Posted on 10/25/2011 5:06:45 AM PDT by BCW
Overview of Reactive Attachment Disorder for Teachers
If a parent has given you this to read, you are teaching a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The family of this child has apparently decided to share this information with you. That sharing is a big step for this family and one you have to treat gently and with the respect it deserves. This family has been through traumas you cannot even imagine. I will describe a few of them here below so that you get the "flavor" and perhaps even begin to understand why this child's parents sometimes seem so harsh or harried or even depressed.
(Excerpt) Read more at attachment.org ...
I post this because the teachers that my wife teaches with - have had my daughter for 2 yrs now...and they are sharing this with every teacher they know...some have dealt with this for 20 yrs...and didn't know it. Most girls that runaway - have sex young - and boys with anger problems and other social issues - may fall into this category. Without a 2 parent home - or one parent that puts their children in line with strict boundaries - may allow RAD to develop...over the last 2.5 yrs -- I have become a highly aware person of RAD and the conditions...it falls along the lines of Autism as well...it's about environment - bonding with the mother (adopted/birth)- and establishing who is in control...
I suggest everyone read through this letter - print and share it - and begin to understand that our society has moved away from traditional moms and dads - to a more dynamic social system - and children are paying the price.
This article is different than the irregular warfare topics I post - but needless to say -- things that impact our children today - will effect our national security tomorrow...and that's important!!!
Thanks for posting, BCW. I have heard of RAD specifically with adopted children that suffered severe abuse and neglect. I haven’t heard of it with bio children before. Makes sense though.... Prayers for you and your little ones!
We have a similar story but didn’t really know what to do until she was in her teens and the therapies didn’t help a lot then although some bonding did occur. She’s now 30 and doing very well. Hang in there.
I'll never understand why people are so freaked out by church, church attendence, preachers/preaching, God, the Bible .. etc.
God is clear and simple to say a man and a woman are to marry and have children and that HE hates divorce.
So simple.
marry and stay married.
Listen to and read about God's rules for mankind.
The hours we spend in FR, and others at work, play, watching TV, etc.
They know the union contract but have no clue how to obey God.
LIGHT BULB!!!!
This may be what I’ve been looking for!!!! Sounds like our adopted daughter. We thought we would be spared stuff like this since we brought her home when she was two days old.
I'll never understand why people are so freaked out by church, church attendence, preachers/preaching, God, the Bible .. etc.
God is clear and simple to say a man and a woman are to marry and have children and that HE hates divorce.
So simple.
marry and stay married.
Listen to and read about God's rules for mankind.
The hours we spend in FR, and others at work, play, watching TV, etc.
They know the union contract but have no clue how to obey God.
RAD makes more sense. I summed it up by saying, "If your child knows you care about his feelings, he will care about how you feel. If he knows that no one cares about how he feels, he won't care what your feelings or opinion is either."
“So simple.”
Yup. God makes the complex simple for us because we are simpletons.
But something there is that hates God, and puts ideas in people’s heads; ideas like, “There’s no God” and “You need to take care of number one”; “Wealth is happiness”, etc, etc..
We need to refuse his packages that he tries to deliver to us when he knocks on our door. In the end, it will all depend on WHO we believed. Satan is a liar.
I read the whole article and you know, what it is saying in a nutshell is for ADULTS to be ADULTS and let children know it. A whole generation has abandoned the basic adult role.
“Let the child know you are the boss...” well, duh! There is a time for being all cuddly and a time for being AN ADULT.
This entire country is swamped with grown-up RAD people. They are reproducing in great number and creating even more small RAD’s.
Children need adults to tell them what to do, when to do it, WHY they must do it, what will happen if they do or do not and see to it that it does.
The older I get (and I am 52) the more I see the wisdom of the bible. I never understood “spare the rod and spoil the child” and, no it doesn’t mean to beat the heck out of kid but to BE the ADULT and make a kid feel the consequences of actions.
I will bet even the worst RAD child will learn when you touch a hot stove your hand will get burnt and they will not do it more than once. But they have learned that adults will never, ever burn them therefore they merely have to manipulate them long enough to get what they want. Kids have all the time in the world, adults have many responsibilities and are inclined to let things slide.
I now understand why children used to be “seen and not heard” and why the word discipline used to be something more than just an old word. Kids need it. They know NOTHING and must learn EVERYTHING and it is a sad truth but learning often comes through pain even for adults. And not just physical pain either.
Thanks for the link. I forwarded it to my daughter and suggested she share it with the teacher and the child’s care giver (grandmother)
My nine year old grandson is having problems with a boy at school who fits this RAD situation perfectly. My daughter met whom she thought was his mom but it turned out to be his grandmother.
The mother was a hippie meth head and doesn’t even know who the father (sire) is. She was a heavy user when the child was in her womb and was unable to take care of the child when he was born so her mother took the responsibility. She was clean for awhile and became involved in the boys life. Then she relapsed.
She and her boyfriend had a girl and they are raising it. The boy doesn’t understand why his mother is raising this child but rejected him. He is classic RAD. The grandmother refuses to take on the little girl because the boy is wearing her out. Plus, she is making her daughter live up to her responsibility as a parent. Let’s hope it turns out well.
I do have some experience and understanding of this, but when I read the explanation I am not so sure. It sounded in many ways like children I know who have been given much love and affection in early childhood.
Valuable points.
It’s painful and confusing to read someone who keeps alternating sentences referring to the same child as He-She-They. Pick a neutral gender and stick with him. A crippling fear of being labeled sexist or can’t write, it comes off as both. Makes me doubt the value, “firmness” of the proposed lesson.
I do have some experience and understanding of this, but when I read the explanation I am not so sure. It sounded in many ways like children I know who have been given much love and affection in early childhood.
Never heard of RAD. We adopted six kids and this clarifies things about three of my children. I thought that I was reading about them. One is grown and gone on her own, just as manipulative, self centered and vicious as she was when she lived with us. One is 16 and the Lord has intervened in her life. She has really turned around. The third is 15. Still quite the trial, but God is working on him, too.
Our friends and family always thought that we were out of line in our child rearing habits because the three troubled kids were always so charming around everyone else.
Thanks for posting.
Alot of Dr’s and therapist will determine a child to have autism - but actually it’s RAD...they fall along the same lines per behavior...
However, there are children with autism - and do not have RAD...but there’s a huge number of “professionals” that do not know or understand RAD - only becuase Autism is thrown out there often...
...and one cannot treat RAD with drugs - where autism is - and usually why Dr’s will do scripts instead of long term parenting...
Trust me - every adult not on “Your Team” needs to be removed or have limited contact with your remaining children...
Everyone who does not understand this problem will look at you like some kind of witch...I have had teachers from various “Christian” schools do this to me - lied to me - had the child lie to me...until I got it...
Having a father with a masters in unconventional warfare and a combat vet doesn’t make the situation murky - it’s very clear and I react instantly...sucks for the RAD child...
Hang in there - I suggest the DVD set - great training — and gives you instant input on what to do - and you’ll see immediate changes! — but this is long term...hang in there — glad I could help!!!
I used to be married to somebody like that.
I just wanted to say one thing... not every child that has issues can be defined as having RAD. ODD is common as well (20% of all school children supposedly have it). My concern is that Autism and everything under that umbrella, RAD, ODD etc... can sound similar; however, they are treated differently and are definitely a different diagnosis.
bttt
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