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Some Humor To Start Your Day!
Friend ^ | 12/19/09 | Anon

Posted on 12/19/2009 2:46:55 AM PST by Wpin

Q: What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes? A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.

Q: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment? A: It stands between him and the First.

Q: What's the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp? A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: What's the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama? A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon? A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One's full of tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for prisoners.

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer? A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What's the difference between Simba and Obama? A: Simba is an African lion while Obama is a lyin' African.

Q: If Pelosi and Obama were in a boat and it started to sink, who would be saved? A: America !!

Q: What do you call the US after four years of Obama and the Liberal congress? A: An Obama-nation.

Q: What's the difference between Obama and Hitler? A: Hitler wrote his own book.

Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler? A: Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country.

Q: Why doesn't Obama pray? A: It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.

- Barack Obama: He has what it takes, to take what you've got!

- Barack Obama's campaign slogan, "Yes we can" has become, "Yes you will!"

- No one wants to see GM's new convertible, the Pelosi, with its top down!

- The liberals have asked us to give Obama time. 25 to life seems appropriate.

- Obama doesn't want terrorists tortured. He wants to torture American taxpayers instead.

New Barack Channel (NBC) Another Barack Channel (ABC) My Seriously New Barack Channel (MSNBC)

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."

You smiled, I know you did.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: humor; jokes; obama; obamajokes
I started my day by reading these jokes emailed to me from a good friend of mine. Wanted to share the humor with you this fine morning.
1 posted on 12/19/2009 2:46:58 AM PST by Wpin
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To: Wpin

I thought you said that there were jokes here.


2 posted on 12/19/2009 3:12:41 AM PST by taxcontrol
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To: taxcontrol

“I thought you said that there were jokes here.”

“Even people who have no sense of humor think that they have a sense of humor” Steve Martin...from My Blue Heaven


3 posted on 12/19/2009 3:16:02 AM PST by Wpin (I do not regret my admiration for W)
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To: Wpin

my comment was a play on #1


4 posted on 12/19/2009 3:33:38 AM PST by taxcontrol
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To: taxcontrol

“my comment was a play on #1”

I was kidding around and bringing in another joke...I should have added a :)


5 posted on 12/19/2009 3:38:13 AM PST by Wpin (I do not regret my admiration for W)
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To: Wpin
Q:What's the difference between God and Obama?

A: God does not think he's Obama.

6 posted on 12/19/2009 4:02:41 AM PST by Thermalseeker (Stop the insanity - Flush Congress!)
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To: Wpin
The best humor always has at least a touch of truth.

Of course the problem with the last one is that the kool-aid drinkers will never admit that they made a mistake.

Funny stuff keep 'em coming.

7 posted on 12/19/2009 4:04:27 AM PST by verga (I am not an apologist, I just play one on Television)
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To: FatherofFive

BTTT


8 posted on 12/19/2009 4:07:22 AM PST by verga (I am not an apologist, I just play one on Television)
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To: verga
Of course the problem with the last one is that the kool-aid drinkers will never admit that they made a mistake.

Certainly not openly, but have you seen an Obama sticker on a car lately? I haven't. I figure there has been a run on razor blades.....

9 posted on 12/19/2009 4:08:21 AM PST by Thermalseeker (Stop the insanity - Flush Congress!)
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To: Wpin

No ABC acronym?? ABC has an ofice in the WHite House!


10 posted on 12/19/2009 4:09:00 AM PST by noname07718 (Freedom is never more than one generation from extinction-Ronald Reagan 1993)
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To: noname07718

“No ABC acronym?? ABC has an ofice in the WHite House!”

I apologize... ABC = All Barack Channel


11 posted on 12/19/2009 4:15:07 AM PST by Wpin (I do not regret my admiration for W)
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To: Wpin
Q: What do God and Obama have in common?

A: Neither has a birth certificate.

12 posted on 12/19/2009 4:19:21 AM PST by BluH2o
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To: Thermalseeker

I see Obama stickers all over the place.


13 posted on 12/19/2009 4:19:31 AM PST by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
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To: saganite
I see Obama stickers all over the place.

Where do you live, San Francisco?

I was in Atlanta last week, no shortage of Liberals down that way and Obamalamadingdong stickers, previously everywhere you looked earlier this year when I last visited, were curiously absent this time. I'll be in Nashville on Monday and I'm going to keep my eyes open and see if it's a trend....

14 posted on 12/19/2009 4:34:03 AM PST by Thermalseeker (Stop the insanity - Flush Congress!)
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To: Thermalseeker; saganite

I still see a great many Obama stickers on cars during commuting hours. It rarely fails that the occupant of the car looks like a government employee (teacher, state dept of xxxx worker). It would figure that would be the case when there’s a boon of government jobs.


15 posted on 12/19/2009 4:42:27 AM PST by GreenAccord (Bakon Akbar!)
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To: Thermalseeker
Certainly not openly, but have you seen an Obama sticker on a car lately? I haven't. I figure there has been a run on razor blades.....

I live in Virginia (Mark Warner Country) and I still see quite a few.

16 posted on 12/19/2009 4:47:14 AM PST by verga (I am not an apologist, I just play one on Television)
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To: Wpin

Thanks! I passed this on!


17 posted on 12/19/2009 4:51:16 AM PST by alice_in_bubbaland (Markets and Marxists Don't Mix! Audit the FED NOW!)
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To: GreenAccord
It rarely fails that the occupant of the car looks like a government employee (teacher, state dept of xxxx worker).

In my neck of the woods it is considered acceptable behavior, bordering on mandatory, to point and laugh when you look over at the occupants of a vehicle adorned with an Obama sticker....

18 posted on 12/19/2009 4:54:28 AM PST by Thermalseeker (Stop the insanity - Flush Congress!)
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To: Thermalseeker

I live near Asheville NC, admittedly a hotbed of leftism but the small town I live in is pretty conservative.


19 posted on 12/19/2009 4:58:43 AM PST by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
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To: Wpin
A few Steven Wright gems...

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse get's the cheese
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend.....but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever......so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

20 posted on 12/19/2009 5:07:25 AM PST by newfreep ("Liberalism is just Communism sold by the drink." - P.J. O'Rourke)
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To: saganite
I live near Asheville NC, admittedly a hotbed of leftism...

You ain't kidding. I was in Asheville back in October when we were out doing a leaf cruise. I hadn't been in Asheville since about '95 or '96. The town has certainly changed....

21 posted on 12/19/2009 5:09:44 AM PST by Thermalseeker (Stop the insanity - Flush Congress!)
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To: Wpin

Very good!


22 posted on 12/19/2009 5:16:26 AM PST by thethirddegree
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To: Thermalseeker

The town has certainly changed....

Not for the better.


23 posted on 12/19/2009 5:21:16 AM PST by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
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To: taxcontrol

LOL , See, you made me laugh.


24 posted on 12/19/2009 5:22:20 AM PST by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously... You'll never live through it.)
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To: Condor51; stephenjohnbanker; Landru; maggief; GOPJ; sickoflibs; hoosiermama

Q: What’s the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp?

A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.


25 posted on 12/19/2009 9:42:19 AM PST by Liz
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To: Liz

26 posted on 12/19/2009 10:38:23 AM PST by Condor51 (The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits)
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