Skip to comments.The Roman and U.S. Senates, the Festival of Bacchus and the Festivities of Baucus
Posted on 12/31/2009 11:36:59 AM PST by AAABEST
The U.S. and Roman Senates, the Festival of Bacchus and the Festivities of Baucus
Though, in times past, the festival of Bacchus fell on March 16, there is little doubt that New Years Eve would have been a big day for the Greek god of wine and intoxication. In light of this, and in light of your recent spectacle on the floor of the United States Senate, I offer the following.
· Should you wind up in a condition anything like that witnessed in the Senate chamber, please do not go from stupid to dangerous by getting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. If those who normally chauffer you around (at our expense) have the night off, be sure to forfeit your keys to a trusted friend or family member before consuming any alcohol. It's one thing to get yourself banged-up on booze, it's another to get someone else banged-up on the way home.
· Lest you plan on - once again - making a complete ass of yourself in public, avoid microphones and/or speaking to groups. Sure, many of us already realize that you're a complete and public ass. Nevertheless, it's painful to watch.
· Should you happen to - once again - make a complete and public ass of yourself, it is best to simply blame it on the alcohol. Shrill, dubious denials lead reasonable minds to conclude:
a. You're lying.
b. You're under the influence of a substance other than alcohol.
c. You're rambling imbecile even when sober.
Interestingly, in 186 BC, due to moral and public hazard, Roman senators wisely outlawed festival of Bacchus. Being that their modern day counterparts (themselves a moral and public hazard) can't outlaw the festivities of Baucus, please drink safely and wisely.
...And Festivus for the Rest of Us!
Despite the best efforts of the LSM to bury the story, a Google search of “max baucus drunk” now returns 821,000 hits.