The Sad Consequences of 'Shacking Up'

Recently that Hollywood scholar Cameron Diaz gave us an illustration of the secular/godless worldview on marriage: "I do [think marriage is dead]. I think we have to make our own rules. I don't think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don't suit our world any longer."

The current generation in America is shunning marriage for cohabitation at an unprecedented rate. According to the 2010 edition of the State of Our Unions report by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, "The number of unmarried couples has increased dramatically over the past five decades. Most younger Americans now spend some time living together outside of marriage, and nonmarital cohabitation precedes most new marriages."

According to the report, between 1960 and 2009, cohabitating couples in the U.S. increased more than fifteen-fold. Also, "About a quarter of unmarried women age 25 to 39 are currently living with a partner, and an additional quarter have lived with a partner at some time in the past. More than 60 percent of first marriages are now preceded by living together, compared to virtually none 50 years ago."

Now, those of the worldview of Miss Diaz might ask, "so what? Why shouldn't we make our own rules?" As is often the case, when we go our own way, ignoring the wisdom of the One who made us, there are tragic consequences. According to a recent federal study, the Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect, children living with their mother and her boyfriend are about 11 times more likely to be sexually, physically, or emotionally abused than children living with their married biological parents.

Likewise, children living with their mother and her boyfriend are six times more likely to be physically, emotionally, or educationally neglected than children living with their married biological parents. In other words, according to W. Bradford Wilcox, "one of the most dangerous places for a child in America to find himself is in a home that includes an unrelated male boyfriend -- especially when that boyfriend is left to care for a child by himself."

According to the study, children who live with their cohabitating biological parents don't fare much better. In these circumstances, children are more than four times more likely to be sexually, physically, or emotionally abused and they are three times more likely to be physically, emotionally, or educationally neglected than children living with their married biological parents. Again, according to Wilcox, "a child is not much safer when she is living in a home with her parents if her parents' relationship does not enjoy the legal, social and moral status and guidance that marriage confers on relationships."

Also according to the study, not only does cohabitation do little to prepare couples for marriage (which is often the excuse for cohabitating), but "a substantial body of evidence indicates that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage."

The solution to this travesty goes far beyond simply uttering "I do." However, the solution does begin with a simple step of recognizing that marriage is not a man-made institution that we are free to redefine using "our own rules"-at least not without devastating consequences.

At the Intersection of Politics, Science, Faith, and Reason. www.trevorgrantthomas.com

Page Printed from: http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2011/05/the_sad_consequences_of_shacki.html at May 29, 2011 - 05:18:28 AM CDT

Not a good idea. Reason a lot of marriages fail is because busy-body relatives insist upon interfering with and being overly involved in other people's marriages. There is only one marriage that any person should ever concern themselves with - that is their own marriage.

Best thing my wife and I ever did (and we are approaching a quarter century of a nearly flawless marriage) was to maintain a comfortable distance from the families we came from. The closest family member is about 30 miles away and most of them are at least a time zone away. We only see them on special occasions.

Now that's a recipe for marital bliss.

I would suggest you butt out and let your grandkids make their own decisions.

Here's my advice for boys: The hardest and most important decision you will ever make is choosing your wife.

Very true. Marry (or worse, have children) with the wrong woman and your life is guaranteed to be an expensive hell for up to 18 years (22 in some jurisdictions).

Real-life nuggets of wisdom from Siegried Farnon (James Herriot's boss in the All Creatures Great And Small books):

"Have a bloody good look at the mother first, lad." (Women tend to turn into their mother in middle age.)

"Marry in haste, repent at leisure."

Cheers!

Here's my advice for boys: The hardest and most important decision you will ever make is choosing your wife.

That is good advice but the key is to allow the man to choose on his own without being influenced by others one way or the other. A lot of men are forced into marriage through family or peer pressure. Until a man takes the vows, he owes the woman nothing. Above all else, he must ensure that he does not impregnate his girlfriend for if he does, all bets are off.

When considering marriage, a man needs to assess the following factors:

How much influence does the wife-to-be parents have over her? If any, stay away from marriage or your life will be a hen-pecked hell. Look for women that are strong and independent. I met my wife when she already had her own apartment.
Financials. If your wife-to-be insists (or even talks about) keeping money separate after the marriage, that is a very bad sign. Likewise, if you feel you need to address pre-nuptials in any way, shape, or form, you are better off not getting married in the first place. In order for a marriage to work, there should be no concept of "his money" and "her money" as that is recipe for disaster. Whatever my wife and I have is "ours" - no matter who makes it. In fact, we don't even buy each other presents anymore because as it's coming from "our" money, it's rather pointless. Instead, we go on vacations together or out to eat when we want to celebrate something.
Separate interests and "time away". My wife and I recognize that we have separate interests and need our own space and time for those activities. My wife is out of the house several nights a week with her own activities and likewise, I will get out on my own, whether it be a weekend of camping and fishing with the guys or just heading out to the beach by myself where I can read a book or two by the surf in peace and quiet. Many wives begrudge their husbands this "alone" time and many husbands do likewise with their wives - due in most part to jealousy and desire for control. These marriages are doomed to fail (or be unhappy and miserable).

Bottom line is that marriage is more risky for men then it is for women. Women will always be taken care of, whether their marriage fails or not. There is also no social stigma for women to be dependent on others (such as moving back in with their parents or going on welfare). On the other hand, a man will pay for a bad marriage for the rest of his life and if a divorced man has any trouble at all supporting himself AND his estranged family, then he is seen as a worthless bum.

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