Four guys are passengers on a small plane flying over the Carribean. There’s an Englishman, a Frenchman, a Mexican, and a Texan. A storm rolls in unexpectedly, and after being battered by turbulence, one of the plane’s engines goes out and they start to lose altitude. The pilot yells back that they have too much weight on board, and that three of the passengers will have to jump or they’re all going to die.
First, the Englishman stands up and says: “I’ll volunteer, but before I jump, I’d just like to say ‘God Save the Queen!’”, then he leaps out of the plane.
Next, the Frenchman steps up and says “Vive La France!” and dives out the hatch.
Then, the Texan gets up and says “Remember the Alamo!”, and pushes the Mexican out.
The Englishman, the Frenchman, the Mexican & the Texan. LOL! Also, don’t mess with Texas.
A little old redneck was walking across the Cooper River bridge in Charleston SC when he spotted a man perched at the highest point of the span walkway, obviously contemplating suicide.
The redneck approached carefully and said, “Mister, there ain’t no need fer y’all to go & do something like that!”
“I have nothing left to live for.”
“Well, cain’t you live fer the sake of your wife?”
“My wife divorced me.”
“Cain’t you live fer the sake of your kids?”
“My children left with my ex and I never hear from them.”
“Well, cain’t you live fer the sake of your country?”
“I lost my job, I have no money, and I’m too old to enlist.”
The redneck was now desperate for ways to dissuade the man from suicide, so he stood back, removed his cap and placed it over his heart, and said with deep feeling,
“Well now, you can at least live for the sake of the memory of General Robert E. Lee!”
“Who’s Robert E. Lee?”
“JUMP, YOU NO GOOD YANKEE S.O.B.!!!”
;^)