You don’t THAY!
I’d cut out the gay bar stuff since after all we’re conservatives, or supposed to be. But puppies and pigs and pork and Jews... (separate the pork from the Jews with a block of puppies, because we have no beef with the Jews, pun not intended) sounds like a winner to me.
Perhaps I should have said, “butchest possible way”. I love Redeye.
Fun getting a riff going, though... conservatives tend to be better at it, ‘cause they’re born without the humorless gene.