Skip to comments.Kids as "young adults"
Posted on 12/01/2009 6:00:35 AM PST by Kaslin
Just who is a "young adult"?
Common sense says it starts with legal adulthood at age 18. But elements of our society have unofficially declared that the onset of adulthood matches the onset of puberty at the very grown-up age of 12. Which is one of the reasons why parents often seem uncertain about how to parent during the critical teen years.
I've come to believe that the term was designed to diminish parental influence during the years when our growing children need the most direction. It's a subtle way of telling us that we should relinquish our influence in their lives and allow the "professionals", who supposedly understand our sons and daughters better than we do, to help free them from parental prejudices.
Great religious faiths, most notably Judaism, see the onset of manhood and womanhood at age 13 from a much wiser perspective. They understand that the child can personally choose to fully embrace his or her faith and live out that faith in a very tangible way. Rather than leaving the children to their own devices or delivering them to the hands of secularists, the parents make certain their children are immersed in contact with the religious leaders and teachings the parents hold dear. In stark contrast, the popular culture teaches our children that their parents' faith is easily exchangeable with another and even holds antiquated or oppressive moral standards which should be abandoned least the "young adult" become a full-grown bigot.
That of course, includes freeing our children from our sexual morals. I remember getting a required reading list from my daughter's school when she was 12 and then heading to the library to check out the content of the books. All of them were in a section marked, "young adults". That was puzzling enough, given that she had just left grammar school. So imagine how I felt when I started leafing through some of the books and found, not just adult concepts, but immoral xxx-rated adult content. It seems such material is common in the "young adult" section. (Ever heard of the series, "Gossip Girl"? The popular raunchy teen television show was based on this equally raunchy fiction series that has been teaching our little girls about incest, sleeping around, and all-things "adult" for years. That series can be found in the "young adults" section of many libraries too.)
"Young adult" is the phrase that you often hear to describe your child when sex educators and Planned Parenthood types try and convince you that your daughter should be making her own decisions about her sexual identification, activity and, of course, abortions.
Age 12 is also about the time when pediatricians (note: doctors who take care of children) now often ask mom to leave the room so they can have a private discussion with our "young adult" about birth control and "choice".
But who will be held responsible will when your "young adult" gets into trouble? Only you.
Don't abandon your child.
In survey after survey of teens they echo a desire for more of you in their lives, not less.
Your teen understands that you should be the primary one to guide and teach them even though the culture tries to brain wash them into believing otherwise.
Refuse to be silenced when some professional refers to your child as a "young adult" in the same sentence they tell you that they are the adult your child should rely on.
Again, the Jewish faith offers a time-honored way to deeply connect with and influence your child at any age:
Bless your child every day with loving, meaningful touch. Bless your child with positive words, and with a vision for his life of a bright future filled with hope. Bless your child by letting her know that as long as there is breath in you, you will be there for her. Bless your child by telling him there is a God who loves and created him with purpose.
These parental blessings are treasures for children - and adults - of any age. Don't let anyone keep you from blessing yours.
Key word is “adult.” That comes at age 18.
I have always said that the gay rights movement is really more about sexuality rights as a whole and that this agenda will lead to an attack on the rights of the states to regulate the age of consent. Of course Marxism views the family as an oppressive concept and using sexuality rights and an attack on the age of consent would be the path towards destruction of the concept of family thus making each child more a member of the state then a member of his or her family.
The MSM, Hollyweird, and other corporate entities have been following an agenda of trying to sexualize children at younger and younger ages. Of course groups like Planned Parenthood have also followed an agenda of disrespecting the age of consent laws as well. Now by bringing gay sex ed and other agendas into the public schools they will make sexuality a right in the minds of children and work to turn them against any parents who may disagree.
We as parents need to stop the romancing of our girls too.
I can’t get over how many mom I hear giggle at the idea of a kindergarten girl or boy with a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. At that age, there is no difference in friends. Boy or girl, it’s just someone to play with.
We need to remember that society is pushing them to sex at an early age. We need to discourage it early.
And men, talk to your daughters about what boys want from them. Nothing tells a girl about “hormones” better than a Dad who is willing to be honest about their teenage sex drive. “Boys just want....” is good as gold. My Dad told me and I knew early what “being used” was.
Exhibit A is 48 years old and sitting in the Oval Office.
Trying to relate to them, I told them that while their bodies are becoming that of an adult; their brains have yet to fully develop. I went on to tell them that for the next 6 or so years not only will they grow muscle faster than any other time in their life; they are capable of learning at a faster rate than most adults. They can pick up a foreign language faster - that is why they are encouraged to read, study and learn as much as they can.
We then discussed how immature the 10 yr olds are, and they agreed that they had changed a great deal in just 3 years. I asked them if they think they would change even more in another 3 years, and they agreed.
The topic then turned to 'thinking as an adult'. They didn't understand how an adult would think differently - so I asked a simple question. "Is anyone here physically incapable of driving a car?" They said they weren't allowed to drive, but I re-phrased the question "If the laws allowed it, and your parents allowed it - is there any reason you could not physically manage to turn the wheel, apply gas or brakes?" "No" they responded. Then I asked them "Then why are you not permitted to drive? You can physically manage the task". That made them think (and thinking is the prime goal for me).
The consequences of you making a mistake will likelkill you, or someone else. At your age, you do not fully grasp the physics involved of a ton of metal moving down the road at 65mph. No one is born with this knowledge; it's a learned response. Simply stated, experience teaches us; and you are now becoming aware of your surroundings to observe and learn. As you ride with your parents, you are now beginning to understand that they slow down before coming to the stop sign, they slow down when driving on ice. When you get your learners permit, you will then experience this first hand. But, at this point in time; the consequences for your mistake is too high for you, your family or society to bear. Over time, most 16 yr olds will learn and understand the great responsibility that is shared among drivers. Respect for yourself, your vehicle as well as respect for other drivers, their cars and pedestrians.
Exactly right ... although not as subtle as it once was.
25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio, and TV.
26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as "normal, natural, healthy."
27. Infiltrate the churches and replace revealed religion with "social" religion. Discredit the Bible and emphasize the need for intellectual maturity which does not need a "religious crutch."
28. Eliminate prayer or any phase of religious expression in the schools on the ground that it violates the principle of "separation of church and state."
40. Discredit the family as an institution. Encourage promiscuity and easy divorce.
41. Emphasize the need to raise children away from the negative influence of parents. Attribute prejudices, mental blocks and retarding of children to suppressive influence of parents.
The best thing about the age 16 rule was not that the girls couldn't handle it but that the worst boys were automatically excluded because they had paired off with someone else's daughters by then.
The end result is that we have three of the nicest and sweetest young ladies any parents could be blessed with as daughters.
Very good article - the above is right on the mark. There are many, many joys of parenthood and nothing on the face of this earth can surpass the blessed satisfaction of seeing one's child grow in wisdom, age and grace before God.
I’m writing this down......
(my girls are 9 & 12. Dad is a former Marine. You have given me a plan!)
My daughters are almost 16 and recently attended a friend's Halloween party. Apparently, there was an after-party 'co-ed' sleepover, and when one of them hinted she'd like to stay, I refused.
I then explained to all of them that, where I come from, some things just aren't done.
It was once common for folks to get married in this country (espcecially women) at 14-15 years old. This “adulthood begins at 18” is largely a post-war concept. I’m sorry, but I find it hard to believe that anyone past 15 is a “child” unless their parents didn’t wean them properly.
The same went for mine. I know nothing about parenting daughters, I have 3 sons. I also took the time to raise them with the understanding that they would have to provide for their women because the type of woman they should be looking for would want to put her priority into raising his children, just like their dad did in marrying me. All around them during their teenage years they saw the destruction of a typical teens life. They watched their friends make huge mistakes, and they really got it. I also subscribe to the idea that kids (at least in all the major religions) are considered adults at 12 or 13, that this is God ordained,especially because their bodies are ready to bear children at this time, and they are therefore capable of thinking clearly IF THEY ARE EXPECTED TO, and given the proper education (that is my job, not the schools).
For my efforts (training up a child the way he should go) and through the grace of God almighty, I have a 22 year old who is getting married in Jan to a wonderful woman, and they are waiting until marriage to act that way(if you get my drift) and using natural family planning to honor and respect the sexual act in marriage and space their births, my middle son is going into seminary next fall to become a catholic priest-he will be 18 in April, and my youngest is finishing up homeschooling and going on to computer sciences in the next year or so (16). He plans to marry one day and have a “boatload” of kids LOL. Both my oldest son and youngest have decided to homeschool their kids, and have asked me to help when the time comes....
Thank you for raising worthy daughters! There are some of us raising worthy sons for them........
Good for you!
I had a 13th birthday sleepover. Boys came to the party early and were required to leave at 8. Period.
Have you talked to any High School kids?
The ones with the Pokemon and Hello Kitty toys hanging off their phones?
Trust me. They are not adults, they just want to think of themselves as such. I’m a school crossing guard. 12.00 an hour for crossing Jr. High kids at a light. At first I thought it wasn’t needed. Then I did the job. They are really children. My nine year old is more mature.
But don't let the kids dissuade you from the plan. They will protest and they will claim it is so out of date. But now, the girls tell me that their friends were actually envious of parents who set rules and enforced them.
Once, the youngest confessed that she was alone in a boy's bedroom briefly and I was going to ground her. But she persuaded me that, since it was the class nerd and she could have easily beaten him up had he tried anything, I agreed instead to relax the rules for boys you can easily beat up.
So, yeah, I wasn't always as rigid as the rules sound.
My new theory is that an adult is someone who manages to pay all of his or her own bills for one entire year, while not living in someone else’s house for free. Until then, don’t talk to me about what’s fair or what you deserve.
Good for you!
My father instituted the same rule, in addition to no makeup til that age (and even after that, my parents had the right to veto anything they deemed ‘too much’...something that carries with me today).
My dad would greet the young man at the door; I was required to be upstairs, out of sight, until my dad called me, in case the fellow didn’t pass muster. Then, my father had a 30-minute lecture, containing such gems as, “I want her returned to me in the same condition in which she leaves” and “She will be home by midnight. If she is not, it is your fault. It doesn’t matter if the car breaks down: it’s your fault. It doesn’t matter if she makes you late: it’s your fault. And you won’t be taking her out again.” Etc.
Every boy in school knew they had to go through dad to get to me. And that weeded out the jerks, for the most part (thanks, Dad).
My husband intends to be cleaning his firearms as he gives a similar speech when our daughter reaches 16....
Traditional values were also common back then but today they are under constant attack. Besides it was not special interest groups, lawyers, and political activists that were behind any early emancipation of children back in those days as it is today. You are not seeing the forest through the trees.
It was also common to allow wives to be legally beaten, and women and children treated as property, but we’ve wised up since then.
Have you spent any time around 16 and 17 year olds? Kids are much ‘younger’ today than they were even in my day (I graduated high school in 1990), and certainly less mature and responsible than in my parents’ day.
Of course, it varies by child. But boys’ brains do not fully develop til mid-20’s. That speaks more accurately to ‘adulthood’ than any made-up cultural milestone.
Western society has engineered ways to keep "adolescents" busy and out of the workforce. In early America teens couldn't count generally count on their parents to subsidize their idleness and carelessness. So, they go on with their (adult) lives--e.g., getting married, going into business, getting diplomatic posts.
Your nine-year old will perhaps be ready for something more substantial by age 14. You seem to be doing a better job with him/her.
You, my FRiend, are BRILLIANT!!!!
Courtship is a better plan -
one question - what is the goal of one on one dating?
>>one question - what is the goal of one on one dating?<<
Seriously, I didn’t “date”. I went out with friends.
My girls will do the same. I like the courtship idea.
You’re absolutely right, at least in the boy’s mind and intentions.
When there’s a courtship, it is recognized up front that the goal is to determine compatibility for marriage, the suitability of the young man for the father’s daughter, and that they are both to arrive at the altar morally pure.
We will approve of the dates right in our own home. They will be alone only in the sense of around the tv with the dog.
A long time ago a FReeper told of how he handled “dates”. The young man was to pick the daughter up from the home livingroom where Dad always seemed to be cleaning his guns.
We have guns too.
A few years ago, when she was seven, we volunteered to help friends get a house ready to sell. While my girls and I painted the deck, their nephew (nine years old at the time) did nothing but whine that he wasn’t home playing his Xbox.
The parents said nothing. I realized at that point what our job was as parents. Not to make happy kids but rather to make responsible adults.
We went camping with this family during the summer. The kid is now 11 and just as much of a whiner. My girls helped set up and he whined. I’m amazed to this day.
So true...I hate when people say their pre schoolers have a girlfriend/boyfriend in class
Interesting point. thanks.
All thanks to their stupid parents who baby them into thinking they are still a "kid" until they are past college.
Time to end high school at grade 10 and/or send the young adults to vocational school or college if they want. We used to have young MEN by 15, ready to face the world, now we have babies thanks to the soft, suburban douchebags that have shaped most of our nation's children since the end of WWII.
Someone who is 16 or 17 year old should never be referred to as a "child." It says alot about the state of our society that they are considered so.
Both of my grandfathers fought in WWII, and both of them said they were just scared kids doing as they were told; they loved their country, that was all they knew.
So don’t give me this ‘men at 15’ macho trip. Their brains aren’t done cooking til they are well into their 20’s. I find the notion of a ‘child’ at 16 a bit much, too; but they are still a far cry from adult, young or otherwise. I believe that’s why they coined the term ‘teenager’.