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Don't Touch My Junk
National Review ^ | 11/19/2010 | Charles Krauthammer

Posted on 11/19/2010 5:51:01 AM PST by Servant of the Cross

Ah, the airport, where modern folk heroes are made. The airport, where that inspired flight attendant did what everyone who’s ever been in the spam-in-a-can crush of a flying aluminum tube — where we collectively pretend that a clutch of peanuts is a meal and a seat cushion is a “flotation device” — has always dreamed of doing: pull the lever, blow the door, explode the chute, grab a beer, slide to the tarmac, and walk through the gates to the sanity that lies beyond. Not since Rick and Louis disappeared into the Casablanca fog headed for the Free French garrison in Brazzaville has a stroll on the tarmac thrilled so many.

Who cares that the crazed steward got arrested, pleaded guilty to sundry charges, and probably was a rude, unpleasant S.O.B to begin with? Bonnie and Clyde were psychopaths, yet what child of the ’60s did not fall in love with Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty?

And now three months later, the newest airport hero arrives. His genius was not innovation in getting out, but deconstructing the entire process of getting in. John Tyner, cleverly armed with an iPhone to give YouTube immortality to the encounter, took exception to the TSA guard about to give him the benefit of Homeland Security’s newest brainstorm — the upgraded, full-palm, up-the-groin, all-body pat-down. In a stroke, the young man ascended to myth, or at least the next edition of Bartlett’s, warning the agent not to “touch my junk.”

Not quite the 18th-century elegance of “Don’t Tread on Me,” but the age of Twitter has a different cadence from the age of the musket. What the modern battle cry lacks in archaic charm, it makes up for in full-body syllabic punch.

Don’t touch my junk is the anthem of the modern man, ...

(Excerpt) Read more at nationalreview.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: duplicate; junk; krauthammer; touch; tsa; tsapervs
Krauthammer's take on the TSA.

Don’t touch my junk, you airport-security goon — my package belongs to no one but me, and do you really think I’m a Nigerian nut job preparing for my 72-virgin orgy by blowing my johnson to kingdom come?

Don’t touch my junk, Obamacare — get out of my doctor’s examining room;

1 posted on 11/19/2010 5:51:03 AM PST by Servant of the Cross
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To: Servant of the Cross

“Nowhere do more people meekly acquiesce to more useless inconvenience and needless indignity for less purpose. “

Exactly.

The K-Man hits it out of the park.


2 posted on 11/19/2010 5:56:17 AM PST by Hulka
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To: Hulka

We need people to fake orgasms in the airport screening.


3 posted on 11/19/2010 6:02:47 AM PST by safetysign
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To: Servant of the Cross

4 posted on 11/19/2010 6:02:55 AM PST by Zakeet (Like the wise Wee Wee said, "We can't be broke ... we still have checks in the checkbook.")
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To: Zakeet

5 posted on 11/19/2010 6:05:48 AM PST by MrB (The difference between a (de)humanist and a Satanist is that the latter knows who he's working for.)
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To: safetysign

Fake? Heck, I am sure there are enough perverts that won’t need to fake anything. . .ewwwww.


6 posted on 11/19/2010 6:06:24 AM PST by Hulka
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To: Zakeet
My favorite so far:

7 posted on 11/19/2010 6:07:00 AM PST by MrB (The difference between a (de)humanist and a Satanist is that the latter knows who he's working for.)
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To: Servant of the Cross
Well written.

If GovCo mandated TSA T&A is what it takes to finally wake enough of us up, then it will have been worth it.

If not, then, like Michelle, I will be ashamed of my country.

8 posted on 11/19/2010 6:09:29 AM PST by GBA (Not on our watch!)
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To: Servant of the Cross

9 posted on 11/19/2010 6:11:44 AM PST by Upstate NY Guy (Gen 15:16 The iniquity of the Amorite is not yet complete.)
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To: Servant of the Cross
The "Don't Touch My Junk" phrase is becoming more famous than Demi Moore's comment in the movie GI Jane where she says, "Master Chief... suck my ****"

WARNING - GRAPHIC LANGUAGE: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iId9uMleec

10 posted on 11/19/2010 6:12:10 AM PST by Cobra64
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To: safetysign

oh that would be too funny or i know i could probably start laughing, i laugh sometimes when i am nervous, so it would serve two purposes nervousness and like they are tickling me. ha ha ha. makes me laugh just to think about it.
Don’t touch my junk new call to arms. i like it


11 posted on 11/19/2010 6:13:26 AM PST by mel (since progressive is code word for anti- i am a progressive progressive)
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To: GBA

After the grope, hand the TSA agent a five dollar bill and thank him for the hand job, make sure to get a picture of it’s face........just sayin’


12 posted on 11/19/2010 6:13:40 AM PST by sniper63 (Plug the hole in the border daddy........)
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To: MrB

13 posted on 11/19/2010 6:14:28 AM PST by Bean Counter (Stout Hearts!!)
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To: Bean Counter

Actually, THAT’S the one I was looking for -

“don’t tread on my junk”


14 posted on 11/19/2010 6:17:21 AM PST by MrB (The difference between a (de)humanist and a Satanist is that the latter knows who he's working for.)
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To: Cobra64

The “Don’t Touch My Junk” phrase is becoming more famous than ...”

Nah, I’d say it’s up there more with “Don’t taze me bro”


15 posted on 11/19/2010 6:34:28 AM PST by wilco200 (11/4/08 - The Day America Jumped the Shark)
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To: wilco200

Combine the two....

“Don’t taze my junk”


16 posted on 11/19/2010 6:42:59 AM PST by july4thfreedomfoundation ("This is our moment, this is our movement, this is our morning in America!" Sarah Palin)
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To: wilco200
Nah, I’d say it’s up there more with “Don’t taze me bro”

You're right! :)

Third runner up:


17 posted on 11/19/2010 6:43:41 AM PST by Cobra64
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To: Servant of the Cross

Toll-Free number to the Congressional Switchboard

(866) 338-1015


18 posted on 11/19/2010 6:59:33 AM PST by GailA (obamacare paid for by cuts & taxes on most vulnerable Veterans, retired Military, disabled & Seniors)
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To: Servant of the Cross

Bloody Brit expression that’s gained currency in American folklore. I’ll be damned if the TSA’s sexual molesters touch MY JUNK!

We shouldn’t be humiliated for the barely tolerable privilege of flying these days.


19 posted on 11/19/2010 7:00:15 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)
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To: MrB

How often do they change those gloves???? My doctor and dentist change them between each patient...to prevent the spread of DISEASE.


20 posted on 11/19/2010 7:02:17 AM PST by GailA (obamacare paid for by cuts & taxes on most vulnerable Veterans, retired Military, disabled & Seniors)
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To: GailA
How often do they change those gloves???? My doctor and dentist change them between each patient...to prevent the spread of DISEASE.

That's being talked about more and more especially since the lady caller brought up the issue on Rush's program last week. Excellent point, and a valid one.

21 posted on 11/19/2010 7:26:54 AM PST by brushcop (CW4 Matthew Lourey CW2 Joshua Scott/ Kiowa pilots KIA Iraq '05. Thank you for our son's life.)
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To: GailA

On another thread, they said the gloves were only changed if someone requested clean ones for the pat-down. Ug.


22 posted on 11/19/2010 7:45:47 AM PST by MizSterious ("Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." -JFK)
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To: Servant of the Cross
Don't Touch My Junk
23 posted on 11/19/2010 7:53:06 AM PST by A.A. Cunningham (Barry Soetoro is a Kenyan communist)
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To: A.A. Cunningham
Apologies for the duplicate post. I did a title search. Still no results for the article you linked.

FR Title Search: Don't Touch My Junk

24 posted on 11/19/2010 7:58:53 AM PST by Servant of the Cross (NPR: Air America with government funding to keep them alive)
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To: Servant of the Cross
We need an image of Incompetano with her hands defensively raised near her forehead, but not occluding her white hair stripe, captioned Don't Touch My Skunk!
25 posted on 11/20/2010 10:08:51 PM PST by goldbux (When yer odd, the odds are with you.)
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