Skip to comments.THE ONION SHUTS DOWN: "NO MORE SATIRE POSSIBLE"
Posted on 04/18/2010 6:27:37 AM PDT by Lazamataz
The Onion, the United States oldest and most revered satirical newspaper, first published in 1756, has announced that they will close their website and cease all publishing activities, effective immediately.
Said the owner, "No more satire is possible. Nothing can beat the outrageousness of what comes out of Washington today. In a sentence: We are plum out of satire."
Satirical headlines planned by The Onion, such as "Pelosi: Pass Health Care To Find Out What Is In It", "Major Tax Increases To Reverse Recession", and "Obama Bows To Communist Leader", have been superceded by actual news headlines, causing these satirical headlines and corresponding articles to be pulled.
"I was working on this great concept: Obama would win the Nobel Peace Prize within a few weeks of being inaugerated, " said Abe Iggoof, writer for The Onion, "Then it happened."
The National Security Agency monitors Satirical Possibility Quotient, which is the ability to create satire in the United States. Occurances of satire being superceded by real events, it reported, happened at least 189 times from 2009 to 2001, causing the SPQ to plummet to an all-time low of -75.54. Dr. N. Umber Kruntcher, analyst for the NSA SPQ program, testified before the Satire Investigation Panel commissioned by Congress that it made satire nearly impossible.
"How can I work", lamented Sil E. Gouse, "Every time I get a great idea, it's a lead story on MSNBC. I mean, I was going to write something about how the unpopularity of Health Care Reform was a driving factor in its passing, and the next day MSNBC lead with 'Pelosi: Unpopularity of Health Reform Very Positive For Lawmakers'."
The ability to be satirical is projected to plunge further in 2010, said The Onion's owner, making The Onion an unviable business proposition. Bankruptcy has been filed as of Thursday, April 15, and the assets of the firm will be auctioned in the next two months.
“Is this satire?”
It's true. They are closing.
Truth is stranger than fractious laughter.
We live in nutty times.
Nicely done. ;)
More jobs lost to the Obama regime. :P
Our government is TRAGEDY.
Unfortunately, the current flock of flocked foaming flecks in Washington feel that satirical writ is a suggestion or policy idea.
Sounds like the Obama Administration is getting its marching orders from internal Onion emails.
Have you heard about the anti-tea party democrat group...It is the Tax and Spend Party. Advocating higher Tax and More spending. The rallies feature welfare queens with signs like”Fork it over you racist pigs” and “Tax them now”.
And you ask why The Onion is closing. HA!
How is this for nutty? Icelandic Volcano spews and shuts down Europe. Global Warming blamed.
This would be the perfect time to take The Onion to “mainstream” news reporting. It would be a seamless transition.
As Hunter S. Thompson once said: “When the going gets weird, the weird turn Pro”. Washington, D.C. today is Alice’s Wonderland, where up is down and black is white and the Red Queen Pelosi is off with her head.
Hey, The Onion could always start publishing some REAL news, since no one in the MSM seems to be doing it.
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