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Many 'Successful' Gay Marriages Share an Open Secret (promiscuity, infidelity common)
New York Times ^ | Jan 28, 2010 | Scott James

Posted on 01/29/2010 12:04:49 PM PST by DesertRenegade

When Rio and Ray married in 2008, the Bay Area women omitted two words from their wedding vows: fidelity and monogamy.

“I take it as a gift that someone will be that open and honest and sharing with me,” said Rio, using the word “open” to describe their marriage.

Love brought the middle-age couple together — they wed during California’s brief legal window for same-sex marriage. But they knew from the beginning that their bond would be forged on their own terms, including what they call “play” with other women.

As the trial phase of the constitutional battle to overturn the Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage concludes in federal court, gay nuptials are portrayed by opponents as an effort to rewrite the traditional rules of matrimony. Quietly, outside of the news media and courtroom spotlight, many gay couples are doing just that, according to groundbreaking new research.

A study to be released next month is offering a rare glimpse inside gay relationships and reveals that monogamy is not a central feature for many. Some gay men and lesbians argue that, as a result, they have stronger, longer-lasting and more honest relationships. And while that may sound counterintuitive, some experts say boundary-challenging gay relationships represent an evolution in marriage — one that might point the way for the survival of the institution.

New research at San Francisco State University reveals just how common open relationships are among gay men and lesbians in the Bay Area. The Gay Couples Study has followed 556 male couples for three years — about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outside their relationships, with the knowledge and approval of their partners.

(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: gay; homosexualagenda; infedelity; infidelity
Wow, as if we didn't already know - the homosexual lifestyle involves multiple partners and sex outside of their primary relationship. This seems to put Boise and Olson's b.s. court performance in a different light. If homosexuals don't really practice monogamy, then why are they demanding the right to change the sanctity of marriage? Could it be what they really want is to defile our whole culture?
1 posted on 01/29/2010 12:04:50 PM PST by DesertRenegade
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To: DesertRenegade

They don’t want to be “married”.

They want to destroy the concept of marriage, the one stated as “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen 2:24)


2 posted on 01/29/2010 12:07:31 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a humanist and a Satanist is that the latter knows who he's working for.)
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To: DesertRenegade

The whole thing is both disgusting and disturbing. I feel like I need to go bathe after reading it.


3 posted on 01/29/2010 12:07:31 PM PST by La Lydia
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To: DesertRenegade

What’s the point of calling it marriage? Sounds like an orgy to me.


4 posted on 01/29/2010 12:08:01 PM PST by Dallas59 (President Robert Gibbs 2009-2013)
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To: DesertRenegade

Sort of like, “it’s not prostitution if you don’t get paid”.


5 posted on 01/29/2010 12:09:24 PM PST by Dallas59 (President Robert Gibbs 2009-2013)
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To: DesertRenegade
“In 1900, the average life span for a U.S. citizen was 47,” Mr. Quirk said. “Now we’re living so much longer, ‘until death do us part’ is twice as challenging.”

So maybe fidelity ought to be easier for homosexual men? Seeing as they tend to die twenty years earlier than the rest of us? Fallacious nonsense, all the way through.

6 posted on 01/29/2010 12:10:54 PM PST by heartwood
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To: DesertRenegade

Well if marriage is defined as being one man and one woman, and you disregard that, then most surely you can disregard all of the other things that describe marriage as well.


7 posted on 01/29/2010 12:12:33 PM PST by pnh102 (Regarding liberalism, always attribute to malice what you think can be explained by stupidity. - Me)
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To: DesertRenegade
John Edwards & Bill Clinton = Poofters
8 posted on 01/29/2010 12:12:57 PM PST by BallyBill (WARNING:Taking me serious could cause stress related illness.)
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To: DesertRenegade

Then what’s the purpose of marriage in the first place?...............


9 posted on 01/29/2010 12:13:28 PM PST by Red Badger (Education makes people easy to lead, difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.)
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To: DesertRenegade

This is why we need civil unions. If we’re just going to talk about marriage as a contract, then anyone should be able to enter into that contract as a civil union. If we’re going to talk about MARRIAGE, that’s more than just two people sharing a fridge.


10 posted on 01/29/2010 12:14:08 PM PST by domenad (In all things, in all ways, at all times, let honor guide me.)
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To: DesertRenegade

>> New research at San Francisco State University ..

I had enough when I saw where this “research’ came from. It;’s like climate research coming from University of East Anglia.


11 posted on 01/29/2010 12:16:20 PM PST by max americana
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To: DesertRenegade

I think the story is dead wrong. Love did not bring these two middle aged freaks together. It was Lust.

It will be lust that eventually will tears them apart.

When you are married you stay Monogamous with one woman or man ,and things are fine. When one or the other strays it is because something is missing or one thinks that the grass is greener somewhere else.
When you are sampling this grass, sooner or later you will find that greener grass, or you will think you have and then the marriage is over.

Why work out marital problems with your significant other, if you know there is another significant other down the street that you have been humping.

Relationships have to have trust, and there can be no trust when you are passing out your charms down the street.

The people in this story are not in Love, they are merely confortable right now. It won’t last.


12 posted on 01/29/2010 12:16:28 PM PST by Venturer
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To: DesertRenegade
some experts say boundary-challenging gay relationships represent an evolution in marriage — one that might point the way for the survival of the institution.

Wow. I wonder how many heterosexual women find that their marriage has been strengthened by the discovery that hubby has been cheating? Real marriage is largely meant to protect children and make them legitimate and secure, as well as to protect both men and women. A man's interests are disastrously violated if he is forced to support another man's children. Since reproduction is impossible for homosexuals, they really don't need marriage.

13 posted on 01/29/2010 12:16:48 PM PST by hellbender
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To: MrB

This is about changing the meaning of words - it’s like women insisting that she be called “men” - that that is the only way she can get her civil rights.

It’s absurd, petulant, intellectually dishonest and harmful.


14 posted on 01/29/2010 12:19:24 PM PST by aquila48
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To: DesertRenegade
“I take it as a gift that someone will be that open and honest and sharing with me,” said Rio

Yeah.

I'd be beside myself with gratitude if someone pointing a gun at me said "I'm going to kill you" before they pulled the trigger.

I guess some people feel like they be grateful for whatever they can get.

That doesn't mean the rest of us should be forced to celebrate it.

15 posted on 01/29/2010 12:23:11 PM PST by TheClintons-STILLAnti-American (ND LE)
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To: Red Badger
Then what’s the purpose of marriage in the first place?...............

For them, it's for the money.

16 posted on 01/29/2010 12:23:59 PM PST by BlessedBeGod (New Wizard of Oz: Pelosi as the Wicked Witch of the West & Michelle as the Wicked Witch of the East.)
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To: DesertRenegade
“In 1900, the average life span for a U.S. citizen was 47,” Mr. Quirk said. “Now we’re living so much longer, ‘until death do us part’ is twice as challenging.”

Mr. Quirk you are an IDIOT. If you made it to marriage in 1900, median age for women marrying back then was 22, your life expectancy was you would live another 44 years. The whole life expectancy was only 47 back then was due to high infant mortality rates.

17 posted on 01/29/2010 12:28:28 PM PST by C19fan
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To: domenad

. . .which is why Government needs to get out of the “marrying” business.

Set up your civil union as you see fit, but CHURCHES control marriage. And like Hebrew National Hot Dogs. . .they answer to a slightly higher authority. . .


18 posted on 01/29/2010 12:32:20 PM PST by Salgak (Acme Lasers presents: The Energizer Border: I dare you to try and cross it. . .)
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To: BlessedBeGod

“I Now Pronounce You Chick and Mary”.


19 posted on 01/29/2010 12:41:41 PM PST by Califreak (Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.)
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To: MrB

They want to destroy the concept of marriage, the one stated as “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen 2:24)

You are quite correct. The idea by the left is to always enter by the backdoor if need be to destroy long held Christian Traditions(marriage,Christmas,,Crosses,Ect). And then they will set their sights on the main object of their hatred, the Church. The Church is the one thing actually left standing in their way to being considered as normal as Heterosexuals.That’s the goals Folks.


20 posted on 01/29/2010 12:42:19 PM PST by dbrew2u
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To: DesertRenegade

I can’t remember the source but a few years ago there was a study that found the average gay male had an avg of 2000 sex partners.


21 posted on 01/29/2010 12:45:32 PM PST by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: dbrew2u

It is clear that the intent of gay marriage is to destroy traditional marriage. It is stated clearly by “hoping” that the boundary-challenging relationships will spill over to heterosexual marriage. Just what we need; more challenging of the boundaries of marriage. sheesh.


22 posted on 01/29/2010 12:48:30 PM PST by WVNan (.)
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To: C19fan

That transparency can make relationships stronger, said Joe Quirk, author of the best-selling relationship book “It’s Not You, It’s Biology.”

At least, his name is what I call “truth in advertising.”


23 posted on 01/29/2010 12:49:02 PM PST by bagman
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To: DesertRenegade

I believe it was a Center for Disease Control study that found that homesexual men AVERAGED about 50 different sexual partners a year.

Now there’s no way to know how many of these men might be in a ‘committed relationship’ but surely a lot of them are.

Call it “open marriage”, call it “play” but it still boils down to a completely different view of relationships while they are tryin to propagandize the straight world that they are ‘just like everyone else.”


24 posted on 01/29/2010 12:52:50 PM PST by wildbill (You're just jealous because the Voices talk only to me.)
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To: La Lydia

Like who knew? This is like the disguised polygamy that has been practiced during the centuries. where the guy had a wife and kids, who were the “real family,” but who had multiple women on the side. Except that the law refused to recognize the right of the husband to have sex with these women and therefore
treated any progeny as illegitimate and denied the concubine any rights in his estate. But at least this does not challenge the principle of monogamy as gay marriage does. The gays do an argument: is what they do any more corrosive of monogamy than the serial polygamy of no-fault divorce and co-habitation really that much more than gay marriage?


25 posted on 01/29/2010 12:56:30 PM PST by RobbyS (Pray with the suffering souls.)
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To: BlessedBeGod

Does the IRS recognize gay marriage for the tax deduction?.............


26 posted on 01/29/2010 12:57:18 PM PST by Red Badger (Education makes people easy to lead, difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.)
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To: DesertRenegade
“If innovation in marriage is going to occur, it will be spearheaded by homosexual marriages.”

Marriage is not technology or a science project or a business. There's no innovation or experimentation needed in marriage itself. If the two people need to fix their bond, they do that between themselves and God.

These yums yums don't get it. If they can equate marriage to a social experiment, no wonder they don't understand true marriage.
27 posted on 01/29/2010 12:59:12 PM PST by JenB987 (under God's Spirit she flourishes)
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To: TheClintons-STILLAnti-American
“I take it as a gift that someone will be that open and honest and sharing with me,” said Rio

I wonder if they'll be just as honest when one of them comes home with another kind of gift...life a disease.
28 posted on 01/29/2010 1:01:07 PM PST by JenB987 (under God's Spirit she flourishes)
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To: DesertRenegade

No matter whether “gay” or “straight”, I have always believed that “happiness” in infidelity reflects (a) individual selfishness and narcissism and (b) weaknesses in the individuals involved and NOT an instance of their overcoming an intrinsic weakness in monogamy.

If only we could deny monogamy - the legal recognition of it, and legal benefits of it - due to infidelity, consensual or not, “heterosexual” or not.

Monogamy takes the self-obsessed interest out of sex and sexual relations, providing a home for them based on something greater than the self - the uniting of the human personality - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual - in (a) a love for another who shares that same love for us and (b)a relationship that unites the two in that love and amounts to and provides more than the sum of the parts.

Monogamy is all about that united self. Infidelity reflects the divided self; the self where life and loyalty is divided in the core element of Love. It is no mystery why monogamy was increasingly favored in conjunction with monotheistic religion - one God, one love - one mate, one love.

Monogamy was part of every civilization that led us into greater and greater progress.


29 posted on 01/29/2010 1:12:58 PM PST by Wuli
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To: dbrew2u

the leftists think of religion and family as artificial institutions like the corporations rather than foundations of civil society. They want to tear these down so as to reduce society to little more a collection of individuals who whose only loyalty is to the state.


30 posted on 01/29/2010 1:17:35 PM PST by RobbyS (Pray with the suffering souls.)
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To: DesertRenegade
...some experts say boundary-challenging gay relationships represent an evolution in marriage — one that might point the way for the survival of the institution.

------------------------------------------------------------------

What absolutely vomitous bilge! I doubt that even gay-"marriage" advocates believe that.

31 posted on 01/29/2010 1:18:55 PM PST by stillonaroll (Nominate a non-RINO in 2012!)
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To: DesertRenegade

So aside from fidelity, procreation, and a committed spiritual bond, what they have is exactly the same as a real marriage.

And aside from its dryness, dirt is exactly the same as water.


32 posted on 01/29/2010 1:53:09 PM PST by IronJack (=)
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To: Venturer
Love did not bring these two middle aged freaks together. It was Lust.

My belief is that quick gratification of lust is the basis of faggotry in men, and fear and loathing of men the basis for lesbianism.

33 posted on 01/29/2010 2:41:01 PM PST by jimt
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To: Dallas59

“What’s the point of calling it marriage? Sounds like an orgy to me.”

It’s all about getting free benefits from the government and your employer.


34 posted on 01/29/2010 2:49:23 PM PST by kaehurowing
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To: jimt
I believe many homosexuals are too lazy to put the time and effort into finding and courting a woman

The basic Orgasm is the same whether accomplished through hetero or homosexual methods. It is easier to talk to ones own gender, and once it is established that sex is the object ,it is much quicker and easier to just get it on instead of playing dating games.

Laziness accounts for a lot of it, when it comes to men

I have talked to a couple of Lesbians and the theme is usually a father or some man who has abused them.

Of course there are those who will claim both of us are full of crap.

Today's younger generation doesn't appear to be stifled with the older generations taboo's. They seek the Orgasm wherever it comes and could care less who it is with. Today's morals have broken down, and sexual pleasure is the aim. Movies and the celebrities seem to be setting the trend. Rosie, Ann Heche, Many of the older male celebrities were dabbling in Homosexuality, Through the years the old morals have gradually been beaten back and anything goes.

Oral and anal sex are more the norm now than not engaging in such acts. Certainly it existed back when Grandma was around,but Grandpa didn't get much of it. It doesn't take much of a jump to go from Oral and Anal sex with a different gender than to engage in such acts with the same.

Again I will probably be called full of crap for my views, but ,hey ,isn't that what opinions are?

35 posted on 01/29/2010 2:55:47 PM PST by Venturer
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To: DesertRenegade
In short, these "marriages" are (maybe) successful in the sense of being a satisfactory arrangement for the parties involved, but aren't really marriages and never were.
36 posted on 01/29/2010 7:31:45 PM PST by Salman
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To: driftdiver

Are you serious? This is beyond disgusting.They deserve every STD they get.


37 posted on 01/30/2010 10:05:49 AM PST by POWERSBOOTHEFAN (Blessed Be The Name Of The Lord,For His Name Alone Is Exaulted)
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To: DesertRenegade

And they want to bring children into this mix.

If I were to tell a home study social worker that my husband and I were in an “open” marriage, a child would never be placed in my home. However, with a study saying 50% of gay couples are living in an “open” relationship, they are still allowed to adopt and foster.

I really don’t care what adults do. But, children should not be brought into this. They need stability, not this chaos.


38 posted on 01/30/2010 10:12:11 AM PST by keepitreal ( Don't tread on me.)
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