Skip to comments.Worlds Oldest Manufacturer, Recalls All Active Models
Posted on 07/25/2010 6:59:49 AM PDT by OneVike
It is being reported that the Manufacturer of all human beings is in the process of recalling all active units. The Maker of this product has determined that regardless of make or year, the product needs to have it's main energy source retrofitted, due to a serious defect in the unit's primary component. When asked exactly what the problem with the primary component was, the Manufacturer informed us that the heart of the problem is the heart, and that He has sent out representatives to help with the recall. The Manufacturer is also informing us that the defect which was in the original prototypes, code named Adam and Eve, has subsequently been duplicated in all units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Nonmorality," or more commonly known as S.I.N.
The representatives of the Maker, are warning the public that any or all of the following symptoms could occur. A loss of direction, foul vocal emissions, amnesia of origin, lack of peace, absence of joy, fearfulness, idolatry, moments of selfish and or violent behavior followed by spells of depression or confusion in the mental component that can lead to rebellion against it's Maker.
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing a service that will allow for a factory authorized repair, free of charge.
To insure this repair is done properly and complete, the Manufacturer is sending the only person who can do the repairs, His Son Jesus. Per His Fathers instructions, this repair Technician will perform a technique known in the business as Salvation. Now because the cost of repair is so staggering, the Technician will generously offer to bear the entire burden of the cost for these repairs, and once completed there will be no additional fee, ever required.
However, you must personally request that the Technician repair the defect, because the Manufacturer will not authorize any substitute callers on said unit's behalf.
The number to call in order to get the Technician to repair the defect is 1-800-P-R-A-Y-E-R-S, but remember to be on your knees when calling. Once connected, you must upload your burden of S.I.N. through the REPENTANCE procedure. After you have completed the repentance procedure, you will automatically be uploaded with the ATONEMENT and SALVATION fix from the Repair Technician. This fix will be installed instantly into the heart component by the Technician, Jesus. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with love, Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and long suffering, and self control
Please refer to the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth manual, also called the B.I.B.L.E, for further details on the use of these fixes.
Continuing to operate the human being unit without allowing for the SALVATION fix and atonement correction, will void any manufacturer warranties. Such a failure will expose the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
Any human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention! GOD
Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'! Because He Lives!
There is a recall going on with the human race. God is in essence recalling every model that is active and wishes for it (us) to get retrofitted with a new heart, one of flesh to replace the heart of stone we are born with. Sometimes a different approach can do wonders. I got the idea from an email, I modified it somewhat. I pray it blesses each and everyone who reads it.....
Thanks for posting that.
This should have been attached to some of the “headline” news stories this morning with “new” church rulings.
G-d informs the leaders of the worlds nations that he will end the world tomorrow. The next day, the Wall Street Journal bears the headline, World Ends Today, Market to Close Early. The Jerusalem Post reads, World Ends Today, Islamic Terrorism to End. The Washington Post: World to End, Women and Children Most Affected. And the New York Times top headline: World to End Today, Minorities Hardest Hit.
So God screwed up? Nice.
Read "At-ONE-ment" = one in heart and mind...(on the same page)
John 17:21 (KJV)
That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me.
John 17:23 (KJV)
I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
No - you see, GOD IS NOT A SOCIALIST.
He doesn't force us to obey.
He gave us the greatest of gifts - free choice.
He gave us the tools to build our lives the right way. But WE must make the choices, our actions are OUR responsibility.
Ahh, yes, a Rush classic joke, but so true.
I understand that. That doesn’t seem to be the message the “manufacturerer’s recall” analogy presents.
Thank you for this excellent post. I intend to email it along.
Thanks for the ping!
Do you find any irony in that if he hadn't, none of us would be here?
How so, God said be fruitful and multiply. It is afterwords that they rejected Him.
So we would be here, but we would not be living in such a screwed up way, we would still be living in the Garden of Eden.
You obviously never read the Bible. You don’t need to read very far to see where you are wrong. It is in the first chapter, 1:22 where God says it.
And all of History would have played out much differently.
True, very true, but for the better.
Do you wish for that?
Bump from an already-repaired unit.