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Men Don't Exist to Serve Women's Desires
Pajamas Media ^ | Feb. 23, 2011 | Helen Smith

Posted on 02/23/2011 9:34:40 AM PST by FreeManDC

I read Kay Hymowitz’s new book, Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys, recently. First, the good points:

Hymowitz does acknowledge that women have made great strides in our society mainly due to advances in technology and the knowledge economy that gives better jobs to those with degrees, degrees that “take years.” Hymowitz has a good chapter titled “The New Girl Order” in which she admits that Americans now like girls better than boys. She does a fair job of describing some of the biases against boys, though she does little to rectify them.

Now a couple of bad points:

Hymowitz talks to very few actual men for this book. If males are included, it is through a book or blog written by a woman or a chivalrous man. Or Hymowitz invokes a blog written by a male blogger such as “Roissy” to prove how “misogynist” these male bloggers are. However, her definition of “misogynist” seems to be any male who dares complain about a female. The book would have been better if Hymowitz had included more actual male voices, and if she had demonstrated a bit more psychological understanding of the male perspective. (But then, maybe that is a book I should write).

I do believe Hymowitz tried to be sensitive to the plight of today’s men, but the book presents as being more concerned about how men fit into the world of women rather than how men actually feel themselves.

Hymowitz makes little or no mention of the discrimination going on in today’s college culture against men. She sees men as a bunch of goofballs who just can’t cut it in comparison to women. Hymowitz gives an example of how women work harder than men in college. Women, according to studies:

… contribute more to class discussion and have more frequent communication with faculty including discussions about career plans. … Overall, men are less engaged in college life.

She mentions the work of Richard Whitmire, author of Why Boys Fail, who reports that “men tend to be loners.” One professor Hymowitz mentions says:

The men come into class with their backward baseball caps and the “word processor ate my homework” excuses. Meanwhile the women are checking their day planners and asking for recommendations to law school.

If women were showing disinterest or not engaging in conversation at college, the big question would be: “what are we doing wrong, and how can we get them engaged?” When men tune out, they are good-for-nothing slackers. Perhaps if men were welcomed into this conversation, they wouldn’t need to sit back in stony silence.

What would happen if a regular Joe, not an alpha male, came into class and gave his true opinion about the topics at hand, say in a psychology or sociology class? What if that opinion was non-PC, such as: “I think that men should not have to pay child support if women can have abortions,” etc.? How far would that man get in school? Would he graduate? Would he even pass the class? Even if men won’t admit it to themselves and women like Hymowitz overlook the problem, it exists.

After 45 years of being told they are pigs, sexist, and good for nothing, men have quit trying to please others, so they slap on a baseball cap and don’t talk much. And with good reason.

According to Hymowitz, these child-men are all used to a freewheeling life of going from girl to girl and video game to video game. Hymowitz mistakenly believes that men are suffering from the limits of American individualism.

Though she reluctantly admits that the “materials available to young men are meager, and what is available contradicts itself,” she comes up with this ridiculous conclusion: “At bottom, they are too free, a fact epitomized by their undefined, open-ended, and profoundly autonomous pre-adulthood.” She ends the book suggesting that young women will have to get a better understanding of the limitations imposed by their bodies (Huh?) and young men need to man up.

My question to her: Why should they?

What do you have to offer these men you call child-men if they do man up? Are you going to ensure that they have fair access to their children should they divorce? Will you make sure that they aren’t hauled off to jail if the wife makes false accusations of domestic violence? Will you let them keep the earnings and property that they worked for over years rather than have them turned over to their wife, even if she cheated and was abusive? Will you shield the millions of men who live in fear of their significant other but have nowhere to turn for help? Will you make marriage, in other words, as valuable to men as you think it is for women?

I doubt it. What Hymowitz and other authors in this area — see Kathleen Parker’s Save the Males: Why Men Matter, Why Women Should Care for another example — seem to want is for these men to marry women and make them happy. Rather than recognize that they are autonomous beings who are living for themselves and fulfilling their own needs and not a woman’s obligations, these analyses of the “man problem” seem to be all about what women want.

Well, such are the fruits of half a century of organizing gender relations along the lines of women’s immediate desires. Long term, it has resulted in men bailing out, going “John Galt” in the gender economy. And I can understand the disappointment. But I don’t share it. As you sow, so shall you reap.

You are frustrated that some men have turned their backs on women and have decided to live for themselves and not for you. Perhaps you should have thought of that possibility earlier. And as for that American individualism that you seem to hold in disregard?

May it live long and prosper.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: genderwars; psychology
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1 posted on 02/23/2011 9:34:41 AM PST by FreeManDC
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To: FreeManDC
Men Don't Exist to Serve Women's Desires

What if she's a dominatrix?

2 posted on 02/23/2011 9:37:49 AM PST by pnh102 (Regarding liberalism, always attribute to malice what you think can be explained by stupidity. - Me)
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To: FreeManDC

Geez, there’s gonna be red ass around here if Cupcake reads this!


3 posted on 02/23/2011 9:38:25 AM PST by Slump Tester (What if I'm pregnant Teddy? Errr-ahh -Calm down Mary Jo, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it)
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To: FreeManDC

Now they tell me!


4 posted on 02/23/2011 9:38:32 AM PST by Old Retired Army Guy
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To: FreeManDC

well.... some of you guys don’t *wink*


5 posted on 02/23/2011 9:38:43 AM PST by Mr. K (Job #1 is to DEFUND THE LEFT~!!!!)
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To: FreeManDC

They don’t exist to fulfill women’s desires? When did they start?


6 posted on 02/23/2011 9:39:25 AM PST by ReneeLynn (Socialism is SO yesterday. Fascism, it's the new black. Mmm mmm mmm...)
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To: FreeManDC

She ends the book suggesting that young women will have to get a better understanding of the limitations imposed by their bodies (Huh?) and young men need to man up.

My question to her: Why should they?

BECAUSE GOD CREATED MEN TO LEAD! Fear GOD NOT Women!!


7 posted on 02/23/2011 9:42:11 AM PST by chicagolady (Mexican Elite say: EXPORT Poverty Let the American Taxpayer foot the bill !)
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To: FreeManDC

8 posted on 02/23/2011 9:43:12 AM PST by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
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To: FreeManDC
What would happen if a regular Joe, not an alpha male, came into class and gave his true opinion about the topics at hand, say in a psychology or sociology class?

Many years ago I had an anthropology professor who was obsessed with domestic violence. She didn't really teach anthropolgy, she just ranted about men beating up women. Once day I brought in a NYT article that indicated most domestic violence in the US was initiated by women.

She attacked me up and down. "They deserve it! Men are pigs! What's the matter?? Can't they take it? Are the big strong men crying because the little girl is hitting them??"

Umm. Yeah. See how long a male professor would last if he ridiculed women like that. The education establishment, in general, holds masculinity in contempt.

9 posted on 02/23/2011 9:44:00 AM PST by ClearCase_guy
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To: FreeManDC
Oh cry me a river!

Men still score better than women on tests, so we work less, are less involved - and still whip their asses on the test. We men also get paid more, on average.

This “battle of the sexes” garbage has to stop. A man without a woman is not whole - a woman without a man is not whole - there is a reason why were were made “male and female” and it seems a fine arrangement that brings mutual satisfaction when we view each other as partners in life, finances, emotions, and sexual gratification.

According to Jewish culture a man is obligated to provide a good life for his wife and to satisfy her sexual desires.

That too seems a fine arrangement. If the obligation went the other way that poor gal would have her hands full with me!

10 posted on 02/23/2011 9:46:40 AM PST by allmendream (Tea Party did not send the GOP to D.C. to negotiate the terms of our surrender to socialism.)
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To: ClearCase_guy
She attacked me up and down. "They deserve it! Men are pigs! What's the matter?? Can't they take it? Are the big strong men crying because the little girl is hitting them??"

What a bee-yotch.

Sounds kind of dykey to me.

11 posted on 02/23/2011 9:47:22 AM PST by Allegra (Hey! Stop looking at my tagline like that.)
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To: FreeManDC

I agree to a point, most men these days need to MAN UP and say what they really think and quit worrying about what women will say.


12 posted on 02/23/2011 9:47:51 AM PST by TexasFreeper2009 (Obama = Carter 2.0 The Epic Fail edition)
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To: FreeManDC

The very last thing men need is another woman defining us, telling us who we are, or telling us who we should be, or what we should think or do. Have any if you guys spent much time with these loony tunes creatures! Do you really want to be who THEY want you to be? Do you really want to think what THEY think you should think? My word!

That the most part of an entire generation of us - or now several - gave in to this notion speaks to the effectiveness of Leftist propaganda. They have done their job well, but it was unfortunately easy.


13 posted on 02/23/2011 9:49:00 AM PST by dagogo redux (A whiff of primitive spirits in the air, harbingers of an impending descent into the feral.)
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To: FreeManDC

I would just like to let all women know this...

You can use me to serve your desires anytime you want. ;)


14 posted on 02/23/2011 9:49:00 AM PST by mamelukesabre (Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum (If you want peace prepare for war))
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To: FreeManDC

This is why God gave us Russian women.


15 posted on 02/23/2011 9:49:10 AM PST by DesertRhino (I was standing with a rifle, waiting for soviet paratroopers, but communists just ran for office)
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To: FreeManDC

” What if that opinion was non-PC, such as: “I think that men should not have to pay child support if women can have abortions,” etc.? How far would that man get in school? Would he graduate? Would he even pass the class?”

...he wouldn’t get too far...the academy is overwhelmingly dominated by feminist PC dogma...now days men on the liberal arts faculty are mostly pussies...back in the day, I had professors that had crossed the Rhine with Patton...today’s lit professors couldn’t carry those guys shoes.


16 posted on 02/23/2011 9:49:34 AM PST by STONEWALLS
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To: musicman

“gimme your purse I’ll get you some cab fare”

Doooooooojaaaaaaaa


17 posted on 02/23/2011 9:50:31 AM PST by Electric Graffiti (Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their Moonbats)
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To: FreeManDC
Men Don't Exist to Serve Women's Desires

There are certain desires that real men are supposed to serve.

18 posted on 02/23/2011 9:51:36 AM PST by DTogo (High time to bring back the Sons of Liberty !!)
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To: FreeManDC
Men Don't Exist to Serve Women's Desires

And a lot of women don't care at all about men's desires, let alone care about "serving" them.

19 posted on 02/23/2011 9:52:21 AM PST by Prokopton
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To: FreeManDC

No, but they are a nice distraction.


20 posted on 02/23/2011 9:52:29 AM PST by Jack of all Trades (Stop the change - I want to get off!)
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To: TexasFreeper2009

Don’t think there isn’t an organized effort behind this.
There may be some “useful idiots” among the feminists,
but those who are driving feminism know exactly what they’re doing -

emasculating men with the goal of destroying the traditional family, with the end goal of instituting communism in our nation. (see tagline)


21 posted on 02/23/2011 9:52:32 AM PST by MrB (Tagline suspended for important announcement on my home page. Click my handle.)
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To: FreeManDC
contribute more to class discussion and have more frequent communication with faculty including discussions about career plans.

This is hilarious to anyone who has ever taught. It is like saying "women contribute more to the discussion about highway safety when stopped by the State police, and therefore get fewer tickets".

22 posted on 02/23/2011 9:52:36 AM PST by kbennkc (For those who have fought for it, freedom has a flavor the protected will never know.)
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Comment #23 Removed by Moderator

To: ClearCase_guy

Liberals are always good at the ‘Jesus Can’t Swim’ type of cherry picked facts.


24 posted on 02/23/2011 9:57:13 AM PST by Free Vulcan (Vote Republican! You can vote Democrat when you're dead.)
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To: FreeManDC

bump


25 posted on 02/23/2011 9:58:09 AM PST by SonofReagan
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To: DTogo
Men Don't Exist to Serve Women's Liberal's Desires


This looks like more sour grapes from the social engineering crowd. Not content with 40-50 million abortions, unrestricted illegal immigration and murdering the black family, they are mad that MEN will not submit to their world view.


Of course when, the shooting starts they will then want REAL men to defend them and none will be found...

26 posted on 02/23/2011 10:00:22 AM PST by Nat Turner (I can see NOVEMBER 2012 from my house....)
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To: FreeManDC

One of the complaints about the so-called patriarchal society we live in is that males are allowed to define the public (and even private) boundaries of women. Yet here we have a woman doing exactly the same thing to men. It’s irony approaching hypocrisy.

I’ll make you a deal, Butch. I won’t tell you how to be a woman and you don’t tell me how to be a man, okay?


27 posted on 02/23/2011 10:01:06 AM PST by IronJack (=)
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To: ClearCase_guy
The education establishment, in general, holds masculinity in contempt.

They hold masculinity in males in contempt. And conversely, they hold femininity in females in contempt. They hold all traditional societal roles in contempt. ....in western civilization, that is. For all other cultures, traditionalism is just fine and dandy. Part of the "cultural tapestry." Sharia Law? No problem. Muslim men beating their wives to death? Clitoridectomies? More "tapestry" BS.

28 posted on 02/23/2011 10:01:31 AM PST by Mr. Mojo
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To: derllak
*feeling used*

:P

29 posted on 02/23/2011 10:02:09 AM PST by Lakeshark (Thank a member of the US armed forces for their sacrifice)
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To: allmendream

Please don’t post this canard about men being paid more than women.

It’s been diasproved many times over.


30 posted on 02/23/2011 10:02:52 AM PST by webstersII
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To: Arktos

Ahhhhh yes,,, and the funny thing is that the local harpies lecture us that they are stupid and subservient. The opposite is usually true,, sexy, strong, and mostly educated to an extent that embarrasses a local. And no chip on the shoulder,,, it’s amazing to get a pleasant smile back when one busts you checking her out.


31 posted on 02/23/2011 10:05:51 AM PST by DesertRhino (I was standing with a rifle, waiting for soviet paratroopers, but communists just ran for office)
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To: Slump Tester

>>Geez, there’s gonna be red ass around here if Cupcake reads this!<<

Yeah, and speaking of Cupcake:http://www.fredoneverything.net/Divorce.shtml

Fred nailed it a long time ago. Our culture has made marriage a very bad gamble for men. Men have figured it out. If we were to eliminate “no-fault” divorce, things could change, but there would still be challenges. I think the economic collapse will fix a lot of this.


32 posted on 02/23/2011 10:06:43 AM PST by RobRoy (The US Today: Revelation 18:4)
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To: Allegra
What a bee-yotch. Sounds kind of dykey to me.

Why you chauvinist pig! Oh wait.....

33 posted on 02/23/2011 10:08:33 AM PST by facedown (Armed in the Heartland)
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To: FreeManDC

“Men Don’t Exist to Serve Women’s Desires” should read:

Menn don’t exist to serve UGLY women’s desires.


34 posted on 02/23/2011 10:08:56 AM PST by LeonardFMason
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To: FreeManDC
I once knew a VERY bright woman (now quite elderly) who when I asked her what was the greatest liberating advance for women? She answered without hesitation:

The Washing Machine!
35 posted on 02/23/2011 10:09:29 AM PST by truthguy (Good intentions are not enough.)
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To: FreeManDC
I'm frankly sick and tired of being told to "man up". In the majority of American households, if the husband "manned up" into a traditional male leadership role he'd be slapped with divorce papers by the end of the week-if he wasn't smothered to death in his sleep first.

Men are boys because women want them that way, and the culture reinforces the Girl Power message through ever conceivable medium. Of course women hate the side effects of irresponsiblity and irresoloution, but they are willing to put up with them to get the docility and pliability that they desire in their mates.

36 posted on 02/23/2011 10:09:36 AM PST by jboot
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To: FreeManDC

“Men Don’t Exist to Serve Women’s Desires” should read:

Menn don’t exist to serve UGLY women’s desires.


37 posted on 02/23/2011 10:09:36 AM PST by LeonardFMason
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To: allmendream

>>Men still score better than women on tests, so we work less, are less involved - and still whip their asses on the test. We men also get paid more, on average.<<

That pretty much sums up my entire adult life at work (programmer, project manager, Business analyst). But women tend to be better at PM because they hold multiple dissimilar thoughts better. Men are better at drilling in in great detail - becoming experts.

Though that is a generality, kinda like “generally speaking, men are taller than women”.


38 posted on 02/23/2011 10:10:17 AM PST by RobRoy (The US Today: Revelation 18:4)
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To: FreeManDC
The men come into class with their backward baseball caps and the “word processor ate my homework” excuses.

I can see that happening. Most men simply aren't going to be lead by women. The younger ones just get stupid like that.

I teach in the Mechanical Engineering Department of a local University, my classes are 90-95% male. High standards are presented at the start and then maintained. We have none of this.

39 posted on 02/23/2011 10:12:04 AM PST by Last Dakotan (Hunting - the ultimate in organic grocery shopping.)
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To: FreeManDC

I blame society.


40 posted on 02/23/2011 10:13:38 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (You CAN get blood from a stone, if you throw it hard enough.)
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To: Mr. Mojo

This has to be nominated for one of the all-time best FR posts.

Nice work.


41 posted on 02/23/2011 10:14:18 AM PST by Retired Greyhound
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To: ClearCase_guy
What's the matter?? Can't they take it?

I'd dare her to hit me so she can find out how fast I can turn her over my knee and give her a solid arse warming.

42 posted on 02/23/2011 10:15:06 AM PST by Dead Corpse (III%. The last line in the sand)
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To: mamelukesabre; Lazamataz

You’ve been hanging out with Laz, haven’t you?


43 posted on 02/23/2011 10:15:28 AM PST by Politicalmom (America-The Land of the Sheep, the Home of the Caved.)
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To: ClearCase_guy

I used to care. Dropped out and left.

Then I found a nice gal and stopped caring. I went back. Raised cain when I learned that they would rather give me a minimum pass than engage in confrontation.

I am so glad to be out of school. Every day I count my blessings.


44 posted on 02/23/2011 10:16:25 AM PST by BenKenobi (Don't expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong. - Silent Cal)
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To: FreeManDC

So weird, because, on the other hand, young women are encouraged to put out and give Lewinskys in order to secure a boyfriend and be “cool”.


45 posted on 02/23/2011 10:16:25 AM PST by Retired Greyhound
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To: Mr. Mojo

You pretty much nailed it. I like to say (especially to liberals) that if I want to get in touch with my feminine side I reach for my wife.


46 posted on 02/23/2011 10:17:20 AM PST by RobRoy (The US Today: Revelation 18:4)
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To: jboot

>>...if the husband “manned up” into a traditional male leadership role he’d be slapped with divorce papers by the end of the week...<<

That is what happened to me with a 20 year marriage, though it took her more than a week. I decided to honor my role as husband as outlined in the bible, as opposed to being a whupped lap dog. And the result, 14 years later, is that in a few months I will be celebrating the 13th anniversary of marriage to the woman of my dreams.


47 posted on 02/23/2011 10:20:10 AM PST by RobRoy (The US Today: Revelation 18:4)
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To: STONEWALLS

I expressed said opinion and I have a degree. With a decent GPA to boot.

The prof in that class chose to give me a minimum pass.

Actually, the one I expressed is a clipping from a welfare reformer who argued that giving stay at home moms an income made their family better off. ;)


48 posted on 02/23/2011 10:21:47 AM PST by BenKenobi (Don't expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong. - Silent Cal)
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To: RobRoy
"I decided to honor my role as husband as outlined in the bible"

I commend you. But I know from personal experince that such a decision invites a world of pain. Congratulations on finding a woman who would honor herself and you as well by keeping the Lord's commandments for marriage. Such women are thin on the ground, even in churches.

49 posted on 02/23/2011 10:24:44 AM PST by jboot
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To: Hegewisch Dupa

i thought you’d want to know.... ; )


50 posted on 02/23/2011 10:25:17 AM PST by xsmommy
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