Skip to comments.Hopeless romantics yearn for soul mates
Posted on 09/07/2010 8:18:40 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
It's a theme that appears in thousands of movies, books and musicals: Boy meets girl. They fall in love, marry and live happily ever after. Soul mates forever.
Fully two-thirds of Americans believe in the concept of soul mates, where "two people are destined to be together," according to a recent Marist Poll.
But a new study offers an important reality check about unions formed in a whirlwind of passion.
"Soul mate" couples are often happy at first, because they have intense emotional and personal connections, said W. Bradford Wilcox, lead author of the article in the Sept. 1 issue of Social Science Research.
But their unions are at high risk for disenchantment and divorce because it's hard to sustain such intensity in a long-term relationship, he said.
Instead, couples who have the best chance for lasting happiness are those who are strongly attentive and affectionate with each other (like soul-mate couples) but also believe that marriage is lifelong, and that they should be part of larger social and religious networks.
"In a word, the more spouses embrace the married state, and the institutional norms that go with it, the more they enjoy it," wrote Mr. Wilcox, a sociology professor at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project.
Most Americans are in love with the "soul mate" idea, however.
In May, for instance, Alex and Donna Voutsinas of Boynton Beach, Fla., put their marriage story on Facebook, and it quickly spread through major news outlets.
The Voutsinases first realized they had a "kismet" story in 2002, when they were preparing a photo presentation for their wedding. Donna found a picture of herself, age 5, standing at Disney World with family members. In the background was a tall man pushing a stroller with a toddler in it.
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtontimes.com ...
The best snark about soul mates:
“I believe in soul mates. I also believe in karma. And I believe my soul mate is really ticked off at me and trying to hunt me down to smite me. So I’m going to hide out for a few lives, until they cool off.”
I also think it’s bullsh*t. If I ever find a girlfriend, it’ll be because I want to be with her, and she wants to be with me, NOT because we were “destined” to be together.
I want one
Check the toy stores.
I married my soulmate nearly 25 years ago.It’s wonderful.Sorry you don’t believe in it but I do.:)
In the supposed Islamic future of America this would be a null and void discussion as according to Sharia laws the term soul mate won’t apply to women as they are nothing but cattle.
Be fortunate to have the liberty now to post something like this and if we don’t defy Islam forums like this will forever disappear under a Sharia society.
Now a Muslim soul/goatmate may be a big hit...
Happens all the time. Probably had a better chance of happening back in the day.
Today people treat their eventual immortal-beloved-lifelong-mate as something that will just magically be there when they are “ready” to settle down, usually at some age when prior generations were well settled in to marrige. Good luck with that.
Back in the mid 80’s, before we married, my hubby and I broke up for awhile. NOT ONE guy in our group of friends (and even outer circle acquaintances) would touch me with a ten foot pole. Finally, one told me, you’re Ron’s girl, even if he don’t know it right now! I think sometimes even OTHER people can see it.
25 years November 28th.
A portion of the questions deal with the "idealistic distortion" factor - in other words- does the person have an idealistic view of marriage and romance or are they more grounded in reality? Some of the questions in this section include "There are probably many people with whom I could have a happy marriage." and "I expect our romantic love to fade somewhat over time." I call them the "Damned if you do, damned if you don't questions.
Most everyone disagrees with these statements, and I would fully expect them to. They are presumably in the bloom of their romance and about to make a commitment to one special person. And yet these answers always generates a "special focus" flag, which means we need to point out that the couple should guard against too idealistic a view of marriage and romance.
During my teen years my parents yelled at each other every evening. I spent time in my bedroom studying to avoid it. You would think they hated each other. They will be married 65 years tomorrow. They still yell at each other. Guess they are well mated - they must enjoy it on some level.
Sort of the same type of story here.I was ready to settle down but hubby wasn’t.I ended up starting to date someone else who seemed like the man of my dreams who ended up the biggest mistake of my life.I went and married the other guy and lived through 4 years of h*ll.A few days after I came home to Ohio at my Mom’s urging I called my now husband up and he knew as soon as he heard my vioce who it was.He was supposed to show up on Saturday and we were going to go for lunch/coffee.He showed up the next day and never left. LOL
Sometimes it takes strong feelings of intimacy, trust and comfort with another before one can express intense emotions like anger - as long as they don’t interpret the yelling as personal attacks on themselves, it’s probably cathartic and even “enjoyable” for your parents - sure hasn’t hurt after sixty-five years - great achievement......
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