Skip to comments.Are you a wimpy parent? Check for these 7 signs
Posted on 11/08/2010 3:00:31 PM PST by Stand Watch Listen
I have evaluated numerous children whose only problems are that they live with loving and dedicated parents who are wimps. There is no psychological test yet to diagnose this disorder, but here is how you can assess yourself and perhaps avoid a visit to a therapists office.
1. Are you more concerned about your childrens feelings than their behaviors? Wimpy parents care excessively about making their children feel comfortable. While feelings are important, the real world judges us all on actions. Wimpy parents are reluctant to require their youngsters to do anything that may feel uncomfortable. One parent told me that she thought her overweight 7-year-old would benefit from playing recreational sports but the mom didnt want to push her child into this activity because her child may not be able to keep up with the other youngsters.
2. Do you praise your children excessively? Wimpy parents make too big a deal of their childrens minor accomplishments. They often tell their kids how special they are, and inadvertently make their children addicted to praise and recognition. These kids have a hard time functioning without constant reassurance and become overly dependent upon the approval of others.
3. Do you give in on your discipline? Wimpy parents have good intentions but lack the self-confidence to follow through after disciplining their children. The kids recognize and take advantage of this weakness. I never argue back after my mom grounds me, one 10-year-old told me. I just wait a few hours, whine a lot and shell eventually let me do what I want.
4. Do you feel guilty after disciplining your child? Strong parents see discipline as a way to teach their youngsters good behavior, and know that they are helping their kids. Wimpy parents feel guilty that they are hurting their children by depriving them of some privilege.
5. Are you inconsistent in your application of discipline? Because they care excessively about their kids feelings, wimpy parents avoid making tough decisions. These parents develop intricate pseudo-explanations to justify their inconsistencies. I can tell when my child had a bad day at school and I probably let her talk back to me too much on those occasions admitted one wimpy parent.
6. Do you talk endlessly to convince your children that your discipline is fair? Strong parents have no need for children to agree with family rules and consequences. They are confident and comfortable with their decisions and enforce them in a calm and reasonable manner. They acknowledge their childrens feelings, but dont engage in debate or discussion over what is right.
7. Do you typically place your childrens needs above those of you and your spouse? Wimpy parents feel insecure in their relationships with their children. In this kids first type of family, personal and marital needs are of lower priority. The kids rule and infer an unrealistic sense of importance and power from the way they are treated.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Childrens Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org.
Hmmmmm...does the term 'helecopter/hovering' parents come to mind??
How NOT to raise a Liberal!
She's raising her grandson after the loss of his parents and says she just can't bring herself to be 'mean' to the boy. Fact is, raising him to be such a monster is mean, but she just doesn't get it.
I wasn’t a perfect parent, but I doubt my kid would have accused me of being wimpy.
I need to send this to a good friend.
Hmmmm. My score:
6. Hell No
I guess that’s why people are always telling me how wonderfully behaved my children are, and how did I do it?
I just taught my kids that if they ever grew up and voted for a liberal that they'd go straight to hell when they died.
Debate and discussion are only useful in dealing with rational beings.
Small children are not entirely rational.
7 no answers here...
And my daughter graduated from University of Vermont as a right winger...how great is that!
That list describes probably 97 out of 100 “parents”.
7 no’s for us.
Yes. We want them to feel really really bad when they misbehave and we want them to feel that our punishment was too harsh so they won't do it again.
2. Do you praise your children excessively?
Yes, of course. When they perform great temper tantrums we tell them we appreciate their great performance and try to give them tips.
3. Do you give in on your discipline?
All the time. When they complain about our punishment we make it worse until they stop.
4. Do you feel guilty after disciplining your child?
Often. We wonder where we might have shown that we would have allowed their bad behavior. Surely we must have messed up in the past in order for them to think they could have gotten away with something today.
5. Are you inconsistent in your application of discipline? ,
Absolutely. We apply different standards to each of our children depending on what we think each child's needs are.
6. Do you talk endlessly to convince your children that your discipline is fair?
Yep. We endlessly explain to our kids that life isn't fair and neither are your parents. We choose a punishment that we think is appropriate regardless of whether its fair.
7. Do you typically place your childrens needs above those of you and your spouse?
Yes, we will see that they have their basic needs tended to but we will never let our children ruin our peace or allow them to control our home.
When I was very young and starting my family, my father and I had a talk about raising kids. Since they don’t come with an instruction book, I was looking for answers. One word came out of his mouth.... “consistent”. When I talked to my mother she said “Once your father made up his mind about something, (concerning me) have you ever seen him change his mind?” There’s a lot to say about tough love.
does this list also apply to parents of cats :-).
I think the only thing I could add to consistent is united front. Otherwise, perfect advice.
United front is huge. I’ve seen many a kid try to “divide and conquer” their 2 parents by playing one against the other...usually because they know that one of the parents will cave. This not only hurts the child, but usually end up hurting the marriage.
Besides united front and consistency, I also am a firm believer in being a role model/moral compass for your children by “walking the walk”. That seems pretty obvious to most parents and I’m sure that most freepers live this way, but I am always shocked at how many parents will act like total jackasses and then be shocked when their kids turn into jackasses.
Also a good point. I’ve been surprised recently when my kids have told me what good parents they think we were. I felt (at the time) like we were muddling thru. :)
that's always a great feeling. It really came home for us when our first born got married and had his first child. He stated that he didn't realize all the stuff we went through and that, while he always loved us, he loved us even more and had a newfound respect for us (especially since we were so young when he was born). I think your kids will be saying it more and more as they get older.
I don't remember much but I do remember my Mom sticking up for me once when Dad came down on me. I remember thinking "Oh man, I got it made now."
The next time Dad got onto me I went running to Mom and she slapped me silly. Good lesson.
Well, mine are all married, and plenty old! hehehe But, only one has kids (step kids). So, hopefully when the other two have some kids they will REALLY appreciate us! :)
My wife was in retailing for many years. Fianlly retired from it a couple of years ago. In the last part of her career parents were accompanying their children seeking work and even trying to fill out the applications for them. Some were even insisting on being present and/or speaking for their kids during the interview.
Yep, we’ve come along way baby.
I don't even have to read the 7 signs.
Great comments...I’d add, we try not to give a punishment that we are unable to follow through on or that ends up punishing us more than the kid.
“I wasnt a perfect parent, but I doubt my kid would have accused me of being wimpy.”
Almost 10 years ago, our son was preparing to go to Annapolis for the Naval Academy Summer Seminar.
On the phone, I was explaining the program to my sister: “For a week, he will get to try the Academy on for size and see if he can deal with somebody being in his face 24 hours a day.”
As I was saying this, he happened to walk by and said, “I’m pretty used to that already, Dad.”
Doesn’t get much better than that! Kudos! :)
Cats don’t have parents...cats have Staff.
Ask mine... :)
He!! no x 7.
Liberal??? I know plenty to conservative women who are guilty to a massive fault of number 7. So much so that I've seen it personally wreck two marriages of former co-workers.
There's a saying: You never know the love of a parent, until you become one yourself... Profound, if you ask me!
My husband told me our job was not to raise children. Our job was to raise adults. Teach them what they need to know to survive out there on their own and then let them go. Worked out well for us. And for our kids.
Haha. Some loving payback! ;-)
I hate it when parents call their child “buddy”. There, I said it and I feel better.
Likewise, I have a daughter who is raising the perfect monster.
Even though he is my grandson neither of them ever come to visit before the rules and regulations pertaining to the childs behaviour are read and agreed to by my daughter.
Plus, we always told our children:
(1) life is NOT fair, so get used to it. And, who defines 'fair' anyway?
(2) While we think you're special, the outside world does NOT think you're special.
It's our job to prepare you to live in that outside world.
(2) While we think you're special, the outside world does NOT think you're special.
It's our job to prepare you to live in that outside world.
These are excellent rules, and the two I probably fell down on. My (only) son has had an easy life, he excelled at almost everything he tried, and we praised him for those accomplishments.
Because life was never that "hard" for him, he is now in his third year of college (first two years on the Deans list), and has got some tough classes. For the first time in his life he is struggling. I tell him, "life's tough, get a helmet", but deep down it is tearing me apart that a 20 year old man is "failing" (for him this is C's in classes), and it is not sitting well with him. Of course, in his mind, it is the professors fault, or some other outside influence, but I am now having to remind him that life isn't easy, and you must slog on.
For any parent out their, that is proud of their young child/teen ager for the great things he is doing, remember that when they do fail to tell them that "That's life". It might prevent an emotional meltdown when "real life" comes a knockin.
So true. Knowing the need for a united front helps with both the being consistant and the 7 rules in the posted article.
We used to kid it was us against them if we want to make it out of this in one piece.
Yes, and I think, sadly, many parents use the kids in battles against each other, which is a really REALLY bad and unfair thing. I just see so many *adults* who don’t deserve the title.
It is hard when you have kids who are above average. You have to encourage them to do things that are above their abilities sometimes so they can learn to fail and come out whole. And that’s really hard for the parent. My sons were all GT. I was so glad they got into GT classes because finally they were in classes where there were kids who were actually smarter than they were. They needed that.
And some of those sorts of kids are loathe to try things they are not already good at. Hang in there tho. He will need you when he falls down, not so much to pick him up, but to help dust him off and push him forward. And maybe a little hug. :) And btw, I feel so sorry for all those people out there who just opt not to have kids. They are missing the greatest thing in the world. My 3 boys are the most wonderful things in my life. Even when I want to pinch their heads off...
I always make a point to tell my kids that making mistakes and failing is a part of life, it’s how you adjust to failure that determines whether you will be a success, or not.
Yes, and like everything else, it needs to be practiced.
So--the next question would be: "If this person (indicating the child applicant) can't even perform the task of an interview, how can I expect him/her to perform the task for which I am hiring?"
Then dismiss them.
My wife attempted to make the parent understand it was the young person who would work for the store—not the parent. And the parent needed to allow the teenager to be responsible. She said, in most cases, the parent really couldn’t understand anything my wife was talking about.
A big shout out to liberal parents, the public schools and the loony left for dumbing down the kids to the extent they have. The parents are just too dumb to realize the left’s game is building dependency.
This has always been a problem with our son. One that we didn't push at the time (we honestly didn't think it was a problem), but now that he is facing difficulties, the whole "I'm not perfect, like I thought I was" is catching up with him.
He is handling it all pretty well, I just wanted to point out to others, that even if your child is "above average", and you are soooooooooooooo proud of them, there is another side to the coin.
I also feel sorry for people that forgo children. God only blessed us with one (we would have had a football team's worth if we could). But that one that God did give us turned out pretty damn good (just not as perfect as he assumed he was HA HA).
LOL they are a blessing indeed!
It’s funny (we have 3) how different they all are. I know so many things now I would have done differently. But you know, you can second guess yourself forever. Mine are great guys. So, I guess even the mistakes I made turned out ok.
Oh, and may God bless you with lots and lots of grandkids. I hear they are even better. :)
Dittos on everything you said, except my “Hell No” would be on the giving in on the discipline. And an addition to that one - both mom and dad have to be on the same page when it comes to discipline.
Yes, in a way we have ‘lost’ a few generations of youngsters. Through the education curriculum, through the progressive, permissive chnages of the 1960’s -70’s society, aided by the mind controlling medias. Seems home-schooling parents are can easily state ‘no’ to all these signs.