Skip to comments.Slapping That Booty
Posted on 02/12/2012 8:57:57 PM PST by Kaslin
Dear (Name Deleted): I want to take the time to thank you for turning in your paper assignment on time and for conforming to the minimum word requirement. Unfortunately, I have some bad news: You turned in the paper assignment for your political science class. I am not your political science professor and my name is not Dr. Johnson. The mistake was understandable as you are only a senior. I am certain that such errors will be less commonplace by the time you get your doctorate. In the meantime, the good news is that I went ahead and graded your paper. The bad news is that you got a zero. It really had nothing to do with the requirements of the class you are taking under me. I hope you understand.
Please note that I am aware that you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. I know this because you have told me in writing, over the phone, and in person. There is no need for you to repeat yourself. I generally pay attention when people speak to me. But I am giving you the zero - not in spite of your ADD, but because of your ADD. I really think that attaching a consequence to your conduct will help you grow out of it.
Dear (Name Deleted): Thank you for your concerns over the content of our last murder lecture. These lectures can be tough and sometimes offensive although I am rarely able to predict just what will offend students these days. In your case, you have been very specific with the basis of your personal offense. Regrettably, however, I will be unable to act upon your request. Let me explain.
When you asked me to refrain from using the term pit bull (when I discuss the People v. Berry dog mauling case) you were simply asking too much. I understand your concerns that pit bulls will be unfairly stereotyped as dangerous if (after they kill someone) we refer to their specific breed. But what you fail to understand is that the dogs breed was a relevant fact in the murder trial. Berry chose the dog on the basis of its reputation in the hopes that it would keep people away from the illicit drug business he was operating out of his back yard. He had a pit bull but no fence. That is how the little child ended up being mauled to death.
Generally speaking, I have more concern for the lives of small children than for the reputations of dogs who cannot ever know the status of their reputations. I think if you reflect upon this you will understand that people may speak badly of pit bulls without them actually knowing it.
On a positive note, I have taken your concerns to heart. The next time a Yorkie or a Poodle mauls a small child to death I will make sure to emphasize their specific breed. That way, people will understand that pit bulls are really deeply misunderstood creatures.
Dear (Name deleted): I hope you dont mind this unsolicited email concerning your status in my criminology class. As you know, I have a policy against coming into class late. You are always in your seat before class begins. But, recently, you have been getting up and walking out during the middle of my lectures. In fact, you do it every class period at about the same time. As you walk out of class, you generally reach into your right hand pocket. I suspect that is because youre reaching for your cell phone in order to call your girlfriend.
Ever since I banned cell phones, guys have been getting up and leaving class to go potty with some regularity (no pun intended). But we all know that my cell phone policy did not really cause grown men to go potty more often. Instead, it began to interfere with their girlfriends rule that they must either call or text them at least once every half-hour. Since I am aware of whats going on, I am going to implement a rule you will not like: I am hereby declaring that upon re-entry into my class, you are officially considered late. This means you will lose a point from your final average every time you step out and then step back in during my lecture.
This may seem harsh, but it will be of tremendous benefit to you. It means you will now be forced to act like a man, take charge of your relationship, and stop letting your girlfriend monitor you like a suspected terrorist. Furthermore, it may actually save your relationship. When a woman monitors you she is most likely cheating on you. She is making sure you are not nearby so she will not get caught in the process. If she isnt cheating on you, she is very close to dumping you for someone she cannot control. Women love a challenge more than having a lapdog. Please think about what I have told you.
Dear (Name deleted): This is just a quick note to remind you of my policy concerning cell phones in the classroom. At no time am I to see or hear one of these annoying devices during one of my lectures.
I know that when your cell phone went off during our last class that it was a complete accident. I appreciate how quickly you reached into your pocket to turn it off as I was answering a student question on the topic of aggravated rape. This brings us to another issue. Please hear me out.
I know that I have not established any rules concerning the content of cell phone interruptions in my class. But I am considering a new policy in light of the nature of the incident with your cell phone.
Please, dont get me wrong. I certainly support your right to listen to rap music celebrating the joys slapping a booty. I mean, DAT is your right if youre really into booty slapping. However, (especially given that we sometimes forget to turn off our cell phones) it is perhaps unwise to program the ringer in such a way as to celebrate booty slapping every time someone calls. Know what Im saying?
Anyway, I just thought I would share my insights with you. I wasnt really offended. But the sensitive topic of rape should be discussed free from unanticipated celebrations of booty slapping. After all, the women might not share your love of booty slapping. And they might turn on you faster than a Yorkshire terrier.
Seriously? And guys do that? WTF?
The first letter, regarding a person handing in a paper to the wrong professor; not something I've done, but it could happen to anyone, especially someone with ADD. It has nothing to do with being a senior. Anybody, student or otherwise, might accidently switch-up some papers. For him to make such a big deal out of it is just him being a grade A a**hole.
Second, the thing about 'bathroom breaks.' I agree, people shouldn't take calls in class, but if somebody wants to leave the room to take a call, go to the bathroom, or whatever, thats not his friggin business. College is not highschool, I pay a sh!tload of money for a service that I will use as I see fit, and no academic windbag is going to tell me I can't get up. If I want to take a piss I'll take a damn piss -- If I miss something, thats MY responsibilty and problem, not his.
Slap that booty!
Sounds like S&M to me!
I can tell you that 20-25% or so of the students in the room spend the time waiting for the class to start on Facebook or some-such. I have to announce somewhat loudly that I am getting started. I don't get it.
Perhaps, when you gain some maturity, you will understand.
“He that has the gold makes the rules.”
Professor Adams makes the rules. Students obey the rules or suffer the consequences.
Life is like that most of the time.
I just finished a class in December. At first everyone was on time and then more and more started coming in late. It was a distraction to those of us who were paying a $h1tl0ad of money and were on time.
I don’t think the first paper was actually handed in to the wrong professor...
It was just written very poorly...
So, educators are God’s gift, in love with the sound of their own voice, and have an unusual fetish for the elimination processes of complete strangers. What else is new?
If the paper was on a totally different topic, it was indeed very very poorly written.
As a former college student myself, I respectfully disagree.
The issue here is largely one of respect.
In a sense, any interruption has a compression wave effect on whatever is going on. Think about how one car slowing down or changing lanes inappropriately can cause a long delay on the interstate, for instance.
I do not think that it is respectful of other students (particularly those with “ADD” or “ADHD”, who may get completely thrown off track by a call or text session) or the professor’s time and talents to use a phone in class or get up and disturb it for any light reason. We learned in church and elementary school to take our restroom breaks prior to the beginning to avoid just that sort of interruption.
As an adult student, I always alerted my professors to the fact that I could have certain work/family/legal calls that were always going to buzz regardless of my phone status - in an emergency only - and that only this would limit my compliance with their policies.
You are right, students are adults and pay for their college credits (some of them, most are on the dole from daddy or Uncle Sugar) and so have the right to “use [the service] as [they] see fit.” However, it can impact more than just “miss[ing] something” for that student, so they should accept the responsibility for that grown up decision to waste time and money for themselves and others and not complain if there are consequences which could impact their grade or subsequent time and money when they have to retake a failed course. Adults get to learn from their mistakes, too.
I thought it was downloaded from the internet and the student didn’t bother to change the vital statistics.
BUT even if the student did honestly hand in the wrong paper, it sounds like the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back!
College students can’t hold it in for an hour?!!
Ever heard of using the potty before class?
I wish cell phones were never invented. They are the rudest contraptions ever created.
I had a similar professor when I went to school. If you were late by even one minute, you got a zero. Didn’t turn in your work on time, you got a zero. Failed a quiz/test, you got a zero. Three zeroes and you failed the class. No questions. Oh, and you weren’t welcome to continue with his class once you got to three for that semester.
As a freshman (undecided at the time), I heard this speech on the first day of his class in my first semester. I decided to “avoid” him and quickly switched to another class that semester. All those rules would certainly get in the way of my social commitments.
As time went by and I chose my major you couldn’t get past “Go” to collect your $200 without going through his courses. So I bucked up and played by his rules. It was one of the best decisions of my life. He was a total SOB but in the “Paper Chase” kinda way. At the end of school he was an advisor and somewhat of a friend.
That went down 27 years ago. To this day I play by those rules in my day to day. The bottom line is that his rules helped reinforce the concepts of commitment, time management, hard work and respect for others and their time. I like to think I’m a better person for it.
So what if I have to get up and take a piss at the movies....do your standards apply there as well?
Red Cell, not everyone conforms....the Marine Corps made you conform and then asked you to adapt and overcome........your teacher was a academic asshole who made you bend to his will....just because you learned something from it didn’t make it right.
That teacher was there to teach, not babysit. He obviously taught discipline which is much lacking in today’s youth. Having fun is more important than learning.
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