Skip to comments.Jedi light-sabre beats Taser in Oregon parking-lot fracas
Posted on 12/26/2011 7:17:55 PM PST by dayglored
Mumbo-Jumbo Mystic Impervious To Cops' Electric Blasters
For those of you who've ever wondered, like you do, whether the Jedi lightsabre or the Taser is the more effective weapon, we're delighted to report that the electric dispenser of justice is no match for Obi-Wan Kenobi's mighty glowing tool.
David A. Canterbury earlier this week went on the rampage at a Portland Toys R Us store, assaulting three customers with a plastic replica of the Jedi weapon.
Cue swift intervention by law enforcement operatives, who found 33-year-old Canterbury wandering in the parking lot, "talking incoherently", and still swinging his Star Wars stick of merchandise in a manner evidently threatening a severe disruption to the balance of The Force.
A shaken Sgt. Pete Simpson recounted that a first attempt to deploy a taser failed when the device malfunctioned. A second blast ended similarly when Canterbury simply used his lightsabre to snap one of the wires connecting him with the high-voltage law-enforcer.
In the end, cops were obliged to wrestle the perp to the ground as he "struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense". This latter observation confirms El Reg suspicions that Canterbury really is a disciple of the Church of Jedi.
(Excerpt) Read more at theregister.co.uk ...
Well, I guess we all knew the Star Wars kid would have to grow up eventually.
“Obi-wan’s mighty glowing tool.”
Huh! Huh! He said “tool” Beavis.
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"Tasers. So uncivilized."
May the Scwartz be with you!
By the look of your light saber, your Schwartz is as big as mine!
You might be a redneck Jedi if...
*You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”
*Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
*You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.
*At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
*You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
*You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
*You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
You ever lost a hand during a light saber fight because you had to spit.
*The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
*Wookies are offended by your B.O.
*You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.
*You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
*Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it’ll be a hoot.”
*You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
*You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
*Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
*You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as “them damn Yankees.”
*You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
*You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.
*You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
Incoherent? Pish-tosh...I’m sure it was one of the Great Galactic languages.
The Force is strong with this one.
I knew somebody would pick that up besides me. :)
HEY! I resemble that remark!
Totally brought a well needed smile to my face...thank you for sharing!
Is this what passes for law enforcement in England these days?
“...the Meth is what gives a lightsabre-wielding dork his power. It’s an energy field cooked up from every conceiveable thing, including lithium batteries. It surrounds them and penetrates then. It binds their imaginary galaxy together.”
You're very welcome... Merry Christmas! :)
He looks like a winner!
I miss seeing him on ‘The Office’.