Skip to comments.I killed two of my children: fifteen years later and silent no more
Posted on 05/22/2012 4:12:28 PM PDT by wagglebee
May 22, 2012 (The Crescat) - The bumper sticker read, Having an abortion does not make you un-pregnant, it makes you the mother of a dead baby. The word mother struck me because mother is such a powerful word. It conjures many meanings, and when a woman becomes one she is fundamentally changed. Mother as a verb means to nurture, care for and protect. Mother as a noun means a female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child; or a female person whose egg unites with sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.
By this definition if youve ever been pregnant you are a Mother. Even if youve had an abortion you are still a Mother a grieving Mother.
A voice was heard in Ramah, sobbing and loud lamentation; Rachel weeping for her children, and she would not be consoled, since they were no more. Matthew 2:18
There is no consolation to be had for the mother that loses a child. She will grieve in her heart for the rest of her life. Abortion, however, not only robs a child of its life and a mother of its child, it also robs the mother of her grieving. She is not allowed to grieve because she cannot publicly claim the title Mother.
Abortion advocates will never admit a post-abortive woman is a Mother because to admit that would acknowledge the fact that there was once a child. Not a clump of cells, but a very real living child. When girls begin menstruating they are not called mothers to a clump of cells, yet so many people really believe an abortion is just like having a heavy period or passing a large menstrual clot. This was how it was described to me when I found myself in their clinic fifteen years ago. Two years later when I returned to have a second abortion the lie had not changed.
For fifteen long years Ive lived with the pain, shame and guilt associated with my past. In that time Ive experienced denial, anger, and depression. It wasnt until my conversion to Catholicism that I finally sought the reconciliation my soul needed. Once I received the grace of forgiveness I was charged with the next most important task of my life to tell as many women as I can how horrible, evil and despicable abortion is.
However, it has taken me another six years to find my courage. In order to honestly talk about the truth I needed to admit to my past and in this one area my words failed me. Today I write this past so that I may finally own up to what it is I have done and make the necessary reparations for my crimes so that others will know just how fundamentally soul-destroying abortion is.
I am choosing this day to find my voice.
Here is the truth I spent so many years denying and keeping from the public I killed two of my children, robbed my parents of grand-children, and murdered my sons siblings. These abortions directly caused a medical condition known as incompetent cervix which resulted in the premature birth of another son who died after a week-long struggle in the NICU in 2001. The suffering Ive endured and caused others is immeasurable and the guilt almost drove me suicidal. I am a coward in every way.
I was a coward in my youth, unable to take responsibility for my sexual actions and I am a coward today because Ive failed to honestly speak out against abortion for so many years. I failed to shout from the highest building all the ugly truths for every ear to hear. I tried to help a friend once who was considering abortion, but there only so much I could say without giving away my own horrible, awful secret. In the end, withholding that information was not enough to convict her otherwise and she had an abortion. I failed her with my silence.
I refuse to be a coward anymore. In these times, no one can afford to be a coward. The price of our silence is paid in the blood of millions of innocent aborted babies. This is a deplorable evil and it must end now.
Women, post-abortive American women, will be the ones who will make the greatest strides against abortion and change the nations heart. Now, in this election year, is the time to stand up and honestly share, in heartrending and uncensored detail, what happens to women when they have an abortion and how they are forever changed, in hopes that no one will suffer the same pain. Ive been silent for far too long.
Please forgive my silence and I apologize for the scandal these words may cause. Please know that what ever deplorable opinion you hold of me pales in comparison to the opinions I have had of myself.
Katrina Fernandez is a writer and Catholic convert who runs the popular blog, The Crescat, where this article first appeared.
Women, post-abortive American women, will be the ones who will make the greatest strides against abortion and change the nations heart.
She is absolutely right.
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Abortion is not an eraser.
Abortion kills a unique human being that will never come this way again.
It also kills any progeny the aborted child may have j
had in the future if the child was given life. Remember that a baby girl is born with all of the eggs she will ever pass in adulthood.
I hope the writer avails herself of the many post abortion programs available at Christian pregnancy centers.
This woman knows this walk and runs an incredible ministry:
The lifelong burden of guilt can be lifted through faith in Jesus Christ. He makes all things new.
I know how you feel. I once said to a friend, “I don’t believe in abortion, but I don’t think they should show those photos [of dead fetuses].” My friend replied, “That’s what abortion is.”
I don’t like hearing (reading) a woman say, “I killed my children.” However, that’s what abortion is.
a lot things "are", that are considered private matters.
I'd suggest that someone who thinks they are serving a cause by compulsively "choosing" to verbalize a gruesome act and/or personal guilt are using everyone within earshot as their personal therapist.
Does anyone remember what good manners are? You screwed up? Suffer discretely.
Killing Christians is unacceptable.
However, two thousand there was a man name Saul who did think it was acceptable UNTIL Christ changed his heart.
Saint Paul spent the rest of his life telling anyone who would listen that he was a horrible sinner, but that Christ had changed him and that Christ's love and forgiveness was available for all sinners. Paul's willingness to trust God and be honest about himself played a vital role in changing the world.
But I think many of the psychosis and mental struggles women face ( a large percent of young women) today are a DIRECT result of abortions they have had....
They simply cannot handle the guilt, shame, horror, and knowledge they murdered their own flesh and blood...
They bury those feelings deep within themselves and struggle everyday to keep them hidden
As a man I cannot imagine carrying around the thought that I murdered my own children and everyone else thinks it's normal and right as rain...,
It would have deep and lasting effect on my psyche
Announcing boldly does not mitigate the initial end of those children. I heard the chick on The View had ten abortions and is a Christian NOW. Better late than never but nothing to brag about.
Well, what is it going to take, then?
I mean, I am not a big fan of women killing their children, nor the sysem that enables it.
So which or who wins in the end?
Ah, if abortion is so OK then it must be OK to talk about it.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that these men (fathers) aren’t affected.
Mass indoctrination of our children through the schools and media are forcing the idea that abortions are a right and “good choice’. To counter this decades of indoctrination, it is necessary to shatter concepts. Worldview is never changed unless you can actually make them see the reality of what it really is—the true evil.
Bonhoeffer noticed it was easy for most Germans to look the other way when the SA came for the Jews-—they didn’t have to “see” the reality of what was really happening—sure, they saw some brutality but not the most gruesome-—so it is easy to deny the inhumanity of their government. Truth is what is important....but after indoctrination and conditioning, there needs to be a strong, forceful message for the Truth to sink in.
The abortion mafia has been dominating the conversation for almost half a century. Movies, print media, TV and academia have managed to convince women they have a “right” to end the life of a human fetus. As long as this imbalance continues, abortions will continue. Repealing Roe v Wade would curb but not end them. Pro-lifers must take control of the discourse. The Catholic Church is one of the wealthiest entities on earth. Don’t tell me it couldn’t take a tiny percentage of that and produce high quality movies and television that promote the pro-life message.
I'm not.... personally know three guys who were literally heartbroken over their girlfriends killing their babies...A couple probably will never have children now...
They could do ABSOLUTELY nothing about it.
It makes you both.
Wow. Not surpised, it follows common sense, but Wow.
I guess I mean to say that it is going to come out at one point and when it does, as Capt. Quint would say, “but it’s not gonna be pleasant”.
As long as abortion is legal and the left continues to lie about it, people like this lady need to speak out. It's only the truth that is going to counter the lies so many women are being fed these days about abortion.
If you demand that the truth be withheld, then you are aiding and abetting the vocal pro-aborts in their mission to destroy lives.
In order for abortion to stop, the truth MUST be told and who better than someone who knows the evil that it is?
"Suffer discretely" my foot.
Truth is often uncomfortable. But which truth?
I had a hard time for many years dealing with graphic depictions of dead unborn babies.
Having had many miscarriages, I would hope you can understand why I am still not a “fan” of those photos.
No, I didn't intentionally kill my children, but still they died in my womb, and I still mourned each loss, alone.
The women I personally know who had abortions were heavily pressured into them by our so called “society” since abortion is “legal”.
Past time for a female backlash, IMHO.
It’s disturbing, but then again, hiding the awful truth only makes it easier for people avoid the issue instead of dealing with it.
I do have a problem with publicly displaying the graphic photos. The first time I saw them was when I was a child, and someone had put stickers with those sorts of pictures up at the train station, where some schoolmates and I stumbled on them. People aught to keep in mind that kids will see stuff like that, and they can’t process it as easily as adults can.
It’s going to have to come out. I don’t mean now, though that would be helpful, but at some point.
I think “suffering discreetly” is for suffering which comes about through no fault of one’s own; while talking about one’s own mistakes, with the intent of preventing or alleviating others’ suffering is another thing. It’s altruistic as opposed to cathartic. It is not pretty and it is not proper, but haven’t we gone way past that with this.
Are people aware that there is a reported 53 million babies killed through abortion since 1973? It’s 4,000 a day. THose numbers are just the reported abortions and not others and not those caused by abortifacient BC pills.
Those are US numbers. Just in the US.
B U M P
Have had many miscarriages but never a problem with photos. When we were 12 and found out about this we were jorrified. We talked about how it was done. HTis was the topic of conversation on the bus. We were allowed to think, back then.If people aren’t thinking about what happens, graphically, in an abortion, then they are not thinking about what’s really happening.
And so far as being disturbed by the photos; just imagine what the baby thinks.
Jorrified is another word for horrified.
I've read several articles by women who've written about their abortion experience and this one by far seems to be the most genuine. I also got the sense that she's truly repented of what she did.
Women need to know what a life and soul destroying evil abortion is. Heck, we warn all kinds of people about all kinds of things that are bad for them. We should stop at abortion?
I don't think so.
Not only what you have said, but how many discoveries may have been lost because one of these human being didn’t exist?
This post should be required reading for all women who are considering abortion. It not only addresses the mental anguish that will inevitably result, but also addresses the physical damage to the uterus that often occurs. This woman was unable to have more than one surviving child and I have heard testimonies from many woman who said they were never able to conceive again.
The pro-choice crowd wants women like this to remain silent so that the lie that abortion is a “private matter between a woman and her doctor” can be perpetuated. If talking about a previous abortion saves even one innocent life, it is well worth the discomfort some may feel upon hearing about such a “private matter”. IMO, murder is not and should not ever be considered a private matter!
I admire her courage. I hope she understands that she will be continually dumped on by those who are rabidly pro-abortion. They’re afraid that her testimony might actually start having an effect on folks who might be only mildly pro-abortion, because they think it’s the ‘sophisticated’ way to think.
I don’t mind hearing her say it in this context. What I don’t like is women murdering their children and thinking it’s a good thing, and encouraging others to do the same.
But what if her words shock just one woman into realizing that abortion is murder and she can't kill her own baby?
The difference in Paul’s case was he was doing it because he was doing God’s work, getting rid of people who were worshipping someone who blasphemed he was God in the flesh. This woman was just getting rid of a personal problem.
Not saying either was right but motives were completely different.
I’m just saying, just as parents should be free to decide whether or not their kids are exposed to graphic violence, or nudity, or adult themes in movies, the parents are the ones that should decide if their kids are ready to see graphic photos of abortions. Putting the pictures out in public where kids can’t help but see them takes that decision out of the parents’ hands.
I had a friend who had an illegal abortion at 17. She can tell you exactly how old her son would be today.... and she is an alcoholic.
Would you say that “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” should never have been published, that the peculiar Southern institution regarding the Negros was a private matter, not to be mentioned by people with good manners?
-——She can tell you exactly how old her son would be today-——
Most women who have abortions can....
Little kids can be traumatized and there is absolutely no need for them to see.
I NEVER bring my kids into rallies or any thing of the sort. It’s no place for them.
This could be a result of her abortion.
Bump for later read.
She's Catholic and was raised in the Church - I'm pretty sure it is.
If you would be kind enough to give her the link in post #6, it may help her a lot.
My heart goes out to you. The Lord cherished them even as you mourned. May He bless you always.
She isn’t doing it to get attention for herself, but rather to get attention to the understanding of what abortion really is, the killing of one’s own precious child. She and millions of other women were and are being told the lie that the child is only a tissue mass. She has found out the hard way that this isn’t true. She hopes, by telling the truth, to help others not do the same grievous and horrible acts that she has done.
Speaking about it boldly — you might see it, not as bragging, but as giving voice courageously to something that might free others to do the same.
Speaking about it boldly — you might see it, not as bragging, but as giving voice courageously to something that might free others to do the same.
Speaking about it boldly — you might see it, not as bragging, but as giving voice courageously to something that might free others to do the same. We are all sinners. Becoming a Christian is the best thing she could ever have done.