Tue special column ping
Christmas in November!
By Howie Carr | Tuesday, November 29, 2011 | http://www.bostonherald.com | Columnists
Photo by Herald file
Our long national nightmare is over. No need for Santa Claus to bring me anything this year, because I got my present yesterday at Newton City Hall when Barney Frank threw in his hand.
Good luck finding a grief counselor today theyve all been dispatched to Morrissey Boulevard, where his comrades are on suicide watch, their belts, shoelaces and bow ties confiscated.
Barney spoke frankly and candidly and to be honest, so you can take everything he said with a grain of salt. But it appears that he really, really didnt like his new district, which contains the Utah of Massachusetts the Attleboros, Bellingham, Seekonk, Rehoboth, Wrentham, etc.
Barney used to win all those staffers polls as the smartest man in Congress. Even though he didnt know his male-prostitute boyfriend Hot Bottom was turning tricks out of his basement, even though he didnt know what marijuana plants looked like as the cops in Maine were carting plants out of his new boyfriends place in Ogunquit. And even though, as he admitted yesterday, he did not see the crisis coming with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
Maybe, because yet another of his main squeezes, Herbie Moses, had a six-figure job there, after Barney made a call for him. Another nationwide search.
But as Barney told the press conference, despite being late to recognizing the unfolding catastrophe, he was always against loans being given out promiscuously a poor choice of words, given Barneys, uh, personal life. And dont forget, even though Barney was clueless, he couldnt have done anything away.
The subprime crisis was all Tom DeLays fault. Barney said that twice, in case you missed it the first time.
Barney just got old. I mean, he thought Earl Sholley was a tough opponent back in 2006. And last year, Sean Bielat really was a handful. Barney obviously didnt want to go out feet first, like Nicky Pockets or Joe Early. Another reason for the unexpected move: Barney has figured out that the Democrats arent going to regain control of the U.S. House anytime soon.
He talked it over with his latest life partner Jim in Maine. You know Jim, the guy with the pot belly and the combover who kept calling Sean Bielat dude last year.
Well, its a whole new ball game in a whole new district. If I were Billy Keating, Id be moving back to Sharon. He knows Barneys district better than he knows his own new Cape-Bristol creation, and whos going to run against him? Setti Warren?
Goodbye Barney. And Bill OReilly sends his regards, too. You dont have to pretend to be nice to us anymore, although come to think of it, I dont think you ever did, dude.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1384434
Wed column ping but first a bit of Elvis
Kentucky rain keeps comin’ down
And up ahead’s another town that I’ll be
Walkin’ through, with the rain in my shoes (rain in my shoes)
Searchin’ for you, in the old Kentucky Rain.
Welcome to the bluegrass state, Sal!
Hey, Sal DiMasi, quit your squawkin and look on the bright side. Youll be home by Christmas.
A few hacks truly believe that Sal going to the slammer today for eight years (of which hell have to serve 85 percent) is some sort of tragedy. Please, the only tragedy here is that his two felonious predecessors as speaker, Good Time Charlie Flaherty and Felon Finneran, arent already cooling their heels as well in Club Fed.
DiMasis another one of these pols who forgot the old saying, Dont do the crime if you cant do the time. Turns out, Sal was plenty healthy enough to do the crime, but now hes claiming hes too sick to do the time.
Would anyone have been surprised yesterday if hed been taken out of his North End condo (the one with three mortgages on it) on a stretcher, an oxygen mask covering his face, a la the late Mafia boss Larry Zannino?
As Shakespeare once said, When sorrows come, they come not (as) single spies, but in battalions.
Or, as Sal would put it, When it bleepin rains, it pours.
Sal was right about one thing he told Judge Wolf at his sentencing. He is a broken man. But whose fault is that? Again, as Shakespeare once said, Sometimes, dear Brutus, the fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.
Or, as Sal would put it, You make your own bleepin bed, and you sleep in it.
The cops got him for grabbing $65,000. For a speaker, thats chump change. After RomneyCare passed in 2006, he could have waltzed into some kind of six-figure sinecure in the health industry, just like his predecessor Felon Finneran did with the Biotech Council, making 400 large.
But Sal and his wife, Debbie, wanted to be in with the In Crowd. They were Beautiful People wannabes. He wanted to be on the TV news every night. She wanted her own TV show.
When the G-men started flipping everybody else, Sal should have copped a plea. Especially when they handed three years to Chuck Turner a simpleton who got set up by the feds. After the other two speakers walked, the feds had to throw the book at Sal.
And then Sal believed his lawyer Tom Kiley when he said they could overturn the theft of honest services statute on appeal. Please, Sal, it was bribery, OK? I guess its easy to believe your lawyer when youre getting him on the arm, compliments of the taxpayers.
Goodbye Sal. Youll be having a blue Christmas in the Bluegrass State.
Article URL: http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1384721