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The opposite of a 'Tiger Mother': leaving your children behind
Yahoo Shine ^ | 3/4/11 | Lylhah Alphonse

Posted on 03/04/2011 4:09:10 PM PST by DemforBush

-SNIP-

Rahna Reiko Rizzuto says that she never wanted to be a mother.

"I had this idea that motherhood was this really all-encompassing thing,"

-SNIP-

...when her children came to visit, she had an epiphany: She didn't want to be a full-time mother anymore. When she returned to New York, she ended her 20-year marriage and chose not to be her kids' custodial parent.

(Excerpt) Read more at shine.yahoo.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: children; chinesemothers; divorce; neglect; tigermother
I'd be interested to hear parent FReeper's take on this story. I'm a bachelor, so I don't pretend to be an expert on children or raising them. But this woman's actions just seem utterly bizarre to me.
1 posted on 03/04/2011 4:09:13 PM PST by DemforBush
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To: DemforBush

worthless POS and her kids will know it


2 posted on 03/04/2011 4:11:08 PM PST by Mr. K (Job #1 is to DEFUND THE LEFT~!!!!)
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To: DemforBush

What’s to tell? She is allowing her children to reach their full potential by not being their full time mother.
No love.
No guidance.
No involvement.
No boundaries.
No values.
It is all about her and reaching her potential. At least that is what she, and Yahoo are promoting. Self actualization at the cost of all else. I think if she could have come to this realization earlier she would have left them exposed on a rocky cliff when they were born.

She almost a perfect liberal. She is a perfect monster.


3 posted on 03/04/2011 4:15:16 PM PST by IrishCatholic (No local Communist or Socialist Party Chapter? Join the Democrats, it's the same thing!)
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To: DemforBush
"In fact, their relationship not only survived her leaving, but "has improved.""

I believe it. The less they see of her the better their lives will be.

4 posted on 03/04/2011 4:15:45 PM PST by TigersEye (Who crashed the markets on 9/15/08 and why?)
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To: IrishCatholic

Aww, she had to leave her kids to find them.

Sounds like a loving mom to me....NOT!

Just what the he!! does that mean, anyway?

I hope she dies a lonely old spinster.


5 posted on 03/04/2011 4:17:59 PM PST by derllak
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To: DemforBush

It is very simple, really, she is what is wrong with people today. totally self-involved, selfish, shallow and completely lacking any contribution to her world. The children she has thrown away will be, hopefully, better off with their father. When she reaches her “golden” years she will face a very bleak and lonely existence. Worthless she is and will stay. I feel sorry for her but not her children, they are the key to her future and she has swept it out of mind and thought, exactly what they will do her when she, one day, may need them.


6 posted on 03/04/2011 4:17:59 PM PST by Rockiette (Democrats are not intelligent)
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To: DemforBush

She’s a selfish, self absorbed creatin, who is lying to herself if she really thinks she has a good relationship with her kids.

The most I can say for her is, at least she didn’t kill them. But she destroyed their childhoods.


7 posted on 03/04/2011 4:18:11 PM PST by mockingbyrd
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To: DemforBush

Adults don’t always do what they want.


8 posted on 03/04/2011 4:19:40 PM PST by dangerdoc (see post #6)
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To: DemforBush

Adults don’t always do what they want.


9 posted on 03/04/2011 4:19:40 PM PST by dangerdoc (see post #6)
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To: DemforBush

There are certain mammals who leave their young to fend for themselves. Leftists are among these under-evolved beasts. They are not people.


10 posted on 03/04/2011 4:20:22 PM PST by Soothesayer (smallpox is not a person)
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To: DemforBush
What is really sickening here is that this woman is going to be a feminist hero…sold as a role model for the modern woman.
11 posted on 03/04/2011 4:23:03 PM PST by cartan
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To: DemforBush

Why did you except away the fact the kids were 6 and 3? That was a bad thing to leave out. Or are you just trying to tease people to the website?


12 posted on 03/04/2011 4:23:41 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (You CAN get blood from a stone, if you throw it hard enough.)
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To: DemforBush

This is societry today. We are the “me” generations. It’s all about us and our feelings. The kids are just there to hang out and make us feel better about ourselves, or if they don’t, then screw ‘em ,they can raise themselves.
As long as I’m happy.
Makes me want to scream, holler, and puke.


13 posted on 03/04/2011 4:24:30 PM PST by vpintheak (Democrats: Robbing humans of their dignity 1 law at a time)
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To: Cyber Liberty

except = excerpt


14 posted on 03/04/2011 4:26:03 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (You CAN get blood from a stone, if you throw it hard enough.)
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To: DemforBush; Bulwyf; null and void

You can’t parent a child by merely “going to performances and every game”
It’s more involved, it entails giving of yourself for years. Yeah, it’s work, but if you don’t want to do it, don’t procreate.
This is for fathers as well as mothers. I honor the parents that stick with the kid(s)


15 posted on 03/04/2011 4:28:55 PM PST by Shimmer1 (When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt.)
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To: DemforBush; Bulwyf; null and void

You can’t parent a child by merely “going to performances and every game”
It’s more involved, it entails giving of yourself for years. Yeah, it’s work, but if you don’t want to do it, don’t procreate.
This is for fathers as well as mothers. I honor the parents that stick with the kid(s)


16 posted on 03/04/2011 4:29:03 PM PST by Shimmer1 (When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt.)
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To: DemforBush

I will never get this. I have 4 adult children and 4 animals and my animals
get more attention I would suspect, then the author gives he kids. Ask her
in 20 years if she made the right decision. Then ask the kids.


17 posted on 03/04/2011 4:30:54 PM PST by marygam ((Obama is not a messiah, wake up folks!))
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To: Cyber Liberty

Just trying to keep the excerpts within ‘fair use’ lengths, that’s all. I’d have preferred to post the whole story, but I’d hate to see Yahoo start going the way of some other sources that won’t let us post anymore.


18 posted on 03/04/2011 4:43:33 PM PST by DemforBush (Insert pithy catchphrase here)
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To: Rockiette

She is a selfish naccistic bi—h. I had one like that for a mother. My grandparents saved my brother and I.

When our mom died we both did the same thing, it was just another day and we went to work.


19 posted on 03/04/2011 4:53:45 PM PST by cpdiii (Deckhand, Roughneck, Geologist, Pilot, Pharmacist, Iconoclast: THE CONSTITUTION IS WORTH DYING FOR.)
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To: DemforBush

This is nothing new, it’s been done for ages ... one or both parents leaving their kids ... either physically or emotionally, behind.

This woman is trying to make a buck off of an age-old phenomenon.


20 posted on 03/04/2011 5:03:32 PM PST by Lorianne (During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. ___ George Orwell)
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To: DemforBush
The story was thousands of words long. Including one lousy sentence before your first snip would have negated the need for me to go to the story (And the banner advertisers. Do you get a penny a pop or something?) to get some context. That sounds more like teasing a story and less like responsible excerpting.
21 posted on 03/04/2011 5:06:45 PM PST by Cyber Liberty (You CAN get blood from a stone, if you throw it hard enough.)
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To: Rockiette

Except this is not new to ‘today’.
There have always been people who have left their kids behind, and yes even women.
Also, there are have always been women who were less maternal than the ideal and just did the job perfunctorily because that is what society expected.

And have always been people who have left their kids behind by way of drugs and alchol etc.

Nothing new.

What’s new is someone making a buck writing about it.


22 posted on 03/04/2011 5:07:20 PM PST by Lorianne (During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. ___ George Orwell)
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To: cpdiii

right

a perfect liberal. a perfect monster.

she is “Now a spiritual adviser” BS.

I know women like this, pose as advisers, role models ,feminist heroes, in reality are psychopaths,like actress “Mommy dearest” and “White Christmas” Bing Crosby who caused suicides of his sons ,


23 posted on 03/04/2011 5:10:18 PM PST by wiseone (india)
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To: DemforBush

I raised five and was stay at home mom. Absolutely loved being my own boss and designer of what I did with my day and with my children. It was a blast...but I had a lot of help and support from grandparents and dad and living in the Bay Area, there were tons of activities.

The flaw in the “experts” analysis is the ridiculous notion that men and women are the “same”. That they are interchangeable. It is a lie. They are not. The nurturing instinct in women is very different from the protective one of man. Marxists deny biology...that is because they deny God’s design.

Men and women are complementary and both are needed for example of the interaction between the two. Children are designed to have and excel in a natural family situation. The family unit teaches equal worth of one man and one woman, but also demonstrates the difference between the sexes—something needed in inclusive societies where you don’t have an extreme hatred of one sex, like you do in homosexual societies, like in Afghanistan where pederasty is normalized and woman are hated and are reduced to slaves.

These Marxists are selfish—it is all about themselves. Once a woman gives birth, the children should come first, otherwise, don’t have them. Children need 17 years of supervision and during the first 7 years is the formative years—where their worldview and attitudes are formed. It is imperative for loving parents to be constant in everyday life to avoid stress and trauma in a child’s early years which will lead to strong, independent, individuals who have strong self-esteems (true ones) so they will not be easily manipulated and used by others. They will not become dysfunctional and resort to drugs, sex, etc., to gain “self-worth”. They will not destroy their bodies, because they were loved as young children and think of themselves as worthy people. They are able to give abundantly of themselves to others, because their soul is overflowing. Dysfunction in people is most always the fault of horrible parents, or no father or an immature/selfish mother who gives no time and patience to young children.

Attachment to the mother is the most desirable, because of nursing and the natural nurturing instinct. Separation from that bonded mother will be traumatic and very damaging if it is done in the first 6 years of life. Later will also impact self-worth of child to an extent, but in the earlier years, before the age of reason, it is very damaging. That is why Marxists promote “day cares” and women in the work place, etc. They want dysfunctional, damaged children. It serves their purpose and parents don’t mind handing their children over to the state. It has been a long conditioning process to get women “willing” to give up their children to strangers and to actually think they will be better at teaching them than the actual loving mother. It is the big lie which the Marxists changed the name of day care to “preschool” to make mothers feel guilty in NOT separating from their children at the crucial ages when worldview and self-esteem is being formed. That separation causes stress which is known to lower IQ when constant. In a lot of day care situations, stress in young children is always elevated and in many situations to a very unhealthy and detrimental level.

Of course, peer pressures also have impact, but that is part of parenting...making sure the peers are healthy for your child and help him become a better person—not a worse one. It is important to know the parents of their friends.

It is also important not to let “strangers” form their worldview. Know the curricula in school...most is Marxist ideology now. Purge it.

Lenin invented the “day care” so that he could get children away from their parents and form their world view. Of course, they condition (Pavlov was his friend) and brainwash into a godlessness where man is nothing but an animal to be herded. They don’t want independent self-reliant people that the family unit produces. That is why Lenin/Marx abhorred the family unit and is using laws (no fault divorce) media to promote all types of dysfunctional behavior as good and fun, and promote perversions. It is all to destroy all relationships, cause all groups to hate one another so there is only chaos...and in the ruble we will have the State moving in and taking control.

It is really odd that in the animal kingdom, it is only humans who will give up their babies to strangers to form their worldview/attitudes and personality.
The female apes prevent all strangers from getting even close to their young. They also always run to them if they cry—they would never leave them to feel helpless and not important by allowing them to cry for any length of time. We have “experts” who advise new mothers that is “spoils” babies to pick them up when they cry. This absurd Marxist ideology is out there so the neglected babies grow up to learn not to trust or bond with anyone, so they will be dysfunctional and unable to form a family unit.

One last thing. The Rhesus monkey experiment where the scientist removed the infant from its mother....that monkey grew up with all sorts of anti-social behavior where he could not form any relationships...could not reproduce—participated in aberrant behaviors, including homosexuality.

All Romanian orphans not having bonding experience with mother were exactly like the monkeys....They in their 40’s, still are dysfunctional and cannot form meaningful relationships. Schlafley said it best in her “Who will rock the cradle?” With this “daycare” idea, we are creating insecure, group-thinkers who will be unable and unwilling to be leaders. Individualism and self-reliance comes from a nurtured and loved child.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXlgNdZR6AA


24 posted on 03/04/2011 5:16:02 PM PST by savagesusie
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To: Soothesayer
There are certain mammals who leave their young to fend for themselves. Leftists are among these under-evolved beasts. They are not people.

Not all leftists. I know some who really care for their children.

I saw the grief of one couple whose son (with significant issues from early on understanding cause&effect in regard to his actions) first got criminally sucked-in by PETA and then wound up in prison. The daughters grew up normally -- well, as normally as possible: every member of this family has an unimaginably high IQ, including son.

Recently I ran into another old friend. He met his wife in Russian class (in the 80s) and their idea of a honeymoon was to tour the Soviet Union. I learned they're recently divorced (this was sad) but he's taking much pride in their children's advancement in school. I like the guy, though we all know we have very little in common politically.

25 posted on 03/04/2011 5:30:06 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: DemforBush

Kudos to the father who did raise them and had enough class not to thoroughly damage the relationship with their mother.


26 posted on 03/04/2011 5:34:47 PM PST by PrincessB (Drill Baby Drill.)
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To: Rockiette
she is what is wrong with people today. totally self-involved, selfish, shallow and completely lacking any contribution to her world.

"Today"? We have always had such among us. But in my experience they're a small minority and even many of the left/libs we contend with are trying to "contribute," though they generally have the issues wrongly constructed.

27 posted on 03/04/2011 5:39:15 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: TigersEye

On the plus side, the kids will give about the same level of priority.


28 posted on 03/04/2011 5:40:56 PM PST by Jonty30
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To: DemforBush

So the femenazis now think parenting the children you create is optional? The poor children!


29 posted on 03/04/2011 5:43:45 PM PST by SaraJohnson
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To: Jonty30

I’ve seen the most loving parents treated poorly and the least loving parents treated well. It seems the kids try very hard to win the heart of the parent who rejects them.


30 posted on 03/04/2011 5:51:46 PM PST by ladyjane
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To: DemforBush

Sounds quite selfish to me.


31 posted on 03/04/2011 5:59:12 PM PST by PGR88 (I'm so open-minded my brains fell out)
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To: DemforBush

Rahna Reiko Rizzuto will someday be alone, unless her children rise above their mother’s narcissism. She will have a season of regret.


32 posted on 03/04/2011 6:00:54 PM PST by AD from SpringBay (We deserve the government we allow.)
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To: savagesusie

Nice post!


33 posted on 03/04/2011 6:01:15 PM PST by PGR88 (I'm so open-minded my brains fell out)
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To: ladyjane

Nothing is ever absolute, but it does generally hold true that parents who establish a relationship with kids during their development years will usually have the favour returned.


34 posted on 03/04/2011 6:01:23 PM PST by Jonty30
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To: DemforBush

My daughter-in-law’s mother left her when she was 4 years old. She is now 26 and still has not recovered from that. Shame on those mothers!


35 posted on 03/04/2011 6:12:59 PM PST by copwife (All God's creatures have a place in the choir!)
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To: Cyber Liberty

Whatever, dude. My time at FR speaks for itself. You go right ahead and conjure up whatever nutty theory suits you.

Tinfoil’s on sale this week, btw. You might want to stock up!


36 posted on 03/04/2011 6:13:19 PM PST by DemforBush (Insert pithy catchphrase here)
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To: DemforBush
Why do some women get this notion that they must dump their kids in order to 'find themselves'? Their kids didn't ask to be brought into the world, but they should be their mother's FIRST priority. AFTER the kids are in school full time, or are grown and gone from the house, THEN a woman can devote her entire being, and every waking hour, if she wants, to whatever her little heart desires. That doesn't mean she can't be doing something about her career, or her interests while her kids are growing up, but she should never abandon her kids simply to please herself.

These women may think their kids are just fine and dandy, but I'd think it would hurt the kids' notions of commitment and relationships, when they know that the ONE person who is supposed to care for them the most, simply didn't want to bother.

37 posted on 03/04/2011 6:55:56 PM PST by SuziQ
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To: DemforBush
I feel very sorry for the kids of mothers like these. The notion that a small amount of 'quality time' can make up for a lack of 'quantity time' is inconsistent with my experience. I've found that those special moments when a child shares a dream or asks a difficult question can very unpredictable. This is especially true of teenagers. If they don't have enough time with their parents, those moments come and go with nobody there to listen and engage in conversation. Kids don't just hold onto those thoughts until it's convenient for us to be there to listen. They don't plan their injuries, bad dreams, silly moments, or their tantrums for when it's convenient for a part-time parent to be present. It's only through ongoing participation in the daily routine of living that our lives are fully woven together. It's more about the dinners, the drives, the arguments over limits, and persisting despite conflict than it is about attending performances or sporting events. Providing stability and security are an important part of demonstrating love to a child.

None of us are perfect parents, and all of us would do some things differently if we had it to do over. However, I have yet to meet a parent who, after raising a child, thinks they spent too much time with the child.

38 posted on 03/04/2011 7:44:57 PM PST by Think free or die
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To: SuziQ

There’s been a lot of great, thoughtful posts on this story, but I think yours best sums up what I’ve been thinking about this topic.

I’ve always believed that once you have a child, what you want doesn’t come first anymore. The duty to raise a child properly comes before anything, and it’s not a temp job you can just walk away from when you feel like it. I simply cannot imagine doing what this woman has done.

And I agree with you about the children and relationships. I would not be surprised at all if these kids have, or will have, a skewed sensibility about relationships and commitment in their own lives.


39 posted on 03/04/2011 8:35:45 PM PST by DemforBush (Insert pithy catchphrase here)
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To: DemforBush

I knew a woman like this once. We worked together professionally and were sort of friends. Then she divorced her husband because she found him boring and “controlling,” even though they had two small girls — 4 & 5 at the time, I think. That was bad enough but I kept my mouth shut. She and the husband shared custody. But then she revived some old relationship and abandoned her kids completely to move to the other end of the USA, purposely planning only to see them during summer vacation. They were 6 & 7 by that time. Then she wrote to me, telling me how everything was butterflies and rainbows and wanting me to be happy for her ... and I cut her dead. I don’t need friends who act like that, abandoning their babies. I don’t think she understood at all.


40 posted on 03/04/2011 10:27:46 PM PST by Hetty_Fauxvert (March 2010: Congress shoved Obamacare down our throats. November 2010: We will shove it back!)
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To: Think free or die

Great post!


41 posted on 03/05/2011 5:09:24 AM PST by jnygrl (A big mouth coupled with a small mind is a dangerous combination)
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To: DemforBush
Effin nOObs...

;^)

42 posted on 03/05/2011 6:09:38 AM PST by Cyber Liberty (You CAN get blood from a stone, if you throw it hard enough.)
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To: DemforBush
I have an ex sister in law who walked away from her girls when they were 8 and 11. The girls are OK, good citizens, good mothers, their dad did a great job. I don't know how the ex sil feels about it, she developed early onset Alzheimer's in her early 50’s and at 65 she is a drooling vegetable.
43 posted on 03/05/2011 6:21:35 AM PST by Ditter
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To: vpintheak
This is societry today. We are the “me” generations. It’s all about us and our feelings.

Speaking personally, it is all about me; I'm selfish and I admit it...which is why I've chosen not to ever have children.

44 posted on 03/05/2011 7:15:19 AM PST by Abin Sur
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To: sionnsar

It is not possible for leftists to care about their own children. They care about themselves, their image, and their legacy. Children are a means for leftists to increase their longevity, a form of immortality. This is sort of like how monarchs regard family bloodlines. The children are property to them and have completely relative value.

If they genuinely care about their own kids then they qualify as confused moderates, not leftists.


45 posted on 03/05/2011 8:05:26 AM PST by Soothesayer (smallpox is not a person)
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To: wiseone
she is “Now a spiritual adviser” BS.

Take a peek at her loony, new age spirituality website. It's a hoot!

Polaris Rising

46 posted on 03/05/2011 8:28:17 AM PST by Gena Bukin
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To: DemforBush
But this woman's actions just seem utterly bizarre to me.

The women profiled all claim that their kids are doing fine. Sure, they might be doing "better" now that the mother who would abandon them finally has, but it's a stretch to say they're doing fine. I can't imagine the pain my sons would feel if their mother just up and took off one day. I can't imagine any child who is abandoned by the woman who carried them in her womb would be able to grow up without some emotional damage that they'll carry with them for the rest of their lives, --damage that will affect their future relationships with their own children.

It's just absolutely selfish. There's no other word to describe it. This woman emotionally crippled her children so that she could give the world another book on Hiroshima.

47 posted on 03/05/2011 8:35:51 AM PST by Gena Bukin
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To: Abin Sur

Then a wise decision you have made.


48 posted on 03/05/2011 3:21:37 PM PST by vpintheak (Democrats: Robbing humans of their dignity 1 law at a time)
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