Skip to comments.Joke of the day
Posted on 07/03/2012 7:09:07 AM PDT by US Navy Vet
BOOK REPORT One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:.... Cost - $29.99 Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read Clinton :.... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton :... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist. Clinton :..... Bill is a bullshirt artist.
Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton :.... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton :..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton :... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton :.... Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.. Clinton :...... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said... I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard...
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was... I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener...'
When eighteen went into the DR for a sore throat. He decided to to a pelvic exam....My comment to him: “Dr, next time you examine my throat could you to it from the other direction!”
Just couldn’t wait for the Friday Silliness Thread, could you! ;-)
I knew this women she was so frigid every time she spread her legs a little light came on
Now, THAT’S FUNNY.
The dis similarity is, we actually know how many people went down on the Titanic.
Obama promised to heal the nation, but only succeeded in curing white guilt.
(I just made that up)
At least a ship load, for both.
I knew a guy that was so ugly that when he was born the Dr. slapped his mother!
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Wyoming is planning to do its own, titled “Survivor-Wyoming Style”.
The contestants will start in Cheyenne, travel to Casper, then Rawlins, head west to Rock Springs then north to
Pinedale and Big Piney. From there they will proceed northeast to Gillette. The final leg will lead them back to Cheyenne.
Each contestant will be driving a pink Volvo with California license plates and a huge bumper sticker that reads: “I’m a gay vegetarian.
Beer is harmful to your health. Republicans suck. Obama is God. Hunting is murder, and I’m here to take your guns.”
The first one that makes it back to Cheyenne alive wins.
‘Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!
I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.
When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys
They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!
He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink
He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!
’ On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi’
He screamed at the pairs!
They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn’t stand up and fight!
So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DON’T WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
I stopped by the Toyota Dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new “feel” before they become extinct. The salesman (wearing an Obama “change” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its “wonderful” options. The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.
Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck. Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican truck. I explained that if it were a Democrat truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year-round.
By the way.....
I have four extra tickets for the Robbie Knievel (son of Evil Knievel) event at the Palm Beach County Fair Grounds next weekend in West Palm Beach , if anybody wants them.
Robbie is going to try to jump over 5,000 Obama supporters with a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer.
Happy 4th. of July to you and yours.