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The Sad Consequences of 'Shacking Up'
American Thinker ^ | May 29, 2011 | Trevor Thomas

Posted on 05/29/2011 3:43:43 AM PDT by GonzoII


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May 29, 2011

The Sad Consequences of 'Shacking Up'

Trevor Thomas

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Recently that Hollywood scholar Cameron Diaz gave us an illustration of the secular/godless worldview on marriage: "I do [think marriage is dead]. I think we have to make our own rules. I don't think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don't suit our world any longer."

The current generation in America is shunning marriage for cohabitation at an unprecedented rate. According to the 2010 edition of the State of Our Unions report by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, "The number of unmarried couples has increased dramatically over the past five decades. Most younger Americans now spend some time living together outside of marriage, and nonmarital cohabitation precedes most new marriages."

According to the report, between 1960 and 2009, cohabitating couples in the U.S. increased more than fifteen-fold. Also, "About a quarter of unmarried women age 25 to 39 are currently living with a partner, and an additional quarter have lived with a partner at some time in the past. More than 60 percent of first marriages are now preceded by living together, compared to virtually none 50 years ago."

Now, those of the worldview of Miss Diaz might ask, "so what? Why shouldn't we make our own rules?" As is often the case, when we go our own way, ignoring the wisdom of the One who made us, there are tragic consequences. According to a recent federal study, the Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect, children living with their mother and her boyfriend are about 11 times more likely to be sexually, physically, or emotionally abused than children living with their married biological parents.

Likewise, children living with their mother and her boyfriend are six times more likely to be physically, emotionally, or educationally neglected than children living with their married biological parents. In other words, according to W. Bradford Wilcox, "one of the most dangerous places for a child in America to find himself is in a home that includes an unrelated male boyfriend -- especially when that boyfriend is left to care for a child by himself."

According to the study, children who live with their cohabitating biological parents don't fare much better. In these circumstances, children are more than four times more likely to be sexually, physically, or emotionally abused and they are three times more likely to be physically, emotionally, or educationally neglected than children living with their married biological parents. Again, according to Wilcox, "a child is not much safer when she is living in a home with her parents if her parents' relationship does not enjoy the legal, social and moral status and guidance that marriage confers on relationships."

Also according to the study, not only does cohabitation do little to prepare couples for marriage (which is often the excuse for cohabitating), but "a substantial body of evidence indicates that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage."

The solution to this travesty goes far beyond simply uttering "I do." However, the solution does begin with a simple step of recognizing that marriage is not a man-made institution that we are free to redefine using "our own rules"-at least not without devastating consequences.

At the Intersection of Politics, Science, Faith, and Reason. www.trevorgrantthomas.com


Page Printed from: http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2011/05/the_sad_consequences_of_shacki.html at May 29, 2011 - 05:18:28 AM CDT


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: family; freelazamataz; marriage; parenting; research
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http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/pdfs/Union_11_12_10.pdf
1 posted on 05/29/2011 3:43:45 AM PDT by GonzoII
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To: GonzoII

Never thought Diaz was attractive, she always looks like she needs a bath. And she’s dumb as a post, and can’t act.

Other than that, I see no reason why she couldn’t have a genius-level intellect regarding all things, so I’m glad they consulted her.

Go back to smoking Snoop’s pot, hon.


2 posted on 05/29/2011 3:46:49 AM PDT by Darkwolf377 (You can't go! All the plants are gonna die!)
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To: Darkwolf377

Wisdom from someone who needs to remove a mitten to count to three...


3 posted on 05/29/2011 3:53:07 AM PDT by Rumplemeyer
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To: GonzoII

In my view this is as much about economics as anything. From a financial perspective, government licensed marriage is a bad, bad deal. Moreso from the male perspective and if both are working.

This is all about government policy which is profoundly anti-marriage and anti-child.


4 posted on 05/29/2011 4:04:42 AM PDT by RKBA Democrat (Default is just a kinder, gentler form of debt repudiation.)
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To: GonzoII

In Hollywood they sleep their way to the top and then rationalize it by claiming everyone is or should be as sleazy as them.


5 posted on 05/29/2011 4:17:26 AM PDT by Meet the New Boss
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To: GonzoII
Here's my advice for boys: The hardest and most important decision you will ever make is choosing your wife.

The last place on Earth you can figure out if your current GF is the one is in her home (if that's where you are living).

6 posted on 05/29/2011 4:21:21 AM PDT by Jim Noble (The Constitution is overthrown. The Revolution is betrayed.)
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To: Jim Noble

‘Here’s my advice for boys.’

As each of our 6 grandsons were born to 3 of our 4 daughters, I told the parents
‘*I* get to pick their son’s wives . . . !’


7 posted on 05/29/2011 4:37:00 AM PDT by USARightSide (Attend your local cemetery that honors Memorial Day with military ceremonies)
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To: Jim Noble
Here's my advice for boys: The hardest and most important decision you will ever make is choosing your wife.

Very true. Marry (or worse, have children) with the wrong woman and your life is guaranteed to be an expensive hell for up to 18 years (22 in some jurisdictions).
8 posted on 05/29/2011 4:38:18 AM PDT by Yet_Again
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To: USARightSide
I told the parents ‘*I* get to pick their son’s wives . . . !’

That was my first preference as well, but sometimes nature takes its course...

9 posted on 05/29/2011 4:38:49 AM PDT by Jim Noble (The Constitution is overthrown. The Revolution is betrayed.)
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To: GonzoII

Can we just redraw the lines and give So. Calif back to Mexico? (and include Hawaii - and let them have our little dictator?)


10 posted on 05/29/2011 4:41:30 AM PDT by maine-iac7 (watch the other hand)
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To: USARightSide
Not a good idea. Reason a lot of marriages fail is because busy-body relatives insist upon interfering with and being overly involved in other people's marriages. There is only one marriage that any person should ever concern themselves with - that is their own marriage.

Best thing my wife and I ever did (and we are approaching a quarter century of a nearly flawless marriage) was to maintain a comfortable distance from the families we came from. The closest family member is about 30 miles away and most of them are at least a time zone away. We only see them on special occasions.

Now that's a recipe for marital bliss.

I would suggest you butt out and let your grandkids make their own decisions.

11 posted on 05/29/2011 4:45:29 AM PDT by SamAdams76 (I am 48 days from outliving Wendy O Williams (of The Plasmatics))
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To: GonzoII

I’d be interested in learning what the difference in numbers living together is now compared to the 70’s.

Personally, if there are no children involved, and the couple is in their 20’s or older, I don’t have a problem with living together before marriage.


12 posted on 05/29/2011 4:48:44 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
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To: Yet_Again
Here's my advice for boys: The hardest and most important decision you will ever make is choosing your wife.

Very true. Marry (or worse, have children) with the wrong woman and your life is guaranteed to be an expensive hell for up to 18 years (22 in some jurisdictions).

Real-life nuggets of wisdom from Siegried Farnon (James Herriot's boss in the All Creatures Great And Small books):

"Have a bloody good look at the mother first, lad." (Women tend to turn into their mother in middle age.)

"Marry in haste, repent at leisure."

Cheers!

13 posted on 05/29/2011 4:51:17 AM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: USARightSide
As each of our 6 grandsons were born to 3 of our 4 daughters, I told the parents ‘*I* get to pick their son’s wives . . . !’

That's wrong, too. Once children leave the home and get married, they are no longer under their parents' authority. At this point, grandparents trying to do what you're talking about here just become annoying, bothersome, unscriptural busybodies.

14 posted on 05/29/2011 4:51:47 AM PDT by Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus ("Armed forces abroad are of little value unless there is prudent counsel at home." - Cicero)
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To: grey_whiskers

This is very important advice in our modern day. There are a lot of toxic “womyn” out there and 75% of divorces are initiated by them.


15 posted on 05/29/2011 4:55:07 AM PDT by Yet_Again
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To: GonzoII

What a dope. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.


16 posted on 05/29/2011 5:00:57 AM PDT by FES0844
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To: GonzoII
Want to know why men don't want to get married these days ...

Look at the divorce laws and how men are taken to the cleaners.

“Shacking Up” is far more safe financially for the male than marriage.

17 posted on 05/29/2011 5:02:59 AM PDT by CapnJack
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To: Darkwolf377
Never thought Diaz was attractive, she always looks like she needs a bath. And she’s dumb as a post, and can’t act.

I'll ditto that and add that a stroll through the sheep dip tank wouldn't hurt her either.

18 posted on 05/29/2011 5:07:28 AM PDT by varon (Allegiance to the Constitution, always. Allegiance to a party, never!)
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To: Jim Noble
Here's my advice for boys: The hardest and most important decision you will ever make is choosing your wife.

That is good advice but the key is to allow the man to choose on his own without being influenced by others one way or the other. A lot of men are forced into marriage through family or peer pressure. Until a man takes the vows, he owes the woman nothing. Above all else, he must ensure that he does not impregnate his girlfriend for if he does, all bets are off.

When considering marriage, a man needs to assess the following factors:

Bottom line is that marriage is more risky for men then it is for women. Women will always be taken care of, whether their marriage fails or not. There is also no social stigma for women to be dependent on others (such as moving back in with their parents or going on welfare). On the other hand, a man will pay for a bad marriage for the rest of his life and if a divorced man has any trouble at all supporting himself AND his estranged family, then he is seen as a worthless bum.
19 posted on 05/29/2011 5:09:43 AM PDT by SamAdams76 (I am 48 days from outliving Wendy O Williams (of The Plasmatics))
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To: GonzoII

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leohcvmf8kM


20 posted on 05/29/2011 5:16:46 AM PDT by PGalt
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To: GonzoII
...Hollywood scholar Cameron Diaz...

LOL!

21 posted on 05/29/2011 5:18:10 AM PDT by PGalt
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To: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus

But at the same time, when you are in the relationship it is often hard to see the danger signs.

I have had a few friends tell me “Don’t be stupid” when I was dating. Glad they did. In the end, it is each person’s choice, but outside opinions are often a good thing.


22 posted on 05/29/2011 5:27:08 AM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
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To: GonzoII
I would advise against marriage, especially in America.

My ex-wife-(who is taking half my paycheck each week and complaining that it is not enough) is currently with a guy his 40’s and he is successful.

My ex keeps saying, “Look how successful and rich he is!”

Yeah, that's because he has never been married, you freakin’ fool! He knows what he's doing. You're taking half my income and then comparing me to him? What part of You're an Idiot do you not understand.

He has been ‘dating’ (if that is what you want to call it) her for a year and a half and has never said the ‘L’ word and has never indicated in any way that he is thinking about marriage. And yet she fawns and drools over him constantly.

You know, I don't really like the idea that he is banging my wife, but at the same time I respect what he is doing. She is an idiot, and thinks he is going to ‘propose’ every time she sees him. The guy has the game down pat. Imagine being stuck in perpetual ‘dating’ mode. Every man's dream.

He is smarter than me, that's for sure. I would be so much better off today if I had never married. That guy is the guy I could have been without marriage. Just needed a couple of more brain cells, I guess. It was stupid to get married.

But yeah, the way American Law is set up today, marriage is a life-killer. The woman will have your balls mounted on a trophy, while she looks for the next.

Really, Why buy the cow?

23 posted on 05/29/2011 5:50:34 AM PDT by 240B (he is doing everything he said he wouldn't and not doing what he said he would)
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To: PGalt

Unfortunately, Kate wouldn’t marry me.


24 posted on 05/29/2011 5:53:10 AM PDT by Gondring (Paul Revere would have been flamed as a naysayer troll and told to go back to Boston.)
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To: 240B

Couldn’t have said it better myself.


25 posted on 05/29/2011 5:56:29 AM PDT by Republic of Texas (Socialism Always Fails)
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To: GonzoII

These deep thinkers are ignoring the simplicity of what happens, especially here in meth country: low-lifes live together to pool their welfare checks. Marriage would be a penalty for them and their offspring’s bennies. It’s not exactly a philosophical decision!


26 posted on 05/29/2011 5:56:40 AM PDT by GnuHere
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To: GonzoII

———I think we have to make our own rules. I don’t think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.”-——

There is no better statement of liberalism. Boiled down, it throws out tens of thousands of years of accumulated human wisdom be it Christian, Jewish, Moslem of Buddastist.

The final word is the woman is the personification of evil.


27 posted on 05/29/2011 5:59:31 AM PDT by bert (K.E. N.P. N.C. D.E. +12 ....( History is a process, not an event ))
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To: nuconvert; grey_whiskers
if there are no children involved

And if we glue some turkey feathers on the unicorn, he'll be able to fly!

When a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, it's not long before "children are involved" ... children who are then either born in the shack-up/unshack relationship, or are aborted.

How, after 40 years of sex education, have we ended up with a population - irrespective of their age or level of schooling - that is apparently totally ignorant of the fact that sex makes babies? Elementary-school children are taught about personal behavior that would make ancient Romans vomit, but adult women with college degrees are shocked, SHOCKED! when they "fall pregnant." For example:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2726703/posts

28 posted on 05/29/2011 6:05:44 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Oh most loving Father, preserve us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties.)
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To: Tax-chick

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2726703/posts


29 posted on 05/29/2011 6:08:23 AM PDT by 240B (he is doing everything he said he wouldn't and not doing what he said he would)
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To: GonzoII

“children living with their mother and her boyfriend are about 11 times more likely to be sexually, physically, or emotionally abused than children living with their married biological parents.”

Well yeah. You’re more likely to hook up with a jerk when bailing out is an implied option. When you’re going to look that person in the face and say “I do” you’re more likely to consider whether you really want to spend your life with this person.


30 posted on 05/29/2011 6:09:07 AM PDT by ctdonath2
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To: 240B

Thank you. Sometimes I get the “live” link, and sometimes I just get the address, and I don’t know why.


31 posted on 05/29/2011 6:10:01 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Oh most loving Father, preserve us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties.)
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To: redgolum

Oh, I agree, and in the multitude of counsellors, there is safety.

My main concern is just when grandparents refuse to let their kids raise their own kids. When kids have four or six people giving them often contradictory direction, that’ll confuse a kid like nothing else.

My wife and mine’s parents are both pretty good about it (though they also both live at least 500 miles away). There have a been a few times where I’ve had to (gently) tell my own mother how it is when she’s tried to interfere with our disciplining our son.


32 posted on 05/29/2011 6:19:21 AM PDT by Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus ("Armed forces abroad are of little value unless there is prudent counsel at home." - Cicero)
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To: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus; SamAdams76

Oops - my sense of humor failed to appear to some!

While it’s true I did say to the daughters and sons-in-law that I would be picking their son’s wives, it was because I was insinuating there would be no ‘perfect’ female for our grandsons, of course, therefore I would need to do the choosing because I would be older and wiser than they!

After having 4 daughters and no sons, these 5 grandsons-in-a-row was hilarious, and very precious! (The 6th came afer some granddaughters).
Therefore, I was moved to make the humorous declaration, and I intended to sound ‘bossy!’

I’ll be happy to be alive when they start marrying - the oldest is 23 - - - I would like to dance at their weddings. : )

As an aside, we have never lived near OUR families (USA states separating) after marriage. Can only wonder how that would have gone. Looking back, we kind of robbed some of them of their bonding with our kids....

But 3 of our daughters live near us.
We in no way intrude, but/and do babysitting for the youngest g-kids. And do holidays, etc. together. We’re all rather civil!


33 posted on 05/29/2011 6:19:25 AM PDT by USARightSide (Attend your local cemetery that honors Memorial Day with military ceremonies)
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To: Tax-chick

Try spell check. If that doesn’t work then go with the href.

<(greater than symbol) a href = “link”>TITLE</a>


34 posted on 05/29/2011 6:22:24 AM PDT by 240B (he is doing everything he said he wouldn't and not doing what he said he would)
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To: 240B
TITLE
35 posted on 05/29/2011 6:25:43 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Oh most loving Father, preserve us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties.)
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To: 240B

Aha! Thank you.


36 posted on 05/29/2011 6:27:53 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Oh most loving Father, preserve us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties.)
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To: Tax-chick

“When a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, it’s not long before “children are involved” .”

Yes, and I’d say this happens at least as often if not more when the couple isn’t “shacked up”, and has little to do with my post.

Unicorns aside, my comment stands on the issue of living together before marriage....”if there are no children involved, and the couple is in their 20’s or older, I don’t have a problem with living together before marriage”


37 posted on 05/29/2011 6:29:33 AM PDT by nuconvert ( Khomeini promised change too // Hail, Chairman O)
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To: nuconvert

I think we’re failing to communicate, but life is like that.


38 posted on 05/29/2011 6:31:50 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Oh most loving Father, preserve us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties.)
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To: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus

Believe me, I know. One of the reasons I live where I do is that my mother would have meddled in my marriage to much if we lived within driving distance. I feel bad for my child, in that she will not have the same family experience I did growing up, but it is better in the end.


39 posted on 05/29/2011 6:42:57 AM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
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To: GonzoII

Ms Diaz is a product of and advocate for the slut culture. She used to be fairly hot but seems to be aging very rapidly. She is on the Maureen Dowd track and in a few years can look forward to living a bitter loveless life, getting shagged by gigolos out for her money.


40 posted on 05/29/2011 6:44:51 AM PDT by Hacklehead (Liberalism is the art of taking what works, breaking it, and then blaming conservatives.)
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To: Jim Noble
Here's my advice for boys: The hardest and most important decision you will ever make is choosing your wife.

Easiest and best decision I ever made.

41 posted on 05/29/2011 6:45:40 AM PDT by DTogo (High time to bring back the Sons of Liberty !!)
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To: Tax-chick
The Romans had us beat for the most part when it comes to depravity! It is Sunday, so I won't dig up one of my text books and start quoting from it, but they loved the whore houses.

And you are right. As my great aunt once told a single nurse “You know, we know what causes babies now!” Shocked and offended the nurse, but made me laugh! Seems like most people want to screw their brains out, but not accept that makes babies.

42 posted on 05/29/2011 6:45:51 AM PDT by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
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To: Yet_Again
There are a lot of toxic “womyn” out there and 75% of divorces are initiated by them.

I can see that being true. And how many regret doing what they did??
43 posted on 05/29/2011 6:54:04 AM PDT by RushingWater
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To: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus

Two of my grandchildren have grown up just across the street from us. They are great kids and have benefitted from 4 adults in their lives but I have always deferred to their parents in everything to do with their raising.


44 posted on 05/29/2011 6:58:21 AM PDT by tiki
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To: 240B

We pay people to not marry - just look carefully at the tax law and welfare benefits. My father was an IRS agent and when I told him I was going to get married at age 28, almost in a panic, he asked me if she was pregnant. I said no and he said, “my God, do you know what this is going to do to your taxes? Don’t tell the government your married, just your mother-in-law”.

I figure getting married has cost over $250,000 in extra taxes over the past 34 years. I lost all the benefit of income averaging and we had to pay highest rate on most of my wife’s income.

We figure early, keeping our incomes separate and sharing the cost of shared expenses gave us both a great deal of freedom and eliminated excess haggling over BS. If I want a new toy and could afford it, it was mine, she wanted new clothes, she could afford it, fine. The only rule, no debt.

The cause for marital discord are children and money, which are highly interrelated. Most of our friends who had children after 30 seemed miserable and would have give us there’s if we had asked. So we chose not to have kids. Everyday we hear about the expense of college, cars, abortions, STD’s, unemployed (unemployable) kids moving back in with their fatherless kids, etc., etc.,.

Everyday we look at each our, after nearly 35 years of marriage, and say “God I am glad we did not have kids, aren’t we smart!!” We have a little code with some one is dumping on us about some problem with their kid/grandkid - “Have I told you today (rest unspoken) how glad I am we did not have kids”.

People with kids say I don’t know what I missed. What I am blind and deaf? I tell them what they missed - sunsets on the Zambesi river listening the the elephants; the aurora borealis on the Stellar Glacier watching the bears; fishing the Prince William Sound; Dining with the aboriginals in the Aussie Outback; dropping rocks 11,000 feet into the ocean from the Southern Alps in New Zealand.

Yep, an extra fancy safari costs 2 months tuition at a private university. I know exactly what I would have missed..., Early retirement. If I had listened to my father, I could have retired even earlier, that $250,000 would be $1.5 mil now and I suspect I would still be with the same Lady.


45 posted on 05/29/2011 7:00:06 AM PDT by TxDas (This above all, to thine ownself be true.)
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To: Yet_Again

“...your life is guaranteed to be an expensive hell for up to 18 years...”

I’m assuming you’re talking about the kids? It ends up costing them much more than it does either of the parents.


46 posted on 05/29/2011 7:00:41 AM PDT by SuzyQue (Remember to think.)
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To: 240B

What I don’t understand is alimony. Why...I thought that women were equal? Even if they get the kids they get child support.


47 posted on 05/29/2011 7:03:15 AM PDT by tiki
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To: SamAdams76
Best thing my wife and I ever did (and we are approaching a quarter century of a nearly flawless marriage) was to maintain a comfortable distance from the families we came from. The closest family member is about 30 miles away and most of them are at least a time zone away. We only see them on special occasions.

Can't agree more.

I'm sure as the sun will come up tomorrow my mother in law (now on her third divorce) lived anywhere near us our 30 year marriage would have be a living hell with her butting in every day.

Still after 30 years and raising six kids she warns my wife I might leave her so she better be prepared (whatever that means)

Thankfully she lives 2,000 miles away.

...and it only took me 15 years to convince my mother I'm not a doctor or lawyer became I married her. She actually sort of likes her now....sort of LOL

48 posted on 05/29/2011 7:04:35 AM PDT by Popman (Obama. First Marxist to turn a five year Marxist plan into a 4 year administration.)
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To: TxDas

You sound like the kind of man who made the right decision.


49 posted on 05/29/2011 7:04:49 AM PDT by SuzyQue (Remember to think.)
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To: redgolum

I have Suetonius and Ovid on the shelf ;-).

It’s funny that when a couple has a large family, people always say, “Don’t you know what causes that?” However, they’re not suggesting that the couple should remain celibate the rest of their lives ... only that the natural outcome of sex is somehow unexpected or distasteful.

(I like to respond, “Of course. Don’t you?”)


50 posted on 05/29/2011 7:05:27 AM PDT by Tax-chick (Oh most loving Father, preserve us from faithless fears and worldly anxieties.)
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