Skip to comments.A Letter to Sheriff Dupnik from Former Durham County Prosecutor Mike Nifong (Satire Vanity)
Posted on 01/14/2011 6:24:55 AM PST by magnificant bastard
Dear Sheriff Dupnik:
My name is Mike Nifong. You may not know of me, but I was once was a liberal democrat prosecutor from Durham County, North Carolina. I am writing, because I have seen you on the television over the last few days making serious allegations against people claiming they were, in part, responsible for a hideous crime without a shred of evidence to support such a charge. I know you would like nothing more than to smear these people in the hopes of advancing a political agendaand believe me when I tell you a more understanding supporter of your cause than I, you will not find. However, the purpose of this letter is to warn you of the possible repercussions when an elected public official tries to gain political advantage, by making unsupported charges against innocent people.
As you may remember, a few years back, I almost pulled off prosecuting a few white Duke University Lacrosse players for raping a helpless black stripper. At the time, I was in the midst of campaigning in the Democratic Primary for prosecutor of Durham County, North Carolina, a bastion of liberalism in an otherwise conservative state, not unlike Tucson, Arizona. My decision to indict, arrest, and prosecute those boys was a tremendous help in securing votes within the liberal base of the Democratic Party and the African-American community. And boy did it work! I easily won the primary, and because there were so few Republicans in the county, I was a shoe-in for prosecutor in the upcoming general election.
Not only did the accusations help me politically, I became famous! The national media interviewed me daily just like it interviews you now. And in those interviews, I slandered them boys. Accused them of all kinds of terrible things; just like you are accusing those rotten conservatives today. Doesnt it feel great sheriff, to have the whole country listen to your opinions? Just as exciting, in my case, were the angry marches and protests by the New Black Panthers and those feminist womans groups; hell, even the Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton came to speak to me! I got this county, as well as the entire nation riled up. The media and public hated those boys so badly for what I accused them of doing; we almost had an old-fashion 1960s race riot on our hands! Good Times.
To be honest Sheriff, to this day, every time I think about how close I came to convicting those rich, spoiled, most likely conservative, white boys, it drives me crazier than Crystal Gail Mangum swinging upside down from a stripper pole. I just hope your exploitation of the psychotic assailant in your case is more helpful to your cause than my sociopathic non-victim was to mine.
Now, I know you must thinking, that our two cases are not analogous, because you did not arrest or try to prosecute innocent people. Moreover, in your case, there is no question a crime was actually committed, as the perpetrator was seen committing his evil act and was captured in front of a multitude of witnesses. However, where the similarities lie is the fact we both used our elected office to slander individuals without a shred of evidence and for the exact same motive: to further our own political agenda.
I just wanted to write and caution you to be careful sheriff. Believe me, the media climate is not like it was 15 or so years ago when a public official could unjustly smear conservatives or rich white folk; and in the process, not only advance his or her political career, but become a hero and icon in the liberal press and media. Myself and former news anchor Dan Rather are just two examples of how the internet and other mediums have changed political reporting. Oh how I pine for the days when there were only the three TV news networks, along with CNN, the Washington Post and New York Times dispensing the news! In those days, all of them worked together to advance the liberal cause, and there were no other outlets that carried opposing viewpoints. As such, a democrat or liberal elected official, like the both of us, could use our office to execute political hit jobs on our conservative enemies, without consequence.
Thats why I support you in your efforts to make a connection between your shooter and those on the right. Too shut them the hell up, by making the public believe they incite violence. Just think if you succeed sheriff! Our party could once again control the message, without being challenged by the opposition.
However, at the moment, as I was made painfully aware, there are all these damn conservative talk radio shows and web-sites whose members get all up in a political players bidness; if you know what I mean. They are always poking around asking all these questions about the accusers motives and background or asking for actual evidence before you can make accusations.
Its enough to make a progressive sick, I tell ya. Damn idealistic fools. They cant handle the truth! Can they Sheriff? We don't need no stinkin truth! Don't they realize its not about guilt or innocence its the seriousness and nature of the charge that's important. Prove to me that Rush and Sarah Palin DID NOT cause your boy down there to kill those people. Damn conservatives and Tea Partiers, I cant wait for the day, when we criminalize the whole ideology, and the purveyors of it. Free speech be damned!
Oh sure, now and again we get lucky and get away with nailing one or more of those conservative bastards to a tree. For instance, we got Tom Delay and Scooter Libby convicted simply out of revenge for the crime of being an effective conservative politician and political operative, respectively. In those cases, charges were brought by politically motivated law enforcement officials, not unlike ourselves, and each defendant tried in front of jurors chosen from overwhelmingly liberal jurisdictionsWashington D,C. and Austin, TX.
That was the same strategy I was going to execute in the prosecution of the Duke boys. However, those cases had one thing mine lacked: a little evidence. I know the evidence in both the Libby and Delay trials were creatively manufactured by twisting and torturing each cases respective statutes that each was prosecuted under. But at least there was some evidence, no matter how tenuous, to argue and debate in a court of law. The only evidence I had was a junkie strippers ever changing series of events. You know she changed her story twelve times on me sheriff? Twelve times! By what the crime lab report said about the multiple DNA deposits from different male subjects (not a damn one from a Duke player) found on her under garments, that was was probably more times than she changed her undies in a month. Looking back, when I received that particular lab report, I should have dropped the whole charade, with the deepest apologies to the boys, their families, and the whole country. But a case with an underprivileged black girl, being ganged rape by rich white boys? Thats a John Grisham book, sheriff. That coupled with my liberal white guilt; I just could not let go of it at that stage.
At the moment you might be thinking "Those conservative personalities and websites can't harm me." "I will never be exposed for the political opportunist that I am. "The old media gots my back." However, take it from someone like me whose been there done that Sheriff, I know the mainstream media currently has been exclusively on your side and agrees with and loves what your saying about conservative vitriol; hanging on your every word; and telling you how brave you are for speaking truth to power and all that, but there is a reason it is called, The Drive by Media They turned on me once the public actually started using facts, logic, and reason; instead of pure emotion, like our liberal brethren tend to do when we accuse conservatives of being racists or inciting violence.
Just to be on the safe side though, I would just stick to being interviewed by MSNBCS Chris Mathews and Keith Olberman. That way, not only will you get easy questions, it will be a virtual slobbering love fest; and if you are lucky, the three of you may even receive a simultaneous thrill up your legs.
You may have a bumpy road ahead of you Sheriff; because, unfortunetly for guys like you and me, the majority of the American people are reasonable and fair-minded. So they might get a little upset, if you provide no proof to support your claim that your boy Jared there targeted that congresswoman, because of talk radio or Sarah Palins election map. They will become even more outraged, if Loughners defense team uses your outspoken public indictments connecting conservatives to the shootings that will in some way gain him favor with the courts or a jury. If that happens, be prepared to hear and see your name being used as a verb, like the public did to me, after I falsely accused those boys; to wit:
Nifonged: "a verb that describes the railroading or harming of a person with no justifiable cause to do so, except for one's own political gain. It can be used as a substitute for unjustly accused and many other similar words and phrases."
Imagine hearing for the first time, I was dupniked by the local prosecutor or we were dupniking this guy even though we know he did not do it, and Afterwards, even though there was no proof of a connection between talk radio and the mass murders, John Doe, who had been dupniked by the local sheriffs office, had himself targeted for violence.
I tell you what sheriff you never get used to having your name, for the lack of a better word, nifonged.
Anyway, my break was over about ten minutes ago, and my eighteen-year old boss Tiffany will have like a total spaz attack, if I dont change the grease in the deep fryer, before the next shift. And, in this economy, I cant afford to lose another job. Good luck to you Sheriff Dubnik and be careful out there.
Mike Nifong Former Durham County Prosecutor
I like it. Very well written.
So which burger place is Mike working at? MacDonalds or Burger King?
Do you actually believe Nifong wrote that?
Do not take my constructive criticism badly. You show real talent here, but I have learned that many people are easily distracted by grammar and spelling errors.
I found the satire to be very entertaining.
This would make a great letter to the editor. The editors would have to stand back and look at themselves....in disgust!
While this arrogant & opportunistic Sheriff should definitely be fired I still somehow doubt that it will ever happen as he slandered those who are long since routinely slandered in the media for just having an opinion & exercising their Constitutional right to it. While on the other hand if this Sheriff had slandered a press favoured group: he would have likely been fired by now. He is even probably just looking for his fifteen minutes of fame in which to secure a book deal over telling “his side” of the event. Which of course will not be too truthful considering that he knew about Loughner & his death threats for a long time prior.
Just was is Nifong up to lately?
It would be justice to see him homeless, but only if he is paraded on TV that way.
If they hide what happened to him we wont be able to use it as a warning to others.
The only thing missing from Nifongs case was blaming Rush Limbagh
What does “magnificant” (sic) mean?
Absolutely GREAT! ROTFL!
Jack in the Box?
Perhaps it’s that Snob City one Obama likes in DC?
Thank You Thank You Thank You
Has anyone figured out the date of Sheriff Dipstick’s departure?
His voters have to be wondering just whom they have been voting for all these years.
DUPE /dup, dyup/ Show Spelled [doop, dyoop] Show IPA noun, verb, duped, dup·ing. noun
1. a person who is easily deceived or fooled; gull.
2. a person who unquestioningly or unwittingly serves a cause or another person: a dupe of the opponents,
do we refer to a whole passel of them as dupniks?
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