Skip to comments.Jane Austenís Advice: Choose the Right Man and Live Happily Ever After
Posted on 04/18/2012 6:59:33 AM PDT by Kaslin
Culture Challenge of the Week: Finding A Good Man
Call it the lament of the young, single woman: there are no good men left. Or if there are, where are they? And how can a young woman pursue a healthy, marriage-minded relationship in a singles culture of casual sex and perpetual adolescence?
In her new book, The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After (Regnery Publishing, 2012), Elizabeth Kantor provides some answers. She writes, “Of course it’s no secret that modern mating rituals have gone badly wrong.” And indeed they have: the number of cohabitating couples has doubled in the past twenty years, and the marriage rate has dropped precipitously. Many singles find themselves on a path to lifelong singlehood, not necessarily by choice. And even within relationships, time-honored ideals---like fidelity—increasingly fall by the wayside. (A recent Match.com survey found that only 62% of men believe that sexual fidelity is a “must have” in a relationship. In comparison, 80% of women say fidelity is a must for a successful relationship.)
Happily Ever After offers a thought-provoking, encouraging, and often witty take on what’s wrong with today’s dating patterns. Even better, Kantor draws on the wisdom and insights of Jane Austen’s heroines to mark out a confident path for young women who want a good man and a relationship that will deliver a lifetime of happiness—and love—in marriage.
Kantor asks, "What is it that Jane Austen heroines do (that we’re not doing) that makes really satisfying happy endings possible for them, and not so likely for us?"
The author’s interpretation of Jane Austen—whose old, romantic novels became modern box office hits--suggests a model for young women who want lasting, happy relationships. Modern-day Jane Austen “heroines” should cultivate “true elegance” instead of “hotness,” demand love without humiliation, develop competence about men, respect their own female psychology, and take relationships seriously.
How to Save Your Family: Share Happily Ever After
Today’s singles often seem clueless about what makes a relationship work or even what they should hope it will include. And for women, it’s even more confusing. Feminist thought urges women to plan their futures with a single-minded career focus, leaving little room for men, marriage, and children. Young women may fall into the trap of pursuing personal autonomy and career success with little thought about relationships, marriage, and family—until they find themselves lonely and alone.
Kantor resists the notion that a Jane Austen-style approach to relationships requires “a life of pre-feminist misery and oppression.” But she stresses that it’s reasonable for women to “spend significant intellectual and emotional capital on our relationships—but in the right way, not the wrong way.”
What’s the right way? Neither romantic illusions, nor Victorian repression, nor modern cynicism. Instead, Kantor writes, women need to understand the real meaning of love and happiness—and settle for nothing less.
Sprinkled throughout the book are “Tips” for “Janeites,” little nuggets of good advice, like these:
-“Stop making the same old bad choices about men before those choices ‘fix’ your character, freezing you into habits you may not be able to break out of.”
-“Drama is not the same thing as love.” (Who really wants a Kardashian-style relationship?)
-“Keep your distance, not to increase his love by suspense—but so you can make up your mind about a man while you can still see him clearly.” (An important point for a generation that too easily moves from the bar to the bedroom to sharing an apartment.)
At the end of each chapter, Kantor frames questions to help readers assess their own relationships. In easy to read bullet points, she helps women probe the strengths and weaknesses of their current relationships. And in true Jane Austen style, she urges them to have the boldness to “arrange their own marriages”—to choose wisely and decide fearlessly if a relationship is likely to secure a happy future.
And the Jane Austen promise? That love and happiness go together: women can live “happily ever after” marriages if they recognize, expect, and pursue true love.
ShareThe Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After with your daughters – and all the single women you know.
All I know about Jane Austen is that reading her books in HS English class was torture.
well all the men gotta do is
Have a job
Stay zipped up and faithful
be drug and alcohol free
It ain’t that big a challenge.
So how come so many can’t perform?
Not if you are a female.............lol
If you act with sense and sensibility, you can take pride without prejudice.....................
now work “Emma” into that lol
I read a LOT of Austen in college having majored in English. Her works are very romantic but not saccharine. I knew several dyed-in-the-wool feminists who softened themselves a bit after reading Austen’s works.
That being said, it sounds like they still want to balance this neo-feminism with old-world femininity. I don’t completely disagree, but there are some points of modern-day feminism that are completely incompatible with Victorian-era love. Modern-day feminists believe that pre-feminist-movement women were repressed, for instance.
I do very much like the idea that modern women should focus more on elegance than sexiness. That’s really the big elephant in the room. Sexuality isn’t best when overt. Sex is meant to be shared by a man and a woman who truly, madly, deeply love one another. Elegance, I believe, needs to make a comeback.
Unfortunately, that is definitely NOT all that men have to do, in spite of female protestations to the contrary.
The good men are in the "friend zone", where young, single women have put them.
well I tell you what, it is about impossible to find a conservative single man, they have all sold out to “self-actualization”
Should I buy this for my 27 year old daughter who is having trouble finding the right man? She is especially having a hard time finding a conservative, christian man, that is a tall order these days.
You, like myself, were looking at them thru the eyes of a bored teenager. I recently read Pride & Predjudice, and enjoyed it thoroughly. 40 years can make a world of difference in one’s outlook.............
What I MOST hated, and still do, was the REQUIRED reading of Catcher in the Rye..................
FWIW, all the young women I know are looking for jobs, not mates.
>>Not if you are a female.............lol<<
Oh My Stars and Garters, YES it was. Absolute torture.
Thank the Good Lord I never have to read one again.
Even my girls chose Sherlock Holmes over the fluffy girlie books.
I might work Emma into that with some friendly persuasion.........
I've heard the Austen zombie books are actually pretty good though ...
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies;
Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters;
Android Karenina (not Austen, but close enough)
Mark Twain said, ‘any library is a good library that doesn’t contain a volume by Jane Austin, even if it contains no other book’.
The main problem AMERICAN women have finding a man is themself. They are products of the American Feminist teaching and doomed to failure in finding a man.
Any young man that marries an “Americanized” woman is an idiot. It will cost him dearly.
yuck I can’t stand Sherlock Holmes. Oh well, I was an English major too and thought Jane’s stuff was great
Austen is definitely a matter of taste. Some swear by her, others swear at her. I’m on your side. Torture!
oh yeah, Catcher in the Rye is totally disgusting. And it is a part of the “progressive” movement.
It ain't that simple. You left out the woman's faults and have only listed men's "faults". Marriage is a two way street.
A guy I work out with has been married 20 years. His wife never had a high libidio and she literally stopped having sex with him 5 years ago. He is in his late 40's. He has tried everything to get her to be more affectionate to no avail. He is a great guy, keeps in shape, great provider etc but he is screwed, well not literally.
I am single in my mid 20's though I am in a long term relationship. No wonder I have no fascination on getting married at this point.
Actually my younger daughter just informed me that she got the Marvel version of Pride and Prejudice. They said it was a lot less boring.
My single experience was not a very pleasant one..I wasn't into the bar thing and that was a big part of the singles scene....The women I dated tended to be long term relationships so I was off the market for long periods of time....I found the whole dating thing superficial.....I'm a whole lot deeper then my skin so I found that type of situation uncomfortable. I did much better in one on one types of encounters. Much less BS.
Because most of the women are lesbians, or want to be men.
Those that aren't are sleeping around, don't have a job, are alcoholics or drug addicts, AND have PMS.
“What is it that Jane Austen heroines do (that were not doing) that makes really satisfying happy endings possible for them, and not so likely for us?”
I stand speechless before the incomprehensible stupidity of that question.
We had a very young, right out of college, English teacher.
She made us read “Catcher in the Rye” and Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises”........Two books about guys that can’t get laid.............
>>Oh well, I was an English major too and thought Janes stuff was great<<
Yeah, that’s probably it.
We have one medical major and two engineers in the making.
I guess that’s why girls hate science....
Men will always be men.... for good or ill.
When you are easy to please, anything pleases you.
Women need to have more self-respect and discernment; because women control their own destinies in this society.
P&P as a comic book?????........
What I mean by “self-actualization” is that garbage spewed into our environment by “life coaches” “psychologists” and “social workers” that you have to “do something for you”. Men really like that garbage.
From what I hear, there is a growing business in American men seeking women from other countries, such as the Philipines, Colombia, and the former Soviet Union.
And, among the reasons these men give for seeking females from other countries, is that they want a woman who was not raised with modern American feminist values.
If the shoe fits, wear it, American women.
yeah well that is according to him. Have you asked her for her side of the story?
Nope, married 33 years.............
>>P&P as a comic book?????........ <<
Kind of. More like a Graphic Novel.
It’s the only way she could stomach it. She draws a lot so it was appealing.
I would also highly recommend the Charles Dickens novel “Great Expectations”..........
The sad part is that I have this belief while I also have three very attractive single daughters ranging in age from 24-30.
I love them all very much but two of them I would not wish on any man and I’m not so sure about the third.
Your friend in his 40s should pack his bags. He won’t be halfway out the door when her libido will suddenly come rushing back. Take it from me.
Not sure about lesbo's but ton's of bi women out there-even married women who have special friends on the side. You have no idea.
A friend sent me a link to a free site where you type in your zip code and it shows women(naked pics and all) looking for other women and 90% are married. I grew up in an rural area of 3500 people and there were over 60 women(age 18-65) looking for other women within 5 miles of my zip code.
I personally know or know of 12-15 of these women and I had no idea that were bi. Many are business owners, college degrees and many are attractive.