Skip to comments.With All This Bad News, We Need A Good Laugh: Funniest Jokes in the World
Posted on 11/09/2011 10:54:25 PM PST by This Just In
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The Height of the Ridiculous
I wrote some lines once on a time,
In wondrous merry mood,
And thought, as usual, men would say
They were exceeding good.
They were so queer, so very queer,
I laughed as I would die;
Albeit, in the general way,
A sober man am I.
I called my servant, and he came;
How kind it was of him,
To mind a slender man like me,
He of the mighty limb!
These to the printer, I exclaimed,
And, in my humorous way,
I added (as a trifling jest),
Therell be the devil to pay.
He took the paper, and I watched,
And saw him peep within;
As the first line he read, his face
Was all upon the grin.
He read the next: the grin grew broad,
And shot from ear to ear;
He read the third: a chuckling noise
I now began to hear.
The fourth: he broke into a roar;
The fifth: his waistband split;
The sixth: he burst five buttons off,
And tumbled in a fit.
Ten days and nights, with sleepless eye,
I watched that wretched man,
And since, I never dare to write
As funny as I can.
Reminds me of:
If a man is losing the hair on his head in the front, he is a thinker.
If he loses his hair in the back, he is a lover.
If he loses the hair on both the front and the back, he thinks he’s a lover.
In your mailbox? Bill
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter he wont come anyway.
Why Can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s a woman.
No respct I tell ya no respect at all, I told my son, “just wait one day you’ll have kids of your own!” He says to me “sure pop, so will you!”
A colored woman goes to see her pastor and confess she had had sex with a stranger that week.
As she confessed....(Comment removed by me before the moderator sees it!)
And it was funny!
A man walks onto a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
He proclaims..”I got a fighting parrot and can whip any bird in the house”!
another man promptly calls hIm out..”I’ve got a fighting rooster and will take on your parrot right here”!
The barflys form a circle as the parrot and rooster get ready to tangle!
The parrot owner is momentarily distracted and the rooster owner then slips on a pair of sharp fighting spurs.
They tangle! Suddenly the parrot breaks away and flies up to a light fixture and yells..
“LOOK OUT! THIS M*F* GOT A RAZOR!
"Jack and Jill went up the hill....."
“Little Boy Blue...”
“Hickory Dickory Dock”....”There was an old woman who lived in a shoe”...I got a million of ‘em - all memorialized on 8 track.
You want some ‘pomes’, I’ve got some f-—ing ‘pomes.’
We could put this thread down the hobbit hole real quick, but youse and I got way too much couth to kill a good thang.
I wrote a military joke I didn’t think would pass muster. When I hit the “Post” button it disappeared. There was not even a comment of being removed by moderator!