Send him back to Sears and Roebuck, where he came from.
DEAR SIR:
Enclosed please find your
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(1) Mitt Romney Item code: 2012KOLOB
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returned by express shipping.
Our customer service technicians tested this item and found nothing wrong with your Mitt Romney.
I refer you to page two of your owner's manual that clearly states that if your Romney product is functioning normally it will resemble a dead man walking. This a feature unique to this product.
We thank you for your business,
Mr. Librino Whitehorse
Customer Service Dept., Sears & Roebuck