Skip to comments.It's Christmas, so...I Got Nuthin'
Posted on 12/25/2011 7:13:31 AM PST by Kaslin
Its Christmas, and in the spirit of the season Im inclined to avoid writing a column with my usual snarky tone. But what topic to choose? What will I be able to write 700-800 words about without mocking? Frankly, Im not really sure.
I could look back over the week, find a news story and write about it. But that option wont work because Republicans were out maneuvered on what is seen as their signature issue, tax cuts, by a President who would love to tax taxes in some sort of general benefits tax. And if I wrote about that Id also have to gloss over Republican Leader in the Senate Mitch McConnells stabbing in the back of House conservatives in a rush to sell out. That wouldnt be in keeping with the spirit of the season, so pass.
I thought about writing a column on how Jon Huntsman, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum AND Rick Perry all failed to submit enough signatures to qualify for the Virginia Super Tuesday primary in March. But that would require the suspension of disbelief to believe any of them will still be in the race in March, which isnt very nice. True, but not nice.
I could write about Mitt Romney not ruling out a VAT as a replacement for some part of the tax code, but that would require me to point out how he is candidate wrapped in bubble wrap, insulating himself from challenging questions. Again, that would be mean and not in keeping with my desire to vote for a bag of empty pistachio shells over President Obama next November.
I could write about Donald Trump leaving the Republican Party and flirting with a 3rd party run for President, but that would violate my policy of avoiding writing about mop-haired shameless self-promoters who cant pronounce the letter H in the word huge. Its a very specific policy that hasnt really come into play until the last few years, but its a policy nonetheless.
Then there was Ron Pauls old newsletters and the mystery surrounding not only who wrote the racist, anti-Semitic diatribes in them, but his success thus far in avoiding all responsibility and serious media scrutiny over them with a simple, I dont know answer. Writing about someone seeking a leadership position with a The buck never got here policy was done to death during the Clinton Administration, no need to revisit that here.
The death of über-jackass Kim Jong-Il was another possibility, but thats been done to death literally and thankfully.
Other possibilities included gas prices, Barney Franks man-boobs on the House floor (who knew there was still a way in which he hadnt disgraced the House of Representatives?), everything that happened on MSNBC (including Meghan McCain calling Newt Gingrichs wife a mistress while being the offspring of a mistress herself. My God, is she dumb!), President Obamas photo-op shopping trip to a pet store with his dog to distract from the fact that hes a horrible President, but all of these would not lead anywhere nice.
There was also the story about Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner (R-WI) saying the First Lady has a large posterior, but every thought I had on the topic would not have been fit to print here (but they were good, trust me). Plus, it really doesnt take that many words to say, She does, but he shouldnt have said it anyway.
I could have written about the Occupy mutants, one of my favorite targets, and how this peaceful movement set fire to their camp in Denver as police moved in to clear them out, but a post about the mass incineration of body lice that occurred isnt really in keeping with the Christmas spirit.
Then there was the story about the most annoying words people use regularly. Thought about that for a minute but, like, it really wasnt, you know, enough for a whole column. Just sayin, I couldve milked it, seriously, but whatever
None of these stories would lead to a column that embraces the season. Sure, Im a cynical person, but even cynicism should take one day off a year. My scheduled day off was going to be May 28th but, as luck would have it, thats the day the Weinergate story broke, which made that impossible.
Guess its only fitting that I choose this week for that holiday since Anthony Weiner and his wife welcomed a little more Weiner into their lives this week with the birth of their child. Congratulations to them! May little Jordan Zain Weiner grow up in a happy, cell phone-free home.
So thats it, Im out of ideas. I have nothing to write about this week. Sorry about that, it happens sometimes.
On that note, I will wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Boxing Day (for you weird Canadians reading this) and end this piece.
See you next Sunday. Go about the rest of your year.
Damn,.... Thats two minutes of my life I will never get back..
Merry Christmas! JESUS is the reason for the season.
He is indeed. Merry Christmas
Be thankful, the government has given you tens of thousands of dollars of debt already. ;-)
I got a sweater. It’s got a deer on the front of it. Goes with my moose sweater from last year and the wolf sweater from the year before. I don’t know. I guess I’ll start a sweater zoo.
I really can’t believe that it’s Christmas morning and I’ve spent most of it with fellow FReepers.
“MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEWT YEAR”
O c’mon now.
Nothing says Christmas like Barney Boobs or Wookie Butt.
He could have wished Atheists a Happy HOLLOW Day...
[It’s Christmas, so...I Got Nuthin’]
Don’t feel bad, commies obama and the mooch NEVER buy their kid’s anything for Christmas.
The same to you and yours
For any interested this is a link to his archived weekly posts: Derek Hunter Archives
He seems to be a good writer, has a bit of wit and a clear conservative point of view - those that cannot separate religion from politics probably should skip his eulogy for Christopher Hitchens ... ;-)