how bout starting with the word Parenting...it sounds more like an activity like boating or skiing or something instead of Child Rearing as it should be.
Posted on 09/05/2010 9:07:19 PM PDT by Rhonda Robinson
Parenting is a tough job but a lot of people are doing it. In fact, currently there are 150 million active parents in the United States. The big question these people face is how to do it?
Does that quote strike you as odd?
It was the introduction to an article on parenting trends. Aside from stating the obvious, the opening line puts parenting in the same category as camping, skydiving or canoeing–just another interesting and popular hobby.
Assuming the author of said article is not visiting from another planet, one can only attribute the astounding lack of understanding of human nature, to the barrage of boneheaded parenting philosophies we have been subjected to. It began in the 1960s. Anything that resembled the values of “the greatest generation” was deemed foul and tainted. It only took a couple generations of parenting advice, heavy-laden with leftist social politics and psychology to come up with this mess…
(Excerpt) Read more at newsrealblog.com ...
Listening to Dr. Spock is the first error.
Letting the under 18 year olds have their own cell phones and date is another bad idea.
#1 biggest error: no corporal punishment. Used effectively, you don’t hardly have to use it at all. Just mentioning that you will (and following through if they push it) is enough. Worked for me.
I remember an illustration in Dr. Spock’s baby book depicting a child about to pull on an electrical cord ( I believe ) with the mother in the background, saying “No!”. Dr. Spock said that in this situation the toddler was thinking, “Am I going to be a mouse and do what she says? Or am I going to be a man and pull this cord?”
What do you think was Dr. Spock’s counsel? Was it wise, or not?
I had a philosophy which struck some of my contemporaries with horror. When my son was reaching up to put his hand on a stove burner. They thought I should turn it off. I was inclined to just turn it down. (It was electric; i.e., no flame.)
Children aren’t the parents’ “friends”. They need authority figures and role models. btw ... Dr. Laura Schlessinger will actually be missed from the airwaves.
I agree. If you want a friend, get a dog. If you want to be a parent, be a parent.
You're a lot more than that to them, without even trying. You just have to realize it and act accordingly.
That was my experience also. I don’t think I ever had to use it on any of my kids over the age of eight, but the threat was there.
Good advice, I agree...which is why I have a dog but no kids. My husky is responsibility enough, thank you very much!
Dogs have masters, cats have staff
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
My dad was easy going but once my brother and me got THE LOOK , all silliness stopped .
how bout starting with the word Parenting...it sounds more like an activity like boating or skiing or something instead of Child Rearing as it should be.
Agreed-! Applies especially to the misbegotten youth now populating many of our cities-!!!
Top 10 Boneheaded Parenting Trends From the Left
Posted By Sally Meininger and Rhonda Robinson On September 5, 2010 @ 9:00 pm In Defining the Left,Email,Feature,In The Family Way | 1 Comment
Parenting is a tough job but a lot of people are doing it. In fact, currently there are 150 million active parents in the United States. The big question these people face is how to do it?
Does that quote strike you as odd?
It was the introduction to an article on parenting trends. Aside from stating the obvious, the opening line puts parenting in the same category as camping, skydiving or canoeing–just another interesting and popular hobby.
Assuming the author of said article is not visiting from another planet, one can only attribute the astounding lack of understanding of human nature, to the barrage of boneheaded parenting philosophies we have been subjected to. It began in the 1960s. Anything that resembled the values of “the greatest generation” was deemed foul and tainted. It only took a couple generations of parenting advice, heavy-laden with leftist social politics and psychology to come up with this mess…
1. Raising a Child as Gender Neutral
Some social scientists believe these gender-specific colors and themes can limit a child’s imagination and, ultimately, his or her options. You end up with hyper-masculine men and hyper-feminine women who often can’t get along, theorizes biologist Lise Eliot, a critic of traditional pink and blue parenting.
“Professionals” that came up with the notion that it is society that dictates a child’s predilection toward “boy stuff” or “girl stuff” beginning with pink and blue baby showers, have obviously spent far too much time with lab-rats, and not enough time in a stable home environment with real children. Any parent of both boys and girls will tell you, that “boy behavior” and “girl behavior” has little to do with anything in the toy box, or the color of their clothes.
In the leftist’s ongoing quest for utopia, where women will no longer be primary nurturers, and young boys will be free to wear dresses to school without a snicker, facts and reality are ignored. In reality, babies become the dreaded biological male when they are bathed in testosterone while still in the womb, thereby altering the very structure of the brain. Then, once again at puberty distinctly male hormones flood the brain and body and physiological changes transform little boys into young men.
The fact that something as basic as the difference between boys and girls, must be scientifically proven, is a sad indicator as to how deep leftist parenting ideology has penetrated our culture.
But it doesn’t stop here.
2. Elimination Communication- Naked Green Babies
The go-green crowd believes they have the answer to the age-old parenting hurdle of potty training. Not only are they interested in saving the environment through less diapers in the landfills, but want rid your home of stinky diapers as well, by letting babies go bottomless.
The idea is that babies are aware of their “elimination needs” from birth, and that they are capable of communicating these “needs.” By using body language and various vocalizations, babies can
maintain a connection with their bodily sensations and learn from an early age what to do when they experience those sensations.
Aside from the environmental message, is the notion that by using this method, parents are “removing pressure and punishment from potty training.” As if, potty training is this brutality, inflicted upon children. Granted, there are ignorant parents that expect more than a child is developmentally ready to achieve. But in this method, the only people actually being trained- are the parents.
Any parent that has had to duck as her baby sprang a leak when she reached for a washcloth, will testify that babies may be aware of their “sensations” but there is no control- an essential element in potty training.
Here’s our recommendations for successful potty training:
1. The first sign a child’s bladder is mature enough for potty training is when he or she begins to consistently wake up from naps, or nighttime with a dry diaper.
2. Children must be able to verbally communicate that they need to go to the potty.
3. Children must be able to physically get to the potty by themselves.
Then, at least you have the basics; little bodies that have matured to the point that they can not only feel their “sensations” but also know what to do when they hit.
3. Be Your Child’s BFF
Years ago I sat at the kitchen table with a mother that raised her daughters according to this philosophy. The underlying school of thought is to throw off the “authoritarian” parent role, and be a friend. She confided in me that she wanted her children to be able to tell her everything and raised them accordingly. She wanted to be their best friend. She succeeded.
Her teenaged daughter had no problem relaying her sexual escapes (which later ushered her into the heartache of AIDS). This mother looked at me and said, “Oh Rhonda, there are some things a mother just doesn’t want to know!”
Her problem wasn’t that her daughter could tell her anything; it was that she, as her mother, was on the same level as her daughter’s adolescent friends. She had no influence in her child’s life-no authority. Stepping into a role of parent, means risking a child’s “friendship.” A price too many parents are afraid to pay. Instead, the children pay a much higher price.
When one of my daughters said to me, “You don’t act like you even want to be my friend” in retaliation, attempting to hurt my feelings. To which I replied,
Why would I want to come down to your level? I want to bring you to up to mine!
Several years later, as an adult, that same daughter found herself counseling a friend that was trying to be her daughter’s friend, and not getting the results she had hoped for. My daughter called to thank me. She said, looking back, she really didn’t need another friend at that time in her life– she needed a mom.
Most kids do.
4. Teacup Parenting
All good parents want their children to be safe, healthy and secure. However, some parents consider their children as fragile as teacups. I have known mothers that have been so protective as to not allow a toddler to run, for fear of skinned knees. How about the mother that forbids the children to eat while she was not home (kids obviously old enough not to need a babysitter mind you) for fear of choking.
This is the same mentality insists that children ride bikes with kneepads and helmets. The problem here is two-fold.
First, children must run, climb and explore. The reality of life is that while we are responsible to keep our children safe, we can’t keep them in bubble wrap. The only thing that is truly as fragile as a teacup with these parents, are their ability to assess real risk and benefit.
For example, a child that plays in the dirt without sanitizer is likely to be exposed to germs. That’s the risk. The benefits are that most likely the child will have a wonderful time, and build his immune system in the process.
Second, this is the leftist mentality that believes they can and must save us from ourselves.
5. Giving Your Child Everything They Want- Without Earning It
Again, good parents want to give gifts to their children. There is nothing wrong with that. Some parents can afford more than others. Good parents give their children as much as they are able.
We are always teaching our children something- both in what we do, and what we don’t do. Parents that lavish their children with everything their heart desires, create an entitlement mentality. Not only do they feel entitled, but also the gifts themselves are of little value. Easy come, easy go.
Hard work has been the American tradition since our founding. Traditionally men helped boys step into adulthood by working side by side, and learning a trade or skill. Work helps boys grow into strong men, in a way that nothing else can.
So why don’t we value work enough to give it to our children? In my book, ten and twelve-year-old boys are the perfect age to how learn to work. There is no better time for him to work and earn something more valuable than a paycheck—the character that comes with pride in accomplishment.
So-called liberal parents worry about a child’s self-esteem but the truth is that you can tell a child he is good, and he is strong and smart, but even a child knows; talk is cheap. He must prove it to himself before he will truly believe it. I’ve found no better way to instill confidence, self-esteem and a good work ethic than working alongside men or women of good character. The setting is not as important as sweat and exhaustion accompanied by a pat on a weary back, by someone your child admires.
Something earned by the sweat of their own brow, brings an entirely new light of understanding to the world around them, and appreciation for the labor and property of others.
6. Children Should Not Be Exposed to Religion Until They’re Over 18.
Once after watching something disturbing on TV, I asked my mom ‘which is right, creation or evolution?’ She said, ‘it’s something no one can ever know’. And then she proceeded to tell me how many priests and pastors were drunken failures (funny, she didn’t mention the personal failures of atheists).
This rocked my world.
I always had a natural inclination toward God, and my mom, unwittingly, snuffed it out with her hopeless, dismal answer. True openness encourages discussion and exploration, not an absence of it. It’s interesting that religion tends to be the thing that gets the kabash and not other issues.
Omitting God and the discussion thereof from a child’s life—the time when a child is the most curious and formative—only makes it more difficult to discern genuine religious expression later.
7. No Restraints When it Comes to Sexuality.
I’m aging myself here, but I remember on the TV sitcom Growing Pains when the father found a porn magazine in his son’s bedroom. The father was a psychiatrist and assured his wife (and the audience) that it was no problem. Their child was just curious about sex. Should that curiosity extend to seeing women objectified as playthings? Surely dad has a good anatomically correct medical book somewhere should the child be interested in ‘sexuality’.
Then there’s the parents who allow their children and significant others to have sex in their home. At least the sheets are clean and mom provided the condoms. The attitude ‘they’re just going to do it anyway’ is such a cop out. Any teenager with a modicum of honesty will tell you that they’re at least a little disappointed their parents/teachers think they’re unrestrained animals. Resignation coupled with peer pressures risks more than unwanted pregnancies and STD’s, it will affect the child’s future relationships for the rest of their lives—and usually not for the better.
8. Allowing Others to Raise Your Child Because They Must Know Better
So-called liberalism doesn’t want those old fashioned morals of mom and dad getting in the way of their plans for little Johnny. It seeks to undermined the parents’ authority and confidence that they have what it takes to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child. Parents must be separated from the child from the earliest moments. Daycare in infancy, Head Start for toddlers, twelve years of school. Then there’s the after school programs, sports, dance lessons, music lessons, until the child turns 18, at which time the young adult is either unleashed into the world or parceled off to college for another four years of indoctrination. Is it any wonder parents and children feel so estranged from each other?
Developing intimacy takes time, lots of time, and even more time. Sometimes it takes one parent staying home (and stretching the pennies) or homeschooling or saying no to extreme extracurricular activities. The moments when our kids asked us the big questions of life came not when we alloted special time for them, but always in some random, mundane moment. Because we made time with our kids the priority, we were there in those fleeting moments and were able to have those discussions. By being there at those times, we’ve developed a trust with our children and they seek us out when the big questions get bigger.
9. Self-Esteem is Supreme
I’ve never understood parents who are genuinely afraid of confronting or being honest with their child for fear of damaging their self-esteem. Number one, who’s the boss here? This should be easy. It’s the one who is bigger. Number two, children are already naturally self-centered. Why should that be encouraged? Life is full of hard knocks. There’s no success without failure. They’re certainly to savoring of success without first experiencing the sting of failure. Why would we as parents seek to remove this valuable training tool?
There’s a vast difference between praising an art project and praising a child who’s just cussed you out because they were ‘expressing’ themselves. It’s shocking that this is even an issue. Children know deep in their hearts when they’ve done something mediocre awful, that they haven’t actually earned the praise. They know it’s all just a con.
Which makes them feel worse about themselves, which, you guessed it, damages their self-worth for realz. Children who are taught respect and humility and soldiering on through challenges will be so adored and sought out, trumped up ego stroking will become superfluous.
10. Corporal Punishment Should be Outlawed
Spanking is on the outs these days. It’s been deemed child abuse and an affront to that all important self-esteem. This argument is laughable. Anyone who beats their child is not disciplining. That’s abuse. But a paddling as a punishment for a pre-agreed reason is giving a child boundaries and teaching which behaviors are acceptable.
You’ve probably heard of the illustration of a playground on a busy street corner. There was no fencing because the adults decided it would inhibit the children’s play. The opposite occurred.
The children huddled together in the middle of the playground, leaving most of the play equipment empty. Once fences were put up, the kids exploited every inch of that playground.
Why?
Because they had boundaries, and it made them feel secure. Properly employed discipline works the same way. You inform the child of what infractions will result in what punishment. They cross the line fully aware.
They are punished in a way that fits the infraction. The boundaries are established. The child is now free to grow and explore in a secure environment. Sometimes it’s a paddling, sometimes a meaningful look—each child is different. Without these boundaries, children will feel insecure, unsure, and constantly act out, desperate for someone to put a stop to their behavior, because they’re not sure they can.
That kind of puts the concept of “being a man” in a vacuum to say the least. As C. S. Lewis would have put it, it would be the “abolition of man.” Is there not some kind of order, plan, and purpose to human existence which isn’t utterly self centered? To deny this was stupid. The problem is not psychology per se, but to pretend that it can have any meaningful existence in a vacuum.
Even Spock in his later years backed away from his earlier “never spank” dictum.
Wow, I was worried because I am pretty into attachment parenting, and I thought I would surely be doing some of these! Whew, I am not!
Thanks for posting the whole article! (Which was not only pimped, but posted in News???)
And I haven't played poker in over 30 yrs.
Another blog pimp foiled!
good article. tfp
Oh , I assure you he backed up THE LOOK. A very few times we ignored THE LOOK and that was a mistake. My mom did the disciplining for the most part. I got a few smacks on the butt from her . My dad was up another level. When we got to be a little too much my mom would pass the situation over to my dad who would stop what he was doing , turn around slowly and just give us the LOOK. It didn’t happen often but when it did we knew better than to push him to the next level.
Better parents never existed.
Cool!
“attachment parenting”
Attachment parenting is what comes natural to us that the “experts” try to tell us not to do. Lol!
Very best thing I’ve read in a long time!
For there would be no more birds...
I give out butt whoopins and lollipops. I haven’t had lollipops in a very long top.
I hate the quote...”Ok ...buddy” when a parent is talking to a child.
When my son turned 18 we had a huge celebration and then and only then did I say “Now we can start being friends.”
I ain’t touching that last line....
Some people would aver that “son” is a four letter word.
I know a couple of folks who are into attachment parenting coupled with many of the things listed in this article, such as no religion and the elimination stuff. They also seem to be into the superiority of the sacred feminine - lol. Attachment parenting would be fine if it just meant you like to be close to your children - but I see these women using it as an excuse not to return to a close relationship with their husbands after birth. The children sleep with in their bed and the women I know use them as a buffer. I admit I do laugh a bit at them thinking they have invented some new age way of raising children with high self esteem that none of us could possibly have matched with our old conservative ways.
But they still know...
And they laugh at my tagline quote...but believe it.
Electric burners don’t lose their heat as fast as a kid’s hand can move. I’m inclined to think I’d have smacked the kid’s hand away from the stove altogether.
The one that gets me always (because I see the fruit of it in people who do it):
Not to be judgemental of a child when it is feeling something that IMHO is not appropriate.
You don’t have to knock down the child, but there is nothing wrong with telling a child, “It’s not appropriate to cry all afternoon because we can’t go to the park” or some such. I’ve seen so many “affirming” parents saying things like, “Jenny feels angry because she wants to go out” and then they try to “redirect” the child.
Balderdash.
Ive never met anyone like that. Wow!
I always nursed my babies, slept with them, and carried them in slings. They weren’t fussy and we didn’t feel sleep deprived. Of course, I never let the kids get in the way of a relationship with my husband. It worked for us.
I have a dear friend that would have panicked if she had to sleep with her baby. She would get up in the night and sit in a rocker to nurse her babies, she would change their diapers, put them back to bed and go back to bed herself. I would never have made it!!
hahahahahaha
I violate those guidelines with all my five results of reproduction.
They will one day be Concentration Camp guards no doubt.
The look on her face was priceless.
Stupid.
A.) Kids don't think like that. That is an adult who is insecure in his masculinity projecting his thoughts on the child.
B.) What toddler is really thinking "Can I pull it before she gets over here and smacks me?"
At the toddler stage kids are in "smack wrong, candy right" mode. If something sufficiently bad happens when they do something they will not do it again until the memory has worn off. Controversially if something sufficiently good happens when they perform an action then they are likely to repeat it until the good thing stops happening and the memory wears off.
Don't make kids more complex then they are.
My son’s hand wasn’t on the burner at the time. We could just tell that he was exploring. Naturally we told him to stay away from the stove top. The issue was whether we also turned off the stove, or just turned the burner down so that it would still be very uncomfortable.
You can’t turn the stove off every time a kid comes into the room. But you can set up a controlled environment where they can discover that if they don’t pay attention to Mom and Dad, there are sometimes good reasons.
As a grandfather to a two year old, I witness the conflicting impulses of obedience and rebellion with regularity. It’s an ongoing theme, and hard to miss.
What do you suppose Dr. Spock’s advice was, anyway?
What do you suppose Dr. Spock’s advice was, anyway?
I think I already answered that. It was a projection of a male, I will not call him a man, who had issues with parents. He was emotionally retarded and assumed that everyone else was as well.
To assume that the child's reward/loss calculation included "Am I am man or a mouse" is projection. The thought is too complex and abstract.
Having a TV in the house.
No you didn't. You only criticised and dismissed his characterization of the infant's state of mind. What did he say the mother should do?
It’s true.
I laughed at him. And said "Good luck with that"
He didn't like that much....
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