian Helen Schutz said:

(Excerpt) Read more at dailytelegraph.com.au ...


TOPICS: Australia/New Zealand; Culture/Society; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: bookreview; education; occult; pcgonemad; racybooks; twilight; vampire
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Is this a ploy to further illiterate the reading skills of our schoolchildren or is it to protect them from the superstitious and occult themes inherent in the Twilight series of books.

1 posted on 09/12/2009 2:51:32 AM PDT by myknowledge
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To: myknowledge

Come on mom and dad, all you need to do is take responsibility for what your kid reads and let the books remain in the library so that other kids have the freedom to read.


2 posted on 09/12/2009 3:01:27 AM PDT by trumandogz (The Democrats are driving us to Socialism at 100 MPH -The GOP is driving us to Socialism at 97.5 MPH)
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To: myknowledge

Either way it keeps them from the insipid, morally vacuous cult of the anti-hero that seems to permeate modern art. Evil is the new good, dontcha know? I know creative types have to keep looking for new angles, but these stories where the “villains” are all “deeply misunderstood because of traumas in their childhood”, whilst the so-called “good guys” are psychoanalysed into being shallow, prejudiced non thinking types are really going too far.

Anyway, the idea of a teenage girl falling in love with an angst-ridden struggling-for-redemption vampire has already been done (and much better too) in “Buffy the vampire slayer”.


3 posted on 09/12/2009 3:02:15 AM PDT by Vanders9
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To: trumandogz

“Come on mom and dad, all you need to do is take responsibility for what your kid reads and let the books remain in the library so that other kids have the freedom to read.”

Ahh so taxpayer dollars should be used to push the occult theme on kids?

Kids have the freedom to read whatever they want, just get their Mom to put down the remote and buy it off amazon.


4 posted on 09/12/2009 3:06:55 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: myknowledge

This will only bring more children to the books. When a book or movie is banned by an authority it creates more interest. The second movie in this series is coming out on November 20, and these teens will line up for it.


5 posted on 09/12/2009 3:14:14 AM PDT by BlueStateBlues (Blue State business, Red State heart. . . . .Palin 2012----can't come soon enough!)
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To: driftdiver

Kind of like Dark Shadows, Bewitched and I Dream of Genie for example?

That’s a bit much.


6 posted on 09/12/2009 3:18:07 AM PDT by DB
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To: driftdiver
Ahh so taxpayer dollars should be used to push the occult theme on kids?

Perhaps you and I find such books objectionable and because of our concerns the librarian pulls the books off the shelf.

However, my next door neighbor finds books with Christian themes objectionable forces the librarian to pull all such book off the shelf.

And then some guy on the other side of town finds books on the American Black Experience objectionable and demands that the librarian pull all such books off the shelf.

And then a a Muslim demands that all books that deal positively with Israel be pulled off the shelf.

Finally, you have a long line of people, each with a long list of books that they do not wish to have in the library. At some point that library will have no books and instead, nothing but empty shelves.

7 posted on 09/12/2009 3:19:38 AM PDT by trumandogz (The Democrats are driving us to Socialism at 100 MPH -The GOP is driving us to Socialism at 97.5 MPH)
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To: BlueStateBlues

Banning books is counterproductive, right?


8 posted on 09/12/2009 3:20:39 AM PDT by myknowledge (F-22 Raptor: World's Largest Distributor of Sukhoi parts!)
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To: DB

‘Kind of like Dark Shadows, Bewitched and I Dream of Genie for example?”

Comparing the modern occult themed stories to Bewitched or I Dream of Genie is where the stretch is.

The big deal about Genie was they showed her belly button.


9 posted on 09/12/2009 3:20:55 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: trumandogz

” However, my next door neighbor finds books with Christian themes objectionable forces the librarian to pull all such book off the shelf.”

They already do.

“And then a a Muslim demands that all books that deal positively with Israel be pulled off the shelf”

They demand the authors death.


10 posted on 09/12/2009 3:22:03 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: myknowledge

“Banning books is counterproductive, right?”

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Stephanie+Meyer&x=0&y=0


11 posted on 09/12/2009 3:23:18 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: myknowledge

Just gives them more publicity, the publisher probably loves that this happened. And if the kids carry the book into school and its confiscated, and the parents start sending the story into the press and the courts, sales and interest multiply. So, yes, it is probably counterproductive in the case of this waste-of-ink book.


12 posted on 09/12/2009 3:24:54 AM PDT by BlueStateBlues (Blue State business, Red State heart. . . . .Palin 2012----can't come soon enough!)
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To: driftdiver

Okay, so you are fine with every citizen having the right to have books removed from the library.


13 posted on 09/12/2009 3:25:50 AM PDT by trumandogz (The Democrats are driving us to Socialism at 100 MPH -The GOP is driving us to Socialism at 97.5 MPH)
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To: trumandogz

“Okay, so you are fine with every citizen having the right to have books removed from the library.”

So you’re fine with every citizen having the right to have ANY printed material put into the publicly funded library for young children to access?


14 posted on 09/12/2009 3:28:37 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: trumandogz

lol aus


15 posted on 09/12/2009 3:31:04 AM PDT by happinesswithoutpeace (--Still not Halloween yet--)
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To: Vanders9

evil is the new good?

have you read the books?

the vampire protagonist and his family don’t drink human blood, they hunt animals and jokingly refer to themselves as vegetarians.

they also have an ongoing dialouge about whether any of their family will go to heaven since they were changed from human to vampire, IOW, does their ‘status’ preclude entry into heaven, regardless of the fact that they were changed involuntarily

one of the protagonist’s objections to changing the female protagonist is that he believes that her soul could never enter heaven even if she never drank human blood or killed a human

and the “father” is an ER doctor at the local hospital, utilizing his abilities to treat patients via heightened senses - almost as pennance for his condition

you might find the discussions in the book interesting


16 posted on 09/12/2009 3:36:54 AM PDT by Abundy
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To: driftdiver

No, parents need to decide what their individual child can and cannot read.

My wife and I raised our kids to have good judgement and morals and neither has read anything that I would consider offensive.

It really is not all that hard and much better than permitting the nanny state dictate what our kids can check out of a public library.


17 posted on 09/12/2009 3:38:34 AM PDT by trumandogz (The Democrats are driving us to Socialism at 100 MPH -The GOP is driving us to Socialism at 97.5 MPH)
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To: happinesswithoutpeace

???


18 posted on 09/12/2009 3:39:48 AM PDT by trumandogz (The Democrats are driving us to Socialism at 100 MPH -The GOP is driving us to Socialism at 97.5 MPH)
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To: trumandogz

“parents need to decide what their individual child can and cannot read”

Definitely.

“My wife and I raised our kids to have good judgement and moral”

We all should do that, its our job as a parent.

“It really is not all that hard and much better than permitting the nanny state dictate what our kids can check out of a public library.”

So you review every book your kid chooses before they check it out or read it in the library? Are you sure? I know as a kid I liked to push the boundaries. Thats kinda what kids do.

Where is the line? Should ANY kind of material be available to any age kid?


19 posted on 09/12/2009 3:49:06 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: myknowledge

There are lots of books that my daughter is not allowed to read, and most television is off limits for her. That said, I let her read these books. In fact, she reads them out loud to me. She knows that vampires aren’t real and thus far there has only been some kissing.

When asked on the first day of school this year in English class what her favorite book was she replied “Atlas Shrugged”, which she read last spring. I am NOT worried about this kid. There are plenty of other books in the library as well as crap they are asked to read for school that is much more objectionable than this!


20 posted on 09/12/2009 3:49:49 AM PDT by tkas (Conservative mom)
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To: trumandogz

I was lawling at Sabina College Strathfield, Sydney, Australia etc, bro


21 posted on 09/12/2009 3:50:53 AM PDT by happinesswithoutpeace (--Still not Halloween yet--)
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To: myknowledge

Ping


22 posted on 09/12/2009 3:56:01 AM PDT by wintertime (People are not stupid! Good ideas win!)
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To: driftdiver

You appear to be about the only one posting who hasn’t completely missed the point.

The issue is not one of whether certain books should be “banned.” It is one of whether there are certain books which are inappropriate for children aged 12 and under.

This seems like it should be so obvious it shouldn’t require discussion. For instance, is de Sade appropriate for fourth-graders? If you think it might be, let me suggest you have never read de Sade.

Once we’ve agreed that some books aren’t appropriate for young children, then we can argue where to draw the line and whether the poorly written and formulaic Twilight series crosses that line.

Personally, I’d like to see a great many books restricted for primary school kids, only a few for middle school, and (outright pornography aside) no restrictions for high school.


23 posted on 09/12/2009 3:56:25 AM PDT by Sherman Logan ("The price of freedom is the toleration of imperfections." Thomas Sowell)
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To: BlueStateBlues

(The second movie in this series is coming out on November 20, and these teens will line up for it.)

Only those teens whose parents have abdicated the role of parenting to the Government or Hollywood. Teens that are loved and cared for by thier parents will not be the ones standing in line to see this trash.


24 posted on 09/12/2009 4:00:20 AM PDT by SECURE AMERICA (Proud to have made Communist Leader Obama's hit list at flag@whitehouse.gov)
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To: Sherman Logan

“Personally, I’d like to see a great many books restricted for primary school kids, only a few for middle school, and (outright pornography aside) no restrictions for high school.”

Your post sums it up best. Don’t take the books off the shelf, but if you’re the librarian, you have a responsibility to not let the book be checked out by anyone under a certain age.


25 posted on 09/12/2009 4:06:42 AM PDT by Texan Tory
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To: myknowledge

Would they call for banning the entire Fantasy and Magic genre? Have they already banned the Harry Potter stuff?

I guess some of the classic poetry needs to go too, better remove Coleridge’s Christabel, ....

Wouldn’t want anyone exposed to creative writing or anything mildly interesting or unusual.....


26 posted on 09/12/2009 4:08:24 AM PDT by YankeeGirl
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To: driftdiver
The two kids who can read, read a great deal and have been very successful in their educational pursuits. The eldest was near the top of his high school class and his little sister will do better than her brother. He read "Ulysses" in high school.

However, I have not read every book they brought home, but I trust both of them to make good decisions.

Moreover, they are smart enough and mature enough to read complex material that some may find objectionable.


27 posted on 09/12/2009 4:09:38 AM PDT by trumandogz (The Democrats are driving us to Socialism at 100 MPH -The GOP is driving us to Socialism at 97.5 MPH)
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To: myknowledge

I’ve read all of Meyers books and love them. Her ability to create these worlds is brilliant, and her ability to take you back to the feeling of a teenager is creative writing at its best.

If you communicate with your children and educate them to realize that those books are are fiction, that nothing in them is true other than the day changes to night, and they are strictly for entertainment and reading practice, there’s no harm at all in the books.

A family of demon’s attempt to find redemtion is certainly a different concept, but not in reality. Children have to be taught the difference.

Just like they have to be taught the difference in Obama’s commie Utopia and mainstreet USA.


28 posted on 09/12/2009 4:12:05 AM PDT by RowdyFFC (Nancy Pelosi...please deny her any health care....)
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To: Sherman Logan

“You appear to be about the only one posting who hasn’t completely missed the point.”

Well thanks Sherman, please point to where I used the word banned. You can’t, so apologize or take a hike.

“It is one of whether there are certain books which are inappropriate for children aged 12 and under.”

And the other posters seem to think its ok for a child under 12 to read anything they can get their hands on, and at taxpayer expense.


29 posted on 09/12/2009 4:15:15 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: trumandogz

“Moreover, they are smart enough and mature enough to read complex material that some may find objectionable. “

We’re they that mature at 10 years old?


30 posted on 09/12/2009 4:16:09 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: driftdiver
The big deal about Genie was they showed her belly button.

Uh, no....it was a single guy having a young scantily clad single woman living in his house (even if she was in a bottle part of the time).
31 posted on 09/12/2009 4:17:09 AM PDT by visualops (artlife.us)
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To: trumandogz
Librarians are notoriously politically liberal, pro-big government, and buy their media accordingly.

Don't pretend that libraries are bastions of free speech. The reality is the exact opposite.

Our library has seven copies of one Michael Moore film. Try to find seven copies of any conservative documentary like Mine Your Own Business. Tell me when you find one.

32 posted on 09/12/2009 4:19:09 AM PDT by 1010RD (First Do No Harm)
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To: Sherman Logan

Having been an avid reader all my life, I’m not sure I agree. There might be inappropriate stuff out there, but it won’t appeal to most younger kids. And the more mature ones should be able to read it.

As an aside, I remember reading Gone with the Wind in 4th or 5th grade. Everyone was rooting on me as I carried that 1,000 plus page book back and forth for almost 2 weeks. Some people might have considered it inappropriate for grammar school, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I remember asking my mom about the word “bosom”, it was not a word I’d seen before (not bandied about much in 5th grade in the late 60’s) and I had no idea how to pronounce it. She got a kick out of my attempt to pronounce it!

The teacher asked me to give the class a synopsis of the book to the class when I was done. It was years later before I saw the movie on a theatrical re-release. It hadn’t made it to TV and there were no VCRs at the time.


33 posted on 09/12/2009 4:19:31 AM PDT by YankeeGirl
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To: Texan Tory

That’s not what librarians say. It is banned books week isn’t it. You’ll note that homosexuality is heavily “banned”, but you’ll not find the most banned book in the world, the Bible, anywhere in the displays.


34 posted on 09/12/2009 4:23:09 AM PDT by 1010RD (First Do No Harm)
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To: Abundy

Agreed. This article is agitprop. It is not an accurate description of the books. The author needs to review other books, but these are tame sexually and morally interesting without mixing up good and evil.


35 posted on 09/12/2009 4:24:37 AM PDT by 1010RD (First Do No Harm)
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To: driftdiver

Apparently you can’t take yes for an answer. I was agreeing with you.

I also think “banned” is an inappropriate word for reasonable decisions that some books are inappropriate for young children.


36 posted on 09/12/2009 4:26:42 AM PDT by Sherman Logan ("The price of freedom is the toleration of imperfections." Thomas Sowell)
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To: trumandogz

The problem I see is that you are a responsible parent but many are not and think that if a book is available in a libary or at school then it will be OK for their child whatever age.

I can understand the concept where certain people fear not their own children being exposed to the material but those who do not have parents who understand what is out there and maybe cause distress or put ideas into their children’s minds that are not desireable. Too many people trust that if it in a school or a library it is OK. Also there are parents are so liberal minded anything goes and freedom of expression is everything whether it is good or bad. Who is going to protect these children.


37 posted on 09/12/2009 4:26:43 AM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: myknowledge

Many people on this thread seem to themselves have a reading comprehension problem. This is not in the US, and the book restrictions are in some private school libraries, not public libraries. The schools are free to restrict the content of the libraries any way they see fit. Even a public library doesn’t carry every book out there, and the books are arranged by recommended age group and theme (i.e. children’s, young adult, etc). This is much ado about nothing, as the kids are able to read the books at home should their parents allow it. The schools are merely asking that students not circumvent the library restrictions by bringing the books from home.


38 posted on 09/12/2009 4:27:57 AM PDT by visualops (artlife.us)
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To: DB
Not exactly.

Those (you named) were the cutesy or innocuous 'threshhold' entrys....

...they've now amped it to forbidden sexual fantasies with the underworld.

39 posted on 09/12/2009 4:29:01 AM PDT by Guenevere
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To: myknowledge

Funny thing is I have “read” the first two books (my wife is blind and reads the books in audio format as she falls asleep) and while the occult—vampires and werewolves—leanings are there I don’t see the relationships as being particularly bad. Maybe I am just desensitized.


40 posted on 09/12/2009 4:34:05 AM PDT by BudgieRamone (...or I coud've been a waiter....except I can't lift weights)
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To: SECURE AMERICA
I think you are actually being rather naive, how many parents really know what their teens are doing 24 hours a day. Many teens who on the face of it are adhering to parents wishes and are restricted in the parental home once outside do things that would probably horrify parents and I suspect many will see this film without the parents knowledge. Many I suspect have seen Harry Potter films that many parents wish they had not and probably are not aware they have especially with DVDs coming out so soon after release they will be watched in friend's homes or even in their own without parents even realising it as many children have their own DVD players including personal ones that they can watch anywhere.

Whilst I understand the fear that the good gets banned with the bad do we not as Christians have to stand firm that some material is not desirable and has no place in government run libraries and schools, if we do not make the stand who is going to stand up for children of this generation many who do not have parents that are worthy of the title.

41 posted on 09/12/2009 4:34:52 AM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: YankeeGirl

Have you read de Sade?

Most people with your point of view are intellectually lazy. If shown actual examples of extreme “literature” they will agree that that particular item is inappropriate, but like to think of themselves as brave campaigners against censorship, so they make the same claim you do.

I’m not accusing you of this, as I assume your argument is sincere. But you need to be aware that it assumes there is not one single book out there that is inappropriate for a fourth-grader to read. Doi you really believe this?

I am also a lifelong reader. I’ve probably read somewhere around 10k books. A good few of them were not appropriate for a fourth-grader.

Would you approve of running hard-core porn on network TV at 7 pm? If not, why not? Most young children wouldn’t be interested, and the more mature ones would be able to handle it.


42 posted on 09/12/2009 4:41:12 AM PDT by Sherman Logan ("The price of freedom is the toleration of imperfections." Thomas Sowell)
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To: visualops
it was a single guy having a young scantily clad single woman living in his house... as a willing magical slave.
43 posted on 09/12/2009 4:42:54 AM PDT by 1010RD (First Do No Harm)
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To: myknowledge
TWILIGHT SUMMARY (Warning, the maturity level of this summary is on par with the horrid writing of the books.)

KRISTEN STEWART goes to FORKS, WASHINGTON.

KRISTEN STEWART (V.O.)
Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephanie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn't be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.

BILLY BURKE
Hey honey. I'm super lame. I got you a car, but it's totally uncool because I'm totally uncool.

KRISTEN STEWART
Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I'll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.

KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.

ANNA KENDRICK
Oh my God I love your hair you're so pretty will you be my new best friend?

GREGORY TYREE BOYCE
Can I take you out sometime since you're so awesome?

MICHAEL WELCH
No way you #$%^, I saw her first!

KRISTEN STEWART
I'd rather watch "The Messengers" than date either of you. Why don't you go ask Anna instead?

ANNA KENDRICK
Ohmigod I'm getting Kristen's rejects, that's so awesome!

KRISTEN STEWART
Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren't well-written characters supposed to have flaws?

ANNA KENDRICK
Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you're a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don't think so. Let's make out.

Suddenly, ROBERT PATTINSON enters. The paleness of him and his family members reach blinding levels while the squeals in the movie theater reach deafening levels.

KRISTEN STEWART
Who's the albino Wolverine?

ANNA KENDRICK
Oh, him? That's Robert. He's universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn't date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.

KRISTEN STEWART
No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days...

KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.

KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.

KRISTEN STEWART
(swoon)

ROBERT PATTINSON
You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.

ROBERT and KRISTEN continue not quite interacting with each other and having no chemistry what-so-ever.

KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, your eyes are changing color from gorgeous to ultragorgeous. What's going on?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.

KRISTEN STEWART
Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephanie Meyer!

ROBERT PATTINSON
There's more. I want to eat you.

KRISTEN STEWART
Holy @#%^, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but...

ROBERT PATTINSON
No, I mean literally eat you. I'm a vampire.

KRISTEN STEWART
Hmm. The only way I will believe you is if you carry me up a mountain using special effects from the 70s.

He DOES.

KRISTEN STEWART
You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spider-Man, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.

KRISTEN STEWART
So that's why why your family moved here, because it's always overcast!

ROBERT PATTINSON
That's right everyone, this whole movie is a two-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.

KRISTEN STEWART
So if you're immortal, how old are you anyway?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Over a hundred, but to be fair I've spent most of that time working on my hair.

The two of them GAZE into each other's eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.

INT. KRISTEN'S BEDROOM

KRISTEN wakes up to find ROBERT watching her sleep.

KRISTEN STEWART
Holy $%^&*ing @#$%! If you weren't so hot I'd have you arrested! How long have you been doing this?

ROBERT PATTINSON
2 months.

KRISTEN STEWART
But I've only lived here one month according to the script.

ROBERT PATTINSN
Yeah, the script was written in six weeks. Don't get hung up on #$%^ like that.

KRISTEN STEWART
Oh. Well, as long as you're here I guess we could have sex.

ROBERT PATTINSON
No, I can't have sex with you! I'd be unable to control myself! I'd bite you and turn you into a vampire! Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I'd need to wear like fifty condoms.

KRISTEN STEWART
Wait, we can't have sex at all, and you can't suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?

ROBERT PATTINSON
It's alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.

INT. BILLY BURKE'S HOUSE

BILLY BURKE is cleaning his gun and drinking a beer while listening to country music.

KRISTEN STEWART
Dad, my boyfriend is coming over to pick me up. Try not to get dork all over him.

BILLY BURKE
Okay, let me meet him after the movie makes the film industry's ten billionth joke about protective fathers disliking boyfriends.

KRISTEN STEWART
Alright. Oh, and also: He's a 100-year-old vampire, don't say anything racist about vampires, okay?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Hello, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you're so lame.

BILLY BURKE
So I hear you're a 100-years-old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that's like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Ummmmmmmm...

BILLY BURKE
Yeah, so my friend Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over here.

KRISTEN STEWART
Dad, you're embarrassing me almost as much as my acting! I'm just going over to his house to have dinner with his family, I'll be back before 11. Unless the ravenous vampires murder me, of course.

BILLY BURKE
Alright, just bring this pepper spray with you. It's literally the very least I can do to offer it to my teenage daughter.

KRISTEN STEWART
Daaaaad! Stop being such a loser, I don't need this!

BILLY BURKE
Really? Weren't you almost raped by four guys earlier in the movie?

KRISTEN STEWART
Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent or physically capable of doing anything on my own. GOD!

ROBERT and KRISTEN go to visit ROBERT'S FAMILY MANSION in the middle of the woods, because of course the FANTASY MALE should be rich, too.

INT. GLASS MANSION

KRISTEN meets ROBERT'S VAMPIRE FAMILY.

KRISTEN STEWART
Jesus, this place is paler than an Anne Rice book signing event. At least it doesn't smell as bad.

PETER FACINELLI
Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I'm the father figure of this family because I'm the one who turned them all into vampires. There's something disturbing about the idea that I've only turned teenagers into vampires, but let's ignore that.

KRISTEN STEWART
Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?

PETER FACINELLI
Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin...

NIKKI REED
Knock it off, dad. So, Kristen, there must be something really special about you for Robert to take such a liking to you and risk the lives of his entire family. Tell us about yourself.

KRISTEN STEWART
Me? Oh, no. I'm just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.

NIKKI REED
Oh. Well what do you like to do for fun?

KRISTEN STEWART
Mostly smoke pot on my porch in front of the paparazzi. What about you guys?

PETER FACINELLI
Vampire baseball.

KRISTEN STEWART
Ha ha, no seriously.

PETER FACINELLI
Really. Vampire baseball. We even have uniforms. Want to come watch us play?

KRISTEN STEWART
Actually, as it happens, the very last thing on Earth I or any other sane person would want to watch is vampire baseball, but go ahead.

They play vampire baseball, which looks exactly as stupid as it sounds to all of the males in the audience. The game attracts the attention of some EVIL VAMPIRES, who actually do the type of shit vampires are supposed to, like fucking kill boring humans. One of them, CAM GIGANDET, notices KRISTEN.

CAM GIGANDET
Oh man, that looks great, are you gonna finish that?

ROBERT PATTINSON
Stay away from her or my family will have to kill you. Specifically, we'll have to hiss at you like fifth graders pretending to be Dracula, and then kill you.

CAM GIGANDET
Murder, eh? That's one hell of a family activity. My family usually just plays Scrabble.

PETER FACINELLI
The family that slays together, stays together.

CAM tries to eat KRISTEN, a poorly directed action sequence ensues, and eventually he is defeated.

PETER FACINELLI
Kristen's been bitten! She'll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can't do it for some reason or another.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?

PETER FACINELLI
Look, all I know is that even though it's going to be REALLY HARD, you're just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.

He DOES. It's very DISSATISFYING.

INT. HOSPITAL

KRISTEN wakes up in the hospital, and ROBERT wakes up after her.

KRISTEN STEWART
I thought vampires never slept.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Script. Six weeks. Remember?

KRISTEN STEWART
Right. Well, thanks for saving my life after endangering it by inviting me into your dangerous world. Let's go to the prom together.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Actually, I think it would be better if we broke up. To keep you safe.

KRISTEN STEWART
From vampires?

ROBERT PATTINSON
No, from being typecast forever after this series is done. I'm screwed, but it's not too late for you.

KRISTEN STEWART
No. No, you can't ever leave me. Never. No matter what. We must be together forever and ever and ever.

ROBERT PATTINSON
Holy #@$%, you're a clingy psychotic #$%^&. Maybe we have a realistic high school relationship after all.

They stay together and go to the PROM.

KRISTEN STEWART
I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.

ROBERT PATTINSON
So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.

KRISTEN STEWART
I love you. Put a baby in me.

ROBERT PATTINSON
At least the other three books can't possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.

They ARE.

END
44 posted on 09/12/2009 4:43:23 AM PDT by Renderofveils (My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Nabokov)
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To: Sherman Logan

Sorry, was getting tired of the abuse and misread your post.


45 posted on 09/12/2009 4:52:18 AM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: snugs

I think you are actually being rather naive, how many parents really know what their teens are doing 24 hours a day.

My point exactly. If the parents refuse to except the responsibilty of raising their children then someone else will. The Government or Hollywood.
To answer your question quite a few. Because the parents are involved in their childs life, because they do accept that responsibility.
On the other hand I know many that have no clue what their children are doing or or when they are doing it.
Still we have a choice. Which group do we want to be in?


46 posted on 09/12/2009 4:55:10 AM PDT by SECURE AMERICA (Proud to have made Communist Leader Obama's hit list at flag@whitehouse.gov)
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To: myknowledge

The sky is falling the sky is falling. Daytime soaps have more sex than children books.


47 posted on 09/12/2009 4:57:07 AM PDT by bikerman (Buck Farack)
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To: SECURE AMERICA

There is a choice because outside school and libaries kids can and still read and watch what they can get away with but why encourage it.

I see it as a moral responsibility for Christians to stand up for what is right not hide behind freedom of choice.


48 posted on 09/12/2009 5:12:44 AM PDT by snugs ((An English Cheney Chick - Big Time))
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To: RowdyFFC

I agree with your post. The Twilight books are in the middle school libraries in our school district. Kids are waiting in line to check them out. They find the stories well written and suspenseful.


49 posted on 09/12/2009 6:03:08 AM PDT by Clara Lou
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To: myknowledge
I've read reviews of the Stephanie Meyers books saying they're too CHASTITY ORIENTED. The kids are terribly passionately attracted to each other, emotionally overwrought and so forth, but they are worried about consequences, about responsibilities, about right and wrong, about their spiritual well-being, and don't actually have intercourse until they're married.

Some feminists think it's disguised Mormon propaganda.

I kid you not.

50 posted on 09/12/2009 6:31:26 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o ("Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets." - Isaac Asimov)
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