Skip to comments.‘At eight months, my doctor said he would ‘absolutely’ abort my disabled son’
Posted on 03/16/2012 3:54:34 PM PDT by wagglebee
March 16, 2012 (LiveActionNews.org) - When you walk into Nicole and Stevens house, you get the sense that they are parents who thoroughly enjoy their three kids. Youll find Steven running down the narrow hallway while all the kids scream in delight, chasing each other and him. Nicole patiently fixes healthy meals for them while explaining to the youngest that she cant climb up on the counter to help because the crockpot is just too hot for little hands. Youll see Titus, their only son proudly popping wheelies in his special wheelchair while the family cheers. They are a family who seems to enjoy the little moments; the precious memories that the years have brought.
Smily Titus in his Rabbit
Entering their house, youd never guess the ordeal they went through almost four years ago. Four years ago, Nicole was eight months pregnant with Titus, their second child. Since she was planning for a home birth, Nicole doesnt remember exactly why she went in for an ultrasound that fatefuland miraculousday.
As the routine ultrasound was being performed, Nicole could tell that something was definitely up. The doctor said nothing, but quickly called in another doctor. They consulted together while watching the screen and leaving Nicole clueless and helpless. For some reason, spina bifida popped into Nicoles mind. Is it spina bifida? she asked. But the doctor couldnt tell her anything; he just showed her what he saw on the screen. And it wasnt good. Nicole and Steven were sent to a specialist, immediately.
The specialist had a huge ultrasound screen for Nicole and Steven to stare at. While they watched their eight-month-old son move his arms and head; while they saw his little heart beat quickly, the specialist diagnosed spina bifida and hydrocephalus, and put it all out there:
He said it was the biggest lesion he had ever seen; that our son would probably never go to the bathroom on his own. Hed never walk, never talk. He said this based on a 30 second ultrasound. He said, I will absolutely perform the abortion for you. I could see Titus arms and head moving and his heart beating at the time the doctor said this. He was emphatic that Titus would be basically a vegetable and mentally retarded. And that it would be unfair to him for me to give birth.
At that moment, Nicole and Steven realized that their role in Titus life would be so much more than parent. Their role was now advocate, too. Without a word shared between them, both Nicole and Steven knew they would never accept abortion as an answerno matter what the truth about Titus was.
Nicole explains: From our faith, we believe that every life is preciousa gift from Godwhether normal or perfect or not. She also realized that it was divine intervention that the ultrasound had even taken place at all. A medical professional assured Nicole that, had she gone ahead with the planned home birth, either her or Titus would have certainly died from infection. Nothing was left to chance, Nicole says. It was all orchestrated.
When Titus was born by c-section, Nicole was only allowed to see his face. She couldnt touch her son for at least two days, as he was recovering from immediate surgery for the softball-sized lesion on his back. Though she couldnt touch him, Nicole refused to leave Titus side, even sleeping on the floor of the NICU to be beside him.
Nicole firmly believes that God has defied human knowledge and wisdom through Tituss life. Her strong Christian faith leads her to believe that God is not controlled by the predictions of men. She will confidently tell you that the Lord has given their family everything they need to endure Titus difficulties. Is it hard? Yes. Is there pain? Yes. But, Titus courage and preciousness overwhelms everything else. He continues to prove the specialist wrong:
Every milestone, he has hit either before or right on. He is very intelligent and able. Titus doesnt complain and fuss about why his legs dont work or about anything else. He loves to do what little boys do. He knows his letters, numbers, and shapeshas known them since he was 2 ½. We wouldnt have it any other way. Titus is definitely a huge addition to our family. This is how God made himI fully believe this.
Nicole credits two things for helping her get through the shock of Titus diagnosis and giving her the strength to give him life: her strong faith in Christ and the year she spent working at a crisis pregnancy center in California. There, she grew in her confidence that each baby was indeed a precious individual, deserving of an equal chance at life. She believes parents often take the words of doctors too far and begin to question, Can I really handle this? Is it really fair to my child?
When I asked Nicole what she would say to other parents facing a similar diagnosis, she said:
I would say that for me, immediately, it was always either the Lord knows me or he doesnt. And He either knows I need this or I dont. Whatever happens in my life is His will for me at this time. This means I can move mountains. If this baby having issues or conditions is His will for me, it means I can get through it. If you think that someone tells you from a human perspective what you can or cant handle, you dont know God as the great Physician. We shouldnt try to alter things in our own humanness or do something without knowing all the facts.
Even Nicoles doctor didnt have all the facts right. You can never know all the facts about your unborn child before theyre born. As Nicole believes, theres no way you should make a decision to abort a child at all, but certainly not based off an ultrasound or a test.
Off an ultrasound, you cannot know a baby or everything about them or what theyre really like. There was no way the doctor knew all he said he knew about my son from that screen. Lots of times, the ultrasounds or tests are wrong anyway: when the mother says, I dont care, and the babys born, and nothing is wrong at all. How would you feel if someone could show you what your five year old would look like and you could see them face to facewould you be happy you ended their life?
About Titus, Nicole shares,
Right away, his life was a testimony. Hes so much funeveryone that meets him loves him. Hes a really special kid. And almost everything the doctor said [besides the actual diagnosis of spina bifida and hydrocephalus] is completely wrong.
Nicole believes that more parents should educate themselves because knowledge is power. Doctors are important, she says, and they have a purpose, but you are the parent. The more you understand about anything you may have to go through, the more strength youll have for an arrow youd otherwise not be prepared for. Things have changed so drastically over the years for babies born with spina bifida and other conditions, and they can truly lead almost normal lives.
Of course, normality (whatever that is!) is not the measure of a persons worth, but its true that people have a very wrong perception of what individuals with Down Syndrome, spina bifida, and other disabilities can achieve in their lives.
In the end, Nicole says, I wouldnt have it any other way .It doesnt matter what the child is or isnttheyre a gift!
Reprinted with permission from LiveActionNews.org
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I think I would have beaten the hell out of the doctor.
I was having lunch at a counter when I noticed a woman with a Downs child sitting just around the corner from me. My reaction was one of pity. Then another woman next to me mentioned to the mother that her child must give her a lot of work.
The mother of the Downs child said that they were delighted with their child and that he could do so much more then they were told he ever could. In fact, she said they were considering ADOPTING a Downs child because their own child had given them so much happiness.
All I can say is, ‘Way to go little guy. You made it!’ May God bless this mother and father, and strengthen this little guy to be an inspiration to us all.
However there is not need for pity, just a nice smile or wave will do. It is a very different life for a family with a child with special needs, your whole world is shattered and many dreams simply disappear. After the shock of the diagnosis has worn off you roll up your sleeves and hope that they can simply stay alive and get the treatment they need.
They offer us a slight glimpse of a truly beautiful world. A more gentle and understanding place where there are no hang ups or jealousy.
Simply special people who have much more to offer the main stream world than they realize.
God has given my wife and I the honor of being the parents of one of his angels. We are blessed with our son's presence and value each and every day while a mountain of challenges confronts our entire family. We will over come our journey and it is always a wonderful pleasure when someone looks at our son and wants to met him or just say hi. We are all in this together.
We can thank the bureaucrats and bean counters in medicine for trying to kill the not so perfect in their eyes.
I call BS.
I'm sick and tired of it. Every one of these "my doctor wanted me to die" stories just ticks me off a little more. There will come a day that all of ya'll won't have a doctor to blame every thing that goes wrong with your life. They'll be retired or driven out of business. Doctors answer questions and work from experience and literature. "How long do I have to live?" "Experience and research says six months. It would be wise, in any case, to get your affairs in order." "Wa-aah. My doctor wants me to die! He said I had a week to live, and I've made it a whole year! He's a quack!"
More doctors ought to sue these hysterical meunchausens when they write BS about what they "said" or didn't say.
None of this sounds like something that a physician would have volunteered.
Sob sisters can believe it. I don't.
Our 3 year old grandson was born with spina bifida, too, undetectable until the ninth month of pregnancy. S. B. involves lifelong issues and challenges, but none that lessen the value of his life. He currently either crawls or takes halting steps in a walker. His mobility is expected to improve. He is an eager learner, goes to preschool, and loves music. He is the sunshine in our lives. We are grateful for his abilities and joyful spirit in the face of his challenges. It is a privilege to have him and to help him. Encouragement and love to other challenged families.
I wish there was a test to see if a baby would develop into a Liberal.
I have personal friends - a married couple - who, when pregnat with their first born were told, after tests, that the baby had no brain and would be nothing but a vegetable. He STRONLY advised abortion.
The ‘brainless’ baby grew up and graduated college cum laude - a perfectly lovely young lady, tho’ maybe not normal = she was, after all, above ‘normal.”
Might I humbly suggest you take your diatribe and put a sock in it...
To the mouthpieces at te Vatican who like to yap about how the priviliged west doesn’t comprehend suffering, all I can say is pipe the hell down. There’s a suffering that you cant comprehend.
True Story (so I am told):
When I was born, forceps were needed. The doctor must have had had a tight grip because I made my debut as the original cone-head. :)
According to legend, the first words out of my grandfather's mouth were “If she has to go through life looking like that, I hope God takes her before morning.”
What really cracks me up is I can see him (in my mind's eye) checking my head every day to make sure it was rounding out, worrying my mother and grandmother to death because it was not happening fast enough!
After the death of Pope Sixtus, the prefect of Rome demanded that Lawrence turn over the riches of the Church. Ambrose is the earliest source for the tale that Lawrence asked for three days to gather together the wealth. On the third day, at the head of a small delegation, he presented himself to the prefect, and when ordered to give up the treasures of the Church, he presented the poor, the crippled, the blind and the suffering. One account records him declaring to the prefect, "Behold the jewels of the Church! The Church is truly rich, far richer, than your emperor." This act of defiance led directly to his martyrdom.
On August 10, St. Lawrence was perfected in holy martyrdom, grilled on a gridiron for his faith. Legend says that he was so strong-willed that, instead of giving in and releasing information to the Romans at the point of death, he cried, "Im done on this side! Turn me over!"
Sob sisters can believe it. I don't.
I think sometimes LifeSite News tends toward sensationalism and some of their stories omit pertinent facts at times. I also think that most doctors do not want to see their patients die and are both competent and compassionate. So Im not one to jump on the band wagon of demonizing the entire medical profession because of a few bad ones in the barrel.
However, nearly 5 years ago my niece gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Preeclampsia, a difficult and very long labor and signs of fetal distress meant a C-Section. I was there for the whole thing and was the second person to hold my darling little great niece and it was beautiful.
A few months later my niece and her husband called to tell me they were expecting again which was a big surprise to me and to them as well. Then a few weeks later they called me and asked if I was sitting down. Then they proceeded to tell me they had just come back from a sonogram and found out they were expecting triplets.
There were shocked, excited and needless to say, more than a little scared but more than anything filled with joy.
But their joy short lived when they went to their OBY (not the one that delivered their first as they had moved to another state) for her next appointment. The doctor told my niece and her husband that this pregnancy was dangerous and life threatening, that carrying triplets was risky enough but since she so recently had given birth and had a C-Section and had some complications, he told them it would be nearly impossible to carry them to term and that if she tried, she would (not might) but would likely die. He told them that she should have an abortion or a best, abort the two smaller babies so the larger one might have a chance. This doctor also told them he could not in good conscience continue to be their OBY if they wanted to try and go through with bringing all three babies to term he called it suicide and told them theyd have to find another doctor if they didnt selectively reduce.
I was with them that evening as husband and wife were crying, holding each other and trying to come to terms with what the doctor had told them earlier that day. My nieces husband was terrified at the thought of losing his wife and raising their infant daughter all alone. They were not being sob sisters and they were not lying about or misunderstanding what the doctor told them.
A few days later my niece started making phone calls to OBYs specializing in high risk pregnancies and found one who was affiliated with a large regional university hospital who said he was happy to see her and her husband and assess their situation. Long story short, while being frank in telling them there were risks, he also felt confident that with close monitoring and medications and most likely bed rest and hospitalization well ahead of a planned C-Section at 32 week, that there was no reason to think she couldnt deliver three healthy babies. He also told them that their previous doctor quite frankly didnt know what he was talking about and he and the small hospital he was affiliated with were probably just not equipped to handle a high risk multiple birth. He did say however that the other doc was correct in telling them to find another doctor. BTW this was the same doc that delivered the sextuplets of a family that went on to have a reality TV show but thats another story.
And four years ago next week, my niece gave birth to three beautiful girls, two of who are identical twins (the one to have been aborted). They were preemies at 32 weeks but big for preemies and there were no major complications. Every time I look at these three healthy, smart, very loving and active children and their big sister, 11 months older, I cant imagine life without any of them and as hard and as expensive and challenging as it is raising four daughters, their parent cant either.
Admire his restraint.
I hear junk like this at every party, and I am dying for some doctor to sue these confabulating blabbermouths for slander or libel.
Yada yada. Third hand. How do you expect to promote pro-life by hysterical anti-doctor anecdotes? You could solve all these dreadful problems by going to a midwife or a curandero or something.
What is truth?
Oh, please, name names.
Next time you ask a sensible question of a physician and cannot get a sensible answer in return, if he couches his answers in an impenetrable fog of hedges and qualifiers until you don't have an idea how to proceed...thank these hysterics. The doctor doesn't *trust* you. He thinks you'll run around howling and carrying on like these writers.
I don't see anyone here standing between an OB and a "wrongful death" atrocity. And I don't ever expect to. Just hysterics and histrionics...another kind of narcissism.
that’s “wrongful life”—oh, that we live in a country where there are such things as lawsuits for wrongful life. Perhaps the wrongful lives are being lived by the lawyers and plaintiffs.
I only see one person exhibiting those on this thread.
Nothing makes a neurotic happier than having someone to blame.
It's just plain irresponsible of LiveAction. I'm surprised, because Lila Rose has better sense. All it would take is one angry doctor who is the subject of these keening and bleeting fictions to phone his lawyer. Then the martyred narcissists would find themselves in deposition trying to justify this attack.
LiveAction's cause is life.
I’m sorry that this story has upset you so.
I accept your apology.
Thank you. :) These stories can be upsetting, I know.
Yada yada yourself! You evidently have a reading comprehension problem if you read anything hysterical or anti-doctor in what I wrote. Third hand? Yea, I understand, I might be spinning a wild tale out of whole cloth but I have no reason to believe that my nice and her husband were lying about what the 1st doctor told them anymore than I am lying to you.
They did not resolve the problem by eschewing the medical profession or being anti-doctor, quite the contrary; they sought out a very highly trained, experienced and specialized medical professional and an advanced medical center equipped to deal with a high risk multiple birth. In fact at the delivery there were two other doctors assisting and a NICU nurse for each baby. My great nieces are alive and thriving today not because of rejecting modern medicine but because of it.
You are doing the slandering - I was with that couple - I know what they went through - and you are calling them , me and everyone else liars.
I also know they are a very Christian couple and couldn’t lie if their life depended on it.
And they wouldn’t even speak ill of people like you =
I pity anyone who is obviously as up tight and carrying the weight of knowing it all on their shoulders, like you are.
I’d say have a nice life, but how could you do that? After all, wherever you go, there you are.
Heh! let’s poke it with a stick......
Immediately the conversation turns to how awfully dreadful and lacking in empathy and how cruel and unkind and downright immoral, incompetent and venal were the medical personnel who may or may *not* have behaved in a perfectly professional manner. In the throes of the dismay of dealing with a huge problem, it's so nice to have someone to paint as villain and so very sweet to play a victim.
If these doctors are so bad, why don't you file a complaint with the licensing board, rather than blacken his reputation under cover of anonymity?
Name his name. There really aren't that many OBs in the country. It'd be easy to figure out.
Shouldn't you be concerned with protecting the next poor victim of this terrible doctor?