A Best Friend? You Must Be Kidding

The New York Times ^ | June 16, 2010 | HILARY STOUT

[Melissa 24]

ROM the time they met in kindergarten until they were 15, Robin Shreeves and her friend Penny were inseparable. They rode bikes, played kickball in the street, swam all summer long and listened to Andy Gibb, the Bay City Rollers and Shaun Cassidy on the stereo. When they were little, they liked Barbies; when they were bigger, they hung out at the roller rink on Friday nights. They told each other secrets like which boys they thought were cute, as best friends always do. Readers' Comments Readers shared their thoughts on this article. Today, Ms. Shreeves, of suburban Philadelphia, is the mother of two boys. Her 10-year-old has a best friend. In fact, he is the son of Ms. Shreeves’s own friend, Penny. But Ms. Shreeves’s younger son, 8, does not. His favorite playmate is a boy who was in his preschool class, but Ms. Shreeves says that the two don’t get together very often because scheduling play dates can be complicated; they usually have to be planned a week or more in advance. “He’ll say, ‘I wish I had someone I can always call,’ ” Ms. Shreeves said. One might be tempted to feel some sympathy for the younger son. After all, from Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn to Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, the childhood “best friend” has long been romanticized in literature and pop culture — not to mention in the sentimental memories of countless adults. But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise their parents: Should a child really have a best friend?

[healy61]

10 days is an eternity to a little kid to be able to play with a friend. It took my mom about 10 seconds of a kid hanging around the kitchen to then say, “Get outside and play or I will put you to work.” Playing was always the choice.

[surrey]

I met my best friend when we were both entering the 3rd grade in 1954. We remained best friends til her death last year. One of the saddest days of my life.

[TopQuark]

"He noted that people who had intimate(non-erotic) same-sex best friends as children, seldom developed severe mental illness later in life."

Most psychologists, having failed algebra in high school, do not develop good logical skills and, in particular, often confuse correlation with causation.

In this case, he is likely to have reversed causality: people that are born with mental problems that become evident later in life do not develop close relationships --- even in childhood, when their problems are dormant.