Posted on 02/18/2011 8:15:42 AM PST by SantaLuz
Monika Shreves, a college senior with a petite frame and long, black hair, remembers the first mean girl she met. The girl lived in Shreves's Northern Virginia neighborhood and had the blondest hair and eyelashes Shreves had ever seen.
The two arrived together at Girl Scout camp, and the girl assumed command of the cabin they were to sleep in.
"This is the cool cabin," she told the other girls who wandered into the campsite, looking for a place to throw down their stuff. She'd size up each girl. "You can come in," she'd tell one. "You cannot," she'd tell another.
Shreves and her friends started referring to the girl privately as "the devil child." That same year, Shreves's mom, Christine, was driving Shreves, the blond girl and another girl home from school. All three were in the back seat of the car.
As the car swung into their neighborhood, the blond girl turned to the other girl and asked, "Who would you rather go home with? Me or Monika?"
"You," the other girl said.
Shreves burst into tears.
(Excerpt) Read more at washingtonpost.com ...
Natural blonde? (I noticed that too.)
Don't be too sure: I have observed that home-schoolers are just as prone to forming cliques and excluding others, and even bullying, as anybody else. And, indeed, a few homeschoolers I know can be downright snooty and rude when it comes to being around those "whose parents don't love them enough to home-school them."
As with any kid, a lot depends on the parents. For example, I'm aquainted with a home-school family whose kids turned out to be ring-tailed bastards in the "mean girl" mode (even the boys). And that's because their dad, and to some extent their mom, is like that.
I'm glad your kids have turned out so nicely; but you shouldn't paint with such a broad brush.
Language skills,yes - but more importantly, thinking skills.
We staged a mock disaster as a capstone event for the camp - combining (assumed or explicit) tasks based on skills taught in the week.
The home schooled girls in one group quietly assumed leadership and got the other girls sorted out and on task fairly quickly in the ‘older’ of three groups participating.
Parent and adult leaders could watch, but no sideline ‘help’ was allowed. A detailed AAR was held to point up the good/bad/ugly.
In the back brief to the sponsoring organization leadership (the event was taped) we were able to stop the tape - and make the comment - watch these girls, they are your future and future leaders.
No offense, but if you think that homeschooled girls are never catty and mean to each other when in a group, that’s pretty naive...
You know, “bullying” is nothing new despite what the idiot media would have you believe.
The DIFFERENCE is we have raised a generation of kids less able to cope with “bullying” and “self-esteem” issues.
Not to say there aren’t legit worries, but for the most part, the media have gone WAY overboard with this thing....
I got bullied a fair amount until I got into High School and began filling out (I think I appeared to be easy pickin’s...skinny, glasses, chipped teeth...:) but oddly enough, I think it shaped me in a way I might not have been, and for the better (in my opinion)
But, I don’t think that is a universal experience by any means. (EMPHASIS THERE!) I certainly can’t recommend it as a character development tool, but I feel it turned out that way with me in some respects. I think for me, it was just a case of making lemonade out of lemons. I was lucky.
I think you hit the key point: much depends on the parents.
I can't say I was bullied so much as I was the kid in the class that no one liked, always picked last, etc. My parents didn't really know what to do.
It has made a tough resilience in me to go my own way, be independent, not allow others to dictate styles to me. But, it has made me wary of friendships and joining groups. I am 56 now. I still don't trust people.
“Rahm Emmanuel are mean girls.”
You, my FRiend, are a GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!
I needed an LOL today!!!
Racist.
They become feminists.
Most of it had to do with that I didn't have the physical ability/stature to play any organized sports... including soccer.
I grew about 5" after high school and now weigh about 168 lbs.
Is kind of funny when I go back to my hs reunions... lots of the popular people are shorter than me, have receeding hair/no hair, and kind of dumpy.
For the most part I was satisfied with my HS experience, but I was glad to graduate and move on to college... I wouldn't want to go back in time though :-)
They also become lying, duplicitous, man-hating, evil, conniving, two-faced, bitter, angry network administrators in a university department.
And, I'll don my flame retardant suit, here. I think that at some point children need to learn that not everyone has their best interests at heart. Does that mean that you let the older kids physically assault the younger ones? No. "Lord of the Flies" does not prevail.
However, helicoptering, zero tolerance, and insisting upon adult adjudication for every single "He called me a bad name" dispute got us, IMHO and in part, into the social mess that we're in now.
I too was the scrawny kid....was ostracized and was picked on incessantly.
I came back for my 10 year reunion. Wearing the uniform of a First Class Petty Officer in the United States Navy. Finally got the respect I always deserved.
“Oh, hug me, tiny ballerina!”
My professional office had about 2,000 active patients. Naturally, there was turn over among the patients....So...Over three decades I have known several thousand families.
There is a distinct difference between the children of homeschooling parents and those children who are institutionalized. This is only true if the child has been homeschooled from an early age. It does not apply to those government school “push-outs” who begin homeschooling in middle school or high school.
The institutionalized child answered my questions with grunts, monosyllables, or merely nods of the head. Then there was the 20 degree off-centered stare. Yes, there were a few exceptions.
The homeschooled children, in contrast, were openly friendly and engaging. They answered in complete sentences. Told jokes and laughed at my jokes. And..( Most important) They looked me straight in the eye. There were NO exceptions to this in 28 years of practice.
Yes, the above is anecdotal, just as your example is. I seriously doubt though that any “professional” educator will do any controlled studies on the phenomena. The results would put teachers out of a job.
>>Don’t be too sure: I have observed that home-schoolers are just as prone to forming cliques and excluding others, and even bullying, as anybody else. And, indeed, a few homeschoolers I know can be downright snooty and rude when it comes to being around those “whose parents don’t love them enough to home-school them.” <<
I belong to four homeschooling groups, work with Public School kids and do many activities with both.
There are exceptions to every rule and as you are stating here, it’s not how kids interact with adults but how they interact with peers that I am viewing. Some kids, no matter where they are educated are snooty and rude. However, in a given situation you will find that the group that know each other will cling to each other.
The thing to look for is how the excluded child handles that situation. I have found that Public School children either throw a fit, pout or act out. Homeschooled kids gravitate to the adults or younger children. They don’t have a problem with either because that’s what they have been exposed to. They adapt. That is a learned skill not taught in school.
IBTFHT (In before the first Helen Thomas)
≤}B^)
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