Skip to comments.US Mom Sends Adopted Son, 7, Back to Russia Alone
Posted on 04/09/2010 11:01:16 AM PDT by marthemariaEdited on 04/09/2010 11:04:10 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
A U.S. mom sent her adopted seven-year-old Siberian son back to Russia alone because she did not want him anymore, it emerged Friday.
Artem Saveliev was taken from a grim Russian orphanage in September last year and given a new life in Tennessee.
(Excerpt) Read more at myfoxdfw.com ...
I believe Law and Order did a segment on this problem. It seems many of these kids have no physical or emotional contact and when adopted out have severe problems. Not that this is right, but it appears to be another problem in developing countries.
What a bitch. Adoption is forever.
She can’t do that. That is very illegal I would think.
Depending on how long ago she adopted the boy, he's probably a U.S. citizen by law, also.
It wouldnt’ surprise me if she was mislead by the adoption agency, but it is very important to do due dilegence before adopting a child.
Sending him back like that was wrong.
This seems an extreme way to deal with the problem though.
just like a defective product, returned to vendor
Yep. What she did was obviously the wrong way to handle it. But the underlying problem is that there are a whole lot of those kids that are seriously messed up. Some of them might be saved, but some of them are just never going to have anything approaching a normal life. They're goners.
"Nothing but ice" Siberia, not "bullets flying" Serbia.
A married couple I know (the husband is a good friend of mine) is in the process of adopting two young children, and they have been advised to be very careful when dealing with children from Eastern Europe. Psychological problems are one of the issues, along with physical/neurological impairments related to drug and alcohol abuse by the birth mother.
This adopted child was as much her child as a biologically born one. Legally and morally. For her to be allowed to “send him back” should be as repugnant an idea to us as a biological mother, to use your analogy, abandoning him in a store.
If he was truly such a danger, there are alternatives here. Was this child not an American citizen???
The child was from Siberia not Serbia.
>>>I believe Law and Order did a segment on this problem.<<<
I recall an episode of “The Closer” with a similar plot. An adopted teenager, originally from Russia, was a sociopath and his adopted father killed him after the boy killed a neighbors dog.
Sending him back “like that” was wrong. Tricking him, confusing him.
She should have gone about it differently.
I wouldn’t just put him on a plane either and I agree that it appears that action is illegal?
I watched an unbelievable segment on these Russian orphan children and it would scare the daylights out of you. One adoptive mother (USA) was brought up on charges of molestation/abuse of her adopted 3 or 4 year old because a wooden spoon handle had been shoved up his rectum repeatedly, then the feces were smeared all over the dryer and laundry room.
After a lengthy investigation, the woman’s story proved true: the child did it to himself. Along with other unmentionable and unfathomable things. I don’t know how to describe these seriously deranged kids other than warped and beyond rescue. It’s as if they have no feelings at all.
Though very sad, I am more frightened of their potential candidacy as the ideal terrorist protege.
Well, since Serbia isn’t in Russia, but Siberia is a province of Russia, I would assume it to be Siberia.
Hmm. More to this story than "psychologically damaged child", ya think?
Yep, it sounds like a woman whose clock was ticking, and she figured she had the gumption to adopt on her own. Having been a single mom for five years (before I met my amazing second husband), it is not easy, or preferrable! Little boys can be a handful, too, but to drop the kid off at an airport is beyond ridiculous. There must have been ways for her to find a foster home, or psych help if that was actually what was warranted (and as a nurse, chances are she could have easily found the resources from a doctor).
I have absolutely no sympathy for this woman if the case is actually the way it is being presented here. If it turns out that he actually threatened her in some way, I might have a glimmer of something approaching a tad of sympathy, but still, this was a ridiculous way to deal with a little boy who, presumably, you made a promise to love for the rest of his life.
I personally know of a couple who adopted 2 children from Russia and it is as you describe: irreparable psych damage and a danger to others. Frightening, actually. They fear for their life.
He’s 7. The automatic citizenship law went into affect in 2000. He’s a US citizen.
Child was from Siberia.
What about the agency she dealt with here in the States? did she contact them and discuss her concerns?
After we adopted our daughter, I had to fill out evaluation reports every SIX months for the first three years. I find it difficult to believe there was no one here for her to turn to for advice or help. Putting a 7yr old on a plane to Moscow because you don’t want him anymore seems beyond cruel.
Hmm, not so sure that it is that hard to get psych evals for kids who (presumably) go to public schools. I used to work in them, and they work together pretty quickly to try and “test” the heck out of kids who have any sort of deviation from the norm. Chances are that a seven year old who puts the fear of God into an adult woman is not just acting like a kook at home. JMHO.
Seriously. Single girl (living with grandma?) wants a kid, then six months later, finds out it isn’t all birthday parties and pony rides, so she changes her mind?
"As he is a Russian national, I am returning him to your guardianship and would like the adoption disannulled."
Russian children's rights commissioner Pavel Astakhov slammed the mother, who is understood to be a single parent, and called for a ban on all adoptions to America in the light of the case...."
Let them ban adoptions to America.
I did a google search and some hits list the adoptive mother as 34, other sites 26 years old. Regardless...I’m sure there’s a better way to handle this situation.
Found this link and it lists more info:
Startling article here from 2007 - it's hard to read.....
Russia's Halt on Foreign Adoptions -
"Sergei Koloskov, head of the Down Syndrome Society, says that contrary to government figures, the number of orphans in Russia is growing and overloading the state's orphanage system.
"Healthy babies are lying in hospital beds all day as if they were sick, sometimes for months or longer," Koloskov says. "They're completely ignored. No one plays with them or provides any kind of stimulation. That happens because orphanages where they're supposed to go after birth are full."
Experts say that the lack of attention at an early age seriously harms a child's development. Elena Olshanskaya started a group of volunteers to help children in hospitals after noticing abandoned babies in rooms at the hospital where she gave birth.
"I was stunned," she says. "They were completely alone. They were fed several times a day and that was it. After a while, they just stop crying."
Last winter, another patient in a central Russian hospital noticed a room of abandoned babies with their mouths taped shut to stop them from crying. Her cell phone video shocked the country when it was played on national television. Reports of babies tied down in their cots are common. Many believe that's because hospital staff are seriously overworked.
Boris Altshuler of the Child's Right group says it's often immediately clear to visitors that abandoned babies are left to "rot alive."
Both were messed up emotionally but the oldest (7) was just plain evil!
They had a pet baby pheasant and he doused it with gas and lit it on fire. He pissed in every gas tank of all the equipment on the farm. He raped several little girls that were under 5 years old.
Did I mention that he was only 7?!!
Sorry, the evil little bastard should have been knocked in the head and tossed in a hole. They sent him back to state custody.
Sounds like it may be a case of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Not unheard of for children living (if you can call it that) in some horrid institutions.
Most children with Reactive Attachment Disorder have had severe problems or disruptions in their early relationships. Many have been physically or emotionally abused or neglected. Some have experienced inadequate care in an institutional setting or other out-of-home placement (for example a hospital, residential program, foster care or orphanage). Others have had multiple or traumatic losses or changes in their primary caregiver.
They often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others. They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust. They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue. This damage is done by being abused or physically or emotionally separated from one primary caregiver during the first 3 years of life. “If a child is not attached-does not form a loving bond with the mother-he does not develop an attachment to the rest of mankind. The unattached child literally does not have a stake in humanity” (Magid & McKelvey 1988) They do not think and feel like a normal person. “At the core of the unattached is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed in their psyche.
“Now we all have some degree of rage, but the rage of psychopaths is that born of unfulfilled needs as infants. Incomprehensible pain is forever locked In their souls, because of the abandonment they felt as infants.” (Magid & McKelvey 1988) “There is an inability to love or feel guilty. There is no conscience. Their inability to enter into any relationship makes treatment or even education impossible.” (Bowlby 1955)
It’s always a very sad situation under the best of circumstances and, from what I’ve read, it is very, very difficult to deal with these children. I’m not speaking from personal experience but I’ve researched developmental problems for other reasons and this disorder it about the saddest/worst/usually pretty hopeless one that I’ve come across.
There definitely should have been a different way she handled this; ‘re-abandoning’ a child at the age of 7 will compound his difficulties (to say the least). I’m not even attempting to make an excuse for her actions. There are easily hundreds of choices she could have/should have made differently.....
That would be a sad situation. However, sometimes I wonder if it might not be best. The kids in Eastern Europe are told that when they come to America we kill them and sell their organs. I don't understand why they spread these tales. Even the adults perpetuate them. I am an adoptive parent of an Eastern European child, BTW. She's like my own flesh and blood, a wonderful child.
Right, so it’s better to leave these kids in Russia to be abused rather than let Americans, who are desperate for kids and not able to deal with the red-tape and shortages of American kids, come and get them and give them a great life./sarc
We all hear the horror stories about crazy kids coming out of orphanages (and can you not understand exactly how they got nutty?) but I have known a number of them (as a teacher and an aunt) and haven’t know any who were more or less insane than any other kids.
I am just so sad for these poor kids who had the bad luck to be born in crapola circumstances and then are all branded as psycho trash because of the behavior and ethics problems some orphanages have. It’s a sin, and if this woman screws up the chance of other kids being rescued by loving American family’s because of her immature handling of this situation, pox on her!
It said Russia, that would be Siberia.
I am disgusted and horrified by you BIL’s experience. That is such a shame for them to want to help kids, and end up with emotional monsters. However, I notice that they were dealt with by agencies who help with family’s who can’t cope, and not left to fend for themselves in a strange city airport.
I am not advocating that this woman needed to have a psych kid living in her house if that was truly the case. I am objecting to how she handled it, and how all adopted children are being branded as “not worth the time”.
Children must have ‘good enough’ parenting (not perfect but sufficient) during the critical years generally believed to be ages 2yrs - 4yrs. During this ‘window’ the child must bond to a parent, usually mom but can be other family or guardians, and then ‘grow out of’ being bonded to see themselves as a separate, individual person.
If this kids have little to no contact, this critical phase of development does not happen. It is sometimes possible to correct some of the damage up until teens (ethically, in the US, psychologists often declare 18 as the age past which this kind of damage can not be reversed). A child ‘warehoused’ in an orphanage or anywhere else and abused etc. is likely to be so thoroughly wounded that the personality, who the child was going to become, dies but the body lives on.
Once an adult, there are no techniques or therapies known to repair this damage. A child has one chance to ‘grow’ a personality - after that - therapy cannot give a personality/conscience to a child. Therapy works by addressing the personality, cultivating the conscience. But for severely damaged people - there is no one ‘there’ for therapy to address.
Basically you have an adult with the uncompromising wants, needs, tantrums of a 2 year old in the body of an angry, calculating adult. It can be quite scary. I too have read of sociopaths stalking and tormenting their families and these individuals cannot be treated/healed.
A child with this sort of damage typically has personality disorders. Inability to bond with people, lack of conscience or compassion, tireless rage, pleasure in tormenting others etc.
It is possibly to see clear signs of sociopathy in children - if she’s read or seen the kinds of horror stories (horribly abused children adopted into homes where the abused child begins setting fire to the house, stating the desire to kill family members, found stalking siblings with scissors, tormenting small animals etc.) - then she panicked and sent him back.
I do wonder why this was the method of escape she chose. We still have ethically responsibilities to those who have no conscience or capacity for compassion - I am just not sure what those are or how they are expressed. Did US orphanages refuse to adopt him - is it not possible for her to put him up for adoption in the US? Would she be financially responsible to pay for him to live in a treatment home? The child would be damaging to other children - where does one safely raise a rage filled child who cannot love and has no conscience.
Of course, to place him for adoption in the US is to hope that some other family face the stalking, rage, destruction of a baby abused right out of existence and into sociopathy. I wonder what paths, if any, she pursued before she chose to fly him home.
But the ‘one-way-ticket-home’ seems the harshest method I can imagine.
I did not say it was better to leave the kids in Russia...I was merely pointing out that the Russian govt is not doing their job in keeping the kids safe...no matter who adopts them.
Russian orphanages have been and remain in shambles....that is what we are talking about here...NOT kids from the US.
Google - "Russian Orphanages Conditions" and see what you come up with
Some kids are evil.
Oh, I am sorry, I was actually responding to someone above you who said it would be fine to ban adoptions. I accidentally responded to you with the first part of the message because I had just read your bit, and got emotional blinders on!
So are some adults, and dropping a seven year old off at an airport, no matter what the woman was dealing with, and expecting him to just survive and take care of himself was also evil.
I actually used to teach a kid who was definitely evil, and I won’t teach anymore because he really made me sort of jaded, so I definitely do NOT think that all kids are angels. Snort. Not even close. But this woman made what she claims was an intolerable situation into a criminal (or at least amazingly unethical) one.
And really, isn’t passing judgement on people a main part of being a Freeper? :)
That was it! Very sad show as I recall.
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