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How To Tell If You Would Make A Good Taliban Recruit.
?

Posted on 01/04/2010 2:00:40 PM PST by MindBender26

"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF...."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

11. Your cousin is president of the United States


TOPICS: Foreign Affairs; Government; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: alqaeda; islam; muslim; rop; taliban
!
1 posted on 01/04/2010 2:00:42 PM PST by MindBender26
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To: MindBender26

Oh man! I struck out big-time there. I mean I also tried to win the lottery, but I didn’t do any good there either... LOL...


2 posted on 01/04/2010 2:02:00 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: MindBender26

LOL!


3 posted on 01/04/2010 2:07:38 PM PST by TheWriterTX (I am a Declarationist!)
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To: MindBender26

LOL!


4 posted on 01/04/2010 2:07:40 PM PST by TheWriterTX (I am a Declarationist!)
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To: Star Traveler; stephenjohnbanker

My dryer can wind up sheets pretty well for hats, does that count? ;-)


5 posted on 01/04/2010 2:08:03 PM PST by 1776 Reborn
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To: MindBender26
12) If you are constantly followed by flys and predator drones - you might be a Taliban.

13) If the key to middle management in your company is avoiding martyrdom - you might be a Taliban.

14) When asking why none of your cousins are at the family reunion and your aunt answers, children blow up so fast these days - you might be a Taliban.
6 posted on 01/04/2010 2:10:42 PM PST by GonzoGOP (There are millions of paranoid people in the world and they are all out to get me.)
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To: 1776 Reborn

I’m sure that dryer is now on a no-fly list... :-)


7 posted on 01/04/2010 2:12:23 PM PST by Star Traveler (Remember to keep the Messiah of Israel in the One-World Government that we look forward to coming)
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To: MindBender26; ImaTexan

Great one! Sent to all on my email list.


8 posted on 01/04/2010 2:15:47 PM PST by bjcintennessee (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff)
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To: MindBender26; ImaTexan

Great one! Sent to all on my email list.


9 posted on 01/04/2010 2:15:59 PM PST by bjcintennessee (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff)
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To: MindBender26; ImaTexan

Great one! Sent to all on my email list.


10 posted on 01/04/2010 2:16:17 PM PST by bjcintennessee (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff)
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To: windcliff

ping


11 posted on 01/04/2010 2:17:30 PM PST by stylecouncilor (What Would Jim Thompson Do?)
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To: All

oops! It wouldn’t send, so I kept clicking — sorry all.


12 posted on 01/04/2010 2:17:51 PM PST by bjcintennessee (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff)
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To: MindBender26

ROTFL.


13 posted on 01/04/2010 2:22:09 PM PST by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: GonzoGOP

(15) You are ‘hung’ (with explosive force) like a 105 howitzer.


14 posted on 01/04/2010 2:24:22 PM PST by Kartographer (".. we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.")
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To: MindBender26
Why Jihadists are bad:

-They don't love Jesus

-They don't love their mommas

-They don't love dogs.

-They don't love pork loins or ribs

15 posted on 01/04/2010 2:24:51 PM PST by MuttTheHoople (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9c/TeddyVWad.jpg)
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To: GonzoGOP

Your #14 is great!


16 posted on 01/04/2010 2:24:57 PM PST by Bigg Red (Palin/Hunter 2012 -- Bolton their Secretary of State)
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To: Cicero

LMAO...I needed a laugh today (and I need to lose most of my *ss, but tomorrow’s another day!)

SZQ


17 posted on 01/04/2010 2:28:27 PM PST by homegroan (ZQczar...happily addicted to the Refresh Button.....)
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To: All

Goat? Cousin in the US? Oh? They mean the cab driver in, “Don’t Mess with the Zohan”


18 posted on 01/04/2010 2:32:50 PM PST by BigEdLB (Now there ARE 1,000,000 regrets - but it may be too late.)
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To: GonzoGOP

These are just getting better.


19 posted on 01/04/2010 2:33:00 PM PST by antiRepublicrat
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To: MindBender26

12. You can floss your teeth (or tooth) with a #2 Pencil


20 posted on 01/04/2010 2:34:22 PM PST by scottdeus12 (Jesus is real, whether you believe in Him or not.)
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To: MindBender26
ROFLMAO! With that "logic" it's a wonder they've lasted this long!


21 posted on 01/04/2010 2:35:15 PM PST by Lady Jag (Double your income. Fire the government)
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To: 1776 Reborn

Hey, when did you steal MY dryer!?


22 posted on 01/04/2010 2:35:23 PM PST by GnuHere
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To: MindBender26

“If you think 72 virgins refers to WOMEN” !!!!!


23 posted on 01/04/2010 2:36:21 PM PST by Paul46360
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To: scottdeus12

Or a red-neck


24 posted on 01/04/2010 2:37:16 PM PST by Paul46360
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To: Paul46360
“If you think 72 virgins refers to WOMEN” !!!!!

Or MEN!!! Think GOAT the other, other white meat!

25 posted on 01/04/2010 2:39:11 PM PST by Kartographer (".. we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.")
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To: MindBender26

LOL


26 posted on 01/04/2010 2:39:25 PM PST by rae4palin (proud bigot)
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To: MindBender26

How about: you wear a rag on your head, because two heads are better than one.


27 posted on 01/04/2010 2:41:05 PM PST by Mr Ramsbotham (Obey the law, or you'll go to prison and be raped.)
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To: GnuHere
Geez, when the guy sold it to me on the street he said that was unique feature!
28 posted on 01/04/2010 2:41:29 PM PST by 1776 Reborn
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To: 1776 Reborn

LOL


29 posted on 01/04/2010 2:45:06 PM PST by GnuHere
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To: MindBender26
I see you got the same email I did.

Happy New Year.

30 posted on 01/04/2010 2:50:01 PM PST by TexasCajun
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To: MindBender26
Some are pretty funny.... ▲
31 posted on 01/04/2010 2:54:09 PM PST by ▀udda▀udd (7 days - 7 ways Guero >>> with a floating, shifting, ever changing persona.....)
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To: MindBender26
A sect of this murderous Cult of Islam believe
their next prophet will be born by a man.
They check their feces by hand to see if any of
the lumps might be it.
32 posted on 01/04/2010 3:05:49 PM PST by HuntsvilleTxVeteran ((B.?) Hussein (Obama?Soetoro?Dunham?) Change America Will Die From.)
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To: MindBender26

If they ask you if you have a pair of loafers, and you say you have two brothers................


33 posted on 01/04/2010 3:06:51 PM PST by 1776 Reborn
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To: 1776 Reborn

Does your dryer “eat” your socks? I’ll put an even amt.of socks in but when I remove them,I’ll be missing a few. I hate that!


34 posted on 01/04/2010 3:11:15 PM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord,For His Name Alone Is Exaulted)
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN
I think that was the extra game cartridge that came with mine. The machine hides them in different pieces of clothing each time!
35 posted on 01/04/2010 3:16:45 PM PST by 1776 Reborn
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To: 1776 Reborn

If I find a matching sock it’ll be clinging to the sheets,but some are lost forever.Where could they have possibly gone? There must be a ghost or something....


36 posted on 01/04/2010 3:19:42 PM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord,For His Name Alone Is Exaulted)
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To: POWERSBOOTHEFAN

http://www.sock-locks.com/


37 posted on 01/04/2010 4:11:34 PM PST by Cheburashka (It's a _happy_ Russian novel. Everybody still dies, but everybody dies happy.)
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To: antiRepublicrat
16) If your underpants drawer includes boxers, briefs and C4 - You might be a Taliban

17) If the hardest part about building a car bomb is finding a car in your country that runs - you may be a Taliban

If your idea of proper dress for air travel involves a fuse - you might be a Taliban.

18) If you have ever bought a halfway ticket on an airline - you might be a Taliban.

If you don't find anything suspicious about a guy with a fuse in his underpants buying a halfway airline ticket - you work for the TSA.
38 posted on 01/04/2010 4:28:37 PM PST by GonzoGOP (There are millions of paranoid people in the world and they are all out to get me.)
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To: MindBender26
If you have ever considered the Jerry Lee Lewis song "Great Balls of Fire" as a military tactic - you might be a Taliban.

If you think that TNT strapped to a goat is a smart bomb, and think that a bomb with a retarded fuse setting involves your brother - you might be a Taliban.

If any part of your units plan of attack involves the phrase "And then Achmed blows up" - you might be a Taliban.

If you have read the entire Koran but have never read a pamphlet on personal hygiene - you might be a Taliban.

If you have more explosives in your tent/cave than food and soap combined - you might be a Taliban.

If you think the best way to pick up girls is to blow yourself up - you might be a Taliban.
39 posted on 01/04/2010 4:54:59 PM PST by GonzoGOP (There are millions of paranoid people in the world and they are all out to get me.)
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To: 1776 Reborn

“My dryer can wind up sheets pretty well for hats, does that count? ;-)”

Yes, this counts for two!


40 posted on 01/05/2010 5:13:20 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (Support our troops, and vote out the RINO's!)
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To: Lady Jag

Don’t just get mad, GO MAD!”

LOL!


41 posted on 01/05/2010 5:15:12 AM PST by stephenjohnbanker (Support our troops, and vote out the RINO's!)
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