Skip to comments.I killed two of my children: fifteen years later and silent no more
Posted on 05/22/2012 4:12:28 PM PDT by wagglebee
May 22, 2012 (The Crescat) - The bumper sticker read, Having an abortion does not make you un-pregnant, it makes you the mother of a dead baby. The word mother struck me because mother is such a powerful word. It conjures many meanings, and when a woman becomes one she is fundamentally changed. Mother as a verb means to nurture, care for and protect. Mother as a noun means a female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child; or a female person whose egg unites with sperm, resulting in the conception of a child.
By this definition if youve ever been pregnant you are a Mother. Even if youve had an abortion you are still a Mother a grieving Mother.
A voice was heard in Ramah, sobbing and loud lamentation; Rachel weeping for her children, and she would not be consoled, since they were no more. Matthew 2:18
There is no consolation to be had for the mother that loses a child. She will grieve in her heart for the rest of her life. Abortion, however, not only robs a child of its life and a mother of its child, it also robs the mother of her grieving. She is not allowed to grieve because she cannot publicly claim the title Mother.
Abortion advocates will never admit a post-abortive woman is a Mother because to admit that would acknowledge the fact that there was once a child. Not a clump of cells, but a very real living child. When girls begin menstruating they are not called mothers to a clump of cells, yet so many people really believe an abortion is just like having a heavy period or passing a large menstrual clot. This was how it was described to me when I found myself in their clinic fifteen years ago. Two years later when I returned to have a second abortion the lie had not changed.
For fifteen long years Ive lived with the pain, shame and guilt associated with my past. In that time Ive experienced denial, anger, and depression. It wasnt until my conversion to Catholicism that I finally sought the reconciliation my soul needed. Once I received the grace of forgiveness I was charged with the next most important task of my life to tell as many women as I can how horrible, evil and despicable abortion is.
However, it has taken me another six years to find my courage. In order to honestly talk about the truth I needed to admit to my past and in this one area my words failed me. Today I write this past so that I may finally own up to what it is I have done and make the necessary reparations for my crimes so that others will know just how fundamentally soul-destroying abortion is.
I am choosing this day to find my voice.
Here is the truth I spent so many years denying and keeping from the public I killed two of my children, robbed my parents of grand-children, and murdered my sons siblings. These abortions directly caused a medical condition known as incompetent cervix which resulted in the premature birth of another son who died after a week-long struggle in the NICU in 2001. The suffering Ive endured and caused others is immeasurable and the guilt almost drove me suicidal. I am a coward in every way.
I was a coward in my youth, unable to take responsibility for my sexual actions and I am a coward today because Ive failed to honestly speak out against abortion for so many years. I failed to shout from the highest building all the ugly truths for every ear to hear. I tried to help a friend once who was considering abortion, but there only so much I could say without giving away my own horrible, awful secret. In the end, withholding that information was not enough to convict her otherwise and she had an abortion. I failed her with my silence.
I refuse to be a coward anymore. In these times, no one can afford to be a coward. The price of our silence is paid in the blood of millions of innocent aborted babies. This is a deplorable evil and it must end now.
Women, post-abortive American women, will be the ones who will make the greatest strides against abortion and change the nations heart. Now, in this election year, is the time to stand up and honestly share, in heartrending and uncensored detail, what happens to women when they have an abortion and how they are forever changed, in hopes that no one will suffer the same pain. Ive been silent for far too long.
Please forgive my silence and I apologize for the scandal these words may cause. Please know that what ever deplorable opinion you hold of me pales in comparison to the opinions I have had of myself.
Katrina Fernandez is a writer and Catholic convert who runs the popular blog, The Crescat, where this article first appeared.
Women, post-abortive American women, will be the ones who will make the greatest strides against abortion and change the nations heart.
She is absolutely right.
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Abortion is not an eraser.
Abortion kills a unique human being that will never come this way again.
It also kills any progeny the aborted child may have j
had in the future if the child was given life. Remember that a baby girl is born with all of the eggs she will ever pass in adulthood.
I hope the writer avails herself of the many post abortion programs available at Christian pregnancy centers.
This woman knows this walk and runs an incredible ministry:
The lifelong burden of guilt can be lifted through faith in Jesus Christ. He makes all things new.
I know how you feel. I once said to a friend, “I don’t believe in abortion, but I don’t think they should show those photos [of dead fetuses].” My friend replied, “That’s what abortion is.”
I don’t like hearing (reading) a woman say, “I killed my children.” However, that’s what abortion is.
a lot things "are", that are considered private matters.
I'd suggest that someone who thinks they are serving a cause by compulsively "choosing" to verbalize a gruesome act and/or personal guilt are using everyone within earshot as their personal therapist.
Does anyone remember what good manners are? You screwed up? Suffer discretely.
Killing Christians is unacceptable.
However, two thousand there was a man name Saul who did think it was acceptable UNTIL Christ changed his heart.
Saint Paul spent the rest of his life telling anyone who would listen that he was a horrible sinner, but that Christ had changed him and that Christ's love and forgiveness was available for all sinners. Paul's willingness to trust God and be honest about himself played a vital role in changing the world.
But I think many of the psychosis and mental struggles women face ( a large percent of young women) today are a DIRECT result of abortions they have had....
They simply cannot handle the guilt, shame, horror, and knowledge they murdered their own flesh and blood...
They bury those feelings deep within themselves and struggle everyday to keep them hidden
As a man I cannot imagine carrying around the thought that I murdered my own children and everyone else thinks it's normal and right as rain...,
It would have deep and lasting effect on my psyche
Announcing boldly does not mitigate the initial end of those children. I heard the chick on The View had ten abortions and is a Christian NOW. Better late than never but nothing to brag about.
Well, what is it going to take, then?
I mean, I am not a big fan of women killing their children, nor the sysem that enables it.
So which or who wins in the end?
Ah, if abortion is so OK then it must be OK to talk about it.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that these men (fathers) aren’t affected.
Mass indoctrination of our children through the schools and media are forcing the idea that abortions are a right and “good choice’. To counter this decades of indoctrination, it is necessary to shatter concepts. Worldview is never changed unless you can actually make them see the reality of what it really is—the true evil.
Bonhoeffer noticed it was easy for most Germans to look the other way when the SA came for the Jews-—they didn’t have to “see” the reality of what was really happening—sure, they saw some brutality but not the most gruesome-—so it is easy to deny the inhumanity of their government. Truth is what is important....but after indoctrination and conditioning, there needs to be a strong, forceful message for the Truth to sink in.
The abortion mafia has been dominating the conversation for almost half a century. Movies, print media, TV and academia have managed to convince women they have a “right” to end the life of a human fetus. As long as this imbalance continues, abortions will continue. Repealing Roe v Wade would curb but not end them. Pro-lifers must take control of the discourse. The Catholic Church is one of the wealthiest entities on earth. Don’t tell me it couldn’t take a tiny percentage of that and produce high quality movies and television that promote the pro-life message.
I'm not.... personally know three guys who were literally heartbroken over their girlfriends killing their babies...A couple probably will never have children now...
They could do ABSOLUTELY nothing about it.
It makes you both.
Wow. Not surpised, it follows common sense, but Wow.
I guess I mean to say that it is going to come out at one point and when it does, as Capt. Quint would say, “but it’s not gonna be pleasant”.