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To: raccoonradio; Andonius_99; Andy'smom; Antique Gal; Big Guy and Rusty 99; bitt; Barset; ...

Tue special column ping

Christmas in November!
By Howie Carr | Tuesday, November 29, 2011 | | Columnists
Photo by Herald file

Our long national nightmare is over. No need for Santa Claus to bring me anything this year, because I got my present yesterday at Newton City Hall when Barney Frank threw in his hand.

Good luck finding a grief counselor today — they’ve all been dispatched to Morrissey Boulevard, where his comrades are on suicide watch, their belts, shoelaces and bow ties confiscated.

Barney spoke “frankly” and “candidly” and “to be honest,” so you can take everything he said with a grain of salt. But it appears that he really, really didn’t like his new district, which contains the “Utah” of Massachusetts — the Attleboros, Bellingham, Seekonk, Rehoboth, Wrentham, etc.

Barney used to win all those staffers’ polls as the smartest man in Congress. Even though he didn’t know his male-prostitute boyfriend Hot Bottom was turning tricks out of his basement, even though he didn’t know what marijuana plants looked like as the cops in Maine were carting plants out of his new boyfriend’s place in Ogunquit. And even though, as he admitted yesterday, he “did not see the crisis coming” with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

Maybe, because yet another of his main squeezes, Herbie Moses, had a six-figure job there, after Barney made a call for him. Another nationwide search.

But as Barney told the press conference, despite being “late” to recognizing the unfolding catastrophe, he was always against “loans being given out promiscuously” — a poor choice of words, given Barney’s, uh, personal life. And don’t forget, even though Barney was clueless, he couldn’t have done anything away.

The subprime crisis was all Tom DeLay’s fault. Barney said that twice, in case you missed it the first time.

Barney just got old. I mean, he thought Earl Sholley was a tough opponent back in 2006. And last year, Sean Bielat really was a handful. Barney obviously didn’t want to go out feet first, like Nicky Pockets or Joe Early. Another reason for the unexpected move: Barney has figured out that the Democrats aren’t going to regain control of the U.S. House anytime soon.

He talked it over with his latest life partner — “Jim in Maine.” You know Jim, the guy with the pot belly and the combover who kept calling Sean Bielat “dude” last year.

Well, it’s a whole new ball game in a whole new district. If I were Billy Keating, I’d be moving back to Sharon. He knows Barney’s district better than he knows his own new Cape-Bristol creation, and who’s going to run against him? Setti Warren?

Goodbye Barney. And Bill O’Reilly sends his regards, too. You don’t have to pretend to be nice to us anymore, although come to think of it, I don’t think you ever did, dude.
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10 posted on 11/29/2011 9:54:54 AM PST by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio; Andonius_99; Andy'smom; Antique Gal; Big Guy and Rusty 99; bitt; Barset; ...

Wed column ping but first a bit of Elvis

Kentucky rain keeps comin’ down
And up ahead’s another town that I’ll be
Walkin’ through, with the rain in my shoes (rain in my shoes)
Searchin’ for you, in the old Kentucky Rain.

Welcome to the bluegrass state, Sal!

Can’t wait to see you for the holiday, Sal
By Howie Carr | Wednesday, November 30, 2011 | | Columnists
Photo by Matt Stone

Hey, Sal DiMasi, quit your squawkin’ and look on the bright side. You’ll be home by Christmas.

Christmas 2018.

A few hacks truly believe that Sal going to the slammer today for eight years (of which he’ll have to serve 85 percent) is some sort of tragedy. Please, the only tragedy here is that his two felonious predecessors as speaker, Good Time Charlie Flaherty and Felon Finneran, aren’t already cooling their heels as well in Club Fed.

DiMasi’s another one of these pols who forgot the old saying, Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time. Turns out, Sal was plenty healthy enough to do the crime, but now he’s claiming he’s too sick to do the time.

Would anyone have been surprised yesterday if he’d been taken out of his North End condo (the one with three mortgages on it) on a stretcher, an oxygen mask covering his face, a la the late Mafia boss Larry Zannino?

As Shakespeare once said, “When sorrows come, they come not (as) single spies, but in battalions.”

Or, as Sal would put it, “When it bleepin’ rains, it pours.”

Sal was right about one thing he told Judge Wolf at his sentencing. He is a broken man. But whose fault is that? Again, as Shakespeare once said, “Sometimes, dear Brutus, the fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.”

Or, as Sal would put it, “You make your own bleepin’ bed, and you sleep in it.”

The cops got him for grabbing $65,000. For a speaker, that’s chump change. After RomneyCare passed in 2006, he could have waltzed into some kind of six-figure sinecure in the health industry, just like his predecessor Felon Finneran did with the Biotech Council, making 400 large.

But Sal and his wife, Debbie, wanted to be in with the In Crowd. They were Beautiful People wannabes. He wanted to be on the TV news every night. She wanted her own TV show.

When the G-men started flipping everybody else, Sal should have copped a plea. Especially when they handed three years to Chuck Turner — a simpleton who got set up by the feds. After the other two speakers walked, the feds had to throw the book at Sal.

And then Sal believed his lawyer Tom Kiley when he said they could overturn the theft of honest services statute on appeal. Please, Sal, it was bribery, OK? I guess it’s easy to believe your lawyer when you’re getting him on the arm, compliments of the taxpayers.

Goodbye Sal. You’ll be having a blue Christmas in the Bluegrass State.
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11 posted on 11/30/2011 7:33:49 AM PST by raccoonradio
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