'The Kids' are not all right (Latest Hollywood film reaches even further than Brokeback Mountain)

New York Post ^ | 07/15/2010 | Andrea Peyser

[SeekAndFind]

Shh! Hollywood is having a teaching moment -- this time in the bedroom, where, if you're straight, chances are you've been doing it wrong.

In the first frames of the new flick "The Kids Are All Right," two boys snort coke. Next, a dad tackles his teenage son so ferociously, the child can't breathe.

That boy soon tries to relieve himself on a dog. Gross. And a man with exceptional appetites proves that Cialis, not to mention heterosexual relations, is for losers.

That is how the most self-righteously moralistic movie to hit the big screen since "Forrest Gump" preaches an undeniable Hollywood truth: Men, and boys who will be men, are not just bad. They're corrupt, amoral horndogs.

And women, especially neurotic, lesbian mommies who drive Volvos, watch gay male porn (go figure!) and get plastered before lunch, are perfect.

These are the life choices presented in Lisa Cholodenko's "The Kids," sort of a cross between "Leave it to Beaver" and "Kittens With Whips." Choose your lifestyle wisely, moviegoers. For this film is set to go down in history as the first major motion picture to make a family led by gay women -- A-lister Annette Bening, as the control-freak doctor Nic, "wed" to A-lister Julianne Moore, as the weepy, infantilized Jules -- seem not just normal, but close to godly.

It reaches further than the gay-cowboy romp "Brokeback Mountain," whose characters maintained a sense of otherness while shielding the kids from their shenanigans. In this movie, exposing kids is the entire point.

And this is how Hollywood does an end run around morality.

[SeekAndFind]

the fictional characters in "The Kids." They produced seemingly normal Joni, 18, named for Joni Mitchell, and Laser, 15, evidently named by the wolves who raised him. The movie concerns the kids' hunt for their "sperm donor" -- a term used in place of "biological father" to diminish guys. The donor, Paul, is played by a scruffy and delectable Mark Ruffalo.

Inevitably, the kids, who have almost no friends and no discernible religion, find they don't need Dad either. They're tragically disappointed when Paul conducts a villainous affair with the neglected Jules. Oddly, straight sex brings the only hot and natural relief to this movie's stifling awkwardness.

But, for reasons never explained, Jules dumps Paul and animalistic sex, and resumes being emotionally abused by Nic.

The movie was released Friday in Manhattan and Los Angeles to stellar reviews. A.O. Scott of The New York Times made "The Kids" sound like a cross between "It's a Wonderful Life'' and "Looking for Mr. Goodbar," raving about the "close to perfect" performances.

[Grunthor]

Saw the preview tonight. Damned near threw up.

[Dallas59]

Hollywood needs to be taxed more....

[Signalman]

Hollyweird is a cesspool and the American people have had enough. November is coming.

[Sarah Barracuda]

I’ve seen the preview many times while at the theater. It’s absolutely disgusting and at the theater I have gone to the reactions from the audience is pretty much YUCK and this movie is downright stupid

[Southside_Chicago_Republican]

Worse than the movie itself: there’s actually an audience for this.

[TaraP]

More libtard Gay junk.....

Julianne Moore is a whacked out Atheist..

Annette Benning is turning into Chaz Bono.

[Sarah Barracuda]

Yeah it’s just a really stupid movie and for Mark Ruffalo who sorta has talent to do garbage like this, says a lot about where his career is going. It’s just pure garbage, I saw that right away after watching the preview for 2 minutes I almost gagged

[momtothree]

Hollywood has certainly tried to depict “normal” American families as repressed, alcohol/drug using, incestuous, suicidal groups. The ones who attend church are always hiding “sin” and the ones who seem “odd” are really the supportive, intelligent ones doing better than their suburban neighbors. By destroying the family, the need and support of one... liberalism separates us into individuals. Individuals need families... plain and simple. One is far more easily controlled if they are are alone in the world. Just a thought

[william clark]

Think I’ll stick with the Who documentary of the variant spelling.

[Colonel Kangaroo]

The movie was released Friday in Manhattan and Los Angeles to stellar reviews.

More often than not, stellar reviews mean the movie in question is immoral trash.

[altura]

I loved, loved, loved Mark Ruffalo, but then I found out too much about him. I still love him but not as much and he’s taken some odd and bizarre roles.

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[sayuncledave]

All I can say is that I guarantee that no one in my family will ever see this. I’ll stick with old movies, never spending money on new ones, if this garbage keeps up. Actually, strike that last part, I’ll just stick with the old movies. Hollywood’s best days are long, long behind it.

[Trillian]

They think a lot of people are going to watch this LOL.

[Siena Dreaming]

Annette Benning is turning into Chaz Bono

Actually her daughter IS just like Chaz. Really.

[Rca2000]

‘It’s all part of the big plan”

REALLY...it IS!!

[TaraP]

Yikes! Bizarro world anymore...

[Blind Eye Jones]

Hollywood dog sh*t.

[LibWhacker]

It reaches further than the gay-cowboy romp "Brokeback Mountain,"

Like terrorists, Unholy-wood will always go one step further than has ever been gone before. They define that as genius and give each other awards for it. What's off limits today won't be off limits tomorrow. There is no asymptote. Fifty years from now they'll probably find some judge to agree that demonstrating all forms of gay sex during show and tell is constitutionally protected speech -- unless we put an end to the madness.