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Molests Your Poodle
Free Republic original content | 5/24/2012 | By Lazamataz

Posted on 05/24/2012 6:49:11 AM PDT by Lazamataz

My Native-American name, from now on, is "Molests Your Poodle." You see, I have recently discovered that I am American Indian -- Cherokee, to be precise.

How did I come to know that I had this wonderful new heritage? Simple: I read Ben Quigly's article about Elizabeth Warren (who is running for the Senate in Massachusetts), in which he defends her claim to be of Cherokee heritage.

Ben produces no evidence that Ms. Warren actually does have Cherokee blood in her veins. In fact, he seems to concede she has none. However, he states that in some metaphysical way, that we are all Cherokee. So, since we are all included in that group, her claim to be Cherokee was in no way intended to be a ruse. It was never intended to gain her political favor and perks in acadamia and other venues, prior to her run for office. It was merely that she intuitively understood that every single person alive is an American Indian.... metaphysically, if not in fact.

Does this not perfectly capture the rationale of the common liberal? If the facts go against you, claim that your case is sound anyways and wave your arms wildly, conjuring images of 'spirits' or 'code words' or 'dog whistles' or 'institutional racism'.

When the facts show that George Zimmerman was viciously attacked by Trayvon Martin, ignore this evidence, press on with the case, and talk about 'institutional racism'.

When the facts show that Obama is a none-too-closeted America-despising Socialist, ignore the evidence and speak of 'dog whistle racism' and 'code words'.

And when your candidate for Senate in Massachusetts has been shown to be an outright liar about her heritage, so that she may receive perks and career enhancements reserved for people actually of that heritage, ignore the facts and preach that it "is not so much a lie as it is the acculturation of personal and regional American myth."

Facts are unimportant to a true-believing liberal. Rationality the first discarded of the luggage they carry.

So, in honor of this absolutely bizarre twisting of reality to conform to a liberal need to adhere to a lie, I would like to honor Ben Quigley with his Native American name: "Lap Poodle of Liberals".

And I am to be known as "Molests Your Poodle".


TOPICS: FReeper Editorial; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections; US: Massachusetts
KEYWORDS: vanity
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1 posted on 05/24/2012 6:49:16 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz

Sorry, that name has been taken...........

2 posted on 05/24/2012 6:51:00 AM PDT by Red Badger (Think logically. Act normally.................)
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To: TheOldLady; Cyber Liberty; CatherineofAragon; Slings and Arrows; Responsibility2nd; doorgunner69; ..
The Official Lazamataz Sometimes-Funny, Sometimes-Disturbing Ping List

94 Satisfied Customers!™

3 posted on 05/24/2012 6:51:10 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: Lazamataz

Please add me!............


4 posted on 05/24/2012 6:53:33 AM PDT by Red Badger (Think logically. Act normally.................)
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To: Lazamataz

5 posted on 05/24/2012 6:54:19 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
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To: Lazamataz

I can sum up this entire article in one sentence.

“Fake, but accurate.”


6 posted on 05/24/2012 6:54:41 AM PDT by autumnraine (America how long will you be so deaf and dumb to the tumbril wheels carrying you to the guillotine?)
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To: Jim Robinson; bray; Jean S; JohnHuang2; kristinn

I am absolutely prolific these days. Hope you like this latest one. :)


7 posted on 05/24/2012 6:55:02 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: Lazamataz
Free Republic original content
I like it. Better than "vanity".
8 posted on 05/24/2012 6:55:14 AM PDT by samtheman
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To: Lazamataz

I figured your Native name would be “He Hits It”.


9 posted on 05/24/2012 6:55:41 AM PDT by PzLdr ("The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am" - Darth Vader)
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To: Lazamataz

We need these threads every so often...

10 posted on 05/24/2012 6:57:07 AM PDT by bigbob
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To: Lazamataz
I am 1/411 Apache. My name is Princess Wannaskinallliberals. Nice to meet ya.
11 posted on 05/24/2012 6:58:49 AM PDT by liberalh8ter (If Barack has a memory like a steel trap, why can't he remember what the Constitution says?)
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To: samtheman
"Free Republic original content" -- I like it. Better than "vanity".

Actually, there are differences these days. There's a category meant for Free Republic editorial and news work, called FreeperEd in the tags portion of a new post.

It's meant for decent quality editorial work. We are all hoping that FR can eventually become a source of original content in news reporting and/or editorial work that will match such places as Red State or Fox News or any of the myriad of other sites.

It's an initiative, hopefully to quality. Vanities will still be out there, but hopefully only good work will stay in FreeperEd.

12 posted on 05/24/2012 6:59:03 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: Lazamataz

My Cherokee name means:

“Democrats are the enemies of freedom”

Still a satisfied customer.


13 posted on 05/24/2012 7:00:32 AM PDT by exit82 (Democrats are the enemies of freedom. Be Andrew Breitbart.)
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To: Red Badger
Please add me!...........

95 Satisfied Customers!™

14 posted on 05/24/2012 7:01:34 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: Lazamataz
Laz, you dog!
15 posted on 05/24/2012 7:02:15 AM PDT by Navy Patriot (Join the Democrats, it's not Fascism when WE do it and the law is what WE say it is.)
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To: Lazamataz; shibumi
hopefully only good work will stay in FreeperEd.

Material lacking in quality will be moved to a different category.. "SpecialEd".

16 posted on 05/24/2012 7:04:19 AM PDT by humblegunner
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To: humblegunner
Material lacking in quality will be moved to a different category.. "SpecialEd".

LOL! Nice!

17 posted on 05/24/2012 7:05:32 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: Lazamataz
Is there really a “The Official Lazamataz Sometimes-Funny, Sometimes-Disturbing” Ping List? If so, I'd like to join unless the fees are too high.

Your ability to disturbingly “bring it” is exquisite and admirable.

18 posted on 05/24/2012 7:09:11 AM PDT by hummingbird (Breitbart and Spartacus are here and there and everywhere.)
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To: Lazamataz
Watch out Laz
 
 
 
 
They're on to you.

19 posted on 05/24/2012 7:09:22 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd (NO LIBS. This Means Liberals and (L)libertarians! Same Thing. NO LIBS!!)
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To: Lazamataz

I never thought that we ALL could be Cherokees. Hmmm.... I do like soft leather bedroom slippers. Sort of like moccasins?


20 posted on 05/24/2012 7:09:34 AM PDT by momtothree
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To: Lazamataz

Good point. And your piece (as always) is well-written.


21 posted on 05/24/2012 7:10:17 AM PDT by samtheman
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To: hummingbird

96 Satisfied Customers!™


22 posted on 05/24/2012 7:10:43 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: Lazamataz

Several months ago I made the decision to self-identify as a minority. It’s been so much fun, I may add a second minority.


23 posted on 05/24/2012 7:11:05 AM PDT by Lady Lucky (Non-compliant, not govt-issued, and not voting for Romney.)
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To: Lazamataz

so laz did you ever join the facebook political group Knuckle Dragging Conservative yet? it’s lonely in there!


24 posted on 05/24/2012 7:14:07 AM PDT by HiTech RedNeck (Let me ABOs run loose Lou, let me ABOs run loose! They are of much use Lou, so let me ABOs run loose)
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To: Lazamataz
"Your Native American Name Is: Ahanu Howahkah"

"Your name means: Laughing One of the Mysterious Voice "

First of all the many online quizzes I've taken over the years that actually got it right.


25 posted on 05/24/2012 7:14:29 AM PDT by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: humblegunner; Lazamataz; shibumi
Material lacking in quality will be moved to a different category.. "SpecialEd".

A little input from the boy names Sioux.

26 posted on 05/24/2012 7:16:00 AM PDT by Eaker (When somebody hands you your arse, don't give it back saying "This needs a little more tenderizing.")
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To: Lazamataz; humblegunner; Salamander; TheOldLady
Poodle Bites, Poodle Chewses (Not a speck of cereal!)
27 posted on 05/24/2012 7:16:22 AM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: Lazamataz

A Cherokee boy asked his father.

“Father, how did I get my name”

The father replied “Cherokee men name their sons after the first thing we see when they are born”

“Why do you ask? Two Dogs %ucking”.


28 posted on 05/24/2012 7:16:59 AM PDT by ImJustAnotherOkie (zerogottago)
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To: P.O.E.

“... many online quizzes...”

That was fun. My name is Olathe Yepe... means Beautiful Snow Woman. I kinda like it!!


29 posted on 05/24/2012 7:18:33 AM PDT by momtothree
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To: momtothree; P.O.E.
Wow, I took the quiz. I am .. no joke... Hitite Yapyip, meaning Molests Your Poodle.

How cool was that.

30 posted on 05/24/2012 7:22:11 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: shibumi

Nothin’ but the best for my dog!


31 posted on 05/24/2012 7:25:35 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (To criticize the government is to speak blasphemy against a liberal's god.)
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To: Lazamataz
Not enuf details. What form should these screeds take?


32 posted on 05/24/2012 7:27:32 AM PDT by Daffynition (Our forefathers would be shooting by now.)
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To: Lazamataz
Please Add me to your ping list.

The web site said My name was: Your Native American Name Is: Wynono Howahkah

Your name means: Firstborn One of the Mysterious Voice

But I prefer "Runs with Beer"

33 posted on 05/24/2012 7:28:01 AM PDT by verga (Party like it is 1773)
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To: Lazamataz

LOL


34 posted on 05/24/2012 7:28:07 AM PDT by RightGeek (FUBO and the donkey you rode in on)
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To: verga
97 Satisfied Customers!™
35 posted on 05/24/2012 7:30:45 AM PDT by Lazamataz (The so-called 'mainstream' media has gone from "biased" straight to "utterly surreal".)
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To: Lazamataz
Ward Churchill, another faux Indian, is called “Walking Eagle” by the tribe he claims...it's because he's so full of sh*t he can't fly.
36 posted on 05/24/2012 7:34:00 AM PDT by twister881
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To: Red Badger

Man, I never even had a chance to say that first.
Stop taking all the good lines.


37 posted on 05/24/2012 7:38:28 AM PDT by MrEdd (Heck? Geewhiz Cripes, thats the place where people who don't believe in Gosh think they aint going.)
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To: Lazamataz

I’ve polled the two standard poodles in my house and the response was unanimous:

“He tries to hit it and we take his face off.”

And then they resumed napping.


38 posted on 05/24/2012 7:39:47 AM PDT by nodumbblonde ("The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity." - Ayn Rand)
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To: Lazamataz
Well, it is a dog-eat-dog world, after all.

Unless you're Barack Obama, that is. Heh. I heard his Indian name is "Dances With Moonbats", or maybe that was Liz Warren.

39 posted on 05/24/2012 7:40:12 AM PDT by andy58-in-nh (America does not need to be organized: it needs to be liberated.)
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To: Lazamataz

You’re a hoot, Laz!! Thank you for making me laugh today!!


40 posted on 05/24/2012 7:40:41 AM PDT by momtothree
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To: P.O.E.

Thanks for the link - I did it and almost fell off my chair laughing.

We are having a war on squirrels around here - trapping & relocating them away from the birdfeeders. We caught 3 yesterday & have one in the trap right now.

Anyway, I took the ‘quiz’ and got my Native American Name: Nina Salai ...... which means “Strong Squirrel”!! :-)


41 posted on 05/24/2012 7:45:04 AM PDT by MissMagnolia (Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't. (M.Thatcher))
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To: MrEdd

I have ‘signed in’ to many different websites and blog posting sites, even FR when I first started, and have received that message when prompted to choose a screen name..............


42 posted on 05/24/2012 7:45:24 AM PDT by Red Badger (Think logically. Act normally.................)
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To: Lazamataz; Responsibility2nd
Let me play with your poodle ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJKi_yWxLy4 ... Laz, Responsibility2nd was right ... on to you.
43 posted on 05/24/2012 7:45:38 AM PDT by no-to-illegals (Please God, Protect and Bless Our Men and Women in Uniform with Victory. Amen.)
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To: Lazamataz; momtothree

Pretty darn metaphysical, if you ask me.


44 posted on 05/24/2012 7:50:34 AM PDT by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: Lazamataz

Thanks for the laugh of the day.
You have given new meaning to the phrase “screwed the pooch”!


45 posted on 05/24/2012 7:51:54 AM PDT by Donkey Odious (I can explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.)
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To: Lazamataz

“My Native-American name, from now on, is ‘Molests Your Poodle.’”

And your son’s Native-American name is “Condom Made In China”.


46 posted on 05/24/2012 7:53:11 AM PDT by ctdonath2 (Cloud storage? Dropbox rocks! Sign up at http://db.tt/nQqWGd3 for 2GB free (and I get more too).)
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To: ImJustAnotherOkie

beat me to it.....

I knew some guys in TX that formed a triathalon team, they used the Spanish translation as their team name. Loved it.


47 posted on 05/24/2012 7:55:48 AM PDT by wxgesr (I want to be the first person to surf on another planet.)
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To: Lazamataz

Dawg, please put me on your ping list.


48 posted on 05/24/2012 7:55:53 AM PDT by glock rocks (optimist / pessimist? I'm an awesomist - There's a dragon in that glass!)
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To: Lazamataz

I was invited to take part in an indian dance ceremony. I put on my loin cloth and started to dance around the fire. There’s a lot of twirling in indian dancing. After the dance, the chief called me over.

“We are now going to give you your official indian name. It is CHEE-CHOOK-A-MAWAY.”

I was honored.

“What does that mean?” I asked him.

“It roughly translates out to ‘WHITE MOON WITH A CRACK’”

I’d forgot to wear my buckskin breeches.


49 posted on 05/24/2012 8:01:51 AM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer")
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To: Lazamataz

I have no native blood in me so I feel deprived but I would gladly join the Laz tribe since it sounds like the coolest tribal name.


50 posted on 05/24/2012 8:04:10 AM PDT by xp38
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